"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one." -John Lennon
The world is cruel. It gives you so little, so little to appreciate and to care for. It never seems to be enough, no matter how hard a person is able to try. It drains and takes everything you have, and turns it into a weapon against yourself. All the experiences, all the needs, everything; turned upside down and into a hellish world to live in.
Michelangelo sat on his bed, looking at the wall. He has sat in that position for the past few hours, trying to bring up the courage to leave his room. It's been two weeks since his fight with Raphael and since his outbursts, he felt better. No he wasn't healed, not in any way. But, it was as if something clicked, some hidden door opened up for him and was showing him the way to normality with bread crumbs in a straight line.
He was able to be around Raphael with little ease. It was simple. It seemed he had placed some of the burden on his brother, making it easier to move around during the day. It was all becoming so simple and so easy to understand. It became his comfort zone.
He has been staring at this wall because for the past few hours, pondering over what his next move would be. Progress was starting so he couldn't stop now.
He rubbed his thighs, feeling anxious. He took a breath, and stood up and headed for the door. Opening the door, he peaked his head out to see no one in sight. The faint sound of grunting confirmed Leo and Raph were in the Dojo training and Donnie was probably in his lab. He stepped out of his room quietly and made his way down to the lower levels and made it in front of his fathers door. Biting his lip, he opened the door slowly.
When he looked inside, he saw his father sitting in the middle of the floor. His eyes closed and on his knees, meditating.
"What troubles you Michelangelo?" His father's voice passing his ears. He swallowed hard before entering the room. As nimble as he could, he walked over to the mat in front of Master Splinter and took a seat. With his throat growing dry, he had to speak quickly.
"Do I disappoint you?" He asked, gaining nothing more than the look of his father's eyes as they opened. Mikey looked up at him, feeling his skin grow sweaty.
"I know I failed. I couldn't protect myself. I couldn't escape. All my training died in there and I am so sorry Master Splinter. I-I tried so hard and hoped that maybe I could be someone you had hoped for. But I failed." He murmured out his last sentence.
He flinched, feeling something fury on his shoulder. When he looked up, he saw the watery eyes of his master looking down at him.
"My son. I am proud of you. Not once have I ever doubted your strength and ability. You were placed in an impossible position with so many obstacles and difficulties but you came out alive." Splinter kneeled in front of Michelangelo.
"You are damaged, you are broken in ways that I will never understand. But I am never disappointed in you. You should me you are capable of overcoming fears that most cannot." A sudden click sprang into Mikey's brain.
"You saw what he did to me didn't you?" The question so quiet it was almost misplaced. Splinter tightened his grip and gave a sad smile.
"I saw you placed in something I never want to see you in again. But you came out still so light hearted. Even through anger."
Mikey sat for a moment, Biting his lip.
"Are you ashamed of me?" His voice meek and small.
Splinter raised his body, and quickly wrapped his arms around Michelangelo's head and held him.
"Do not ever think I am ever ashamed of such a powerful and strong willed worrier." He whispered. Michelangelo couldn't hold back any longer. He wrapped his hands around his father and gave a heave. He was healing. Slowly but surely.
A few more days past and Michelangelo was growing to be more confident with what he was doing. From walking into a room without flinching to sitting and talking to Raphael and his father with content.
At the moment, he was on the couch flipping through the channels and finding nothing but commercials. The sound of glass clanging caught his attention. He turned his head towards the door to find that Donnie's lab door was partially opened.
Michelangelo felt most guilty of the way he treated Don. His older brother was always the one he would go to when he needed to talk or felt like something needed to get fixed. He looked down at his hand and remembered when he had hit his pacifist brother. He didn't mean to, it was just a reaction.
He placed the remote down and stood up before striding towards the lab. He pushed the door open slightly, seeing Donnie placing some clean beakers up on the shelves.
"Ahem" He cleared his throat. Don jumped slightly and looked at the door to see Mikey standing there a little stiff.
"Hey Mike, are you okay?" He asked. Michelangelo downcast his eyes. Guilt ate at him. Even after all the rude and painful gestures he made towards him, Donnie still wanted to help.
