A/N: Sorry for the long wait, finals are killing me. I miss Brittana so much on Glee.. you have no idea how I'm handling this whole Bram story. Instead, I present to you a happy little world filled with lots and lots of Brittana :)
I'm almost done with the next chapter. If you guys want more, please let me know. Comment, follow, favorite, message me. Please and thank you 3.
Brittany awoke from her slumber filled with so much love and wonder. With her eyes still closed, she ran her hands over her girlfriends back, lightly exploring the dips and valleys of Santana's carmel skin. Santana looked so peaceful, her arms still draped across Brittany's stomach and face buried into the crock of her neck. Brittany placed a light kiss on Santana's forehead as she felt Santana stir.
Santana's eyes batted open, "Good Morning beautiful." She playfully ran her hand over Brittany's toned stomach, " I can wake up with your arms around me everyday.. can we stay like this today?"
Brittany smiled and pulled her closer, it was as if their bodies became one. "Hmmmm, I'd love to wake up to you every morning." Brittany lightly swept Santana's hair away from her face and drew their lips together. After pulling away breathless, Brittany remembered that she forgot to give Santana her present.
"I forgot about your present... but I'm afraid to give it you because you'll think it's stupid.. " Brittany bit her lip, a small pang of doubt crossed her mind despite their recent declaration of love for each other.
"Last night was perfect babe. I thought the scrapbook was my present. I couldn't ask for more." Santana gazed into Brittany's eyes with so much love, getting lost in her blue eyes was always something that calmed her. "You don't have to give it to me Brit, but I know that you must have spent a lot of time on it.. and don't think it's stupid." Santana hated when Brittany called herself stupid. She reassuringly wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist and held her tight.
"Okay, just know that it took me hours to finish and I had to use the dictionary a million times to make sure I was spelling things right." Brittany leaned over Santana and opened the the top drawer of her bedside table. She retrieved two envelopes and simply handed them to Santana.
"Top one first," Brittany said with an unsure smile. Santana let out a sigh and kissed Brittany's cheek before sitting up against her headboard. She carefully tugged the blankets up to shelter herself from the cold morning that Brittany's embrace had fought off moments before. Brittany adjusted herself so that she could rest her head on Santana's lap, eager to analyze Santana's expressions. Santana tore the first envelope open and smiled when she pulled the first item out. It was a picture that Quinn had taken during their freshman year. It was a candid shot from cheerleading camp of Brittany and Santana during a team building exercise. No words could explain how the picture captured them gazing into each other's eyes, both wearing smiles that stretched ear to ear. It was way before they realized that what they shared was a love so binding and strong. She flipped the picture over to read Brittany's inscription: "I don't think anyone can love another person as much as I love you." Brittany delighted in the smile that grew on Santana's face, taking in her soft eyes, rosy checks, and full lips.
"I mean it. I love you Santana Lopez." She slowly ran her fingertips up and down Santana's arm, goosebumps forming soon after her touch.
Santana set the picture aside and cradled Brittany's neck to pull her into a kiss. "I believe you love," Santana responded, her lips grazing along Brittany's as she spoke. Santana lowered Brittany's head and pulled her up so that she was now resting on Santana's breast. Brittany smiled, enjoying the feeling of Santana's warm bare chest, and rested her ear close to Santana's heart. She closed her eyes and drifted away with the sound of Santana's heartbeat and breathing. Brittany tried her hardest to remember what she had written, worried that she either said too little or too much. Santana still confused her when it came to love and Brittany grew nervous at the thought of scaring Santana away. I said everything I could possibly say to help her understand how much I love her.. did I push too much.. is it too soon.. what if she doesn't really feel the same. Brittany was lost in thought recalling all the extraneous things that have posed and may pose obstacles in their relationship: Santana's fear of accepting she was a lesbian, the fact that she hasn't told her parents the complete truth about their relationship, moving to LA, growing up, and possibly growing apart. Brittany shut her eyes tightly hoping Santana didn't pick up on her body tensing. Santana kissed Brittany's head and pulled out four folded papers covered in curvy writing.
