Kirby: The Super Star Wars
Bonfire of the Birdies part 2
Fair warning: Most of Cocoa Caves is a BLAM (Big lipped alligator moment) chapter. Feel free to skip up until the appropriate time card.
Kirby and Parasol's journey screeched to a halt when they found their second obstacle of the day: A giant fancy castle sitting in the middle of the road. Kirby, not to be deterred from catching his own legendary Pokémon, pulled out a map and inspected it until he nodded and told Parasol his master plan.
"You want to go through it?!" Parasol exclaimed as his friend nodded happily. Parasol looked worried; Kirby had a pretty bad habit of causing collateral damage to the interior of buildings and sometimes to the exterior! He shook his… head (?). He remembered when Butter Building used to actually be painted butter. With actual butter. "All right, we already trespassed into buildings before, but remember one thing: When we leave, that castle had better be in one piece! Do you understand?!" And that was how the two entered the castle.
Meanwhile in the study room…
Trident Knight coached his troops right and left, in preparation for his dark master's plan of using a ba-
"Hey! Don't go around yelling out everyone's evil plans disembodied narrator guy person!" said a voice with a tangy pirate accent- sorry. Trident Knight then went back to coaching his men in the arts of several techniques such as the "slap", the "punch" and even the dreaded "poke with your trident- mace-thingy". After their exercises for the day, the men started to make their way to the showers.
"And be careful out there! Remember: we can't let anyone get to the safe where we hid the schematics to lord Meta Knight's evil scheme, nor the place where we hid the copy ability pedestals!" He screamed. Then he turned around and saw Kirby and Parasol standing there. "Arr… don't mind me, I'm a pirate?" He said hopefully. Kirby and Parasol kept staring. "Arr… Pirates/ Keta-Mnights! Attack!"
What followed was a long drawn out battle so cool, that it would Ragnarok look merely like a fancy tea party. Mountains were destroyed, corn was flung, women's bloomers were tossed into the air and three seconds afterwards, Kirby and Parasol exited the room unscathed.
"You know, had he been an axe knight, I would have bought that." Kirby replied whilst climbing up a ladder, having been "given" the ninja ability from the poor sucker in the mausoleum/garden. Why these people have a mausoleum in their garden or a ladder in lieu of stairs is beyond even I, the disembodied narrator person guy.
"Kirby, didn't you hear what the wimpy trident guy said? This is Meta Knight's stronghold (Huh, I never thought Meta Knight would own a castle this adorable.) What is he up to that would require him to hide the copy pedestals?" The two thought about this briefly before Kirby shrugged.
"I dunno, maybe it's behind that secret door over there." Kirby then went to the other side of a pyramid of blocks, came back with the mirror ability, shot a bunch of mirrors at the pyramid causing it to… explode revealing a secret door.
"HOW?!"
"Silly Waddle Dee, I know lots of things! Lots of things!" and so the destructive duo entered the door.
Meanwhile… in a room kind of like that room where Vader talks to the hologram-ghost-guy of Senator- I mean- The Emperor…
"And that's how I narrowly escaped with me life. And also how I decided to become a pirate. Arr." Trident Knight said to the hologram-ghost-guys of a Pelliper wearing a navy captain's outfit and a puffball wearing a mask. The navy bird looked at a report and said in a voice that reeked of suspicion,
"That's odd because your report claims that you screamed like a little girl when you got hit by an umbrella."
"That was a typo."
"And the ninja sharks?"
"Completely and utterly, 100%, true. Anyway, even though the child and his friend got past me, I can assure you that they will never get into the room with the button that opens the copy ability chamber! I even got one of my best simirrors to guard it!" Meta Knight put aside the schematics for the barricade and looked at Trident Knight.
"…You put a simirror in front of a barricade that can only be destroyed with the powers of either Grayskull or a mirror?"
"Yes!-Wait…" Trident Knight looked to see a pathway exploding into existence, blowing away everything in its sinisterly pleasant path.
"Err… I'll get back to you."
Outside on the battle mounts…
"Man, it's a good thing that wall of psychic energy sure was slow, huh Parasol?" The two friends were now standing outside of the castle, having ran into a dead end, gone through another route until they found Kirby's Warp Star randomly in that hallway, and used it to blast their way to the other side of the wall. Why they didn't fly straight to the mountain where the Dynablade lived was completely unasked.
