I woke up the next morning feeling rather strange. I knew something wasn't quite right, but I was too preoccupied with the fact that I had to take a wicked piss to try and figure out what was wrong. That, and I just didn't care enough to give a fuck.
So, I ended up wrapping the large towel around my waist, and slowly made my way to the bathroom down the hall. I was still fairly out of it, or else I would have noticed that the air around me was full of electrical sparks, like the ones a lighter makes when it doesn't have enough fluid to form a proper flame. By the time I finally noticed, it was too late. The pressure in my chest was now pulsating heavily, and I soon found myself on the floor, in unimaginable pain. Frost formed around my body, and began to spread outwards in all directions, freezing anything and everything in its path. That's when I saw the reaper enter the room, though it looked more like a chimera wearing a reapers robe. Before he could reach for his scythe, his body morphed into a terrified Twilight Sparkle, and the frost around me faded away.
"Taylor, are you okay?" Twilight asked with a fearful expression on her face, and a worried look in her eyes. "Taylor, come on, wake up!" She screamed into my ears... Wait, wake up? I was awake, what the fuck did she...
That's when I fell out of bed. The bed which I had apparently never left. So, I was now sprawled across the floor, butt held high and bare for Twilight's prying eyes, though she didn't seem to notice. Either that, or she was too polite to stare. Though she did giggle at my clumsiness.
I quickly covered myself up with the towel that had somehow managed to fall with me to the floor, and got to my feet with an audible grunt. Twilight backed up a bit, allowing me to regain my composure. It wasn't long before she spoke up.
"Taylor, are you alright? What happened?" She asked, a bit of panic still in her voice. "You were screaming in your sleep!"
"Yeah, it was just a dream. A really, really bad dream, but still just a dream. I'm fine."
"Oh, well, you really scared me, Taylor. The things you kept saying-" she began trailing off with every passing word. "Anyway, I'm glad you're alright. Do you want breakfast?"
"I'm not all that hungry" I tried to plead, but Twilight wouldn't take no for an answer. "Come on, Taylor. Every growing filly and colt needs a full and proper breakfast to start the day. Though, I suppose you're not exactly a filly or a colt, but I'm sure the rule still stands." She said while magicing me through the doorway. I didn't quite like being forced to do stuff, but I figured she was right. Besides, a warm breakfast sure sounded nice right about now, after basically dreaming of becoming an icicle.
That's when I remembered a crucial piece of information; I wasn't wearing any clothes. Well, aside from a towel, but that hardly counts as clothing.
"Hey Twilight, I'm kinda naked over here. I'm sure as hell not going downstairs dressed like this" I said while pointing at my towel. "Do you by chance have a washing machine?" I asked, only to get a confused - yet curious - looking Twilight in response. "A what?"
"Basically, my only pair of clothes are covered in shit, and I need to clean them somehow. Do you have a machine that'll let me wash them?" I asked again, and this time Twilight seemed to understand. "Sure, I'll wash them for you. Where are they?"
"Uh, I think I left them in the bathroom. Want me to go get them?" I asked, only for the clothing to appear directly in front of me a moment later, completely clean of all shit. In fact, they looked practically brand new, and even had an unusual sparkle to them, kinda like the cheesy special effects used in those cheap infomercials on TV. "Wow" was all I could say.
Twilight kept looking at me with a curious expression on her stupid purple face, before finally speaking up. "I didn't expect that kind of reaction from you, Taylor. Have you never cleaned clothing before?" She asked me with a bit of a smile. I shook my head before saying. "Not quite like that, no. How did you even do that? That was pretty awesome!"
"Unicorn magic. It's actually quite simple. You see, I just combine teleportation with the water molecules in the air, and mix in a bit of magic soap to finish the process." Said Twilight in a matter of fact tone of voice, before continuing with her little education lesson thing. "Pegasi use a special layer of cloud to clean their clothing, though I rarely ever see them wearing clothes. Oh, and Earth ponies tend to clean their clothing by hoof and a pail of soapy water, either that or they ask a unicorn to help them." Twilight paused, giving her time to catch her breath, before continuing. "So anyway, now that you have your clean clothes back, are you interested in having some breakfast?"
