Chapter 3-Panic
Gideon
When the panic room doors open, I hesitate for a second. Suddenly the moment I have waited for, for months, is making me want to run in the opposite direction. I don't know how Ana is going to receive me. Anything less than inviting, scares the hell out of me. I have to do this. For all of us, I have to make this right.
"Daddy!" Charlie says, squirming off Ana's lap and running to me with open arms.
Her wide, blue-grey eyes are filled with excitement the second she sees me. I drop to my knees just as she throws herself into my awaiting arms. I close my eyes to relish in the feeling of my daughter in my arms. All the painful emotions come spilling out, unashamed.
I cry.
I cry for my father.
I cry for my mother.
I cry for Eva and Christian.
And I cry that for the little girl holding onto me as tight as she can, while she lays her head on my shoulder, completely oblivious of what has just happened around her.
Charlie tries to pull back but I hold her in place for as long as she will allow; rocking her back and forth. Needing the comfort only she can bring me. I slowly open my eyes and see Ana sitting on a futon, across the room. She is hugging Charlie's pillow in her lap and twisting the corners with her fingers. I slowly stand, bring Charlie with me, as I wipe away the tears from my cheeks.
"Daddy, your face it scratchy." I let out a laugh as I run my palm over the, two weeks worth of stubble on my face.
"Yes, I know." I pull her back to my chest and savor her familiar scent. "Ohhh, I have missed you, lady bug."
"I missed you, too, Daddy." Charlie says, then looks in Ana's direction. "Mommy, look. Daddy's, home. Now you won't cry any more."
When Charlie mentions that Ana won't cry anymore, a burning feeling drags through the middle of my chest like molten lava. I know I have a lot of explaining to do. I know that Ana has to be upset with me for leaving the way I did. I just need her to give me a chance to explain.
"Baby, why don't you play with your toys for a minute, so I can talk to mommy." I place Charlie on the floor and she moves over to the table where some of her toys are placed. Ana has not so much as blinked as I reach over and close the door. There is a lot of cleanup to do out there. I don't want Charlie running out of the room and finding the horrifying mess.
I slowly approach Ana, and with every step I take, I die a little at the sight of her. She looks like she did when Christian died. Her eyes are bloodshot and rimmed black from lack of sleep, no doubt. Her face is pale, but it doesn't look like she has lost any weight, so that's a plus, I guess. With the tips of my shoes mere inches from hers, I reach out and palm the side of her face. She instinctively leans in to my touch and a sob bubbles up in her throat. With my other hand I cup her face and drop to my knees so I can hug her. Just as my arms reach behind her, she wraps her willowy arms around my neck and buries her face, in the crook of my neck.
I allow Ana to cry on my shoulder as I rub the back of her hair, over and over from top to bottom. Her smell, warm vanilla, engulfs my senses and every piece of me knows, I am home.
ANA
When Gideon enters the room and hugs Charlie, my heart melts right out of my chest. I watch as father and daughter reunite with tears of, what I can only assume, is joy. I immediately panic and grab Charlie's butterfly pillow and hold it on my lap; covering my baby bump. When Gideon's eyes open, they instantaneously find mine across the room. I watch him run his long fingers over his new beard and look into his hollow sunken eyes, while never breaking contact. He looks thinner than when I left. His cheekbones are more prominent and his clothes are hanging a bit looser, over his usually muscular frame.
As Gideon approaches me and places his hand on my cheek, I completely lose it. All the love, and hate, and anger I have had for him, melts away with a single touch. I am not stupid enough to think that we don't have a long road ahead of us. But just like after Christian died, I need him. I need him to help me be strong for all of us. We need to get our family through what lies beyond this room.
He drops to his knees and allows me to cry on his shoulder as he whispers, "It's over, baby. It's over. Don't cry, sweetheart."
I push back on his chest and wipe my nose with the back of my hand, in a very unladylike manner. I must look like such a mess. He grabs the bottom of his shirt and wipes my nose and dries my eyes. I take a deep cleansing breath, as he smiles back at me.
"There's my beautiful girl. I've missed that face." He tells me. I can't help the grin that spreads across my face. For the first time in months, I feel lighter.
I lean my head forward and place my forehead on his chest as I breath through the last of my sobs. There are still questions that need answering but if he is calling me his girl, that must be a good sign.
"Gideon, I have to tell you-"
"Shhhh. We can talk later," he says as he pulls me into a standing position causing the pillow to fall to the floor. "But right now, I want to kiss you. I have missed you so much, Ana. You have to know I didn't want to leave you. I had to. To protect you and Charlie from my mother. But please don't think for a second that I would have left you voluntarily." Gideon cups my cheeks and kisses me softly on my lips before I can respond.
