Finally, I am back. I don't like this as much as the last two; it's too similar to chapter one, and I didn't get as far into the plot as I hoped, but nevertheless, it is chapter three now.
Anyway, enjoy.
As the bleary fog of sleep slowly unfolded itself from around him, he became aware of the soft blankets wrapped around him, and of the warm, satisfying feeling of being held close. For a long moment he allowed himself to relax and forget everything as soft lips were pressed against his forehead and a hand sifted skilfully through his hair.
Within seconds the perfection was gone; replaced by the fear which he somehow couldn't overcome. He tensed in the other's arms, straining to be freed from Estonia's loving embrace.
Estonia sensed the other nation's panic and released him, anguish in his heart. Immediately he bent over Lithuania, waiting for the nation to calm.
Everything will be ok. It's just Estonia; he won't hurt you.
Lithuania opened his eyes slowly, seeing the other's pained gaze and wanting to look away. Estonia took hold of his shoulders and looked directly into his eyes.
"Lithuania, I would never hurt you. Please, tell me that you trust me."
Estonia forced Lithuania to meet his gaze, desperate to get an answer out of him. Lithuania blinked, attempting to be rid of the conflicting emotions in his mind.
"Estonia, I know that you would never hurt me. I trust you. I'm sorry for being afraid."
Estonia saw Lithuania's tired, broken expression and released his desperate grasp. The knowledge that he would be unable to forgive himself for upsetting the nation at once came to him.
"Don't apologise, Lithuania. I should have understood your hesitation. I know that you trust me; I'm sorry for getting so upset by this. I'm supposed to be there for you. I've failed you."
Lithuania shook his head painstakingly, reaching up to touch Estonia's face.
"No, Eduard. I'm the one failing you. You try so hard to be there for me, yet I always end up pushing you away. I don't want to; all I want now is to be with you."
Emotions overtaking self-disgust, Estonia held Lithuania close to him, feeling the warm body of the other. Lithuania was so soft when he was sleepy. Estonia thought that he would be happy if only he could be close to Lithuania for the rest of his time as a nation.
How could anyone hurt someone so precious? It was beyond Estonia's comprehension.
This isn't your fault, Toris. None of this is. I wish that I could make you understand that. Stop blaming yourself for your situation.
"Stop, Toris. I came here to heal you and to give you love. You should have woken up to me kissing you and telling you how much I loved you, but instead you woke to me trying to force you to trust me. I don't expect anything from you. I'm just grateful that you are here with me. I still can't believe that this is real."
Lithuania pressed his head up against Estonia's chest, listening to the other's steady heartbeat. He felt a soft kiss brush against his neck before lifting himself up to meet his companion's eyes.
"I can't get over the fact that you're here either. I want to be there for you too. I trust you, even if you think that I'm not ready. I know how you feel about me. Estija, I heard all that you said night."
Estonia flinched slightly, trying to cover up his guilt. The eyes of the other met his in earnest.
"Lithuania, I'm sorry. I was afraid of you rejecting me. You called out for me, but I wasn't there."
Lithuania shook his head.
"I need you, Eduard. I couldn't have gone on without you.
Estonia kissed Lithuania quickly, pulling away before he had the chance to respond.
"Forgive you? It should be the other way round. All of those years, I never approached you because I was afraid; I resented you these past few years because you couldn't bring yourself to contact me; and last night, I left you because I was afraid that you'd reject me."
"You tried so hard to reach me. I made it impossible for you. Anyone else would have given up."
"You were worth every minute of it."
Catching Estonia's intense facial expression, Lithuania raised his body so that they were within inches of each other. Taking hold of Lithuania, Estonia claimed the nation's lips for his own. For a long moment, they were absorbed in each other; the world around them fading. Lithuania responded immediately, feeling his body fill up with the same warmth that he had felt the day before; that he had craved for so long. Estonia was finally his own, and they were together.
When they finally parted, Lithuania was holding Estonia tightly as the nation's hands made intricate contact with his neck. Lithuania shook slightly at Estonia's touch, unable to articulate his emotions. For a long moment, the two of them were entirely focused on each other. Seconds later, they were broken apart.
"What's the time, Eduard?"
Lithuania pulled away from Estonia, his mind shifting almost instantaneously to the coming day. Estonia didn't answer; instead indicating to the clock on the wall. His partner glanced at it; registering the time and turning on him.
"Why didn't you wake me earlier? I still have piles of work left over from yesterday, along with everything that needs to be done today."
Estonia realised that he would have to put some effort into getting Lithuania to stop working, even if it meant ordering him around; something which he had been hoping to avoid.
"Leedu, you're exhausted. I let you sleep in because you needed the rest. I would have left you to sleep for longer, but you woke up. Don't do any more paperwork today; if it is necessary, I'll call your boss and tell him that you need some time off."