To my lady, my love, Santana Lopez:
I'm writing you this letter because I know that things can change and our lives are going to be so different a few months from now. We can't always plan for the future because sometimes things can go so wrong or simply deviate from what we plan or hope to accomplish. Besides, I always thought that writing letters was romantic. I want to fill these blank pages with words that capture how much I care about you and I want you to be able to keep these words forever. I'm a little scared because now I can't take them back. Maybe one day when you're mad at me or start to question my feelings for you this letter can be a reminder of how deeply in love I am with you... and maybe you'd forgive me a little faster when I make you mad.
When I first met you at cheer camp I instantly gravitated towards you. For some strange reason I had to know you. I had to make sure we were friends. After those two weeks, I knew that we would be because you were the only one who got my jokes and I noticed that I was the only person to make you smile or laugh. You were so annoyed at the other girls because they only had bad things to say about you, but I knew they were wrong and just jealous. You reminded me of a rose, so soft and beautiful but also prickly. We were so different but in our talks I knew that we understood each other. I won't forget that during the nights you would cry because they were so mean to you and you hated sleeping on the hard beds. I hated seeing you cry and I secretly wished that I could make the tears go away. A couple nights later, I gave you my favorite stuffed animal and it helped because the crying stopped. After all these years I still have Little Bear, even though he's missing an eye and his nose. He keeps me company on nights I miss you the most.
When we started our Freshman year I was so excited that we had three classes together because it meant that I could be around you. You confused me because people were scared of you and if they weren't already, you made sure that they were. You were mean to everyone but me. You helped me do my homework when I couldn't understand, you were patient and kind and never called me stupid. You always cheered me up when I was having a bad day. Whenever someone called me dumb or made fun of me you defended me and did things to instantly make them regret it. You would wipe the tears from my eyes and tell me that they were the dummies who didn't see how amazing and smart I really was. You were the bestest friend anyone could ask for and I loved being your friend.
I loved you then and I love you now for all the same reasons: you protect me, you always help me understand things that confuse me, you make me feel special, and you let me see a side of you that no one gets to see.
Sophomore year I started to see you a little differently. I was confused when my tummy would grow hot like there was fire inside me whenever you touched me or whenever you smiled at me. I started to get jealous whenever you mentioned dating someone. When ever you would tell me about kissing other people I would cry at night. For one reason or another, we started linking our pinkies together. I would follow you where ever you went so long as they were and (don't feel bad) but it was always you who unlinked our fingers and pull away. One night when I cried in front of you after telling me about your date with Puck, I told you that I didn't know what it felt like to kiss anyone. You offered to kiss me and I remember feeling like my body was going explode. You told me that it didn't mean anything and that it was just like practicing for kissing boys, but I thought about that kiss everyday and it made me sad because I wanted to kiss you everyday after. Do you remember how people would dare us to kiss at parties? You were always buzzed off beer and sometimes didn't remember. You said that it made Puck want you more after watching us make out. I accepted this even though it made me sad because I didn't want to stop. Then you started kissing me for no reason and I could never think of a reason why, no one was watching like before. After you broke up Puck you were depressed for a little while. I hated seeing you like that because you refused to talk about what you were feeling and all I wanted to do was make it all better. I wanted to put a bandaid over your heart. Then one night I told you that if I was dating you I'd make sure that you were never sad. You let me hold you that night and you let me comfort you. When we kissed, you kept your eyes shut. I didn't. I watched every expression cross your face and I could tell you liked me kissing you... but we never talked about it and you told me that it had to be our secret. We kissed every now and then that year, when you were drunk, when some guy hurt you, when we got tired of studying. I always looked forward to Fridays because no matter what was going on in our lives, we always reserved Fridays for me and you time. I didn't want to tell you then, but every time I kissed you I hoped that my lips could tell you that I loved kissing you, that I started to have more than friends feelings for you, and that I wanted to be the only person who kissed you. That year I also got sick and I had to stay home for almost three weeks. You checked on me everyday, brought me cupcakes, rubbed my back until I fell asleep, and even sometimes I fought off the sleep just to feel you place a kiss on my forehead. A few times you would kiss me on the lips before you would slip out of my room to go home but I loved when you would decide to stay. I loved how you would be the big spoon and shift yourself close enough so that our bodies flushed together.
I loved you then and I love you now for all the same reasons: I'd go where ever you are, every time we kiss I see fireworks exploding in my brain (it's real pretty), you let me comfort you and you turn to me when you want to replace the sad feelings with happy ones, you'd do anything possible to make sure I was never sad and I would do the same for you.