"Wow, that's actually pretty awesome." I paused, realizing that she also asked if I wanted food, "and, uh, sure; breakfast sounds nice"
We soon made it to the kitchen, and I think I threw up a little in my mouth upon seeing what it was Twilight expected me to eat. This breakfast - if you can even call it that - consisted of daisies, tomatoes, apples and lettuce, and lacked a significant amount of bacon. While I was fine with the apples, I absolutely hated tomatoes, and never thought about eating lettuce if it wasn't in salad form. Oh, and don't even get me started on the daisies, which I'm fairly sure would make me very sick if I were to eat them.
"Um, Twilight? I can't eat this." I said flatly while pointing towards the kitchen table. "For starters, daisies are poisonous. Apples I'm fine with, but I absolutely hate tomatoes. Oh, and the lettuce? Yeah, unless it's in a salad, I'm not eating it."
Twilight replied by staring deep into my eyes, curiosity present in hers, disgust in mine. She didn't say anything, just kept looking at me rather creepily. That's when I said, "if you don't stop staring at me with that ugly face of yours, I'll fucking smack you." I know, I'm an ass, but since none of this is real anyway, fuck being nice, and on that note, fuck you for reading this.
Twilight snapped herself back into reality, a blush now forming on her face. "I'm sorry, Taylor. I didn't know what it was humans ate, so I kind of just brought out a mismatch of everything I had. If you'd like, we could go out to eat. Sugarcube Corner has a fantastic breakfast menu, and it'll give you the chance to meet Pinkie Pie as well."
Whatever. "Sure, I guess anything is better than that." I said while pointing towards the food on the table. "Though, I'm really not interested in meeting another one of your friends." I cringed, remembering the shit storm from last night. Twilight seemed to understand my reference, and smiled awkwardly.
"The Cutie Mark Crusaders are normally harmless, Taylor." Normally. "It was just dumb luck that we ran into them. Besides, Pinkie Pie helps run the bakery, and considering that today is a work day, introductions would have to be kept short." Twilight began, before giving me a 'friendly warning'. "Also, don't be surprised if Pinkie acts a little weird around you. She's kind of... different."
With that, we began our journey to Sugarcube Corner, and upon our arrival, I noticed something in the sky. It looked a bit like a snake with wings, though I didn't think much of it, as I was in ponyland after all. Crazy shit tends to happen here for no apparent reason, so I just shrugged it off, and followed Twilight into this building.
Also, when I say building, I don't mean a giant gray skyscraper like the First Canadian Place in downtown Toronto, or even an average coffee shop like Tim Horton's. No, this Sugarcube Corner thing took shit seriously. It literally looked like a giant, editable house made of gingerbread, icing and cupcakes, as well as an assortment of other sweet snacks. I probably got diabetes simply by looking at the building itself, so I could only fear what sugary trash awaited for me behind these doors. "What the fuck are we going to be eating in here? Sugar with the side of syrup?" I asked sarcastically, once again earning a blush from Twilight. I don't know why she keeps blushing like that, but it's honestly kinda cute in a puppy dog sorta way.
"W-well, they make some really delicious pancakes, as well as waffles and breakfast cupcakes." Answered Twilight with a nervous stutter, holding the door open for me with her freaky magic stuff.
"Breakfast cupcakes? The hell are those?" I asked while stepping through the door, getting my first glimpse of what I would soon come to despise with every last bone in my body. Seriously, the outside was one thing, but the inside? Fucking hell, this place looked like it was literally made of sugar.
"I believe they're just regular cupcakes, but made with far less sugar." Twilight answered while we both walked up to the counter to place our order.
I decided on having the pancakes, and asked for a side of hot sauce. Twilight stared at me funny by my peculiar order, but ignored it until we had both found an empty - albeit small - table to sit at. "That's disgusting, Taylor! Don't tell me you enjoy spicy foods, too."
"It's just a weird habit of mine. I've always enjoyed combining sweet and spicy together, though I mostly blame Frank for that. He put that shit on everything." I replied, knowing damn well that Twilight wouldn't catch the joke I just made. "Also, what do you mean too?"
Twilight frowned. "Rainbow Dash, and apparently most pegasi, greatly enjoy that stuff. I myself can't stand it." She sighed. "Anyway, how are you enjoying Ponyville so far? I have a ton of questions about you, if you wouldn't mind answering a few." Twilight said eagerly, reminding me of the first time I met her, and how I really, really wanted to punch her in her muzzle. This time was no different, but it wasn't like I had anything better to do while I ate. May as well indulge her.
