I apologize in advance for the following:
A. Spring Breeze is almost, but not quite, over yet as The final Battle is not in this chapter
B. The long update time. To be fair, this is the second longest chapter I will probably ever write. (SSHFGD has one that's not even close to finished and it already has 18 pages.
C. If this chapter is not as good as the previous one. (Blame the length. The Final Stage was suppose to all be in here, but I cut out Dedede's battle for now.)
Enjoy your feature presentation (1 of 2)
Last time on the Superstar Wars….
Kirby wasn't going to let "The Man"
Push everyone around anymore.
With his best friend, the cynical Parasol
By his side, the duo went out to save
The citizens from hunger
At the end of their trip from
The float islands, Kirby went into the
Atmosphere due to his suger high
(Invincible candy: It makes ecstasy look like hot chocolate)
We continue after several months or two with everything up to the final battle…
The
Super
Star
Wars
Chapter 2: of Clouds Blimps, and Bosses…
Kirby awoke in Bubbly Clouds, a place made up completely of clouds. He then realized that he was hungry and ate a cloud to see how it tasted. The result?
"Ewww! This doesn't taste like cotton candy! Only air!"
He then looked to see a bunch of blocks leading to a doorway… and on the other side of the doorway was a maximum tomato!
"Hmmm… I'm running the risk of falling to my death… Then again, it is a maximum tomato… then again, it is a Kirby game.
Player: I say take the risk. What could go wrong?
Kirby then ate the maximum tomato. Immediately, he forgot how to fly and fell to his death. The player proceeded to weep.
Meanwhile, Parasol was looking around the float islands for a ride up to the clouds. He later came across some hippies who were sitting around using dr- I mean "Rainbow Dust."
"Aw, I'm back in 1967 again." Parasol grumbled. One of the hippies realized that he wasn't an illusion and beckoned him forward.
"Dude," One of the stoned hippies started in a delusional way. "If you need to get to the clouds, just take some rainbow dust and you'll be there in a jiff."
Player: Wow. We're being given drugs from hippies to get to the sky. Then again, the Kirby series is like a cute LSD trip… not that I would know.
And no matter how much Waddle Dee said no, the hippies still gave him some rainbow dust. And he was going to curse them out with every curse word known to man, and several to Bronto Burt, but at that time the "Rainbow Dust" took effect.
Let's check back with Kirby.
Our favorite puffball was attacking blocks in the way when he spotted a Mike. Now, Kirby loves to sing, and he loves music, but he's also tone-deaf. That means that while he can sing well, when he has a microphone, prepare for your ears to bleed. Horribly. And you might want to check into a hospital.
Ten seconds later.
The entire residence area of bubbly clouds was wrecked, save for Kracko's residence which has a back door for emergency exits to Crash Clouds. And it just so happens that Kracko Jr. was here.
"So Kirby, You dare challenge the Great Kracko Jr? I will squash you like a grape!"
"Well Kracko Jr., can I sing for you first?"
"Okay…"
(The player cannot comment on the situation as he/she has currently fled the room. And the country.)
Meanwhile, located conveniently next to Crash Clouds…
King Dedede and Bandana Dee were watching Kirby's progress with disdain.
"Great King! Kirby is making his way here! He is already at Crash Clouds."
"This is not good Bandana. I choose the wrong week to quit Rainbow Dust." And with that, the king took some Rainbow Dust to calm himself down. He offhandedly told Bandana to mobilize K.A.B.O.O.L.A.
Back to Waddle Dee…
Waddle Dee was walking through Wonderland, beating off rabid Mr. Bisons with Chuck Norris. Outside of his dream, on the other hand, he was walking through a variety of places, Caves, mountains, Airships, even space! Thankfully Parasol got where he wanted to go because, when he passed by Crash Clouds, a bear was created into existence in that same plain, with no other purpose then to **** up anybody it meets. Luckily, Parasol was that person. After being reincarnated, Parasol met up with Kirby.
"Oh Kirby, there you are! I thought for sure that you were killed and I would be alone-
"Shut up Parasol! I found a secret door behind the moon that will take us to Kracko! Let's stop that evil cloud thingy." Kirby then proceeded to enter the moon itself. Before joining him, Parasol made sure he wasn't still under the effects of the "Rainbow dust" Parasol then, reluctantly, entered the cloud.
He then respawned twenty feet into the air. And since this is not a tenable position for a Waddle Dee to be in, he didn't have a lot of time to come to terms with the fact that he was going to die before he had to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't. This is a complete record of his thoughts during this period. (Do you get the reference?)