His salty, moist lips flutter over mine, over and over again, before he pulls me close to his body and deepens our kiss. All the air rushes out of my nose as my body molds to his. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me in so close I tense for a second, thinking he can feel my swollen stomach between us.
"Daddy! Careful. You'll squish her." Charlie says as she pushes her way between us.
Gideon smiles into my mouth and my eyes flash open. "I'll be easy. No squishing, mommy."
Charlie giggles. I know what is coming next. "Not mommy, silly. The baby, sister."
Gideon's eyes flash open to meet my worried expression. "What?!" He says as he holds me at arm's length and scans my torso before bringing his worried, wide eyes back up to mine.
"Surprise," I say as I scrunch up my face.
Taylor
White and Reynolds remove Elizabeth's body from the apartment and work on preparations to dispose her and Marco. With them two out of the picture, I can focus my attention to, Madeline and Pascale. I need to know how this is all going to pan out so I can make the necessary security arrangements for Ana's house. I walk into the security room and sit across from the two people who have turned everyone's world on its axis.
"Can we leave please?" Madeline asks. I notice Pascale has his arm slung over his daughter's shoulders. Perhaps his time to protect his daughter was before Elizabeth fucked up her life.
"Not quiet, yet. I need to know it all. My job is to protect those people in there and I need to know what we can expect from you two. How does this play out?" I ask. If I am going to protect Ana and Charlie from all the shit Gideon has brought into their lives, I am going to need to know what to expect.
"So do we." Gideon says from the doorway with Ana tucked under his arm. My lips twitch up in the corners at seeing them together. Ana seems to be less tense than she was earlier as she rubs her hand over her stomach.
Madeline looks quickly at the couple standing in the door way then averts her eyes to the table in front of her. She appears to be a bit frightened of Ana. But that's silly. Ana would never hurt a fly. Especially pregnant.
Gideon pulls out the chair next to me, for Ana, and takes a seat on the other side of her. Pascale holds Madeline closer to his side. "Gideon, it has been a long day. For us all. Let's do this tomorrow, huh."
"NO! I have a son that no one ever told me about. I want to know about him. Where is he?"
"He is with, Anthony." Pascale says.
"Anthony? Anthony, my homicidal cousin is alone with MY SON! Are you both fucking crazy?" Gideon yells across the table as he grips the side until his knuckles turn white.
"Anthony is the only father he knows, Gideon-" Madeline says but Gideon immediately cuts her off.
"Who's fault is that, Madeline? Not mine. I want to see him. I don't want him around, Anthony, or any other member of my family."
"Gideon. He doesn't know you. You can't take him from his mother and the only person he knows as his dad. This is going to take time. But I advise you all to get some help in this." I add. I know I am overstepping, but someone in this room needs to be level headed.
Ana adds, "Let's call, John, in the morning and maybe we can all have a session with him." She turns to Madeline. "John Flynn, is our therapist. He is very good at his job and if anyone can help, it's him."
Gideon nods his head in agreement and motions for Ana to follow him out the door. She dutifully stands, as do the rest of us. Gideon is the first one to step away from the table and when he approaches the doorway he turns back to face Madeline.
Gideon
I don't know what more can be done today. My life has been such an emotional rollercoaster lately; I just want to go home and start getting my family back in order. My family, which now includes a son I don't know, and a baby on the way.
Fantastic. With my luck the way it is, ill be blessed with another girl to worry about.
"Can I see him?" I ask, sounding defeated and tired. "I mean, do you have a picture or something?"
Madeline shakes her head and Pascale reaches in his back pocket to retrieve his wallet. He slides out a small photo of a young boy that resembles me in so many ways. His short dark, reddish colored hair is brushed forward and spiked in the front. I smile when I notice his icy blue eyes are the same as mine but the deep dimples on both of his cheeks are all Madeline. I run my finger along the glossy photo of him and a painful feeling of mourning bubbles up on my stomach.
David is just about the age I was when I lost my father. Knowing how difficult it was for me to grow up without a father, I can't help but be angry all over again. I slip the photo into my pocket and Pascale, Madeline, and Taylor leave the room without another word.
"I want to know him, Ana. I want to be a part of his life. Are you going to be okay with that?" I grip both her hands in mine. I need to be a part of my son's life now that I know he exists. I just hope that Ana can accept him and not hate me for bringing one more complication into her life.
"Gideon, it has been a long day. I just want to go home. We can talk with John tomorrow and work all this out. For now, let's just leave it be."
"Ana," I step closer and bring her hands to my lips. "I need to know we are okay. I need to know…if you are going to leave me." As soon as I say the words I feel as though a timer on a bomb starts counting down. The woman before me has our fate in her hands and it scares the shit out of me.
