To memory now I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all

-Parting Glass (Sung by Maggie&Beth Green from The Walking Dead)

Donatello sat at the kitchen table, battling with the sleepiness that was seeping behind his mind, demanding him to rest, to close his eyes and drift. But, stubbornly enough he couldn't allow that. It's been almost a week since they had brought Michelangelo home and still no closer to fully understanding the components of the chemical and it's after effects. Mikey hasn't woken up since his attempt to end his life on the ledge. Donnie sighed, running a hand over his head. He gripped at the cup of coffee, unable to get himself to take a drink from the dark colored liquid. He put his head down on the inside of his arm, resting only slightly claiming to only be resting his eyes. He didn't want to sleep. He felt like it would be wrong for him to sleep and feel relaxed when he still didn't fully understand the problems with his younger brother. Without meaning to, and with some protest, Donnie fell into a deep slumber with a dreamless sleep.

Don was woken up by a slight shake.

"Donnie? Come on Don wake up." He heard Raph's voice. He moaned as he picked up his head from the table, feeling the small string of drool hit the table. He brought his hand up and wiped it away. He looked up to Raph with blurry eyes.

"Everything alright?" He slurred out, eyes drooping once again.

"Mikey's awake." He said bluntly. Immediately, Donnie woke up. He licked his already moist lips.

"Has he said anything?" Don asked. Raph shifted from one foot to the other.

"Don I can't really explain it. Ya just gotta come and see." Raph said. Don sat for another moment before nodding in agreement and stood up, following Raphael to the lab.

He opened the door slowly to show Leo and Master Splinter on one side of the cot, looking at him as if expecting an answer. When he looked at the cot itself, he saw his brother sitting up, hands in his sheet covered lap, looking out in the distant. Donnie took a breath and walked over to the other side of the bed and took a seat in his chair he normally would sit in if he was on the computer. He leaned a little closer to his younger brother, observing the expression. His eyes were fixated one something, irritation sliced in between the lines of his face.

"Mikey?" Don called quietly, getting no reaction from his brother. Donnie bit his lip and reached forward, trying to make contact with his younger brother. The moment that Donatello moved his hand up into Mikey's view, Mikey flinched back, but never looking in Donnie's direction. This proved that Mikey was aware of his surroundings. Donnie quickly brought his hand back down.

"How are you feeling Mike?" he asked. For a moment he didn't get an answer. He watched as Mikey shifted lightly.

"M'fine." He mumbled. Mikey's eyes stayed fixated on the wall next to the door. When Don turned his head he saw nothing. But Mikey saw something. His was watching the child, the same one he had seen multiple times over the period he had spent in his cell. He watched as the small child of himself bounced a ball next to Raphael who refused to move from the door.

"You shouldn't lie to Donny. He doesn't like that." The young boy spoke, bouncing the oversized ball on the ground, giggling lightly. At the moment, Michelangelo couldn't stand the sound of laughter, the sound of happiness.

Donatello was so involved with the intense gaze his brother was giving the wall and kept a mental note of it. He leaned back up and eyed his father for a moment, seeing the tired expression on his face.

"Mikey I'm going to keep you in here for a while for observation, to make sure you remain stable. Does that make sense?" He asked.

"What so I don't try and kill myself again?" Mikey asked, finally facing his brother. Don felt the breath catch in his throat seeing the intensity in his eyes. Never had he seen Michelangelo so...angry. Donnie gulped but sat back.

"So, you recall that event?" He asked. Mikey turned his head away from his brother and looked at the wall once more.

"I'm not stupid Don." He seethed.

"I never said you were Mikey, just...erm well the chemical had certain effects and I'm trying to make out what it's done." He tried to explain. Donnie found it challenging to express his thoughts at the moment for some reason. Seeing his brother like a cruel doppelganger was a putrid thought. He watched his brother's brow crease lightly, as if confused.

"Mikey, did you know about the chemical?" He asked. Mikey flicked his eyes to the side, silently demanding Donnie to continue.

"Rictor...he created a substance and put it the air. It caused short term memory loss and hallucinations. Did you experience anything like that when you were there?" He asked. He didn't mean to sound so straight forward but Michelangelo was giving off that he was more then understanding to take the truth head on.

Mikey brought his eyes back to the front, eyes locked on the boy. He knew he was the only one who could see this haunting child of his former self but wouldn't admit it. The child stared at him with large glassy eyes, fearing what he might say. Is he afraid to admit his exsistance, or fearing that he wouldn't say anything at all?