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-hey some food-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-this is boring-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-what wonderful weather today-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-wow this is a long fall-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!-I think I will get some sleep-ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…"
And after a brief slumber, he found out that he had his namesake out and was being over dramatic as usual. He then proceeded to turn around and he looked at Kirby who was holding a hammer.
"Where did you get that hammer Kirby?" Parasol asked.
Kirby looked appalled at that statement He lifted up his head in an awesome fashion.
"Are you kidding me Parasol!? I saved HUMANITY! I stopped the apes before they can become a problem! They were so impressed with me, that they gave me a hammer to symbolize their awe. I am the champion, my friend!"
Kirby then continued to sing Queen's " We are the Champions" in his cute little voice. Parasol was silent until…
"You beat up Bonkers and swallowed him, didn't you?"
"GUILTY!"
In the next room, there was a giant cloud with an eyeball. It looked like an arrangement of evil, almost as if it looked very similar to an evil enemy of Kirby's that will continue to haunt him, unbeknownst to the western gamers.
"Oh God, Parasol, it's Zero! Get the love-love stick/crystal gun/magic paintbrush thing/Three Star cane!*"
"No you fool! I am Kracko! And I am here to seek vengeance for my son! ENGARDE!"
Kracko then shot a lightning bolt at Parasol who disintegrated instantly.
Kirby was shocked "Oh my God, they killed Parasol!"
Player (While wearing Kyle's hat) :You B**turds!
Kirby attacked Kracko with his hammer. Unfortunately, Kracko had the type advantage meaning he was unstoppable. Kirby thought about Kracko and got an idea that was hopefully dumb enough to work.
"If you're so tough, why not go into the mountains to prove it!"
"Okay! I will!"
Player: Kirby is going to use a natural tactic? Wow, that's cleaver of him.
As Kracko was leaving, Kirby killed him with shovel. As he disappeared, he said one word that summed up the entire situation very well.
"****"
boom. (Yes a dull boom is how he went out.)
Kirby was standing at the edge of the clouds, looking at Mt. Dedede with a smug look
"This'll be cake. Mmmmmmhhh, cake… "
Player: There he goes, tempting fate…
Sure enough, once Kirby used his cell phone to call his Warpstar, he was attacked by a big, eyelashed, horrific, shemale blimp known by a name so terrible that it was much less stressful to name it KABOOLA and get on with your life already. The blimp was very serious, so serious that it shoots Bullet Bills. BULLET! ****ING! BILLS! It was powerful enough to rip an enemy from another dimension!
Player: Even if it's a shemale, the blimp is still better looking then Birdo.
Kirby tried to dodge the bullets KABOOLA was firing, but the Warpstar couldn't turn on a dime. I mean have you seen how that thing handles?! It's a wonder Kirby never crashes on that thing. This description was also long enough to hide the fact that Kirby was shot down.
"Darn." Kirby thought in a deep, monotone, voice. "That's the last time I forget to buy Warpstar insurance from Progressive.
It was at that moment that the stars Kirby collected from the corpses of the previous bosses to form… THE PLOT DEVICE- I mean- STAR CHARIOT! Kirby then flew off to confront the evil zeppelin.
Twelve hours of dog fighting later…
Kaboola lifted it's hood to shoot bullets when suddenly a glowing "Screw me" light lit up. Kirby knew he had only one shot at this.
"Kirby…" a voice. Then the ghost of Parasol appeared before him. "You are not alone… Give me that thing!" Parasol then took the controls.
He proceeded to fire a proton torpedo and blew up KABOOLA.
Kirby looked at Parasol's ghost in shock. " Parasol! You're a ghost?!"
"No you Eediot! I'm the beetle ship right next to you!" Kirby looked to the right and saw a giant beetle flying in tandem with the plot device- I mean Star Chariot.
"Oh. I knew that."
Player: Sure you did…
As Kirby and his friend Parasol flew to Mt. Dedede, The King and Bandana watched in a rage.
"How dare that puffball think he can attack my castle?! Mt. Dedede is a nigh impenetrable fortress. Nobody can attack it!"
"Except for last time when he waltzed right in." Bandana corrected.
"Well, no more will I be know as a pathetic sub-villain. Today is the day I get serious!"
REVENGE OF THE KING
UNCUT
"DON'T BRING THE KIDS!"
