It's seriously been like 6 months and I am so incredibly sorry for this and the delay between chapters, and that this isn't nearly as long as I wanted it to be, but I just couldn't pump anything else out.

I'm sorry for those of you who really enjoy this story. You deserve to have it told right, and I'm just not doing that. Regardless, I hope you stay around.

I'm sorry for how short this is.

Dean woke up early in the morning, before it was even light out, though not for any other reason besides it feeling strange. He couldn't place a finger on it until he breathed in deeply and pulled the body in front of him closer. Shampoo.

He blinked a few times, wanting to rub his eyes but not wanting to wake up Castiel, who was sleeping with his back to Dean and pressed as absolutely close as he could be. They were spooning, and Dean was the big one this time.

Giving up on not waking Castiel, he smiled, kissing behind his ear as he relaxed back on to his pillow. "Castiel? Castiel."

Castiel groaned and reached back to slap at Dean's thigh. "Shut up."

"You do know you're letting me be big spoon, right?"

Castiel smacked at him again. "Shut up."

"Stop slapping me."

"Then shut up."

"No."

Castiel groaned and rolled over knocking Dean on his back to give him space to lay on his side while still keeping close to Dean, who was grinning like a bitch. He draped his arm over him. "Well now I on top."

"Oh, hey," Dean whined, managing to get his arm around Castiel. "That's not what I meant when I was talking about me being big spoon. I mean, let's be real. We both know I'll never be the dominant one."

"Never," Castiel agreed.

"But that doesn't mean I can't hold you, and you can't enjoy being held. I mean, fuck. It feels really good."

"No it not."

"You were sleeping like a baby in my arms," Dean responded, tugging Castiel closer. "Don't lie. It's okay to like it."

Castiel groaned and smacked his head against the top of Dean's shoulder, trying to get comfortable as he cuddled in to him more. "You such a little bitch."

Dean barked out a laugh, unable to believe what he'd just said. "Are you serious? Did you really just say that?"

"Well, it true. Now please can sleep?"

"Only if you let me spoon you."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please."

"Niet."

Dean froze for a second. "I don't know the Russian word for please…"

Castiel sighed. "Why you want to spoon me?"

"Because it feels really good for me to hold you like that, and we both had such a stressful night, and I think you secretly like the relief of being held, you just won't admit it. So just roll over and let me put my dick against your perfect little ass and sleep with you."

A laugh. "You think my ass perfect?"

"You know that I do."

Castiel seemed to contemplate his options for a minute, weighing whether he wanted to roll over or not, but he finally did. He moved his head from Dean's shoulder to the pillow, nestling his head down on it with his arm up underneath it. He tucked his legs up a bit, and Dean took that as an invitation to curl in to him, his arm raising up under his head to hold Castiel's hand, his other one draping over his waist as he pressed close to him, rutting his hips against his ass for a few seconds as he made himself comfortable.

He kissed behind Castiel's ear, the hand over his his waist curling down so his fingers brushed against his stomach. Castiel's body was hot against his own, but he longed to have him closer. He kissed his neck. "We should have sex when we wake up again."

"Why not now?" Castiel asked, willing Dean to kiss him again.

"Aren't you tired?" Dean flattened his hand against Castiel's stomach, kissing his neck again, brushing his nose through his hair.

"Aren't you?"

"Hell yeah. But I'd do anything to make you happy."

Castiel lay still, watching the pillow in front of him. He moved his hand down to Dean's, which was over his stomach. He laced their fingers, and continued to lay in the silence until Dean's breath was beginning to even out. "Why?" he finally asked.

"Why what?" Dean's voice was low and scratchy, but he still responded.

"Why you do anything?"

"Huh?"

"To make me happy."

Dean took a sleep-deep breath. "Why would I do anything to make you happy? Or why do I do anything for you at all?"

Castiel thought for a minute, playing with Dean's fingers over his stomach. "Both."

Dean stretched and snuggled closer to Castiel, pressing his hand tighter against his stomach. "The answer's pretty much the same. It's because…." He swallowed. "It's because you're my… baby. My boyfriend. My Cas. Mine."

"…So-"

"-So I try to make and keep you happy because you're mine and I care for you a lot, and I probably need to stop before I say something I regret." He kissed Castiel's ear, nibbling down the side of it. He smiled and kissed the back of his neck. "So, what would make you happy?"

"Right now?"

"Right now."

Castiel played with Dean's fingers again, and Dean relaxed, letting him do as he pleased. He spoke a few minutes later, quiet and so unlike himself, his voice soft. "I like be home, with you in bed, little sweaty after sex, listening to favorite songs. I hear you sing in shower, and I like to think you sing to me too. Maybe some day."

"Cas? Look at me?"

"You just got me to spoon. You not going to get it again."

"Please look at me."

Castiel groaned, relinquishing Dean's hand back to him as he rolled over, looking at him. Dean smiled and hooked his fingers under Castiel's jaw, holding it while he leaned in to kiss him, locking their lips together. It felt good, and right, and so so nice to be as close to Castiel as he was, feeling the heat come off of his body and warm him.