"No." Was all he said. He saw hurt on the child's face, but Mikey didn't care. Donnie observed him, telling he was hiding so much more then what he was telling. Donnie pondered over the answer, knowing it was lie but was determining how to approach.

"Who's Cal?" He asked. He watched Mikey tense but eyes never shifting.

"He was my friend." He said in a cracked voice.

"He was the person in the cell with you?" He questioned. Mikey snapped his head towards Donatello, making Don flinch.

"If you're insinuating that Cal was just a hallucination then you're out of your damn mind." Mikey snapped.

"Michelangelo!" His father barked at him. Mikey growled and turned his head forward, looking down at his lap.

"All of it was real." He whispered, avoiding the looks of his brothers. Don could tell his brother was in his own denial, mind in turmoil, confused of some of the things that might have concurred. But, he knew he couldn't push it, not anymore today. Michelangelo was growing irritable and irrational and questioning the exsistance of his friend spiking a new level of anger that Donnie didn't want to mess with.

"I'm tired Don. I just want to sleep." Mikey said quietly. Donnie nodded and looked up at Leo and Maser Splinter. He nudged his head towards the door. Taking the hint, they both stood up. Splinter placed a paw on his son's forearm, feeling him flinch lightly from the contact. Seeing his son in the mental condition he was in was heart wrenching. With a sigh, Donnie ushered he and the rest of his family out of the lab, leaving Mikey alone.

The second he closed the door, Donnie stood by it, head pressed against the metal separating the outside world and Michelangelo.

"Donnie what are you-" Leo was cut off when Donnie put his hand up to silence him. Donnie listened carefully. Mikey was seeing things, he wanted to hear the conversation if there was going to be one.

In the room, Mikey looked back up to the small turtle who held the ball against his body, too big for his small pudgy arms to wrap all the way around.

"Why'd you lie to Donnie? Now he's gonna get worried." He pouted, sticking his head closer to the ball.

"Why are you here?" Mikey asked with a slight growl. The little turtle popped his head up from the ball.

"I wanna go home!" He demanded, before hiding his face again, peering his eyes over the plastic play toy.

"Then go." Mikey said bluntly. The child stomped his foot and brought the ball down to show his face, showing his lower lip was out.

"I can't! You won't let me." He whined. Mikey just stared at the boy, mind numb from lack of energy.

"I can't help you." He whispered. The boy stood there, attempting to look mad but the tears coating his eyes.

"You shouldn't be mean to Donnie. He just wants to help." He sniveled out. Mikey twisted his body to the side, facing away from the small turtle.

"He needs to leave me alone." He said, laying down, curling up slightly under the sheets.

"They all need to leave me alone." He said quietly to himself, letting his eyes droop into slumber.

Donnie pushed lightly against the wall, removing his head against the door and looked at the floor. He was only able to hear Michelangelo's voice, speaking to some distant figure that would not be seen by the rest of them. From the sound of Mikey's voice, this thing was not a threat to his brother's mental stability but still needed to keep a close eye on his brother. The drastic change in character was going to be a problem. Especially trying to understand better what happened to his brother in those fights. He looked at his brothers and father looking at him, confused and scared.

"I think Mikey might be having some after effect but I'm not entirely sure. I just gotta make sure I keep a close eye on him." Donnie explained.

"I'll watch over him tonight." Leo offered.

"Leo that's nice but I think it should-"

"Don just humor me. You've been up working for the past week. Get a nights worth of sleep and ill watch Mikey tonight. That's an order." Leo demanded. Donnie opened his mouth to protest but quickly closed it, recognizing the look on Leo's face. Donnie mused over the fact that each of them were incredibly stubborn when they wanted something, but Leo always won when it came to who was the most stubborn. With a defeated sigh, Donnie nodded his head before heading up to his room where he kept his spare laptop to continue his research. Leo turned to his father and smiled lightly.

"Don't worry father, I'll look over him." He reassured. Master Splinter bowed to him.

"I have my faith in you my son." He said was he walked back to his room. Leo took a breath and faced Raphael. Looking at his brother now was strange, as if he really wasn't there, like an empty shell. Keeping his eyes on Leo, Raphael turned on his heel and headed towards his own room, leaving Leonardo to himself in the living room, ready when needed.

In the late hours of the night, the sound of the lab door cracked open lightly. Mikey poked his head out to look out in the lair to see not a soul in sight. Using what little stealth he still had, he closed the door and made it to the front entrance, slipping out of the liar as quietly as possible.

