Author's Note: hey guys, I know this entry is fairly short, but I've got a lot going on in my life right now. Anyways, I know this chapter may not be what you all expected from me, and it kind of doesn't move the story forward in any kind of significant way. Consider this a comedic filler of sorts. I hope to write chapters similar to this every once in a while, just to lighten the mood before a big story event. Hopefully it doesn't become too similar to Rainbow Dash's Flight Journal, which is all about humor. Separating stories and their individual styles is really, really hard for some reason!

Also, as always, if you like this, please follow, fav and review it! I'm always open to constructive criticism. Oh, and if you like the comedic value to this story, check out Flight Journal. I also post story updates on my profile page, so if a new chapter is delayed, I'll post there first.

I was startled awake by an unusual pressure on my chest. Thinking it was that fucked up energy thing again, I tried to rise to my feet and get the fuck out of there before those reaper things could get me. However, I soon discovered that this was an external heaviness, and that it was literally on my chest. I also discovered that it didn't actually weigh all that much, even though a second earlier I could have sworn that it was heavy enough to crush my ribs. So, once my shitty mind realized that something was on top of me, and wasn't trying to crush me, I slowly moved my hands to the side of this unwanted object, attempting to feel it, and knock it off of me so I could get up.

To my surprise, the object was furry, and seemed to be alive. It was breathing in fairly short breaths, and appeared to be asleep. I, thinking it was a dog, decided to stroke its fur, and gently wake it up. Of course, at the time I was too fucked up to remember that I was in a magical land of talking pony things, so I never once thought that this dog could in fact be a pony. I wish that thought had crossed my mind, as I soon regretted the words that seemed to flow out of my mouth without my brains consent.

"Hey little guy, how'd you get in my room?" I began, and wish I finished that sentence right then and there, but fuck me. I wasn't that smart. So, like an idiot, I said; "you know, I could really use a small kiss right now. It's been a crazy week."

That's when I discovered what a hoof felt like against my face. Let me tell you, getting punched by a fist is one thing, but getting hit by a hoof as hard as a fucking rock? Well, needless to say, it felt like I got hit by a fucking rock. I must have lost a tooth, as I was bleeding quite heavily into my pillow, when I heard a female voice speak up. Well, technically yell, but whatever.

"I'm not gonna bucking kiss you! Seriously, I'm not that kinda flier!" The raspy voice said, which I quickly recognized as that bitch that laughed at me. Can't remember her name, so I'll just call her that bitch for now.

"I thought you were a dog" I tried to plead, hoping that bitch would accept my innocent mistake, and move on. However, nothing ever happens in my favor, and she didn't move on, not like I honestly expected her to.

"A dog? Seriously, do I look like an animal to you?" Well...

"No, of course not. It's just, I had a dog back home." I lied. Only pet I had was a teddy bear hamster named Hammy. "He would always sleep on me, and bark when I didn't get up right away. You sorta reminded me of him."

The purple one decided to speak up, scaring me and that bitch with her annoying voice. Neither one of us had noticed her in the room, which is odd, since she's a fucking purple unicorn pony. You'd think she would be fairly noticeable, but whatever.

"Rainbow Dash wanted to stay with you during the night, Taylor. She was worried about you. We all are." The purple one said. "She felt bad for-" she began to say, before noticing the blood - my blood - on the pillow. "Taylor, you're bleeding! What happened?"

"Oh, you know. I called Rainbow a dog, and she hit me. No biggie." Oddly, I didn't feel any real pain, and forgot that I was bleeding until the purple pony pointed it out. Heh, purple pony pointed. Tongue twister. Anyways, I wasn't lying when I said it was no biggie.

"Rainbow! You were supposed to stay with our guest, not attack him! Now apologize!"

"Heh, sorry Twilight. I kinda just-" Rainbow began to say, but the purple one, Twilight, interrupted. "No, apologize to Taylor, not to me!"

"Oh, uh. Right. Sorry Taylor, I kinda overreacted. We cool?" Rainbow asked me, extending her hoof. I caught on fairly quickly, and bumped her hoof with my fist. Somehow, this was the universal way to say 'we're cool' and she accepted it with a grin.

A couple of minutes later, and after all three of us were more comfortable around each other, Twilight decided to use a type of magic to heal me. I, of course, was terrified of the idea, and a bit skeptical that magic was even possible. However, she insisted that it was indeed possible, and that all unicorns were capable of using magic, with their horns acting as an access point. So, she went right ahead and healed my face, as it was apparently very messed up. She claimed that my nose was broken, and that I was missing two of my teeth. Of course, I felt no real pain from these supposed injuries, but I didn't have a good enough reason to deny her and her funky magic thing.

