Okay...I have to admit, this is probably one of my favorite chapters so far. I was looking SO forward to writing this, and I think it came out well. I hope you guys enjoy.
She wasn't exactly sure how she made it home, and couldn't even remember taking the bus back across town. By the time she made it to the front steps of Corny's house, her feet were so full of blisters that she could only assume she'd trudged the few miles home, without even being aware of it. As she climbed the steps and used her key to get through the front door, she realized her nose had begun to run, and her eyes were watering. She wiped her face with the back of her hand, and felt her knees trembling as she pushed through the house, making her way directly to her bedroom. She didn't see Corny as she rushed through the hallways and into her room, didn't care where he was. She slammed the door hard, letting herself scream as she heard it hit against its wooden frame. The words started low in her throat and rose to a deafening pitch, words that she'd only thought about saying at the pinnacle of pain, words that she'd only screamed at Chip when he'd touched her.
She began to lash out suddenly, her arms flailing out to knock things from the top of her dresser, to scream as they crashed to the floor. She couldn't stop herself from screaming, couldn't stop her head from spinning. She felt the tears building behind her rage, but couldn't cry. She needed to be angry first, needed to let her lungs explode with the hatred, and the anger, and the frustration that she felt.
She wasn't sure where he came from, but she spotted Corny standing in the doorway, watching her, his eyes wide. She heard him calling her name, but she was so far away, much too far to even think about answering him. She was so unraveled, more than she'd ever felt before. She could literally feel herself losing her mind as she screamed; she could feel the veins in her neck and forehead, could feel her body shaking violently, and she turned to Corny, white hot hatred burning behind her eyes.
"Amber," she heard him say her name, and his voice was calm, collected. His wide blue eyes studied her, and she narrowed her own into slits of disgust, directing her gaze at him. "Calm down."
"No!" She screamed the word at him, her voice breaking at the shrill peak. She moved toward him quickly, "Don't tell me to calm down! This is all your fucking fault, Corny! This is all your fault!"
"What?" He shot back quickly, "What's my fault?"
"Everything!" She was hysterical now, but she wouldn't let herself cry, "This whole Goddamn situation, it's all your fault! You should have let him kill me, you son of a bitch. You should have just let him kill me!"
"Amber, what happened?" He demanded the words, his hands reaching out for her, "Tell me what happened."
"Don't touch me!" She spit at him, flailing her arms at him and smacking his hands away from her, "I hate you!" She saw him flinch from the corner of her eye, but she was too caught up to notice it. She felt a sob rising in her throat and pushed it down. "You made me leave the house! You made me go out there, and you are the reason I saw her! You are the reason I have to spend the rest of my life hating her for marrying him!" She clenched her teeth together suddenly, and flew at him. She was blind to the fact that he was bigger, and stronger than her. She didn't care. She drew back her hand and let herself smack him, harder than she'd ever hit anyone. Harder than the time she and Shelley had gotten into a fight backstage and she'd left a handprint on her ivory cheek. She smacked him so hard that it made his head turn swiftly, and she drew her face into an ugly sneer. He was silent for a moment, and stood still before he attempted to reach for her.
"Don't touch me!" She screamed at him again, just barely dodging his grasp, "I'm leaving! I'd rather be homeless than stay here!"
"Amber!" His voice was louder now, and she spun on her heels to look at him.
"Leave me alone!" It was the only thing she could say; her mind was blank, her body was numb. She couldn't stop seeing that diamond ring, couldn't stop seeing her mother's face, and those bruises just beneath her collar.
He moved toward her quickly, wrapping his arms around her thin shoulders. She shrieked her voice shrill and exceptionally loud. She tried to break free from her grasp, tried to kick him in his shins, let her hands scratch at him, dig into his dress shirt. She tried to rip his clothes from him in his anger, tried to do anything to make him release her. Her fingers moved toward his face, to scratch his eyes out. She wanted to, at that moment, and she would have, but his hand caught hers, bringing it down and holding it tight. He hugged her tight, so tightly that she couldn't breathe for a moment. She could feel her body beginning to break suddenly, but continued to scream, and try to struggle free. Each time she squirmed in his arms, his embrace tightened.
She could still hear herself screaming like a madwoman, and knew that she was beyond hysterical. And then, suddenly, his mouth was next to her ear, his arms still wrapped tightly around her.
"Shh," he soothed her, his breath sending chills down her spine. She couldn't be bothered by that right now, though, and continued to fight him. He held her closer, his head dipping into the nape of her neck. "It's okay…it's okay."
"No!" She screeched the word, and felt her knees beginning to tremble. She hadn't meant to cry, but she felt the moisture on her face suddenly and knew that her tears had escaped. She was trembling now, her entire body shaking, and he was holding her. His strong hands were the only thing supporting her, the only things that were keeping her from crashing to the ground. "It's not okay!" She tried to scream again, but the sob in her throat prevented her from doing so. "Nothing is ever going to be okay again! She's marrying him!" She let the sob rip through her, tearing apart her throat and her head fell into his chest, "I hate you, Corny! I hate you for making me go out there, and see her!"
He swallowed hard, and spread his fingers, letting them skim her back. She bawled against him, her knees suddenly giving out. He faltered for a moment, and then led them to the bed. He lowered himself into a sitting position, still clutching Amber to his chest. Her fingernails were digging into his cotton shirt now, into his skin. He silently hoped she would release her grasp, but didn't dare ask her to.