(Play "Revenge of the King" sting here)
Player: It's getting hard to take giant talking penguins who talk in Texan accents seriously these days.
The Hammer of Doubt.
Kirby and Parasol had entered a the staircase room when suddenly a monitor on the ceiling started up showing King Dedede in a chair stroking a cat laughing manically.
Player: Weren't you trying to be less like a James Bond villain?
"The player is right you know." Parasol interjected. "You really are a James Bond villain." Dedede grew angry at that jab, but kept his calm, knowing that it will all pay off later. "Just you wait Kirby!" The bond villain wannabe laughed, "You will never get through the four floors of terror! And you are now at floor one! Prepare to meet someone we call… um… The Tock!"
Suddenly, a man who happened to be an alarm clock appeared and looked very angry. The androgynous puffball and his friend faced him with a look of smugness, despite the mess they were making on the floor. The Tock was, in actuality, annoyed with Dedede because his actual name was simply Tick Tock. He also had money problems, his wife was having an affair, his house got repossessed, his wife divorced him and took everything but the car, and seconds after the trial, his car spontaneously combusted. He decided to take all his anger out by killing the plucky, happy-go-lucky Kirby, and the cynical, smart, possibly emo, Parasol.
The Tock began the fight by ringing his bells, raining musical notes on our heroes. Parasol used his namesake as a shield and watched the notes fall from behind the sun umbrella. Meanwhile, Kirby was eating the notes and shooting them back at the alarm clock, which was actually doing damage. Eventually Kirby was about to kill the poor loser when-
"STOP!"
Said loser shouted his first word since his streak of bad luck. Tick looked at both of them in plea.
"Look pal, you know you don't have a beef with me right?" Tick asked. Kirby took a moment to let the sentence sink in before realizing that the poor monster was right. Kirby didn't have a beef with him! "You want Dedede right? Well feel free to find him yourself pal. I'm blowing this joint."
"To do what?" Parasol asked in a confused manner. "I'm going to track down my wife and her new lover, light their house on fire, beat them up and…" . Kirby was confused. His less innocent friend, on the other hand, looked very, very, shocked and terrified.
Player: (looks at game's rating) E for everyone my a** !
Later…
Tick Tock stood towards his wife who looked on in terror as he pulled out the object in question…
"Oh honey! What are you going to do with that?!"
"I'm going… to take back my fancy dress clothes!
"NOOOOO!
The second floor.
Kirby and Parasol were casually walking up the stairs to the second floor.
"So… Why was he going to do his wife's laundry?"
"He wasn't going to do his wife's laundry."
"So why was he-"
"I don't want to talk about it"
The two had finally found the second fiend of the castle- A giant wheelie.
"Hello jerks! Hope you like being road kill!" the wheel mocked. Parasol prepped himself while Kirby just took out a bike frame…
Seconds later, Kirby was riding up the stairs to an instrumental version of "Working for the Weekend" On a giant Wheelie bike, while tracking fresh blood stains with a hood ornament shaped like an umbrella.
Meanwhile, in the Pentagon…
Several governments of Popstar were stark raving mad. Not only was the planet in the middle of a famine due to somebody ****ing with the crops, but the only nation with food, Dream Land, was in a crisis in which the king never showed up and didn't bring the doughnuts. Now what were they suppose to eat and dunk into their coffee? Croissants?
This made the Dream Land ambassador Herbert, a Bronto Bert, nervous. He didn't want this job in the first place. He was given to it by a terrified ambassador, who simply told him at great length about how much he was wetting himself and died right in front of him. Herbert wasn't sure where he, such a weak common enemy, was suppose to turn to help. Miyamoto couldn't help, neither could God, fate and destiny were both mocking him, self esteem was on it's death bed, dignity flat out gave up and retired to a mountaintop far away to weep itself to sleep, and Bomber himself hasn't shown up on Youtube for months. Whenever someone tried to call him or his O.C.s, they were usually "Out to lunch." On the plus side, another dimensional being has mention that they have gotten internships at the Hitchhiker's guide section of Megadodo industries.
This general mish mash of worrying was brought to a sudden halt as King Dedede appeared on screen, looking much like Goldfinger and Dr. Evil combined.
"Hello Gentlemen. How are you doing?"
The crowd murmured.