After I was apparently healed, Twilight told me the names of her five friends, as well as a little background history on the town I was in. She told me where she lived, and how I was welcome to stay with her in her guest bedroom. She also wanted me to visit some of her friends, so I could get to know them better. I didn't really want to, but I was convinced by this point that I had gone clinically insane, and that this whole thing was just one giant mental illusion, with me drooling in some mental institution near Toronto. Either that, or a dream.

The point is, I was convinced that none of this was real, which is probably why I was handling everything so well. I just sort of went with the flow.

I soon found myself walking through town with two ponies. Rainbow flew by my side, and Twilight was two paces ahead of me, acting as my guide while Rainbow and I had a small conversation.

"So, you're a human, huh?"

"Yup."

"That's kinda cool. Got any awesome talents?"

"Talents?"

"Yea, you know, like what are you really good at?"

"Well, sports I guess. Why?"

"Sports? I take it you're a competitive pony?"

"Uh, I'm a human. Though, I do enjoy competitions. Why?"

Before Rainbow was able to answer, we had arrived at the library. Twilight was eager to show me around, and kept going on about her books, and how I was welcome to read them whenever.

She told me where the kitchen was, and even showed me a list of everything that she had in her fridge, which mostly consisted of apples, lettuce, tomatoes and celery. Once that was done, she showed me to my room, and then the bathroom, and then the closet beside the bathroom, and then her room, and then... Yes, this just keeps going on and on, and by the time she was showing me around her third closet, I decided I had enough. I mean, there's only so much I can handle when it comes to looking at the contents of a fucking closet. Thankfully, Rainbow Dash decided to speak up before I was able to properly give Twilight a piece of my mind.

"Um, Twilight? You're boring us to death! Can't we just go outside, and mess around or something?" She asked, eagerness and agitation clearly present in her voice.

"I'm just trying to show our honored guest around, Rainbow. You never know when he'll need something from storage."

"Sure, but look at him! He's bored, Twi! We both are!"

Twilight took a quick glance at me, and decided the flying Pegasus thing was right. "Fine, we'll go outside. I'm sure the others would like to know that he's alright."

We headed back out, and started walking around town. Rainbow kept eyeballing me, and Twilight was going on about something I couldn't care to listen to.

We eventually made it to a place called Carousel Boutique, which a pony named Rarity supposedly owned. Now, this place wasn't your typical building, and I couldn't help but laugh at how absurdly stupid this thing looked. It honestly reminded me of a medieval circus tent, though one that was significantly more girly.

Upon entering this atrocity of a building, I noticed that the inside was just as obnoxious as the outside, if not more so. There were dozens of half finished dresses all over the place, most of which were neatly situated on tiny pony mannequins.

The door was connected to a small bell, which rang to announce our presence. We were quickly greeted by a pony that seemed to talk in a high class - almost British - accent.

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique. I'll be with you in a moment, dear." Rarity called from the other room. When she came to greet her new guests, she visibly froze when she noticed me standing in her doorway. However, when she also saw Twilight and Rainbow Dash by my side, she relaxed.

"Hello Rarity, you remember Taylor Jones, right?" Twilight asked, taking a few steps closer to where Rarity stood.

"Yes, I believe I do. I could never forget something like him". Rarity emphasized the word him, which only made me want to punch her in her snooty face. I've always fucking hated upper class people, and the way they always look down on those with less money.

"Now Rarity, that's no way to speak to our guest. I brought him here to meet you, now that he's no longer in the hospital."

"Oh, well. My mistake then, Taylor. I do apologize for my poor first impression." Yeah, sure you do, bitch.

"Whatever, nice to meet you, I guess."

With that out of the way, Twilight, Rainbow and myself started walking - and flying - towards a place called Sweet Apple Acres, which is where her friend Applejack apparently lived and worked. Twilight was visibly upset with me, and kept insisting that Rarity wasn't usually like that, and that she was normally rather generous and kind. She also claimed that I could have handled the introduction better, and that my response wouldn't help our growing friendship. She seemed to be under the impression that I give a fuck, which I don't. But whatever.

Rainbow, on the other hand, was damn near praising me for 'telling her off like that.' She said I had some real guts to go ahead and practically insult the most talented fashion designer in Equestria, leaving me to believe that I had just pissed off a powerful person that could make my life a living hell. Er, powerful pony. Whatever. Fucking terminologies and shit. Though, since I didn't give a fuck, I really didn't consider it that big of a deal. I just kept walking down the path, a ranting Twilight in front of me, and a praising Rainbow flying beside me.