With a sigh, I said; "Honestly? I think I'm insane, and that this is all just one giant illusion, or a dream, or something along those lines. I mean, one minute I'm at home, then I'm here. There's no way that any of this is real, and I'm fairly sure that's the only reason I'm actually going along with this shit, and... huh?" I paused, noticing that Twilight was looking all depressed, and on the verge of crying.
"Taylor, do you really believe that none of this is real? That I'm not real?"
"Well, yeah. I don't even know where I am, or how I got here. I'm not sure if I'm even alive, Twilight. For all I know, this could just be one giant mental illusion created by some type of god. If it is, fine. That's mostly why I kept going along for the ride, and why I've been able to basically talk to you ponies without a second thought. Talking animals is ludicrous; just beyond impossible. I mean, don't get me wrong; if this is real, it's a pretty awesome place to live. Rainbow Dash is pretty epic, and you have a cute personality. Anyway, back to this being an illusion of sorts. If it were in fact real, why is it that I've been unable to feel any major pain since I got here?" I had to stop talking, as I was out of breath, and quite honestly didn't know what else to say. By now, every pony in this place was looking at us with interest and sadness, while Twilight just looked sad. She obviously felt sorry for me, and couldn't find a proper reply. So, she simply said; "I'm sorry" and hung her head over her plate of food, slowly eating it while I did the same with my pancakes.
Our moment of sorrow quickly passed when a stream of confetti was shot at us from a type of cannon. A pink pony then decided to pop into existence right in front of us, shocking me and Twilight out of our chairs and onto the floor.
"Twilight, we're not serving frownies today, though we are serving brownies! But you already knew that, as the menu is right over there, and you were over there, but now you're over here sitting on the floor. Wait, why are you on the floor? And why are you two frowning?" Asked Pinkie Pie with an annoying enthusiasm.
"Well, we were talking about something before you interrupted, and it wasn't a very happy conversation, Pinkie" said Twilight.
"That's why I'm here! Well, I mean, technically I'm here to bake cookies and cupcakes, as I work here, but I'm also here right now with you because I knew you two were unhappy, and I can'tlet two unhappy ponies remain unhappy when Pinkie's around to spread a smile!" Pinkie started bouncing in her spot, and stared directly at me. This was short lived, as she quickly turned her gaze to Twilight. Then back to me. Then Twilight. Me. Twilight. Me. Twilight. Me. A random chair. Twilight.
Eventually, she trotted off with a smile into what I presume was the kitchen, and never returned.
"What just happened?" I asked no one in particular, my mind still a haze over what I had just experienced.
"Pinkie happened" replied Twilight. That was all that she said, as we quickly made our way out before anything else could occur.
We were now standing in the middle of Ponyville, not quite sure what to do with our time, when a bunch of bunnies decided to randomly appear. And, when I say a bunch, I mean HUNDREDS of bunnies! I've never seen so much cuteness in one place!
That's also when a yellow pony decided to show herself. She was attempting to chase the frisky little rabbits around, presumably to herd them back to wherever they came from. Though, she wasn't having much luck, and kept tripping over her own front hooves every time she went to grab one of the little critters.
Then Twilight jumped in, and she too began to chase the little bunnies around, with little success. I just stood my distance, watching a bunch of colorful ponies chasing tiny grey bunnies around. It was both cute, and funny at the same time. The only thing missing was a nice warm bag of popco... Wait, nevermind. Popcorn just appeared on the ground in front of me. Cause, whatever. Physics and logic and such don't mean shit here.
After what felt like an eternity, I got bored of watching, and decided to come to the rescue. So, I made my way to the market area of Ponyville, and found a fairly large stand of fresh carrots.
"Hey, I don't have any money, but would it be possible for me to take a few carrots to end the rabbit vs pony conflict that's happening right over there?" I asked the vendor while pointing towards the battleground of cuteness two streets over. She looked at me with a bit of fear, but soon nodded. "S-sure mister."
With four carrots in hand, I made my way back to the invasion of cuteness, and lured the bunnies away from the center of town. After realizing that I had no clue where to lure these little fellas, the yellow pegasus; Fluttershy, decided to take lead.
"Why didn't I think of that," spoke Twilight, who fell into place beside me, keeping pace. She actually seemed a little depressed by not thinking of the carrot thing. "Anyway, thank you for helping out, Taylor!"
"Yeah, sure." was my unenthusiastic response. As of now, I was seriously contemplating suicide, as the insanity of this whole situation was just too damn much for me to handle.
