Chapter 4
The morning brought Sam up with the sun. She'd been confused at first to awaken in a strange bed, but memory was hard on the heals of a huge yawn as she blinked puffy, swollen eyes against the harsh dawn brilliance. She curled around her pillow, the hard knot of grief still heavy in her chest. Last night she'd wept bitterly, secure in Jack's arms. At first, embarrassment at her loss of control brought a bright flush to her pale face, but slowly it faded. Jack had been so wonderful holding and rocking her; strong but also sharing her pain. He'd loved her dad too. Embarrassment over their grief had no place between them.
Gradually, the burning ache in Sam's chest began to lift. She wasn't alone. She was in Jack's house and his presence was all around her, even if his arms weren't. She briefly regretted waking alone. She remembered the deep sense of security she'd had when she'd fallen asleep in his arms. She'd never experienced such a sense of sanctuary with Pete. That should have been her first clue. Even when they'd been mind stamped, captured, tortured and about to be killed, Sam had always felt secure and protected with just a look from Jack.
Why had she run from him? Why hadn't she been content to wait, as he had been? Damn that gas cloud and her hallucinations that had prompted her unhappy run from him. Stupid. She'd been stupid. Brilliant and completely lacking in common sense when it came to her emotional needs and wants. Ugh. The more she thought about it, the worse it was.
On that ship, concussed and fighting for her life and that of the crew, Sam Carter had finally admitted to herself that she loved her CO. Admitted it was more than just 'caring more than they should' and rather than confront him with it and try to find a solution, she'd made a headlong rush straight to another man.
An Irish man with a four letter first name. Good grief! Someone please smack her and present her with the worlds biggest award for Stupidity and Denial!
She had overlooked Pete's stalking and passively allowed him to drive her to accept his proposal and plan a wedding. She'd tried hard to convince herself she was happy. Oh, she had enjoyed the dates and the affection Pete had lavished on her. But she'd suppressed the late night doubts that told her Pete's attentions didn't rouse her to respond in kind. Sam told herself it was a requirement of her job and the surrounding secrecy that always had her holding back. The truth was, she couldn't have returned the depth of love Pete had for her. Those pieces of her soul had long since been committed to Jack and no amount of pretending was going to change it.
Sam was grateful she'd ended it. She was sad and angry with herself that she'd allowed it to go on so long - Pete really did deserve better.
The realization that she also deserved more hit her with the suddenness of a thunder clap. Sam threw back the covers. She'd spent all the time she was going to devote to mourning her breakup with Pete. She was moving on, or back, if Jack would have it.
Sam reached for the towel Jack had left for her the night before. A shower was in order and then breakfast. She was determined to meet the new day with optimism for the future.