4. And now for something completely different

Joey felt cold hands covering his eyes. "Kaiba? What's going on? Where did you go?"

"Hush, Puppy."

'Hush Puppy'? What the hell? Who the hell talks like this? I know he called me a mutt once, but that's taking it a little too far. "Kaiba, are you feeling okay? Did you hit your head or something?"

Instead of answering, Kaiba kissed him, much more lewdly than before. But for some reason, Joey didn't feel the shyness he had felt previously. Not shyness this time; just an alarming uneasiness. And Kaiba tasted different. He knew there shouldn't be any reason for it, but he couldn't help feeling an inexplicable sense of dread.

"Umm… so, did you find anything?"

"Nope, nothing. Anyway, why don't we move to the bedroom?"

Okay, so maybe he would have to impose a limit on that out-of-the-blueness thing. "Eeeh!? B-but we just started—"

"Why waste time? Sooner or later we'll end up doing it anyway."

"Yeah, but… I don't know. Something is wrong. What's in there?" He motioned to the strange door.

"Irish elevator."

"Wha…? And why did you change clothes?"

"Puppy, Puppy, Puppy. You never shut up, do you?"

"What? Kaib—"

And then the world turned dark. Again.

oOo

"Wheeler, Wheeler. Are you returning to Oz? Doesn't matter, you'll always be a puppy to me."

"Wha… Kaiba?" No. Not exactly. The person in front of him looked just like Kaiba, albeit with different clothes than what he had on earlier that day. He was wearing a posh pinstripe suit without a tie, but it looked old and dirty, and even ripped on some places. He was also barefoot. But the weirdest thing about this Kaiba was his eyes. They looked a little… insane.

"I can't decide whether you should live or die…" The not-exactly-Kaiba did a little dance around him.

"Wh-what are you saying…?" Joey tried to move but found his limbs were heavy as lead, and he was pretty sure it wasn't some random bout of cowardice this time. He could smell something that reminded him of chloroform.

"Oh, you'll probably go to heaven… please don't hang your head and cry."

"Who are you? Why do you look like Kaiba?"

"What do you prefer, to be thrown in a lake or to eat poisoned birthday cake?"

"HEL—"

The insane Kaiba covered Joey's lips with his own to conceal the scream, while closing both hands around his neck.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Or did you think I was joking just then? If you value your life then shut the hell up. Didn't you say you loved me?"

"You… you ain't him!"

"No. I'm an evil clone."

"R-really?"

"Hmm… no. I'm his evil twin. How about that? No, I got it! I am the embodiment of his cravings and desires… hmmm, yeah, let's go with that one."

"What? What do you want? Where's Kaiba?"

"I killed him."

All blood drained from Joey's face.

"Just kidding. He's probably just passed out. I can't really kill him right now. As for what I want… how about some… fun?"

Joey was speechless. Was he really at the mercy of that… that thing?

"What if I don't want to?"

"Well, puppy-eyes. I said I can't kill the Nice Me, but I can hurt him."

Joey closed his eyes and gulped. "Don't… don't you do anything to him. What… do you have in mind?"

"Well, I was thinking we should start simple, some bondage and… toys. For you, of course. Then… we'll see."

Joey felt his whole body start trembling. This couldn't be happening. He had to get away from this situation somehow.

"I can't move."

"Well, I don't want you moving anyway. The effect will wear off in a few minutes. See how you woke up in a matter of seconds?" He pointed to a bottle with a clear liquid and a rag. "This mostly numbs your body… thought that doesn't mean you won't feel anything." He smiled sadistically. "But I think I'll tie you up right now. I know how feisty you are." He looked behind him and eyed the curtain cord. "Ah, this will be perfect."

While he busied himself trying to rip it off, Joey caught a glimpse of something moving on the other side of the room. Kaiba? Or maybe Mokuba? If it was Mokuba he should try to warn him to get out and get help. But how?

He managed to turn his neck a little and saw that it really was Kaiba, who made a shushing gesture and hid behind a column. Joey was washed with relief. He decided to call attention to himself, to help Kaiba avoid being seen by the crazy one.

"So er… where did you really come from, uh… yami Kaiba?"

"Yummy Kaiba? Why, thank you. I see you're more comfortable with me, that's good. I'll try to be gentle."

Joey sweat-dropped. "No, that ain't what I… never mind. What should I call you?"

Insane-Kaiba turned around with the cord on his hands and a demented grin on his face. "Call me… Master."

"Wh… seriously?"

"Is your hearing impaired?" He grabbed a switchblade from his pocket. "Let me fix that for you."

"No-no-no! Sorry, Master."

"That's better." He looked from the blade to the cord a couple of times. "Huh." He shrugged and put it back in his pocket. "And where did I come from? What do you think?" He began to tie Joey up.

"I don't know. Silent Hill? Hell? Space? The Shadow Realm?" Heh, yeah right.

"I guess… somewhere in-between. I slid here with the help of the Nice Me himself. Not that he knew this was going to happen."

"You slid here? What does that mean?"

"It means, you silly, silly puppy, that I came from another dimension. Oh, and you're dead there, by the way."

"I'm… I'm dead? Why? How?"

"I killed you because you wouldn't stop asking stupid questions!"

As soon as he finished frightening Joey out of his skull, the real Kaiba came up from behind him and bashed him on the head with a mallet. The crazy Kaiba was out cold.

"Nice Me my ass. Are you hurt? Did he do anything?" He quickly began to untie Joey.

"Other than sticking his slimy tongue in my mouth and killing me in his, uh… dimension, nothing much." Joey was glad to find that he could move his limbs again. The thing the other had used to knock him out had worn off.

"Bastard!" Kaiba kicked his fallen doppelganger. Twice.

"What's going on, Kaiba? Why's there another you here?"

"I'm not sure. I guess it's kind of a long story that I don't even know how to explain. Oh, and don't worry, he was lying; he didn't kill you. That… sounded really weird." He looked from the cord on his hand to the ripped curtain with a comically sad expression and began to tie up the lunatic.

"Huh? How do you know that?"

He retrieved a flash drive-sized gadget from his pocket and showed it to Joey. "Lie detector. I made it myself."

"Oh, wow. Cool! Um… did… did you use it when I said that I liked you?"

"…The first time. Even though I thought it was an obvious lie."

"Why not the second? You kept asking lots of questions."

"Well, I knew it already, didn't I?" Kaiba had a strange expression, almost as if he were embarrassed. Almost. It only lasted a second but Joey managed to catch a glimpse of it. "I just asked all those questions to see if you were serious. And I'd rather be the judge of that instead of relying on a machine."

"Oh. So, were you satisfied with what I said then?"

Kaiba smirked with that same strange expression. "You wouldn't be here right now if I weren't."

Joey thought about exploding with happiness right then, but he decided staying alive was a lot more fun.

When Kaiba finished, they carried the crazy boy to a cupboard and locked him there.

"Now follow me."

TBC

Mwahahahah I don't really like that whole "puppy" deal, that's why I gave it to Krazy!Kaiba. But hey, it's cool if you like it, man. I'm not judging. Most people do, anyways ¬_¬

Have you ever heard the awesome song Krazy!Kaiba was quoting? It's "I Can't Decide", by the Scissor Sisters. If you haven't yet, go check it out!

Umm… so where's Mokuba anyway? I've lost count of times he shows up in stories and suddenly vanishes… never to be discovered again.

Just to make it clear, this was the first appearance of Krazy!Kaiba. All the other times it was the regular Kaiba, no matter how sexily out-of-character he was behaving.