"You want to know something?" he asked as he broke the kiss, moving in to rest his cheek on Castiel's. He could feel his stubble scratching his skin, but he liked it.

"What?"

"You're crazy. And your family is crazy. And everything that happens when I'm around you is crazy. But you make me feel safe." Castiel scoffed, and Dean pulled back. "No, really. It sounds insane, but you do. You're so strong, and powerful… I'm in awe of you. You know those guys that were chasing us last night? Do you know how terrified I was? But you were mostly calm, and collected, and god… If you hadn't have been there, I'd be dead right now."

"You not be in situation if I not there."

"You don't know that." Castiel yawned, and Dean kissed him quickly. "Let's go to sleep? Okay?"

"I want go home."

"Me too."

"Home home, or… my home?"

Dean cupped Castiel's cheek. "Aren't they the same thing?" Castiel just stared at him, and Dean sighed, rolling back and sitting up, resting against the headboard as he rubbed his neck. "We're not going to sleep, are we?"

"No." Castiel hadn't moved, other than scooting closer to rest his head on Dean's thigh.

"Great. You wanna watch a movie, or something? Try to go back home?"

"Movie, yes. Home, no."

"Why not home?"

"Father hasn't said it safe."

Right. Murderers. Looking for them. "Okay. Movie time."

There wasn't much in terms of films, a lot of them older and on VHS. There were a few newer DVDs, and Dean popped one of the in the television, turning back to sit on the couch in a room across from the bedroom. There were no windows in it, similar to the bedroom, but it certainly felt more open.

They had put back on their clothes, and Castiel had been in the kitchen, looking for food, but all he found were fruit snacks and cereal, though there was no milk, so the later was rather useless. He came back with the little he scrounged up, and sat on the couch beside Dean, handing him one of the packs.

"Fruit snacks. Yum."

"Damn right, yum," Dean responded, opening the pack. They really hadn't eaten a lot at dinner the night before, and he hadn't realized how hungry he was until he had food in front of his face.

They spent all day on the couch, Castiel repeatedly checking his phone until he got a message from his father. "Liberation."

Dean looked up at Castiel, who he was leaning against. "What?"

"It safe word. We can go home."

"We can?"

"Well, when the driver get here."

"Driver?"

Castiel shrugged his shoulders, and Dean sat up. "Can't drive car we have. They recognize it. Also broken glass."

"So how long will it be?"

Castiel shrugged. "A while."

Dean grinned and pulled back from Castiel, turning and moving to sit on his lap, legs on either side of his thighs. "I have a few ideas of what we can do." He leaned in and kissed Castiel, running one of his hands down his abdomen, stopping at the bend in his hips to hook his fingers over the waistband of his pants. "You know, to pass the time."

"Dean," Castiel whined, tipping his head back. He sounded tired. Dean kissed his now exposed neck.

"You feel stressed Cas, so tense…" He pulled back from his neck and kissed him solidly on the lips again, sliding back on his thighs to unbutton his pants. "Let me take care of you…" he hooked his fingers under his pants again, pulling them down and over his ass as he stood, lowering himself to his knees on the floor, pulling Castiel forward to the edge of the couch.

He pushed his pants down to the ground, and nudged his legs apart at the knees, and that's when Castiel stopped him, placing a hand in his hair. "Dean, no."

"Why not?" Dean looked up at him with the best puppy eyes he could muster, leaning forward to rest his head on Castiel's thigh, rubbing his hand over the other one. "I'd make you feel so good, baby."

"Baby?"

Dean kissed his thigh. "You are my baby." Dean was muttering his words like he was a sleepy drunk, his lips pressing lazy kisses over the soft skin of his thigh. He just continued to kiss him, unable to stop. "My sexy Cas."

Castiel let his fingers roam through Dean's hair. "You horny?"

"A bit."

Dean nipped at Castiel's thigh when Castiel tugged his hair. "Driver going to be here soon. You want them see this?"

"I don't care." Dean looked up at Castiel, his eyes wide. "I just want you."

Castiel moved his hand from Dean's hair down the side of his face, under his chin to tilt it up. "Come here."

Dean pouted but climbed up off of the floor and on to Castiel, sitting on his lap, his hands on his shoulders, thumbs rubbing his neck. "Yeah?"

Castiel kissed him. "Tell you what. We get home safe and alive, and we fuck all night long. Okay?"

"You mean it?"

"Oh yes," Castiel muttered against Dean's lips, kissing him again. He smiled and kissed him once more, and time and time after that, claiming Dean as his own.

They made out like teenagers until Castiel's phone buzzed. Mychalla had texted him, and he laughed. "Almost wish we did fuck. Though he probably not be surprised…"

"He's used to it," Dean agreed, remembering all of the times they had cuddled in the back seats or ran around the half naked, trying to find another place to fuck. It never ended for them. Dean hoped it never would.

