This is kind of a long chapter, and very intense. I hope it was worth the wait, and I'll definitely start updating more often. Anyway, I'm going to shut up now and let you read.
Her birthday started out surprisingly well. Her entire life, she'd hated that her birthday fell in autumn, because that usually meant that she had to go to school. This year, however, as much as she wished that it was on a school day, it was on a Saturday. That meant an entire day of hiding in her room, or getting up before Chip did, just so she could sneak out and risk being beaten to death when she came home later that night.
She sighed as she slipped out of bed and heard her stomach growl. She was hungry; she hadn't eaten anything since lunch at school the previous day, and today, of all days, she should have at least been able to eat when she wanted. She pressed herself against her bedroom door, listening carefully to the quiet on the other side of the door. It was still early, he wasn't awake yet; she could easily sneak out and grab food.
She moved quickly, her feet shuffling her into the kitchen as she threw open the refrigerator door and began to gather food like she was on a hunt. When her hands were full, she kicked the door shut with her bare foot and began to creep back to her room when something on the kitchen counter caught her eye. It was nothing big; in fact, it was just a tiny envelope, but printed clearly in big, black letters was her name.
She slipped it between her fingers and scurried back to her room, letting her food rations drop onto her bed as she turned the envelope over in her fingers. It was sturdy, and she knew immediately that it was a birthday card. She slid her finger under the paper and tore it open carefully, her fingers working to pull the card out.
It was nothing special; a white card with the words "Happy Birthday" written on the front in golden cursive letters. She opened the card carefully, and two crisp hundred dollar bills slid into her lap. Her jaw went slack and she gathered them in her hand, glancing at the few words that were written inside the card beneath the trite, pre-printed birthday greeting.
Happy Birthday, Amber.
Mother
That was it. No 'Love, Mother'. No sentimental words about the fact that her little girl was now an adult. As much as that might have hurt her, she didn't let it bother her; not today. Because without even realizing it, Velma had given her the most important thing with that money; she'd given her a chance to start a new life. It was probably one of the ugliest birthday cards she had ever seen, and Amber was more than certain it would be the last birthday card she ever received from her mother. If things went according to plan, Velma wouldn't even be able to find her to send her a birthday card, even if she wanted to. That was Amber's dream, because as long as Velma couldn't find her, Chip couldn't either.
Amber hurried to fold the money into the back of her wallet, into a small space behind her school identification card, so that it wasn't visible unless someone physically moved the card. She folded it carefully, so as not to rip it, and then stored her purse under her bed, back in its usual hiding spot.
At a little after four, the doorbell rang, and Amber let her feet carry her to open it. She smiled softly as she saw Corny on the other side of the threshold, and he offered her a weak smile.
"Happy birthday," he said the words softly, and she nodded, watching him with her crystal eyes, "You're finally an adult, Amber."
She was sure those words had some kind of connotation behind them, and nodded.
"Thank you, and yes, I am."
He stood awkwardly for a moment, letting his hand come up to rub the back of his neck. He shifted, and then pulled a small box from inside his suit pocket, clutching it in his hand before offering it to her.
"This, uh," he stammered for a moment, "This is for you."
Amber took the box into her fingers, clutching it for a moment before nodding up at him.
"Okay. Thank you." She hesitated to open it in front of him, and when she began to pull the lid off, he stopped her.
"Just wait until you need it before you open it, okay?" He swallowed hard, "You might not need this. In fact, I really hope you don't. But, just in case you do, it's yours, Amber. I've wanted to give you this for a while, but I couldn't. Not until today."
She furrowed her brows at him, the corners of her lips turning into a soft smile. What a strange thing to say about a birthday present. Of course, with the twisted world she'd been living in, she wouldn't pretend to understand.
"Okay," she nodded again, "I'll save it." The corners of her mouth twitched into a curious smile, "But how will I know when I need it?"
He forced his lips into a tight smile.
"Believe me, you'll know." He shuffled his feet for a moment, "I should get going. I've got to get down to the studio to help your mother with some things." He gave her another awkward smile, "Have a happy birthday, okay?" She couldn't help but let her mind reel as she closed the door behind him. She'd never seen Corny so…unkempt. It made her wonder what was inside the box and her fingers itched to open it.
