A/N: ...I really don't know what to say. Um well the guest that I professed my love to, yeah, let's just say... You are freaking awesome! My friends freak out when I start talking like you did in you last two comments, especially the end of you last comment. They'll tell me I'm a freak and that it is just flat-out gross to say freaky threats like that, but it's what I do so I once again love your comments!
Also Aisa Haruka, yes an amazing (lazy as shit) author like me loves your story and hope you find your muse again.
Finally thanks to all who have commented, followed, favorited, pm'd and so on, I really appreciated it. (I'm really trying not to say I love you even though in a way I do. Agape anyone?) Anyway here is chapter 13, please silence your cellphones and enjoy the show.
So here I am sitting in a forest which happens to be the akatsuki's front yard. I am currently exhausted, thirsty, angry at a certain blonde who is gender confused, and did I mention I'm...oh wait, nevermind I mentioned everything. Slowly I curled up in a ball holding my legs against me and resting my chin on my knees. My eyes felt heavy and I started to drift into hibernation (you see I don't sleep I hibernate, there's a difference.)
Opening my eyes I saw a big purple dinosaur.
'Barney?'
Sure enough Barney was standing over me as I lie in a field of bright luscious green grass. If that doesn't scare you then I don't know what does but it must be some crazy ass shit.
After realizing the horror that was happening, I did the only logical thing and screamed.
"Well hey there you're awake!" The evil purple demon spoke then gave his loud creeper laugh.
'What is going on?'
I became frantic trying to get up but suddenly rope was tying me to the ground.
'Rope? How the hell does rope just come up from the ground and tie you down? What the hell is going on!?'
I screamed more and began to struggle but the rope wouldn't loosen a bit.
'Okay inner now would be a good time to say something really obnoxious but gives me a great idea then suddenly we're free and Barney's dead! Inner? Hey inner, where are ya girl? You want a treat? Where the hell are you!?'
Suddenly Barney started singing his oh so famous song, except the words have changed.
"I fucked you, you fucked me,
Lets go get some STD's
Maybe Aids, maybe herpes
Then accident'ly a baby"
The song creeped me out beyond belief, I was now screaming full force. When suddenly reality kicked in and I was back in the akatsuki's forest (that's right, not their mansion, or castle, or awesome colossal building their forest.) Trying to catch my breath (apparently I screamed in real life too) an annoying but familiar voice kicked in.
What's going on are we being raped!...No... why'd you scream?
'You don't want to know.'
Why?
'Just don't.'
But..
'No buts just don't'
...I trust you.
Finally accepting that the horror was now over I saw that it was dark. So dark that I wouldn't be able to find my way back to the house if I wanted.
'Those assholes left me out here to die.'
Maybe one of them texted you?
Inner gave me a brilliant idea. I can use the flashlight app on my phone I turned on the flashlight and began navigating.
'If I went straight into the forest the curved off to the left making it harder for them to follow then it should be behind me to the right and straight.'
You know if you didn't get so angry so easily you would never have had to deal with this.
'You know if I wasn't in a possible life or death situation right now I'd make sure you don't exist.'
My only regret if we do die is that I never married and had children with Taylor Lautner.
'No one cares.'
...
We remained silent from that point on as I pointed my lit phone at the forest floor and tried not to injure myself. I failed. When I thought we went enough to the right and decided to head straight back I tripped on a tree branch and twisted my ankle. Trying to walk on it but soon realised that that wasn't the best idea. Giving up on finding my way back I went to my last resort.
Pinky: Someone tell Tobi I'll buy him Lego's if someone comes to get me.
Tobiisagoodboy:Lego's!
Pinky: Yes Lego's. Now someone come get me, I'm a straight shot from the door I left from but a little ways in this damn forest.
Artisabang: Hell no! no one is going to go get you, find your own way back, un
Pinky: I can't! I twisted my ankle and I think it's broken.
JashinsBitch: Jashin is just giving you what you deserve bitch!
Tobiisagoodboy: Why is everyone so mean to Tobi's friend?
Pinky: Because they don't want you to get Lego's
Tobiisagoodboy: No one wants to find Sakura so I'll save you.
' ...I'm not quite sure that's the most well thought out plan, but I guess it's a plan.'
I set my phone down and tried to make a splint for my foot, I succeeded in making the splint but failed when it came to finding where I set down my phone. Feeling around I felt the shiny back and picked it up realising it had died.
"Shit" I whispered curses under my breath and waited for Tobi (or anyone for that matter).
No one ever showed up, or at least not until morning. Those a-holes.
A/N: I honestly think this chapter was boring but oh well.
One of my best buds and me came up with Barney's song lyrics and are aware of how messed up they are.
I still have the pairing poll open for new followers/readers
Who wants to be awesome? Well you can! Draw some fan art, write a one shot or short story, write a poem, write a song, I don't care just make stuff and I'll post it on this story's blog and the links in my profile.
Also if you guys like my story I suggest you read:
Scrumdidileeumptious by BitterSweetCrimson (I don't like choosing specific favorites because I feel like I'm leaving someone out when I do but this is my favorite fanfiction.)
Survival Guide to the Criminally Isane Akatsuki by Review Whore (One of my favorites and it has two sequels)
Disclaimer: I do own Naruto, society just won't believe me.
From a schizophrenic author who hopes that their fans would miss her if she died, but would still make threats to update because they'd be oblivious to said author's death,
~awesomepigman