Unfortunately we didn't get too far, as that's when shit decided to hit the fan, and I don't mean that metaphorically, either. There was literally a giant metal fan blocking the path. Twilight, Rainbow and myself were all staring blankly at it, and none of us noticed three little fillies carrying a giant bag of manure until it was too late. Rainbow was the only one in the group to realize what was about to go down, and screamed, "OH SHI-"

Her scream was cut off by the sound of shit hitting the fan. The sound itself was disgusting, and made an unusual 'plop' whenever a larger chunk of shit was sliced by the rotating fan blades. Of course, we were also standing directly in the path, and soon found ourselves covered in shit. Stunned, smelly, and shocked beyond belief, we just continued to stand there, not even thinking about moving out of the way. Twilight even had her mouth open, while Rainbow was on the ground, weighed down by too much shit to remain airborne.

I was the first to come to my senses, and Rainbow wasn't far behind. Twilight, on the other hand? She was still stunned, and upon closer examination, I discovered that her mouth was full of shit, at least, more so than usual.

When I looked over to Rainbow Dash, I found her shivering on the ground in disgust. She was muttering some unpleasant words beneath her breath, and was looking around frantically. When she noticed me and Twilight -especially Twilight- she burst into laughter. "Oh, hehe. You guys are! Bahahaha! You should see your faces!" She said while rolling around the ground. That's when she remembered that she too was covered in shit, and her laughter stopped in an instant. I suppose rolling around the ground didn't help much, and appeared to simply rub the shit deeper into her rainbow colored mane.

This is when I began to laugh uncontrollably. Both at Rainbow's reaction and sudden realization, as well as at Twilight for being too damn stunned by the whole situation. Not to mention the shit in her mouth. This entire thing just felt so unreal, and reminded me of an old Bugs Bunny cartoon. I swear, it's been years since I laughed this hard; even my sides were hurting!

That's when I heard a bunch of squeaky voices speak up, chanting in perfect unison. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS FERTILIZER SPREADER YAY!"

The voices belonged to three fillies, an orange one, a white one and a yellow one. They were all cheering, when they noticed us standing in a pile of shit. Their faces instantly dropped from ecstatic to fear and shame.

Rainbow started yelling at the three fillies, and kept trying to tackle an orange one. "Come on, Scoot! Give me a hug!"

"Ew, no way, Rainbow Dash! You stink!" Yelled the orange filly, attempting to run away as fast as she possibly could. She seemed to be a Pegasus, and had a very tomboy-like attitude. "Oh, I stink? I hadn't noticed!" Responded Rainbow, still chasing the orange filly, not being able to catch up to her. Every time Rainbow got close, the filly quickly swerved to change direction, her size giving her an advantage.

Meanwhile, the two other fillies were having a massive giggle fit, watching the spectacle unfold before them. Even I was laughing my ass off, the pain in my side intensifying from laughing too hard. That's when I noticed Twilight, and a small glow appearing around her horn. Then that glow extended to me, and the other ponies, freezing us from all movement. The next thing that happened was truly terrifying; we all began to levitate. Terrifying for me at least..

"I'm greatly disappointed in you three. Somepony could have gotten seriously hurt! What were you thinking?" Twilight lectured the three fillies, two of which were nearing tears, while the orange one tried to act tough, though you could tell that she too felt bad for what they did.

"We're sorry, Twilight! We were just trying' ta get our cutie marks! Never meant ta hurt ya, or anypony else." Spoke the yellow one with a slight southern accent.

After a small back and forth conversation between Twilight and the three fillies -a conversation that I didn't care to listen to- Twilight decided to let them go with a warning. However, before we were all able to continue on our way to Sweet Apple Acres, one of the fillies came up to me, and asked what I was.

I wasn't able to answer, as Twilight decided to do that on my behalf. "His name is Taylor Jones, and he's a human. We were just on our way to meet Applejack, when we ran into you three." Twilight then turned her gaze to me, before continuing. "Taylor, I'd like to introduce you to Scootaloo, Sweetie Bell and Applebloom."

At the mention of their names, Scootaloo did a small trick on her scooter, which mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. Sweetie Bell stepped forward with a bow, and Applebloom simply smiled with the most adorable puppy dog face imaginable.

"Say Twilight, now that he's met three new ponies, think maybe we could get cleaned up before introducing Taylor to any more of our friends?" Rainbow asked, sniffing the air to emphasize her question.

Twilight answered with a sigh. "Very well, and I need to brush my teeth. Gah, why did I leave my mouth open for that?"

