Chapter 13

Much later, loud grumbles from empty stomachs drew them from the warm nest of twined limbs and blankets. They moved around the kitchen, Jack cooking and Sam assisting, with the smooth ease earned through long years together in the field. Though here, in this time, they brushed gently against each other in passing. Pausing here and there for a caress, a kiss or a soft murmured endearment.

Jack had his back to Sam as he kept watch on the browning pancakes. Sam turned to him on her way to the frig for milk and juice, but stopped, her mouth suddenly dry as her eyes scanned the broad expanse of his back and shoulders, her gaze drifted down to take in his well shaped butt and long, long muscular legs. He was drop dead gorgeous and Sam's mind was chorusing a happy little cheer of he's mine, he's mine, he's mine!

Jack turned and caught her in mid-perusal. "Do I pass muster?"

A flush swept up Sam's neck as she startled, her eyes darting to his. She choked, "Yes, sir" and the flush deepened, flaming to her hairline. Crap! She'd called him Sir. Of all the times . . . "Sorry . . . Jack. I . . ." Sam suddenly bowed her head and mumbled "Sorry" again.

Jack reached for her and lifted her chin so he could look her in the eye. Amusement crinkled around his eyes. "Hey, it's okay. The whole name thing is going to take a while and I don't think I'll ever be able to give up calling you 'Carter'." Jack's smile grew. "And I kinda liked the 'Carter checkin' me out look.' It was really . . . hot."

Sam's embarrassment eased. "Good, cause I think I'm probably going to screw up and call you 'Sir' at some pretty inappropriate moments."

Jack's look turned feral, "Really? Cause that could be pretty hot too."

Sam shot him a look and punched him in the arm, trying hard not to giggle. "You, are a dirty old General, O'Neill."

Jack clasped his heart. "Aww, Carter that was a low blow. Dirty? God yes! But old? I prefer . . . experienced."

Sam smacked his backside and laughed outright. "Better keep an eye on those pancakes, O'Neill, we need to keep up your strength." Sam was surprised and delighted. She'd never before imagined Jack as a playful lover. She knew he hid much behind sarcasm and over the years she'd had glimpses of the care and tenderness he held for those he loved. She'd been on the receiving end of that care on numerous occasions, but this lighthearted teasing and flirting was new and utterly touching.

Jack was amazed at how relaxed and comfortable he felt. The feeling was surreal, like they were in one of those Alternate Realities – one where ARHim could talk and flirt with ARSam.

Jack found himself watching Sam closely as she recalled one of the happy moments of her childhood, before her mom died and she and Jacob had become distant. Sam was smiling and laughing, almost to herself, as she related the tale of fixing her father's CO's car. Jacob had packed up his 12 year old daughter and drove to rescue his CO from the side of the road. Pre-teen Sam had marched in demanding wrenches and tools like a little drill sergeant as she operated on the man's high-performance sports car. Jacob's CO had been dumbfounded and Jacob had been smug, "Yep, she's smarter than either of us and she's only 12!"

Sam's smile faded as she remembered her father. Jack reached out and squeezed her hand in silent support. "He was so proud of me. Even after mom died and we slipped away from each other, I knew he was proud of me and then, since he blended with Selmak . . ." Sam choked a sob that escaped her tight hold and Jack tugged her into his arms. "I miss him so much." Sam's whispered confession drew out all Jack's protective instincts. He wanted to wrap her in comfort and guard her against the pain of Jacob's passing. "He wasn't supposed to die! He was supposed to outlive us all!" Sam's pain was edged with anger. She reached up and dashed away the tears that had begun to gather, drew a deep, shaky breath and began to draw away from Jack. "I'm sorry. It's stupid, I know I-"

Jack blocked Sam's departure and pulled her more securely to him. "You have nothing to apologize for," he said. His voice soft and soothing. "It's okay to be angry."

Sam snorted, "Psychology 101, Sir?" She was reaching for levity, but was failing and Jack's eyes remained serious.

"No . . . just . . . experience. Don't let the anger take control, Sam. It'll eat you alive, if you do."

Sam's curiosity trumped her caution, "Charlie?"

Jack's eyes darkened with unspeakable sadness. After a long moment he responded, "Yeah. Only I was never angry with him." Jack was silent for a long time. It was suddenly very important to him that Sam understand he was damaged goods. "I'll never forgive myself, Sam. I can't. It was my fault Charlie died."

Sam knew instinctively that this moment was critical. In a way, their future rested on this. Slowly, she raised her palm to Jack's cheek, her own grief forgotten. "But you learned to live with it. You were able to box it up for safekeeping and still care for those you love. Jack, I love you and the you I love is the sum of your experiences. What you see as black marks against your soul, I see as reasons to love you even more." Sam stroked Jack's scarred eyebrow and cheek with gentile fingers. "I have spent years loving you and falling in love with you over and over again and the times that made me love you most were the ones where you battled the darkness and won. There are so many reasons for you to be a cold, cruel, mean son-of-a-bitch, but you're not. You hide behind sarcasm and feigned indifference, but I know better. I've always known better."

Jack's heart was hammering. "Are you sure, Sam. I don't want you to wake up one day and regret this. Regret us."

"I'm sure. I've never been more sure about anything in my life."

Sam's quiet assurance washed through Jack and he drew her fiercely to him. "I love you. God, I love you." After long moments, Jack eased his tight hold and his breathing slowed. As he regained control of his wayward emotions, his thoughts raced. He loved this woman with a dept of emotion he had only ever experienced for Charlie. Jack had loved Sara, but never with this degree of sharing. Sara had tried, but she had never been able to reach to the corners and hidden spaces of Jack's soul. Places Sam touched without apparent effort. And what surprised Jack most was that he didn't feel the need to protect himself from Sam. He was able to lay himself open without fear she would leave him in shreds.

The relief he felt surprised him. He'd gone his whole life without and now, with Sam, he felt the doors to his soul were flung wide for her. The sensation was exhilarating and terrifying and he needed to back away from it. He needed time to examine it privately. Jack pulled back and attempted a twisted little smile. "Feel like a walk? It's a beautiful day out."

Sam knew Jack was making a mental retreat, but she let him go. Everything was new and they both needed time to absorb and reflect on the feelings they were evoking in each other. They were two people who had spent the vast majority of their adult lives in emotional solitude. It was best to allow these new shared selves to unfold slowly. Rushing now would only result in errors too costly to pay.

Sam unleashed the full megawatt Carter smile. "Yeah. I want a guided tour of your Paradise, O'Neill."

As they dressed and prepared to spend most of the day outside, Jack reflected how well she knew him. She didn't push, but he found himself opening to her without conscious effort and even though he'd shared more and explored more emotions in the last two days than he'd done in the last eight years, he felt relaxed and easy. Jack knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Sam and he knew he wanted to ask her to marry him. He just needed to find the right time.