"Let's make this short and sweet shall we? I want to hold the world hostage for…" DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNN! "One trillion dollars." The generals went up the wall at that new piece of information. Dedede wasn't even a real king. What could he possibly do? " If you do not comply I will kill everyone in the audience and eat the food myself!" The evil tyrant then swung the monitor around to show that he captured anyone in the multiverse he could get his hands on. From Buffy to Tycho to Mario to Dr. Horrible to the Its guy from Monty Python's flying circus, they were all here. All for the purpose of seeing the king kill Kirby…
Kirby and a revived Parasol in a sidecar, did not notice the screams of help or warning from the top of the castle, nor did they care really.
The duo approached the third floor, looking for the third fiend of terror or something when they were attacked by Phan Phan, the out of work circus elephant who now works for King Dedede. Phan Phan was happy to have new balls to use… no not those balls.
"Hey Kirby!" Parasol said in a snarky way, " It's Dumbo!" Kirby gave Parasol a glare, which was very unusual of him
"Parasol… I can't believe you! This is Donald Trump, we're talking to here. Donald. Trump!"
Parasol took a moment to cycle through his "What the Hell is wrong with you?" looks. He decided that look #10 was the best for this situation.
"Kirby, this is an elephant that looks NOTHING LIKE DONALD TRUMP!"
"Parasol, this man could make us or break us."
At that moment, Parasol realized, once again, that he has given up on society as we know it.
Meanwhile, Phan Phan watched the argument with confusion. He didn't know who Donald Trump was, much less why he looks like him. He decided to do what he always does when he feels upset. He picked up Parasol, juggled him for a bit, then threw him headfirst into a ceiling.
No, that wasn't it either. Phan Phan looked pretty angry about this whole thing. He decided to try his hand at golf. He had always been meaning to play golf for months now, but time always got away from him. Phan Phan left in a daze.
"Parasol!" Kirby said in glee. "He didn't fire us! We're moving up!"
Parasol wasn't moving.
King Dedede was panicking now. Kirby was on his way to beat him up again. One time Kirby beat him up so bad, that he beat the poor penguin into next year. Literally. One moment Kirby was punching him and WHAM! It's New Years day already. The king tried to console himself being reminding himself that he had a strong capable army.
Then it hit him that roughly 90% of them were waddle dees. Then came the sobbing, with the crying, and the wiping, and the chick flicks. Bandana Waddle Dee looked with sorrow for his king's grief and decided to even the score with his rival Parasol…
Kirby, having pealed Parasol off the ceiling, went up the stairs to confront the final fiend of whatever so he can confront Dedede and end The Hammer of Doubt already. He stumbled up the staris to find… two twin lions? That were lit on fire?!
Player: Hey, there are only suppose to be four fiends! He's cheating!
Out in the castle a voice rang out: "GUILTY!"
The lions started the battle by pouncing on the two puffball things. Parasol was caught immediately and was scratched with in an inch of his life. Kirby was petting his fire lion (while getting burns in response) and tamed the big kitty. Satisfied he turns his attention to the other fire lion and does the same. As a reward, on the bright side, Kirby used Parasol's corpse to play fetch.
Kirby and Parasol entered a door to find a teleportation room, suspiciously similar to Dr. Wily's. There were four doors in each corner with pictures of bosses on top of them, looking very happy, almost as if they weren't gruesomely murdered by a pink psychopath and his emo cohort.
Player: First He's a bond villain, now he's Wily?! What is up with you today King Dedede?!
Kirby opened Whispy Wood's door and found the giant tree behind. "Hey, didn't I kill you?"
"Haha! I got another shot at killing you now that I've joined King Dedede. Now Kirby, prepare to-"
Parasol killed him midsentance.
Behind Door number two were Lololo and Lalala, ready with their blocks of doom
"Welcome Kirby-" said Lololo.
"- we've been expecting you!" said Lalala, Kirby and Parasol, once again, were not in the mood, and once again, owned them quickly.
Next up would have been Kaboola… unfortunately the blimp was still at the bottom of the cliffs or seas. So his room was empty and Kirby and Parasol didn't really care. So everybody wins!
Finally the fourth door revealed Krako… who was reading the best selling book "Puffball killing for Dummies." when the two entered his room.
"Oh hello Kirby, strange individual, whom I've probably never met before. I've decided not to fight you as that would probably be suicidal. Go about as you wish."
Kirby and Parasol exchanged looks and simply left the way they came.
Meanwhile, Bandana Waddle Dee got his spear ready as the duo walked towards Dedede's door…. Then remembered the door was behind the painting and tackled them.
Next Time( And sooner to boot):
The Over-The-Top Final Battle!
The Harvest Festival!
A new enemy?
Shorter Chapters!