Junior year was a whirlwind for you and with every low point you went through my heart would break seeing you feel so unsure, guilty, and ashamed of yourself. You tried pushing me away and kept me at an arm's distance. It hurt me so much when you would say mean things just to keep me away because I knew you were trying to convince yourself that loving me was wrong. I was patient and willing to show you that it wasn't a matter of right or wrong. It only mattered that you loved me enough to be courageous and honest. I was afraid that you would never love yourself enough to be able to love me. One day, you drank so much alcohol and ended up at my doorstep. My mom let you in and helped you into my room to wait for me until I got home from dance practice. My mom loves you Santana. I told her how you stuck up for me when people were mean, how you helped me with school and taught me things better than any teacher I had, and that you were the sun in my life on gloomy days. I also told her about how I loved you more than just a friend. She helped me clear up all the confusion I had about you and told me to never feel that what I felt for you was wrong. She also told me that love was rare and that if there was any chance you felt the same for me, I should be patient. She knew that I loved you from the beginning. That's why I never understood why you were ashamed of us or scared to talk about your feelings. Anyway, that night when I walked into my room all I could think about was what I could do to make you feel better. You were in my bed curled up into a little ball, you looked so tiny and fragile. You didn't want to talk to me so I went to the kitchen to make you some hot chocolate. I came back into the room and the first think you said was "Hold me". I did, I held you tight after telling you that I would never let you go and that I would always be there for you. I felt your muscles twitch every time your body shook from sobbing so hard and I didn't force you to speak because I knew you would once you were ready. After you stopped crying, you looked me in the eyes and told me that you were scared and confused. That night you finally admitted that I wasn't only your best friend, but that you loved me. You have no idea how you made me feel when you finally admitted to loving me, regardless how unsure or scared you were. I cried once those words left your mouth and I remember that you kept on telling me that you were sorry. You kissed me to silence my tears. That was the first time we made love. You're the only person I've ever made love to and I wouldn't mind it stayed that way my whole life. I was scared because it was my first time, but you were so gentle. You told me that you didn't have the words to tell me what you were feeling but you wanted so badly for me to know. I won't ever forget how our bodies moved, how our hands explored each other's body for hours, how things didn't feel forced, how my body reacted to every touch, how your kisses made my head spin, how even though it was your first time with a girl too, you made sure I was okay and that you weren't hurting me. When it felt like my body was flying, you just held me as I cried happy tears because with each kiss and touch, I felt your soul talking to me. It told me that you loved me. It's one of the happiest moments in my life. Even though you told me that you didn't want people to know or wanted to put a label on us, I understood that you needed time to accept yourself completely. I knew you weren't ashamed of me Santana. I understood because my mom told me that sometimes people find it hard to accept things that they don't understand or consider normal. I hate that word. Who's to say what's normal? I never thought loving you was wrong and it never crossed my mind that it wasn't normal.
I loved you then and I love you now for all the same reasons: you trust and believe in me enough to be vulnerable and honest, you're one of the most bravest (and stubborn) people I know, I trust you wholeheartedly with everything (mind, body, and soul), and because even if you don't want others to see your true colors, I see them and you're beautiful in every way possible.
Senior year you were forced to deal with being outted when you weren't ready and I stood by your side without any doubt. I know that it was a hard time for you. You told your parents and grandmother that you were a lesbian and I know that it hurt you so much when your abuela and dad reacted the way they did. I hope that one day they come around because you're a wonderful person. That year I watched as you blossomed into a strong, beautiful, breath taking, gorgeous young lady and I was so proud to tell anyone who asked that you were my girlfriend. There was no more hiding, we were allowed to be together without fearing what others thought of us. I didn't think I could fall even more in love with you, but I did and it's intoxicating. Do you remember the surprise date you planned when you took me into Quinn's backyard and had a tent set up? We spent the whole night looking into the sky, holding each other close, kissing, and (I dare you not to smile..) spent hours having sex until you passed out from complete exhaustion. I couldn't sleep because there was a rock under my back but I was too afraid to move and wake you. You looked so cute and peaceful and even though I felt like a zombie the next day, I don't regret it. I held you in my arms and just stared up into the sky. My mind played "connect the stars" and all I could see were pictures of you. I wish I could have taken a picture of it! I also saw a shooting star and I made a wish (I'm not going to tell you what I wished for because I want it to come true). When my eyelids started to feel real heavy, you started talking in you sleep. It was so cute because you cuddled into me closer. You mumbled a broken sentence from your dream and I was jealous that I couldn't see what was in your thoughts. The words that escaped your lips through a smile were: Brit, baby, please, love, and forever. I couldn't stop smiling.