Lithuania became slightly frantic.
"I have to get all of the documents signed, otherwise everything will break up."
Estonia took hold of Lithuania's wrists, trying to think of the best way to calm him.
"They can get someone else to sign the documents for you. Just because you are a nation and possess incomprehensible amounts of energy and intelligence is no excuse for overworking you. There's no point in trying to get anything done if you're exhausted; your brain won't function properly. You just need to calm down."
Lithuania relaxed slightly, and as he did so Estonia let go of his wrists and wrapped his arms around the nation, looking at him with obvious concern. His silent plea was answered with deliberation.
"I can see that I've been overworking myself, but I don't want everything to fall apart without me. I still have to get up now; I hope that you don't mind me leaving you. I have to clean up this house."
Estonia closed his eyes in exasperation, unhappy that Lithuania wouldn't be able to rest until the afternoon. He would rest however; Estonia intended on it.
"I only wanted this day to be our own. If you must work, I will assist you. While we are on the subject, did you sleep well last night? Did the dreams come to you again?"
Lithuania shook his head; a look of relief making a brief appearance on his face.
"I haven't slept so well in years. Thank you, Estija."
The two embraced silently, Estonia kissing the side of Lithuania's neck quickly as he pulled away.
"I am glad that you slept well; that is what I intended, but it won't last. The dreams will return to both of us."
Lithuania didn't react to the open pessimism in the other's words. Instead he remained still, refusing to let Estonia go; holding him for a long moment, before slowly moving in to kiss him. Estonia did not attempt to dominate, or to deepen the kiss; instead he allowed Lithuania to feel him and to move him. It was a very different kiss to the first two that they had shared. It held a different meaning; one of great importance.
As Lithuania parted them, he spoke quietly.
"I'm just glad that I no longer have to face them alone."
When the sentence had escaped him, Lithuania moved away from Estonia. The other nation waited silently beside him for directions.
"I have to get up now, Eduard."
Estonia nodded, pulling the blankets away from Lithuania. The nation shivered slightly as his skin made contact with the cool air. Estonia noticed, but only spoke in response.
"I'll stay here on the bed while you change. Don't worry about me watching you; I'm not wearing my glasses."
Lithuania reddened slightly, but the colour soon drained to a deathly white as darker thoughts filled his mind. Quickly he pulled himself off of the bed, walking abruptly over to the cupboard and opening the door. By the time he had turned to face his companion, his emotions were completely concealed. Estonia was watching him with a kind of shocked alarm.
"You've seen my body before. My scars..."
Estonia stared at the nation for what seemed like eternity.
"You misunderstood me, Toris. I was only talking about your dignity. I didn't mean..."
Lithuania shook his head, raising his hand slowly to conceal his face.
"No, it was you who misunderstood. You can't understand this, even if you try. No-one can understand. I can't explain to you."
Another long pause, laced with Lithuania's suffering and Estonia's silent, unaccepted sympathy. Estonia resigned himself to staring dejectedly at the ceiling while Lithuania dressed. Everything had gone wrong so suddenly; he couldn't comprehend how to possibly make it right again.
Finally, he gave in; reaching for his glasses and crawling out of the bed, standing about five metres away from Lithuania. The nation in question had not finished dressing; his shirt was in his hands and the many scars that marred his torso were on display. Estonia gave a low gasping sound as he again registered the extent of the damage.
Lithuania's head was bent towards the ground, a dejected expression on his face.
"They really don't hurt me anymore. Surely you know that from your own?"
Estonia closed his eyes, opening them again after a few seconds to look straight at the other.
"I'm sorry, Leedu. I didn't mean to react so violently. I know that they don't cause you pain anymore; I just can't forgive myself for letting it happen to you. I didn't know that you were so ashamed of them. You didn't deserve this. You didn't deserve any of it."
Lithuania avoided the other's gaze, trying to be rid of the hollow ache inside of him.
"I can't bear to look at myself anymore. I feel like I've let myself down; like I'm worthless. I used to be so powerful, yet I was unable to stop everything from crumbling. Now that it's over, I can't seem to hold myself together anymore. I'm worthless."
The words were whispered; forced out in the same way that they had been the night before. Estonia heard the bitter truth in them.
Slowly he approached the other nation from behind, his footsteps echoing through the silent room. As Estonia reached his companion, Lithuania shivered again. Estonia wrapped his arms around him, warming the other's icy hands in his own and pulling him as close as possible.
Lithuania made a helpless moaning sound at Estonia's touch. They were so close it was painful; the contact was like going from ice into fire. He recognised the feeling from the night before. It seemed as if they were back where they had begun; as if events were repeating themselves, but in reality, everything had changed.
