5. Domestic violence

"What is this place? Did we really go through a magic door?"

"That door has a perception filter that makes it kind of… unnoticeable, unless you know it's there. And this is my secret lab."

All around them there were incredible machineries that Joey had no idea what they were. On a corner he saw something that resembled the body of a motorcycle with a Duel Disk linked to it. It looked… silly. On another, there were things that seemed to have come out of a horror movie. Joey decided not to get close to that corner. "Awesome! You're like a mad scientist!"

Kaiba scowled and hit his head lightly with a spanner.

"Ow! S-sorry. Not 'mad'. How about 'brilliant'?"

"That's better." He picked up an oval object that looked like it came straight out of a sci-fi show from the 80s. "The bastard was using this device to… well, I don't see a better way to explain other than 'disrupt our senses'." He let Joey examine the gadget, warning him sternly not to turn it on. It had a dial that could be set to Shy, Sexy, Polite, and… Cute. 'The Moe Machine of Dreams' was scribbled on it. "And I'm willing to bet that he created it himself. He is a version of me."

"So… he's evil-genius-you?"

"No. I'm evil-genius-me. He's the mad scientist."

"Oh, right, that makes more sense."

"I was working on something that would make the holograms from the Duel Disk more realistic, but I started picking interference waves on my machine that were coming literally from nowhere. Then there was an explosion that knocked me out. When I came to, there was smoke everywhere. I guess that's when he crossed—"

"He said he slid."

Kaiba hit him with the spanner again. "That's when he crossed to this world. I'm guessing he used another device with the same frequency that connected to my machine and used it as a jump start to… oh, shit!"

"Kaiba? What's wrong?"

When Kaiba reached the cupboard, he found it empty.

He wielded the mallet. "Stay close to me, Wheeler. He could still be here."

"Okay. By the way, where's Mokuba? Haven't seen him around."

"When I started feeling that something was wrong, I sent him some place safe. And this was days ago. Poor little brother. His absence wasn't even noticed."

"Hey, sorry alright, I had my, uh, senses disrupted and shit. But I'm glad he ain't here right now. Heeey, what about me? I've been on and off your house for most of the time!"

"Aren't you big enough to take care of yourself?"

Joey pouted, mumbling things like "caught by surprise" and "almost raped by a homicidal maniac". Kaiba passed an arm around his neck and pulled him close.

"Idiot. I'm here aren't I? If there's anything you can't take care of, I can. And vice-versa." He mumbled that last part, but Joey still heard it. He blushed, pleased with the display of affection and the confidence Kaiba suddenly showed in him. They were okay. He and Kaiba would handle everything. And Kaiba would show that creepy copy who was boss. Kaiba… was leaning heavily on him.

"Hey, um, Kaiba? Not for nothing, but you ain't as light as you look. As much as I'm enjoying this, you should let go before we both fall down." He barely finished talking and Kaiba fell on top of him.

"Gah! Hey Kaiba! What's—" He lifted the hand he had on Kaiba's hair. It was red with blood. "Oooh shit."

oOo

Joey managed to half-carry-half-drag him to his favourite couch, but what should he do? He knew next to nothing about first-aid. If he left to find help, the other could come back and… do more evil things.

There weren't phones anywhere near them. He could run to the kitchen and get some ice. Could he do it fast enough? He hoped so.

He made it to the freezer and back in 9 seconds. Picking up a pillow in the nearest couch, he ripped the case off and combined it with the ice to use as a makeshift icepack. The injury on Kaiba's head had stopped bleeding, so he applied the 'icepack' and waited for him to wake up, holding his injured head on his lap. A few minutes passed until he felt him starting to stir.

"Why did… everyone feel the need to destroy my living-room today?"

"You're awake! Does it hurt? Do you wanna go to the hospital?"

"No… just get me an aspirin."

Knowing the mansion like the back of his hand already, Joey found the medicine cabinet and returned with the aspirin and a glass of water in no time.

"I didn't see him anywhere. Do you think he's still around?"

"No. He probably returned to his world. But that doesn't mean he won't come back. I wonder how long he's been messing with our heads with that thing."

"Yeah, that's fucked up. What do you think he wanted?" Aside from molesting me, that is.

"It can't be anything good."

"What happened to you anyway?"

"I went in the lab then because I had my suspicions about something like this. Well, not exactly like this, but I knew there was something muddling my head, then you started with all that weird adorable shit and I saw it wasn't just me. I knew whatever it was, it was coming from there. He ambushed me and hit me with that mallet. I pretended to fall unconscious and… the rest is history. But I was stupid enough to forget to search him. And to notice that if I could withstand a blow from that thing, then so could he."

"It ain't your fault, you had just been hit on the head."

"And you didn't think of it either."

"Well excuse me for defending you! Oh, but I did forget he had a blade. My bad. I got nervous with what had happened, and—"

Kaiba punched his arm lightly. "Don't worry about it too much, idiot. At least he's gone for now."

"Yeah. Wait. Holy shit, you wanted to make the holograms even more realistic?"

"…You're the slowest person I know. Seriously. But… I do prefer you like that; if I wanted cute, I'd go out with… I don't know, Bakura."

"Oh yeah? Well… if I wanted sexy, I'd go out with… Duke!"

"Hn, I've dated Devlin. He was really good with his hands."

"Y…WHAT?! Hey! That ain't… that ain't really… where's that lie detector? You're lying, right Kaiba? Kaiba? Kaiba tell me you're lying!" Kaiba hid the lie detector in his underwear. The screen displayed the word Lie.

"Forget about that. Besides… if he can create a dimension crossing machine, so can I."

TBC

From the TARDIS wikia: Perception filters had the effect of directing attention away from the object or its bearer, rendering them unnoticeable. So yeah, it's a secret door in plain view.

So… is it a lie that he dated Duke or that he was good with his hands? I guess we'll never know…

Can anyone guess why I had Kaiba hitting Joey specifically with a spanner? It's kind of a vague and obscure reference, if you find out, you're the bee's knees :) (I love old expressions~)

And that's how you get rid of Mokuba :D just throw him in a safe-house somewhere.

Techno babble much?

"Why is the TARDIS bigger inside than outside?"

"Because it's dimensionally transcendental."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that it's bigger inside than out."

- Jo and the Third Doctor -