"Because you're purple?" I answered sarcastically, and simply got another 'gah' from Twilight as a response, and a snicker from Rainbow.

It took us a while, but we eventually made it back to the library without being noticed. I'm thankful for that, as it would have been one hell of an awkward conversation explaining why we were all covered in manure.

Once inside, we were greeted by a tiny purple dragon. I, having never seen a dragon before, did exactly what any sane individual would do; I freaked the fuck out. It took both Twilight and Rainbow Dash to calm me down.

Twilight explained to me how Spike was her official assistant, and helped around the library. I must admit, aside from the whole fire breathing dragon thing, Spike was actually a pretty cool guy. We talked for a good minute and a half, before Twilight reminded me that I was covered in manure, and needed a shower.

That's when things got awkward.

Ponies don't view nudity in the same way that humans do, and when Twilight suggested that we all bathe together to 'save time', she couldn't quite understand why I was so very against that idea. So, I tried my best to explain it to her.

"Why exactly is this such a bad idea, Taylor?" Asked Twilight, slightly frustrated by my quick refusal to bathe with her. "It'll save us time, and is overall more convenient!"

"Why? Well, how about the fact that I'm a dude? Or the fact that I'd be completely naked, cleaning shit off of me, while sitting in the same tub as you?"

Rainbow Dash decided to speak up, a minor blush on her face. "So what? I'm always naked, and you don't see me complaining! Besides, if you're that uncomfortable about bathing with the two of us, you could always choose to bathe with just me instead!" Rainbow's blush turned into a confident grin upon finishing her sentence, and she puffed out her chest for some unknown reason.

Thankfully, Twilight had enough common sense to understand where Rainbow was trying to take this, so she decided to set up a schedule for us to use instead of bathing together. She gave herself 14.7 minutes, Rainbow 75 minutes, and me 45 minutes. Apparently pegasi require more time to properly clean themselves, and Twilight could accelerate it by using her magic. She calculated how much time I would need based on my body mass.

Twilight went first, leaving me and Rainbow in the hall to talk amongst ourselves for 14.7 minutes. We mostly talked about sports, though a few stray innuendos were thrown in by Rainbow every so often. She actually asked me if I wanted to "taste the rainbow". Thankfully that was her last major innuendo, as it was now my turn in the tub.

Twilight left the shower running, likely for my 'convenience', and I quickly removed my shit covered clothes, and hopped into the shower to thoroughly rid my body of this animal poop.

Not even 10 minutes later, and I was completely clean. As in, every inch of my body was clean as a whistle, and I had no fucking idea why, or how. I was covered in shit, yet, now I'm not. Either this soap is fucking magical, or... No, that's probably the reason, actually. Fucking magic soap thing.

And then the panic attack.

I stepped out of the shower, feeling refreshed and energized, when I realized something; I didn't have any clean clothes to change into! The only pair of clothes I had were covered in shit.

I tried to find a towel large enough to cover me up properly, but everything in the bathroom itself was too small for me to use. That's when I remembered something; Twilight had a dozen large towels in the closet just outside of the bathroom. Thank fuck she showed me her storage areas.. That knowledge actually did come in handy.

Problem is, that closet is outside of the bathroom, and I sure as fuck wasn't going to walk to the closet buck naked, not when Rainbow Dash was probably waiting just outside the bathroom door. So, I decided to call for help; Twilight's help.

"Uh, hey Twilight? Could you get me a larger towel? I don't seem to have any clean clothes, and need something - anything - to cover myself up."

"Fine, though I really don't see why you even need to wear clothes at all, and wearing a towel just sounds silly." She answered from behind the door.

Soon, the door started to open up, and in walked Twilight, towel levitating in front of her. Thankfully, she was levitating the towel in such a way so that it blocked her from seeing below my waist.

Once I had the towel, I quickly wrapped myself up in it, and left the bathroom. Rainbow was quick to take notice, and she didn't waste any time in getting into the shower herself, while I made my way to the guest bedroom, where I was staying.

I hopped into bed, and started to think about the day I just had. Thoughts such as 'what the fuck just fucking happened' and 'the flying fuck kind of land am I in' flowing through my mind. I decided right then and there that I was going to sleep early, even though the sun was still high up in the sky.

If I was lucky, I would die in my sleep, never waking up to this bullshit land of color and ponies. I sure as hell wasn't in a hurry to wake up tomorrow, as chances are, I would have to get Rarity to make me some new clothes. I fucking hate her and her kind, and you just know she will make my life a living fucking hell. But, I need clothes. Badly.

Tomorrow is going to suck.