2. Make me fall in love with you, said the spider to the fly

Most days after school, Joey would go back to Kaiba's house and try whatever he thought it would help to make Kaiba interested in him. He tried to beat him in a duel, but that wasn't happening any time soon. He tried complimenting him, but Kaiba would only answer to his flatteries with a bored look that translated to, "Well, duh". He tried asking about Kaiba to the servants to try and get to know him better but… there weren't any servants. The mansion was fully automated. Kaiba said it was because he didn't trust anyone. The only people he occasionally saw besides Mokuba were that guy Roland and the… other guy. He wasn't sure what his name was.

I'm gonna call him… Arnold.

They said they would try to help him as best as they could, but…

"How do I get Kaiba to like me?"

"Hmm… I don't think it's possible for Mr. Kaiba to like anyone except his brother."

"Yes. The only person Mr. Kaiba likes is Mr. Mokuba."

"Oh, but there's also the Blue Eyes."

"I know! Why don't you try dressing up as the Blue Eyes?"

They both laughed like that was the funniest joke in the book.

Joey rolled his eyes. "Great. Thanks, guys." How many times do I have to say I'm not a furry?

It seemed like a lost battle, and Mokuba wouldn't stop mocking him for it, but he never gave up without a fight.

"Why are you doing something so pathetic, Joey? I thought you were smarter than that."

"Kid, you got your brother's big mouth, you know that? Besides, it was his idea."

"Thanks. His idea or not, you're wasting your time."

"How do you know? I doubt anyone's ever tried (and survived) before."

"I just know my brother. He likes romance even less than he likes Yugi."

"Oh, then I'm in real trouble."

Mokuba laughed and excused himself. Joey knew he was probably right, but it couldn't hurt to try, could it?

He saw something small moving outside in the garden and decided to go check it out.

oOo

Mokuba knocked on the door to his brother's room and was asked to enter. He found him sitting on the windowsill with his laptop.

"Hey Seto. Roland left with the projects. Are you planning something else?"

"Yeah, but it'll take a while. Tell him that next time you see him."

"Okay. And… you're gonna tell me why you are doing this?"

"What, the thing with Wheeler? I was bored and thought it would be fun."

"I knew it would be something like that. So…"

"So what?"

"So why are you staring at him like that? You've been watching him ever since I got here. What is he doing anyway?"

From the window they could see Joey running around in the garden, apparently chasing after a small animal, possibly a mole. Shirtless. It was hot, after all.

"…Don't you have homework to do or something?"

"Oh, come on, big brother! Tell me—"

"Mokuba, you either leave right now or I'll start calling you 'Mokie' like when we were kids."

"Aahh no! Anything but that! Okay, okay. I'm leaving."

When the door closed, Kaiba immediately returned his attention to Joey. Stupid sexy idiot.

oOo

Joey returned from his confrontation with the mole and lay on the couch, tired and again properly dressed. He had asked his friends for tips (about Kaiba, not the mole), but they were just as clueless as he was. Except Mai, who told him to wear revealing clothes and spray his cards with perfume. Right. That helped even less than Tristan. And Tristan's suggestion was to get himself committed to an insane asylum. He considered that one for a moment. He had to be crazy to be in love with Seto Kaiba.

He changed his position, sitting upside down on the couch now, and closed his eyes. Kaiba entered the room, silent as a cat and stared at Joey for a while. His t-shirt had slid, and bunched on his chest because of his position. Kaiba stared some more before making his presence known.

"Feeling pretty comfortable, are we?"

Joey fell on his head and sat up straight. "Oh, hey Kaiba. I thought you'd be working late again today. Since you gave me free rein over your kitchen and it's so hot today, I made some parfaits. I was gonna bring one to you but I couldn't find you. They're in the fridge if you want."

Without a word, Kaiba went to the refrigerator to retrieve a dessert, returned and sat across him in the living-room. It tasted better than the ones he got at his favourite restaurant. "It's delicious. Thanks."

Joey stared at the person in front of him and decided to stay quiet. If something had possessed Kaiba to make him compliment and say thanks, he wouldn't mess with it.

"Have you ever dated anyone before?"

Out of the blue seemed to be Kaiba's favourite modus operandi, and his questions were never easy to answer. It seemed like he went out of his way to make Joey uncomfortable.

"Er… not exactly. A girl blackmailed me into going out with her with some fake dirty pictures, but I caught her cheating on a test and that was the end of it."

"Did you two do anything?"

"Of course not! I want distance from that psycho."

"Because she's a psycho or because she's a she?"

"Because… because…" He mumbled something and Kaiba asked him to repeat. "Because she ain't you."

"Oh. Good answer." He continued eating while looking at Joey for most of the time. To his credit, Joey did his best to hold the burning stare as much as he could.

The whole thing felt weird. It was as if Kaiba was the one seducing him, licking the spoon and nibbling on the berries like that. He didn't remember Kaiba being that sexy before. He was hot, sure, but he never did sexy things.

"Don't drool on my couch. If you wanted some, you should ask."

"S-sorry. Didn't realise I was staring."

"So…" He raised an eyebrow. "…do you want some?"

Joey could hear alarms going out in his mind, warning him that couldn't possibly be the Kaiba he knew, he had probably been substituted by an alien when he wasn't looking; it was the invasion of the sexy body snatchers!

He held the spoon to Joey, probably willing it not to drip with his mental alien powers. Joey took it, but he couldn't taste anything. The idea of an indirect kiss numbed him for a moment, and he couldn't even remember his own name. When he gave the spoon back, he was red from head to toe.

Kaiba finished the dessert holding back a smile. He was starting to consider taking things a little further, but torturing Joey was way too fun. He got up and ran a finger next to Joey's lips, where some whipped cream lingered from the other's previous clumsiness, and took it to his mouth.

"Thanks for the treat."

He left before Joey could recover from this final torment.

TBC

Thanks for the reviews, favourites and follows, everyone!

As far as I know, the guy who's always hanging around with Roland doesn't have a name in the English version, the poor thing. So I dubbed him Arnold. Get it? Roland… Arnold… Ignore me! Or you could always call them Gruber und Hans, I guess. Roland's name in the Japanese version is Isono, by the way, while the other guy is Fuguta.

One more thing: bare with me on the OOCness that's about to come, it'll soon make sense.

~Alternate dialogue~

"Because she's a psycho or because she's a she?"

"Kaiba, if I didn't like psychos, I wouldn't be in love with you."

"…Touché."