They sat together on the nearly silent ride home, and Dean wondered what would happen to the car they had left behind. Maybe it'd never be touched and grow old and rust over, and they'd go back one day, hopefully when they no longer have to worry about being murdered, and remember it all, their adventures and their time together.

Dean reached out for Castiel's hand, and didn't let it go until they were home, and safely inside and upstairs. Viktor was in the middle of a call, and they'd have to go down to see him later, talk about what had happened, but for now they were alone. They had entered Castiel's room and shut the door behind them. Castiel immediately wrapped him in a hug, pulling him close, nuzzling his head against Dean's neck.

"I was scared," he admitted, and Dean was surprised. "For you. I mean… I not want you get hurt, and I know you my guard, so you supposed to get hurt…" He took a deep breath and let it out. "I grow up in this. You not. You did so good…"

Dean flattened his hands on the small of Castiel's back, holding him solidly. "I couldn't have made it without you. I'd be dead without you."

Castiel just held him a bit longer, and Dean reveled in his arms. He kissed his neck, and Dean knew where this was going to be headed.

It wasn't until after they had sex, splayed out on Castiel's bed, Dean's head on his chest, Castiel's arm around him, did they realize they were exhausted, and that they didn't want to move. Whether it was because they were so close to each other, or because they finally had the chance to relax, they didn't know.

Dean zoned out. Castiel had one of his hands rubbing lightly on Dean's arm that was draped over his chest, the other hand arched with his fingers on the back of his neck, moving up into his hair, and back down his skin, giving Dean goosebumps.

He rolled his eyes up to look at Castiel, who's heavily lidded eyes were watching him back, looking blissed out and completely relaxed. Dean wanted to kiss him, and hold him, and never let go of him, and love him. And love him.

Dean blinked up at Castiel slowly, and realized that whether he wanted to hear it or not, he couldn't hold it back anymore. He knew how much it could fuck everything up, but it was worth it. He needed to say it. He needed to get it out.

"I love you."

Castiel was frozen. He didn't move. He didn't breath. He didn't blink. His lips barely moved at all and his voice came out low and quiet. "What?"

Dean could take it back. He could retract it and say it just came out because he was so happy, and they was the truth, but then it'd make it seem like it a spur of the moment thing, as if he'd never thought about it when it had actually been on his mind for the longest time.

He swallowed. "I love you."

Castiel still hadn't moved and his voice sounded the same. "No."

"Yes."

"You can't."

"What do you mean I can't?" Dean didn't want to move. He was afraid if he did, he'd never get to lay back down with Castiel, feel him beneath his skin, kiss him again.

"You so fucking stupid."

"What? Why? Because I love you? Because this was just supposed to be a nothing-but-sex sort of relationship, and I just went and fucked that up by not trying to box my feelings in like you do? God, Cas…"

"This is…" Castiel sat up, and Dean new he was going to try and leave and he wouldn't allow it. He sat up as well and climbed onto his lap. Castiel narrowed his eyes. "Off."

"No."

"Yes."

"No." Dean kissed him, and as hard as Castiel tried to ignore it, he pressed back just a little bit. He wasn't totally lost. "I'm not going anywhere until I know we're okay, and that you accept what I said."

"I not going to accept it. You an idiot."

"Why?"

"You are."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"No I don't."

Castiel groaned and slammed his head back against his bed. "Fuck, Dean. This worst lifestyle to have attachments in. That why I not want anything with you. You know why my parents not together? Why mother might be dead, for all I know? Because this life. It awful. You can't be attached, because it always break you in the end." Castiel shoved Dean off of his lap, but not hard, and laid down on the bed, facing Dean.

Dean slid down and laid on his side, looking at Castiel. "Are you afraid I'll get hurt?"

"I know that you will."

"And I'm willing to risk that."

"Why? Do know the pain you go through?"

"Because I care about you more than anything in the world." Dean reached up to cup Castiel's cheek, and he looked uncomfortable with the sentiment, but Dean didn't back down. "I don't know when it happened, and I don't know why, but I know I want you and that I can't lose you, and that I love you."

"This a bad idea."

"I don't care."

Castiel sighed and seemed to remember how tired he was. He closed his eyes. "I hope you know what you getting in to. I hope you know the pain you'll feel."

Dean watched him, roving his eyes over Castiel's face, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone before moving his hand down to his hip. He scooted closer to Castiel, tangling their legs together. Castiel didn't respond, but he didn't fight it.

Dean kissed him, and his lips tingled, and it dawned on him that Castiel was right. One of them was bound to die and the other would be left alone and cold and lost, but if it had to happen with somebody, Dean was overjoyed that it was with Castiel.

He looked over his face once more with soft eyes, and squeezed his hand on his hip, letting his eyes drift shut.

"You're worth it. You're worth every bit of pain."

You will probably groan and want to murder me for saying this, but my summer looks busier than ever, and I'm still in a writers block for this story. I don't know why I can't finish this. Maybe it's because I know how I want it to end, but in reality, I don't want it to end.

So, it may be a while before another mediocre update. I'm so sorry. Thank you for reading, regardless.