Talking colourful ponies, rampaging bunnies, magic, the whole possible death thing. Seriously, how much more fucked up can this all get? I feel like a fucking alien in the land of insanity, assuming any of this is even real. I've only been here for two days, yet I'm already thinking about ending my life. The fuck is wrong with me? This just proves that my mental state ain't all there… 'I just have to play along, and everything will be alright' I kept telling myself, though deep down, I somehow knew that this was all real. That nothing was ever going to be alright ever again, and that my life has forever been changed, to spend it with talking pony things.
What happened next shook me straight out of my depressive stupor, and brought me back to the land of semi-reality. That is, one minute I was mindlessly walking down the path, with a bunch of bunnies and two ponies by my side, and the next I was surrounded by thousands of tiny electrical sparks, just like the ones from my dream. Except, there was something different; something that just didn't feel right. After looking around to get a better view of my surroundings, I knew what was wrong.
Everything was engulfed in a brilliant flame of red. I could see ponies lying on the ground, dead or otherwise severely burned. Some of them were screaming in pain, though all that I could hear was an echoing static, like the sound of an old television set without a signal. This static slowly grew, and I soon found myself unable to hear anything but static noise. And then, silence.
Pure silence.
I closed my eyes out of fear, and when I reopened them, I was once again standing on a path, two ponies by my side, and an army of bunnies behind me. It was as if nothing had happened. I, of course, was freaking the fuck out by this point, and being as how I was in front of a legion of bunnies, when I freaked out, they freaked out; which didn't help the whole situation much.
That's when Twilight noticed my behaviour, and she quickly started asking a dozen or so questions, all of which translated to; "are you okay, what happened?"
I couldn't answer her though, as my vision kept growing darker and darker, until finally; I lost consciousness entirely.
A couple of hours passed before I regained my ability to think, and speak, and essentially live in the conscious world. When I did, I found myself in an unusual location; home. That is, I was back home, in Toronto, on Earth, with humans, alive, in my bed, in my room, in my appartment, in my - you get the idea.
I tried to get out of my bed, but found myself completely numb, unable to move. That's when I heard a voice, someone unfamiliar to me was talking just outside of my visions reach. It was a male, and he just kept muttering to himself.
"Oh no, this won't do, this won't do at all" the unknown voice said. "He isn't supposed to be back in his old life for quite some time, and even then it was only meant to be temporary. How he even managed to return back to his previous life is a true mystery to me, and I do quite enjoy a good mystery." The voice said, chuckling to himself.
He instantly appeared beside me, and began rubbing at my face with his… talon. Each stroke left behind an odd burning sensation, the sensation intensifying to a searing level of pain, before numbing away into a calm coolness.
"You're probably quite confused right now, being alone with a complete stranger, having memories that couldn't possibly have been real. Surely you've got questions, though since you're seemingly paralyzed right now, I suppose the answers will have to wait." He paused for a moment. "Anywho, I believe introductions are in order. My name is Discord, lord of chaos. I tell you this, as I fear there is a power even greater than I at work here, Taylor. You see, I was not the one responsible for sending you to Equestria, nor was I the one to send you back. Honestly, it baffles me, and so rarely does that happen."
"Well, I suppose I'll send you right on back to live with your happy pony pals. Though, keep our little meeting a secret, will you? I'd hate to let word of my existence get out into the masses… Why, there'd be chaos if that were to ever happen." Discord said with a dark laugh. "Not like you'd be able to tell anyone, or anypony for that matter; given as how you'll believe this to be nothing but a dream."
"Now Taylor, it's time I send you back to the magical land of ponies. Do try to maintain some sense of sanity" he chuckled. "Hold still, this won't hurt more than a pinch."
It hurt more than a pinch.
Authors note.
First up, sorry for the delay in getting this chapter published. I know it wasn't exactly what you were all hoping for, and is more or less the final bit to a three part introduction.
I'm trying to create a rather large and highly detailed story arc with a massive plot line. Now that I have the introductions over with, I can focus on the main story, and actually work on proper character development. I'm aiming to make the characters as real as possible.
As for what I said in a previous note, these first few entries were just a test to see if people were interested in reading this thing. Now that I have a couple of favs and follows, most of my upcoming chapters will be significantly longer. I'll aim to publish one chapter every month, with about 10-25k words each.
As always, please remember to follow and fav. I only write this to support my readers. No readers, no stories. :)
Constructive criticism is always welcomed!