He walked down the sewer lines, not too sure where he was going but didn't care. He had to get away. He couldn't stand the sympathetic looks, the small words they used, like speaking to a child. His breathing was growing heavier, tougher to take in. He stopped and leaned against the tunnel in attempt to catch his breath.

"Why are you running away?" Mikey looked behind him to see the child looking up at him. "You should have at least say goodbye." Mikey groaned as he pushed himself off the tunnel and continued to walk, pushing his limits.

"Go away." Mikey demanded, turning a corner, almost loosing his footing.

"I told you I can't till you take me home." He said, catching up till he was walking side by side with Mikey. Mikey snarled, refusing to look at the kid.

"Look how can I get you to leave me the hell alone?" He asked. For a moment, everything was quiet, just the sound of his own walking, till he heard another voice.

"Until you stop lying to yourself my friend." Mikey's features lit up in an instant. His friend, his only salvation living in that place was standing in front of him. Cal was there. Abandoning the child, ran up to his friend, wanting nothing more then to hug him and care for him like he promised.

"Cal, boy am I glad to see-" Mikey stopped when Cal brought up his small bony hand.

"My friend, please enough of this non-sense." He said. "You need to go home, be with your family." Mikey was confused, smile lost behind a blank expression.

"I-I can't go back Cal. They're trying to tell me I don't know what happened in there! Like I was brain washed or something!" Mikey yelled, he didn't mean to but his patience was running dry with everyone trying to make him believe something that wasn't true. "Cal my brother tried to convince me you're not real! But he wasn't there I was! I was there when you died!" It sounded more he was trying to convince himself more then Cal.

"Michelangelo, if you were there when I passed, how do you explain me being here now?" He asked. Mikey was frozen in place, confused, disoriented in fact. He swallowed he realized there is no way he could have died but be standing right there in front of him.

"My friend, you must listen to me. Please go back and let your family heal you." Cal spoke softly, coolly trying to make Mikey understand. Mikey took a step back.

"T-thats not possible! You were alive! You sat there and talk to me for Christ Sake! You were nice to me! You and that nurse were the only ones who even gave a damn about me! Rictor wouldn't make me have a friend!" His voice was cracking when he spoke. From the corner of his eye, he saw the small turtle back himself into the corner, fearing the anger coming from Michelangelo.

"My friend you created me, not Rictor. You made me into a person to rely on, to trust so you wouldn't be alone." Cal explained. Mikey shook his head, not quite understanding what the elder was talking about.

"So you're telling me I made some, fucking imaginary friend because I was scared? That doesn't make any sense! Y-you told me all the rules of the games, warned me about Rictor!" He tried to protest, trying with everything he had to prove his friend wrong.

"You were briefed before you were sent to your cell. You created that scenario in your head to block out the tests they ran on you before placing you in that cell. You were protecting yourself, making it seem like the situation wasn't as bad as it was." Cal explained. Mikey thought back, back to the very beginning, when he first met the lizard humanoid named Rictor. His face made Mikey cringe.

He was brought to the arena, to a room. It was so small, metal plated from the ceiling to the floors. He was on a table. Tubes, needles, knives, scalpels, the works, all of it came flooding back to his mind. Rictor explaining where he was in a distant state, blinded by the pain and loss of blood from whatever tests they ran on him.

Mikey unconsciously rubbed the inside of his elbow and felt a scar he never knew was there. It was deep, deeper then he thought. He looked back up at Cal, seeing the sorrow in the old face of his friend.

"Why-Why didn't I remember that sooner." He asked in a whisper, fighting against the tears that pricked at the edge of his sight.

"You didn't want to. You created me. You needed someone to rely on, someone who could in some way save you, to call family." Cal tried to reason. Mikey felt his heart speeding up, drumming along with a silent song.

"But you died! You died right in front of me! Your blood was soaked in my bandana! How do you explain that?" He yelled, feeling the lump in his throat making it harder to breath.

"My friend...That was your blood." Cal replied. Mikey took another step back, feeling his body grow light in a way. The tears were free, despair written in his form.

"No. No.." He cried, bending forward lightly.

"That day he took you. Made you wear the bandanas." Cal started to explain. Mikey leaned his head against the tunnel walls, hands in fists above his head, shaking. "He asked you what you wanted, you told him you wanted to go home." Mikey looked at him, taking his hands off the wall.

"No I said I wanted to go back to my cell!" He barked.