I loved you then and I love you now for all the same reasons: you can be cheesy and romantic, because I see you everywhere, because I know that you love me and believe in "a forever", you fill my life with happiness, and because I can't imagine my life without you.
Santana, I love you with a passion so strong I'm embarrassed to admit it sometimes. Some people might tell me that what I feel is puppy love or that I love you blindly, but I don't. I know exactly why I love you. You're my anchor, my confidant, the light at the end of the dark tunnel, the strength that holds me up when I'm weak, the beat that inspires my dance (and you know I love to dance), this list can go on forever but my hands hurts so much. For four years, we've shared something so special and I loved you, regardless how many of those years you spent loving me back. I bare my soul to you and you hold my heart.. you're my best friend and I give myself to you willingly. In the back of my mind I always question if I'll ever be enough to deserve someone like you.
I know you love me Santana and now hopefully you see just how much I love you. I believe and see a future together. Years down the road I can see us happy living together, spending lazy Sundays on the couch watching scary movies, still having passionate sex, still excited to see what the next day will bring. I can see us together, can you? If there is the slightest chance you feel the same about me, I want you to open the second envelope...
Brittany kept her head pressed against Santana's chest. She listened as Santana's heart beat grew from slow and steady to a deafening drumming. Endless thoughts raced through her mind, she imagined kicking herself. What if Santana didn't feel the same? What if she still had doubt? Lost in her worry and Santana's heart beating loudly in her ear, she didn't hear the rustling sound of paper as Santana unfolded a single sheet of paper from the other envelope. Through cloudy eyes brimming with tears, she read:
I may not be the smartest and sometimes simple things confuse me, but if there is anything I know for sure, one of them is that I love you so much. I can't hide it from you and I wouldn't want any more time to pass without you knowing... which is why, if you accept, I'm giving you this.
Taped to the middle of the page was a ring attached to a golden necklace.
This is a promise ring that I want you to wear around your neck (not your finger just yet, let me explain). I know that you admitting to the idea of forever still scares you but I understand and I can wait. But while I wait I want to make you a couple promises. I promise to love you each and every day, never failing to do even the little things just to show you.. I promise to tell you I love you and mean it every time.. I promise to stand by your side with whatever decision you make.. I promise to be your partner and give you strength when you face obstacles.. I promise to become someone you can be proud of.. I promise to never leave you alone, even when you want to push everyone away.. I promise to help our love grow.. I promise to love every part of you and make love to you passionately.. I promise to be yours.. I promise that I will love you for as long as I am breathing, with every breathe I take. I'm not asking you to make me any promises Santana, I just want you to trust me, and even though you think it might hurt my feelings, be completely honest with me. This ring symbolizes my love for you and the promises I have made to you. One day, when you wholeheartedly come to realize that you can spend forever with me, I would be honored if you wore this ring. I love you San and no words can ever explain how much I truly do. If you accept this, hand me this necklace so that I can place it around your neck.
Tears spilled over Santana's check freely as she carefully peeled the necklace away from the tape. She looked to Brittany, her eyes still shut, and was overcome with indescribable emotions. No one has ever made her feel this way. She wondered how she managed to have fallen in love with a girl so pure and full of life and have a stronger love given to her. Santana felt a slight pinch in her stomach, guilty that Brittany understood there were still skeletons in her closet which made it hard to truly give Brittany promises of forever. Though Santana had suggested so last night in her confessions to Brittany, Brittany would be patient and forgiving. Santana secretly apologized to Brittany knowing that she would be the first to break the other's heart.
Santana gently shook Brittany. Silent tears were shed as they looked into each other's eyes desperately scanning to read each other's thoughts. She wiped away the tears on Brittany's face. Still grasping onto the necklace and ring, she pressed her lips against her forehead, her thumb gently running along Brittany's cheek.
"I love you Brittany. Thank you.. for everything. You know me better than I know myself." Santana placed a tender kiss onto Brittany's lips, her hand balled into a tight fist around the necklace and ring.