Estonia's touch was becoming familiar to him; it provided the comfort and warmth which he had craved for so long. The love that he gave was strong enough to reach into the darkest parts of Lithuania's mind, healing him as quickly as his very presence healed the other.
"I don't understand why you care about me so much."
The shirt that Lithuania had been holding fell crumpling to the floor as Estonia gripped his hands tightly.
"Why do you love me so much? I'm nothing; just a fallen, weak nation with a scarred, damaged body."
Estonia stepped back from Lithuania slightly, rubbing his hands slowly down the other's smooth shoulders and arms. Lithuania straightened at the touch, taking full possession of his body.
"No, Toris. You are strong; much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Some day, I promise you, you will become great again. When you do, please don't forget about me. I admire you for your strength; it is something that I will never have."
Lithuania didn't even meet his eyes in response.
"You think that I'm strong? I am the one who can't handle my emotions; who was falling apart without you; who overworked myself to the brink of exhaustion; who was afraid to approach you in case I got hurt again."
Within seconds, Estonia was facing Lithuania.
"You are not weak, Toris. All of those years you held it together; you made it through indescribable suffering, and now... it's too much for anyone, whether they are a nation or not, to get over such a harsh past. I had help getting through, but it wasn't enough. I needed you."
Lithuania saw the desperate look in Estonia's eyes; he felt the soft touch of the nation that loved him as once again, they were in each other's arms. They were together, and everything else was irrelevant.
"I want you more than I've ever wanted anything or anyone before, and I don't think that I could go on without you. To me, you are perfect. You're perfect, Toris. Why can't you see that? You are so good, and so kind. You're too nice a person to have to suffer at all. As for your scars, do you think that I am deterred by them? Do you think that a simple mark on your skin will prevent you from giving you the love that you need; that you deserve? Toris, I love you."
Estonia spoke each word softly. It was more than he had ever omitted, but it wasn't enough. He turned Lithuania's body around slowly, kneeling down to face the worst scars; the ones on Lithuania's back. Tenderly, he pressed his lips against them, giving them loving care and attention. Lithuania breathed out slowly.
"I know that you love me. However, I cannot love myself, anymore than anyone else can like me for what I am now."
He knelt down to face Estonia, and their eyes met, a blind understanding passing between them.
"Others don't matter, Leedu. Nothing should matter except me. I intend to make you like yourself."
Estonia's hand caressed Lithuania's face, sorrow in his eyes. Lithuania watched him, his expression unwavering.
"It might be that way for you. You might be able to respect yourself, and you deserve to respect yourself. I, however, care that I can't hold myself together. I can't forgive myself for that."
Estonia seized Lithuania's shoulders, his eyes filled with fire.
"You can hold yourself together. You were doing it even before I got here. Things have been hard for you to cope with, but no longer. I want you to be happy. I only hope that I can make you happy. I don't deserve to respect myself; I've failed you."
Again, the desperate look came into his eyes, and Lithuania found himself looking away.
"You haven't failed me."
"Yes I have. I don't deserve you. No-one deserves you; you deserve better than anyone could give you. I deserve every mark on my body for letting him hurt you. I should have done something; fought back, or run away. I was a coward, afraid of pain and of death. I might not hate myself, but you ought to hate me."
Estonia's hands were on Lithuania's face as he forced other nation to meet his eyes yet again. Lithuania pushed him away, his own eyes filled with anguish.
"How could I ever hate you? What sort of person do you think I am? I could never have asked those things of you; they were too much. After all that you've done for me, and all of the time that I've ignored you, you expect me to hate you?"
"Toris, I..."
Lithuania grasped at Estonia's hands; Estonia barely reacted, his eyes seeing through the nation in front of him.
"You were right about everything, Estija. I know you as well as you know me, and I know that we belong together. Don't try to tell me that I deserve better, or that you haven't done enough for me, because you have. I won't reject you; I want you. For your sake, I will try not to hate myself."
The pause that followed was among the worst which Lithuania had ever had to sit through. Finally, Estonia took hold of Lithuania and began, once again, to kiss him. Lithuania opened his eyes wide in surprise, but closed them a second later in order to enjoy the kiss. It was as intense as their conversation had been; filled with a passion and hunger that had been previously restrained. The pain that had consumed them seemed to drift away.
They were lying on the floor by the time they broke apart. Estonia pulled himself away from Lithuania and looked into his eyes.
"Toris, you are my light. Without you beside me, I would be lost. I need you more than anything in the world. You are everything to me. Thank you for accepting my love."
The reply came back, simple but perfect.
"We were meant to be together."
Lazy ending is lazy. Thank you for reading, ad please write EstLiet of your own.