"You wanted to say back to your cell but your warrior side challenged him. You told him you wanted to go home and you fought him off as best as you could." Mikey looked down at the water, trying to regain these lost memories that seemed to be floating off into an abyss. He was in the room, wearing the blue bandana. The strength, the bravery. He thought he had it. He pushed Rictor, tried to punch him, hurt him, make him realize he was a threat. Rictor grabbed him, pinned him to the table. There was a needle.

Mikey's head grew light all of a sudden from the thought of the needle. His stomach rolled, flipping and turning.

"My friend." Cal's voice was so distant, not even there really, as if narrating the events that were going on in Mikey's head.

"He drugged you. Michelangelo he had you in there for hours. He tore you terribly." Mikey remembered the blood, the screaming of agony. His tail instinctively tightened closer to his body. His swayed lightly, shaking his head.

"Why did you die?" He whispered, as if speaking to himself.

"I couldn't guide you anymore. I was your only sense of understanding. When Rictor took you that night.." He trailed off, watching Michelangelo open his mouth.

"I became an animal." A single tear rolled down his already.

"My friend, please go home and let your family in. Bring the child home." Cal pointed at the smaller mutant next to Mikey. Mikey looked down at the blue glassy eyes staring back at him. The child was lost, he wanted to go home.

"I can't." Mikey said, looking at Cal.

"I'm done listening to people tell me what to do." He had a cold expression. Suddenly, as quick as he could, he dashed down the sewers away from the lair, away from the kid, away from Cal. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to fight, like he was trained to do, his only purpose. There was no honor, there was no sense of understanding. That was gone. He was treated with cruel intentions, obviously not wanted. So he ran, ran away from everything, looking for something. There were no voices in his head anymore telling him what to do. No Rictor pushing him around, nothing. He was free but out of control, going forward but lost.

He turned a corner, then another, forcing his strained body to continue, go farther away from home. Suddenly he stumbled to a stop to be confronted with the small boy.

"You can't run away!" He yelled. Mikey turned to dash into the other direction, but his foot slipped. He felt his body falling, unable to stop it. He suddenly fell into the water of the rushing sewer. It was one of the deeper canals, stronger in current. Mikey brought his head up above the water, gasping for air as his body was dragged down with the current. He started to panic, gripping at anything he could, the piles of trash and sludge did nothing to slow his movements. His head was bobbing in the water, not being to gain enough strength to keep his head up.

He looked forward through the gushing water to see the drop that lead to the grinder at the bottom of the pool of water, where they saved leather head from the crocodile hunter. Once again again he was faced with his demise, and once again he didn't care. What use was he? What could he possibly accomplish? He stopped struggling, letting the water do it's way with him. If he can die, so can the damage that Rictor had left on him, all he thought was true was gone. His only piece of hope was a hoax. How much more could he take?
He was at the edge, body moments from falling over the edge. Then, he felt it. A hand gripping to his, pulling him up and out of the bacteria infested water. He gurgled and coughed out all the water he consumed and looked up and all he could see was blue. The blue bandana. His eldest brother, the brave one, the strong one, the one that should be ashamed of him for being so weak, so stupid.

He brought him to the side of the bend and sat Mikey down, kneeling next to him. When Leonardo realized Mikey left the liar, he followed him, watching him fighting with himself, arguing with the air. Donnie was right, it must have been some after effect.

"Mikey what were doing? You know you can't be here by yourself right now." Leo tried to make him understand. Mikey heard more rules, more constriction. He wasn't getting away right now. Leo was going to bring him back and he won't be able to leave. He growled lightly, pushing against the wall unsteadily till he got up to his feet. He started to walk, swaying heavily.

"Mikey let me help you." Leo insisted only have Mikey swat him away like a pestering fly. Mikey didn't want to look at his brother, fearing of shame. When he started to walk, his vision began to cross, fuzzy and unclear. Mikey felt his knees buckle before giving out under him. He vaguely felt Leo wrap his arms around him to stop the fall before being plunged into darkness, to face off his demons alone; and lose.

A/N: Boy was this a pain to write. So just to clarify, the boy that's following Mikey's innocence. Mikey is free-spirited and a very innocent being. He has grown cold and the boy represents that Mikey himself is lost and can't seem to find his way again. Cal is Mikey's conscious, the wiser, realistic side. He kept Mikey believing and moving forward while he was there, when Rictor terribly wounded Mikey, it was as if that piece of Mikey, the piece that is rational and realist was killed off. Hence why Cal died. Cal is trying to get him to understand he can't run away from this, he can't shut his family out, and he needs to allow himself to heal and come home. Hence bringing the child home.

I hope that clears it up if there's any questions :) But please let me know what you think and please review!