Link called her again, just to reiterate the fact that he would be there at 8:30 sharp to take her out for a birthday dinner. She had giggled, pretended to be whole again. It felt so easy with him, because he didn't judge her. He had accepted her scars, even her emotional ones, and had learned how to love the person she was behind them. In spite of everything, she let herself begin to want to open up to Link, tell him everything, without abandon. She knew that one day, she would. She just wasn't completely sure when.
By the time darkness began to fall, she heard the front door open. Her breath caught in her throat, but only for a moment, because she knew tonight was different. She was an adult, and she could leave. She could disappear forever, and they would have no control over her. She let herself relax, if only slightly, and moved to her record player, studying the record title before slipping it onto the player and listening as the opening notes of the music filled her room. Big Girls Don't Cry, by the Four Seasons. How very appropriate.
She moved back to her bed, handling the box that Corny had given to her. She knew she needed to start getting ready; Link would be here in less than an hour. Still, her fingers held the box. When she heard her bedroom doorknob turn, she shoved the box behind her back, burying it beneath a pillow as Chip let the door swing open.
She felt her blood go cold, and glared up at him with icy eyes.
"Get out," she wasn't afraid of saying those words now.
He narrowed his dark eyes at her, moving into the room slowly and closing the door behind him. She felt her body becoming paralyzed slowly, but scrambled to move from her bed, her legs suddenly feeling like they were composed of mud. She couldn't find her feet, couldn't move fast enough, and he moved toward her.
"Birthday girl, huh?" She pushed herself against the wall, and his dirty hand reached out to stroke her ankle, grabbing at her foot. "You know what that means?"
Amber didn't respond, but she knew exactly what it meant. She knew that it meant she could, and would, leave. It meant that she never had to come back here, never had to see his disgusting face again.
"It means," he began slowly, "that you're legal. It means that I can do whatever the hell I want to you now."
"What's the difference?" She sneered suddenly, "You've been doing that all along, you asshole." She knew it was the wrong thing to say, and her heart stopped at the malevolent look he shot at her.
"You little bitch," his words were almost said with a laugh, "You think you're damn cute, don't you? You think you can say whatever you want, just 'cause your mama runs the damn TV station." He grabbed for her foot again, and she delivered a swift kick to his ribs. She had hoped it would at least knock the air out of him, long enough for her to run past him, but he recovered quickly, and grabbed her ankle.
"Don't touch me!" Her words were shrill, louder than she ever remembered them sounding before, "Don't touch me! I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you!"
The statement surprised even her, and she began to tremble at the sound of her own words. The fact that she wanted it to be true was what scared her the most.
His hold on her tightened, and he grabbed her other foot. She began to smack at him, to punch him, to spit on him, and he sneered at her.
"You don't have to deny it anymore, girl. I know you like these little meetings we have." His hand traced up her leg, and she smacked him away, the hatred rising in her throat. He glanced up at her, his dark eyes flashing. "You wanna be rough today?" He pulled her feet suddenly, so hard that the back of her head slammed against the wall and she let out a squeal of pain, the tears rushing to her eyes. "Okay, we'll be rough."
He pushed her legs apart forcefully, and she cried out loudly, clawing up at him, trying to pull out of his grasp.
"Stop!" She pleaded again, "Stop, please, stop! It's my birthday, please!" It was a pathetic excuse, she knew, but it was all she had. Her strength was dwindling quickly, and he glared down at her.
"I know it's your birthday," he admitted, his tone tinged with sarcasm, "that's why I was gonna be nice, and gentle with you tonight. But since you're being such a little brat, you changed my mind." He delivered a hard slap to the inside of her thigh, and she cried out loudly, the skin already pink and irritated.
"Ouch!" She knew it was stupid, he didn't care that he was hurting her, but the sting brought tears to her eyes, and she bit on her lip so hard that it drew blood immediately. He slapped her again, and she arched up in pain, making a conscious effort to send her body into a state of numbness. It had gotten easier, since he'd started this. She tried to focus on something other than the pain, other than the way his hands were pulling her panties down. Tried to listen to the cars outside as she felt his hand working up her body, pulling her shirt off. She began to kick aimlessly, tried to scratch his eyes out with her fingernails, but he caught her hand, twisting it so hard that, for a moment, she thought it was broken. Suddenly, she could only focus on one thing: the music coming from the record player.