"Wait, why didn't we simply fly to the mountain where Dynablade-"
"What Dynablade? Parasol, focus. We're hunting down a Ho-Oh! Come, keep up!"
Oh, that's why. Parasol, with terrible luck still plaguing him, was hit by a wheelie and sent flying across the yard. In a rare display of actual avenging, Kirby (somehow) grabbed the wheelie and proceeded to throw it into another wheelie, somehow creating a slightly larger star. Kirby's eyes widened upon realizing his Kirby 64 powers were in affect and made a giant grin.
"Okay Bonkers, me scurvy dog," Trident knight said into his communication device. "Be on the lookout for a pink landlubber who may be on his way to stop our sinister plans!" Bonkers gave a salute then and there.
"Don't worry sir!" He vowed. "I will not let that! That tiny butterball will have to get past me and my trusty hammer before he leaves these premesis-BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"
"… Oh dear."
Parasol awoke with shock when Kirby threw a bucket of water into his face. He checked his surroundings. Kirby, mallet, wheelie bike, castle intact and boss gate- No sign of collateral damage at all?! It's a miracle! The waddle dee arose and pointed towards Cocoa Caves. "Come on Kirby! We've got a giant rainbow bird to stop!"
Before following his friend, Kirby took one last look at the castle. The vibrant colors, the rich textures, the trident pirate scurrying left and right while holding the blue prints to a massive creation,… he was going to mi- hey a peg!
It was beautiful. Millions from all over recorded the collapse of Marshmallow Castle (killing everything inside) and watched it for centuries to come.
Cocoa Caves was an untamed maze of a cave. Creatures from various walks of life inhabited the cave, and slept soundly even though the whole place was like a can of shaken soda pop; ready to burst at any-
"Disembodied narrator person guy? Can we skip this level too? It's so boring!" Parasol looked back at Kirby, who was currently shoryukening a helpless noddy.
"Kirby, as boring as this trip is, you know as well as I do that the quickest way to Candy Mountain is through this cave." Kirby responded by throwing a ACTION POLAR BEAR WARRIOR! into a wall and huffing.
"Link is so lucky. I bet he doesn't wonder around in caves all day."
Meanwhile…
Link and Navi had finally stopped their bickering and went to the Temple of Time (Time… time… time…) to put in the three spiritual stones to unlock the way into the realm of gold, and spirit, and virgins, and soap, and spoons, and calendars, and boxes and-
"Disembodied narrator person guy, I think we get the point." Navi interrupted ever so rudely. "Okay Link, just put the stones into the slots and we can- Link?" The blue fairy had noted that her human love interest- I mean companion! was awfully quiet. Link then turned to Navi and sighed.
"Navi," Link started, "Do you think that there are other heroes who do a lot better in terms of what they explore? I mean, I bet somewhere there's somebody taking the fact that they explore caves for granted." Navi gave him an "Are you actually kidding me" look.
"You explored a cave, what are you grumbling about?!"
"That's right Navi, a cave. I've also had the displeasure of exploring the inside of a giant tree/my father figure and a giant fish. Now, I'm sad, wet, slightly on fire AND I need new boots!"
"What's wrong with the ones you have on now?"
Link sighed even further, sat down, tugged off one of his boots and held it in front of his annoying yet helpful companion. There, amongst all the gastric juices, burning leaves help together by burning webs, and dragon-fish…thing saliva, was a stamp saying "All of your rupees are belong to Tingle. Tingle Tingle, Koolimpa! (Note: This phrase is protected under copyright law. If used, the user has the right to be stalked by Tingle who will proceed to decode maps at outrageous prices in a manner that would put Slenderman and Tom Nook to shame.)"
"One. I think you should get new boots. Two. It could be worse. You could be living on that blue and green planet which is being covered in that Dark Matter cloud."
"Yes, but still…" And so the two bickered for even longer, much to the annoyance of one of the four white pillars in the room who could be at the "Big Bads of Evil" meeting by now.
Meanwhile… with the BBE…
"Where in the blue blazes is Ganon?!" Dr. "Eggman" Robotnik yelled angrily. The villains were currently in the Doctor's fortress, Scrap Brain Zone, and were enjoying some quality scones as they discussed their recent acts of villainy. Bowser looked up from his DS Tetris game at the mention of his fellow evil king's name.