"I'm sorry," he breathed the words against her ear, "You're safe, Amber. You're so safe with me, baby."
She tried to keep her body from trembling as she wept against him, clinging to him like a lost child. He didn't release his grip on her as she sobbed, and held her close, whispering his words into her ear as she shuddered beneath him.
"He…he's going to kill her, Corny…he's going to kill her, and then he's going to come kill me…" she could barely get the words out between her sobs, "Why is she doing this? Why…" She fell into another harsh round of sobs, and her voice faded.
He held her head to his chest, letting her tears soak into him.
"He's not coming to get you," he assured her softly, letting his fingers stroke her messy blonde hair, "He's never going to touch you again, I promise you that."
He was silent as he held her, and she wept against him. He swallowed hard, letting his eyes close as he held her. The feeling of her, being so small, and weeping in his arms, was almost overwhelming. It was almost enough to make him sob himself, but he was stronger than that. He couldn't cry, at least not in front of her, no matter how much this tore him up inside.
"I'm sorry," he hushed her, "I'm so sorry, Amber." He wanted to say that he shouldn't have made her leave the house, shouldn't have insisted she get a job, but he couldn't. It was what she had needed, no matter how much it hurt her. He assumed that she'd run into Velma while she was downtown, and let himself nod against her. "Your mother will be all right. She's a strong woman, Amber. She knows how to take care of herself. We'll work everything out, okay? We really will."
She cried against him for another moment, and then raised her chin to look at him. He was so desperately close to her now, she could feel his breath on her skin, and, as much as she wanted it to terrify her, it didn't. There was something so comforting in his touch, something in his eyes that made her forget he was the gender of her enemy; it made her forget that it was a man who had put her in this situation in the first place.
"We can't," she said the words. Her voice was hoarse, and tendrils of her hair stuck to her hot, wet face. He brushed the strands gently away with his thumb, letting himself watch her, "It's too late."
"No," he hushed her, "it's not too late, Amber. It's never too late."
"He's already got what he wants," she nodded to affirm her words, "He's destroyed me, and now he's got my mother trapped."
Corny let his finger tilt her chin up, and she watched him with her dark, scared eyes. The aftershock of her sobs still wracked her body, and she quivered in his arms. She nodded again, though just slightly this time, as her lips tried to form the words. She pressed her forehead against his shoulder, inhaling his smell, her mouth sticky and dry from her tears. She tried to wet her lips, but her tongue felt like a brick, heavy and dried out, and she chewed on her bottom lip, trying to summon the courage to say the words that she'd spent the last few months trying to hide from him.
"He raped me, Corny." Her head was still on his shoulder, and she said the words so softly that she wasn't completely sure he'd heard her. She didn't move, didn't breathe for a moment, and felt him tense slightly beneath her. She kept her head against him, not daring to look into his face. If she did, he would see her for what she truly was; broken, disgusting, revolting. She closed her eyes, and another tear slid down her cheek. She didn't bother to wipe it away. "It happened more than once."
There was silence between them for a moment, and he shifted his head. His lips were resting against her temple, and she could practically feel him trying to think of something, anything to say in response to her. She was honestly surprised that he hadn't recoiled at her words, hadn't tried to pull back, pull away from this situation he had gotten himself into. She swallowed hard, and allowed herself to snuggle into his embrace. She worked her head into the crook of his neck, his lips still resting on the spot just beneath her forehead.
"I…I'm sorry," he didn't know what to say, and she felt strangely sympathetic for him. "I would have done more if I had known…I would have called the police over to your house every day, Amber."
She shook her head slightly, her teeth chewing on her lip.
"It's better that you didn't. I wouldn't be here right now if you had."
They both knew her words were true.
"Did you ever go to the hospital?" He sounded so afraid to ask the question, and she closed her eyes, swallowing hard.
"No." Her voice was barely a whisper, "I couldn't have. It was just easier to pretend it never happened."
He didn't bother to ask why; he already knew.
Thoughts of her mother, and Chip, and the rape, and the abuse flashed through her mind, and she turned her face into Corny's neck, squeezing her eyes shut. She felt his hold on her tighten, and suddenly, she felt his hands on her back, stroking her gently as she curled against him.
"Jesus, Amber," his voice was so soft, so comforting, that she let herself melt into him, and his lips brushed her temple again, "You never deserved that. No one ever deserves that." She began to tremble slightly, and he curled his arms around her again, hugging her to his chest.
"I just want the pain to stop," she whispered to him, "I want to be able to stop feeling so dirty all the time. I don't want to have to feel ashamed anymore."
He lifted her chin to look at him, his eyebrows suddenly furrowed.
"There is nothing dirty about you, Amber. You have nothing to be ashamed of. He is a sick, disgusting, awful man. You should not feel bad for that." His face was creased with concern, and he studied her face. She realized, for the first time, that when he looked at her like this, like he was trying to memorize every freckle on her skin, every strand of hair on her head, that it didn't make her feel awkward, or uncomfortable. It made her feel loved, and appreciated. "Do you understand that?"
She let herself nod softly, and a quiet sob escaped from between her slightly parted lips. He swallowed hard, and clutched her to him again.
"Amber," he said her name after a long, silent moment between them, "You don't realize how strong, and magnificent you are. You really have no idea."
She held her breath for a moment, letting herself listen to his words before clutching onto him tighter.
She let her fingers slip into one of his hands, and curled it against her chest.
"Neither do you, Corny."