"Gideon, we have a lot to work out. We have to figure out what is lies and what is truth. If David is a part of you, he will be a brother to our child, which means I will love him as my own. You stepped up as Charlie's father and I will be whatever you need to me to David. David will be part of us all. But we don't know what his reaction to all this will be." Ana drops my hands and places her palms on my face, rubbing the stubble between her fingers. "He is not a baby, Gideon. He doesn't know us. We need to take this one step and a time. I don't want you to get hurt if he rejects you as his father."
I square my shoulders and ball my fist at my sides. I hadn't even thought that in the end it might be my own son who rejects me. Ana is right. We have to go at this slow. It will be a long road for us all to be a family and if I force it too hard, too fast, he may not want anything to do with me.
"Okay. Let's get our daughter and get out of here."
Sawyer
I pull into my driveway and the only light I see is that from the bedside table in our bedroom. Mia must be still awake. I was so caught up in all of Ana and Gideon's bullshit; I wasn't even able to make sure my own wife was settled before I left again. I have been a real shitty husband the past few months. All this work crap has gotten in the way of my family and I think it is time I made my wife a priority.
I turn the car off and grab my phone from the cup holder next to me. I quietly open the car door and slid out of the driver seat, very carful not to alert her that I am home. Wyatt must be asleep by now so maybe I can take advantage of he warm weather and have an impromptu rendezvous in the back yard.
I pull up my contacts and tap on the beautiful face that pops up on my screen. After three rings it picks up. "What?" my wife greets with more attitude than I anticipated.
"Hey, beautiful. What are you doing?" I say as I open the door to the shed in the backyard.
"Reading, Luke. What do you want?"
"I am going to be home in about an hour or so. But can you do me a favor and close the door to the shed. I think I left it open before I left."
"Seriously. Now? You will be home soon. Why can't you just do it?"
"Please, Mia. I will be sure to show my gratitude when I get there." I try and sound sexy but I am afraid all I manage to do is whine.
"Yeah, I've heard that before. Fine. Anything else, or are you done."
"Mia. Look, I'm sorry I haven't been very attentive lately. I have had a lot going on. I promise I am going to make it up to you."
"Whatever, Luke. I would like to go to bed, now. Good-night."
"Mia, wai-t," I quietly yell so she doesn't hear me but she hangs up before I get the chance. I'll make it up to her. I swear to god, I will make this right with my wife.
While lurking in the shadows near the shed, I see the patio door open and close as one, and then two shadowy figures emerge from the house. I watch Mia grab hold of the arm of what appears to be a man, helping her navigate through the dark yard. My jaw slacks open and shock overcomes every emotion I have as I watch the two silhouettes approach me.
Mia is having an affair? In my fucking house? With my son in the house? She didn't know what time I was going to be home. Did she plan on having me find them? I can't think straight as they are steadily approaching, giggling with every blind step.
Thirty feet…anger.
Twenty feet…fury.
Ten feet…white hot, out of control, rage.
Mia lets the arm of the man go. I seize this opportunity to dart out of the shadows and tackle this motherfuckers ass to the ground. I straddle the man beneath me and pummel him with a vengeance as my wife screams next to us. I have no idea what I am hitting. I only know that every raw emotion I have ever had, is being let loose on the body beneath me.
"Luke! LUKE STOP!" Mia pleads as she tries to push me off him. "Luke, knock it off. Please, you are hurting him. STOP!"
The man beneath me is able to pull his arms up enough to knock me right in the balls, causing me to fall next to him. I quickly recover and pull up on my knees, grabbing his shirt by the collar. Just before I slug him again I get a good look at his face in the moonlight.
"Ethan?" I look at him quizzically and release him. His body thumps to the ground as he moans in pain.
Ethan? Ethan Kavanagh? What the fuck is he doing with my wife, in my house?
"You fucking my wife you little shit? HUH!" I yell grabbing the front of his, now torn, t-shirt. "Answer me, before I fucking kill you right here."
"Luke! STOP!" Mia screams in my face before dropping to her knees and tending to her lover.
"Stop? You want me to stop? Fine. Fuck you both." Running on only adrenaline, I double-time it to the house. I swing open the patio door to find Ireland standing in the kitchen drinking a glass of water.
"Luke?" Ireland cocks her head in confusion at my presence in my own house. "Mia said you wouldn't be home for another hour."
Ignoring her I turn on the sink tap and grab a towel from the drawer. "Ireland? What are you doing here?"
"You did forget. Didn't you?"
"Forget what?" I question before running my hand under the faucet.
"Oh, my god. What happened?" She asks while turning on the kitchen light to get a better view of my hand.
"Forget what, Ireland? Why are you here?" I snap.
"Ethan and I were going to watch, Wyatt, so you and Mia could go out...for your anniversary."
FUCK!