Chapter 2

Sam sat on the dock absently watching the sun fade across the sky. Her thoughts were a million miles away and swirling like a black hole. So much had happened in such a short time and it was all beginning to be too much. Janet's death, the Colonel's second download, the fight with Anubis, the Colonel frozen and near death, her capture and torture by Fifth, her rescue, her promotion, the Colonel's promotion, her debacle with RepliCarter, Daniel off missing and (not) presumed dead, Anubis, the Replicators, Dad . . .

A tear escaped and trickled slowly down Sam's cheek. The spectacular sunset seemed to break apart her carefully constructed walls. The shafts of sunlight piercing small cracks and chinks she though she'd hardened.

Sam took a deep, shaky breath. She would not cry. Air Force officers didn't cry. Buck up Airman! Sam was vainly trying to push the feelings down, but she was losing the battle. Another tear welled. The beauty of the sunset was doing her in. Such a silly thing to be the destruction of her mental walls, but it was the simple wonder of the sun setting over the lake, his lake.

They had come so close to losing, it was a miracle they were here. That the Earth was still here. So close to the destruction of the universe. The simple beauty was devastating to her carefully walled psychie. That it was Jack's lake just brought the wrecking ball crashing that much harder.

Sam had longed for so many, many years to say yes to his invitations. Every fiber of her being strained with each offer she had declined. That they both knew why she said no never helped.

And then came her misadventure aboard Prometheus and her visitations. Sam was coming to realize how wrong she had been in her interpretations of her father and Jack's words – her words, really. How she could misinterpret her own thoughts was beyond her, but she'd done it and in typical spectacular Carter fashion.

Sam snorted and mentally kicked herself yet again. That was the problem with having a reputation for brilliance – her failures were that much more magnified. And there was no doubt she had failed – failed herself and failed Jack.

She'd begun dating Pete because of her mistaken assumptions after Prometheus and she hadn't just stopped at dating. No, she'd ridden her stupid mistake straight into the ground by accepting Pete's proposal. It had taken her two weeks. Two weeks! Who waits two weeks to accept a proposal? What an idiot she'd been. In the end she'd told Jack about the proposal and hoped he would stop her.

What a coward she'd been. Instead of owning up to her mistake and ending the train wreck like she should have, she tried to make Jack responsible for her decision. Well that had backfired. He'd told her if things were different, he wouldn't be here. Sam was still puzzled over the meaning of that cryptic comment. In the end, Sam had accepted Pete's proposal and then had done everything she could to avoid the wedding – right up to end.

Until she'd seen her Dad's reaction to Pete – or lack of reaction. She could tell he disapproved. Could tell he was disappointed.

Sam sighed. At least she'd finally had courage in the end. Almost too late, but she'd finally scraped, scrounged and gathered the strength she needed to confront Jack and out had walked Kerri. Talk about a blow to the solar plexus. She'd been grateful for the call from the SGC to rescue her sorry self – except it had been to tell her that her dad was dying.

Jacob had pressed her about her happiness and she'd lied yet again. He saw right through it. They may not have been close after her mom died, but in the years since he'd blended with Selmak, they'd been closer than ever. Sam also suspected that Jacob's emotional acuity had a lot to do with the 2,000 year old Tok'ra and even if Selmak was unconscious, Jacob still had the benefit of her evaluation of Jack and Sam in the years since the blending.

Sam's breath hitched. In the end, Jacob had died without knowing that Sam would end her relationship with Pete. Sam wished with all her heart that she could have found the courage to acknowledge what he'd been trying to tell her and assure him that she was going to pursue the one person who made her life worth living. Her only consolation was the look of peace on Dad's face when he'd seen Jack holding her in the observation room. She hadn't gotten to tell him, but maybe he knew anyway.

Sam had left the SGC and arranged to meet Pete and tell him it was over. Pete had known she had more reasons than just her dad dying. God, had everyone known? Probably. She'd only been fooling herself and she hadn't even been doing that very well.

Jacob had been cremated to avoid any sticky questions any future exhumation might cause. His ashes had been committed to the ground next to her mom. Jacob had earned full military honors in Arlington, but had rejected the honor in favor of being buried next to her mom. As he had said, there was no greater honor for him than resting beside the woman he loved.

Sam had only made it through the funeral because of Jack's constant presence at her side. She had silently drawn on his strength to see her through the service and well wishers and he had just as silently guided her through it all. It hadn't been until much later, after the guests had finally left that Sam had begun to quietly weep. She'd been up on Jack's roof looking at the stars. It was peaceful up there, away from the crowd gathered to honor her father. Jack had offered his place and had made most of the arrangements for her. The stars seemed particularly bright as she gazed into the vast sea of sparkling gems. One shot down and trailed a blaze across the horizon and Sam's control broke. She began to rock quietly in her seat.

Jack had found her and gathered her into his chest. His strong arms pressing her tightly to him. Rocking with her. He didn't make shushing noises. He didn't tell her it would be alright or offer meaningless platitudes. Jack knew better than anyone how useless such sentiments were to the fresh wounds left by Jacob's passing. Sam wept and Jack rocked and stroked her hair for the better part of an hour and when the tears began to dry Jack continued to hold her. He stopped rocking, but he didn't let her go.

After another hour, Sam stirred and lifted her head to look into his eyes. It was on the tip of her tongue to apologize, but he placed a finger across her lips and shook his head. There would be no apologies. Sam nodded and he hugged her tight one last time before they got up and made their way back into the house.

Sam was exhausted and a bit embarrassed. What should she say now? She stood in his living room for a moment, staring at the fireplace. Jack went to turn away, but she forestalled his movement. "Thank you." The words were quiet and came out rough. She hadn't used her voice in a long while and with the tears, the sound broke on abused vocal chords.

Jack stared down at her. He stood so close. He was inside her personal space, but she no longer seemed to have barriers for him tonight. His dark eyes were soft and he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. "For what?" It was an echo of their conversation in the observation room.

Sam allowed her eyes to close as she soaked in the comfort of Him. After a moment, she opened her eyes and met his. "For everything, but most of all just for being you. No one else . . ." Sam trailed off. No one else knew how to comfort her quite like this man. Without saying a word, he was more of a balm on her wounded spirit than anyone ever could be. Just his presence eased the tight ache in her chest. She had told Jack the truth. She did feel lucky to have had the last six years with Dad, but that didn't make his dying hurt any less.

Jack stroked his thumb across Sam's jaw. "Shhh." He did quiet her now. "There is nothing to thank me for Sam. I'm here for you and I will always be here for you." Jack's hand moved and stroked stray hair out of Sam's eye and tucked it behind her ear. Again, he gently laid his palm along Sam's cheek and tilted her head to meet his eyes. The warm chocolate pools seemed to pull at Sam. She felt like she was sinking into him. "No words now. Just let yourself grieve, Sam. We'll talk later. I promise."

With that Jack had lead her to his spare room, turned down the sheets and sat her on the edge of the bed. "Rest now. Everything will still be here when you wake up."

"You?" It was barely a whisper, but he heard.

Jack bent and placed a chaise kiss on her forehead. "Always."

"Stay. Please. Just until I fall asleep." Sam tried to keep the desperation out of her voice, but it was clear to her ears. Jack heard it too and nodded. He sat down on the edge of the bed and back against the headboard, gathering Sam to him, stroking small circles of comfort on her back. Exhaustion quickly stole over her. The comfort of Jack's arms allowed her to let go and give in to the overwhelming urge to sleep.