Big girls don't cry
Big girls don't cry
She tried to stop her tears, tried not to let him see her break down again. As if cued by the music, she heard Chip's words suddenly, as his hands reached up to tug Amber's hair out of its neat bun.
"That's right, you're a big girl now," he purred the words, letting his fingers run down her cheek, dancing along her pink lips. He tried to force his finger into her mouth, and she bit him, as hard as she could. He cursed loudly and recoiled, but only before cupping his hand and pushing it against the spot just beneath her jaw, pinning her to the wall. She began to sputter for breath, and he grabbed her harder, his dark eyes gleaming. She knew her air supply was being depleted quickly, and gasped, her fingers trying to free his fingers from her neck. She began to see black stars, began to feel her mind spinning, and felt her body beginning to go limp. Then, just as quickly as it had happened, he let go, taking a step back from her.
"You gonna be a good girl now?"
She could barely breathe, much less answer, and let herself slump against the wall.
"That's what I thought."
His hands worked quickly, and she let her eyes close. It was easier just to disassociate herself with this situation; it was easier to pretend she was somewhere else. She could try to remember how to do the Stricken Chicken, try to remember what steps to take, when to move her arms. She had almost removed herself from the moment when she felt his hot, rank breath between her legs, and she began to feel the tears swell in her eyes. It was beyond horrible; this was, by far, the worst thing he had ever done to her. He began to bite her, just to hear the pained cries that escaped from her. She finally began to let herself sob, her body wracking as her mind tried to focus on the music that was playing in the background of this nightmare come true. She tried to focus on every word, every syllable of the music, and let herself fall completely limp, letting the words of the song swim in her mind.
Shame on you, your mama said
Shame on you, you're crying in bed
Shame on you, you told me lies
Big girls do cry
It seemed like an eternity, but she eventually went numb from the pain. She had, thankfully, passed out sometime soon after, and when she woke again, he was gone. Her head was throbbing, and the place on her neck where he had pinned her against the wall felt like she had rope burn. The inside of her thighs stung from his hard blows, and she coughed slightly, her eyes rolling back in her head as she tried to muster enough energy to get up. She glanced at the clock; it was already 8:15. She was leaving when Link got here; there was no question about that. She felt herself sobbing quietly, and her breath caught in her throat when she realized her purse, and wallet, were lying open on the floor. She cried softly, moving as quickly as she could to grab the wallet. Her fingers trembled, and she hesitated to open it. If that money was gone, she had no idea what she'd do. That money was the one thing that assured her a chance at freedom.
Her eyes still blurry with tears, she peeled her school identification card back. When she saw the green bills beneath, she began to cry again, though this time out of relief.
She wanted time to grieve over this, just like always, but had none. She needed to get dressed, needed to be there waiting when Link pulled up. She didn't even bother to brush her hair, didn't even look into the mirror. She pulled on an old dress, one that her mother wouldn't even allow her to wear when she left the house. She was frantic suddenly, moving at rapid speed. She grabbed her purse, slipped into her shoes, and suddenly remembered that box beneath her pillow; the one Corny had given to her.
She hurried to it, her fingers tearing it open without hesitance, her eyes burning as she looked upon the object inside. It was a house key.
She began to tremble suddenly, and rushed out of her door, through the hallways and down the porch steps. She didn't care that Chip had heard her, didn't care that he might be chasing her. She let herself move as quickly as her sore body could, and she ended up meeting Link's car as she raced down the sidewalk. He barely had time to stop before she pulled the door open and moved inside, crying hysterically. She screamed suddenly, telling him to drive, and he did. She already knew where she needed to go.
When they reached the front door of Corny's house, Amber began to pound on the door with her fists, let her lungs explode with the scream that tore through her. When he opened the door, she was trembling, and he let his eyes graze the fingerprint-shaped bruises on her neck, the blackness of her eyes, the brokenness of her body. With quivering fingers, she held the key up to him, still clutching it in her palm. She felt her jaw quivering as she tried to repress a sob, her eyes watching him with what little bit of hope she still had.
He swallowed hard, nodded, and blinked.
"Welcome home, Amber."
Am I the only one that's creeped out by the fact that the song I used "Big Girls Don't Cry" was the number one song in the country at the time that this chapter is supposed to take place? That really freaked me out.