"Oh yeah! Mandrag told me that he was gonna be late. Something about a "Tryforc" and "Ultimate Power!" You know the usual." Bowser then unpaused his game as he tried to score a Tetris consisting of twelve lines. Albert Wily looked puzzled and looked to his companions as to whether to send Bass, Metal Sonic, or Bowser Jr. after Ganondorf when a voice, backed by millions of other voices echoed out.
"Shall we get them?" The normal villains turned to look at the "Cruel, psycho or both" table consisting of Zero, The King of Sorrow, Professor Ein, Giygue and the Dark Star all sitting around a table playing a nice, calm game of Poker. Further down, one could see King Boo, Nightmare, Dark Nebula, Vaati, Dark Link and Mephiles The Dark, all shouting and laughing while either playing "Crazy Sixty Fours (The hip new card game for the youths of tomorrow) and/or drinking Chateau Romani. The normal villains marched right up to the eviler ones and scoffed.
"What are you guys doing here anyway?" Wily asked, "Most of you aren't even threats anymore. At least six of you are dead."
"Yeah Cyclops! You, your friends, nor any of your 'subjects' are threats at the moment!" Bowser similarly mocked. Zero looked to his companions for a moment before responding. "I see we need to set an example for our group. Let's list one of the minor offenses, just to get the ball going. Remember the Great Bay Temple?" Bowser had the urge to scrunch his 3DS before nodding, along with Eggman and Wily. Then Zero said three words that drove the room into dead silence.
"That was us."
Meanwhile…in the Water Temple…
Link grunted angrily as he put down the Master Sword. He had just finished an encounter with Dark Link, which actually went pretty quicker than usual because Link was filled with RAGE (TM) over the dungeon's obnoxiousness. The whole place had seemed designed to waste time; He wound up somehow using the wrong key on the wrong door, leading him to scramble around for a second key that, he knew in his heart, was not there. And the water levels. Oh Hylia, the water levels! Link had to constantly open his hat/trunk/hammerspace compartment, fish out the iron boots (Which mysteriously involves him pausing for a few seconds and, sometimes, the length of a Sonic 06 loading screen) do something underwater, take off the boots, repeat ad nauseum.
"Stupid water temple." He muttered before screaming to the heavens, "I hereby doom every poor unfortunate soul who comes after me to terrible luck with water, and to suffer like I have!"
"… Gee, isn't that kinda harsh?" Navi questioned. Link shook his head grimly whilst heading back to the water.
Meanwhile… in a parallel universe…
Zelda looked up from where she was threading together a shopping bag to see a piece of driftwood floating along the Zora River. And on that Driftwood was a certain hero…
"Oh Link, you have been gone for so long… why do you have a bottle between your-"
"The sea… she is a lonely place…" Link shuddered as he looked towards the gleaming, grimacing-
"Alright already!" The scene then cut to Kirby and Parasol at the exit of the cave. "We've wasted approximately half this chapter with random nonsense that will never be relevant. Ever." With that, the duo turned their attention to the exit door, floating without a boss. Parasol and Kirby simply stood there waiting for the boss that will never show up. "Where's the boss?!"
Kirby suddenly smacked his head to his…stub as he realized with shock, "Fred must still be visiting the "City of Smashing into Rocks!"
"…Death Ray of Deathly Deathness."
*BZZT*
"…Deathly Death Ray of Deathly Deathness."
*BZZT*
"Death Deadly Death Ray of Death Deadly Deathness."
*BZZT*
"…"
"It should be okay to pass through the exit undaunted."
Parasol didn't need to be told twice. He quickly ran through the doorway, ran into the clean freedom of daytime… only to be grabbed by a ball hand and thrown into the far off Candy Mountain. Kirby's pathway to his friend was cleverly blocked by an old acquaintance of his…
"I'VE FINALLY FOUND YOU!"
Sorry for the late update, but I've been focusing on another fanfic for the past few months. Just waltz on over to the Smash Bros section or my profile page to see but be warned: It's shaping up to be pretty dark.
In the meantime, I am slowly but surely still working on this fic (The Gourmet Race chapter to be correct) but due to the size I think this will take, I've wanted to get "Adventure Mode" off the ground before another idea comes up and takes my steam into that.
Either way, stay tuned for the conclusion to Bonfire of the Birdees!