"Can we-Can we talk?" He asked quietly. For a moment, Donnie stood stunned by the sudden request. He nodded and led Mikey to the table where he took a seat. He gripped the edge of the metal sheet under him with a deadly grip. His heart began to race, beating in his throat.
Donatello took a seat across from Mikey and remained quiet, allowing his brother to respond in any way he wanted to.
"I-I wanted to say I'm sorry for hitting you the other day." He wrapped his fingers together feeling some how embarrassed for even bringing it up.
"It was wrong of me, and I shouldn't be putting you through this. I know you've been trying to help me and Im really, really sorry." Mikey couldn't seem to bring himself to look at his brother.
"Mikey." The voice was soft. He looked up and saw his brother, smiling. "I want to help you, in any way I can. And if that means taking a few lashed out words or even a hit from you. Im willing to do that."
Donnie, always being the one who was the most understanding. Mikey couldn't ask for a better brother.
"Don. I wanna..I wanna tell you. You know, about what happened." Donatello sat back and listened. At some points, he cringed, holding his breath as his brother spoke. The nightmare, exposed and narrated. Michelangelo shivered and cried at points; at others, he thrash and yell. Falling to the floor at the end of his tale, unable to look up, to face the world as he thought he would. With every word he spoke, a piece of him felt it was slipping away.
The sudden feel of arms around him made him yelp. His body stilled when he saw it was Donnie holding him in a tight embrace.
"I'm sorry little brother." The mumbled apology shared between the two of them. Donnie was the only one he ever told, to allow him to help surface to something better.
As the weeks gone by, progress for young Michelangelo has been slow and timid. His relations with Raphael stayed the same and with Donnie, it was growing stronger. They sat at the table for breakfast, small talk between them.
"Morning." Leo called, walking in the kitchen. Mikey ducked his head and tensed. Leo stopped next to him and smiled.
"Morning Mikey." He said. Mikey took in a shaky breath.
"Morning." He mumbled before standing up quickly and leaving the room. Leonardo took a breath of defeat before running a hand over his head.
"Give him time bro. He'll come around." Raphael told him. Leo looked out for a moment before taking a seat at the table.
The day passed easily with no surprises, each one of them retired to their rooms with ease. Leonardo slept silently, engrossed with his subconscious. His eyes fluttered open when he saw his room was flooded with light.
"Wha.." He sat up slightly, adjusting his eyes to the contrast of the room.
"Leo?" A small voice called. He rubbed his eyes.
"Mikey?" he called out quietly. Mikey stood at the doorway of his bedroom, clinging to the doorframe.
"Could I-Could I stay in here with you tonight?" He asked. Leo stayed where he was for a moment, his blurry mind still trying to fully awaken. He finally moved over in his bed, signaling Mikey to come over.
Mikey took a breath, his heart stammering faster than he could keep up with. Leonardo was always his toughest to understand. He was the leader and the one who protected them all. He knew the guilt that was lain on his eldest brother's shoulders. How could he approach him with so little he himself have accomplished. He didn't want to let his brother down again. Each step took all his might till he made it to the bed.
Leo was always the one he went to late at night when the corners of his room taunted him. His big brother Leo always protected him from the dark. No he wasn't a child but maybe...maybe he could protect him from the darkness of his mind. He crawled in the bed, under the covers and all. Leo tried to keep his distance but Mikey insisted on the closeness. Leo stayed still, allowing Michelangelo to go in any position he saw fit. Just like they were kids. Little Mikey curled up on his side, no words said, just a comfort that Leo was able to apply.
"I'm sorry Leo. I'm sorry for letting you down." Mikey mumbled. Leo grew bold and wrapped his arms around his little brother and held him tight.
"Never think that Mikey. I've never been so proud of you than I am right now." It was all that was said, all that was needed to say. His brother was home, he was safe, and he was healing.
A/N: Is this an update whut? He-he sorry about this terrible update on this I've been so obsessed with my other stories this one totally slipped my mind! But yea there is an epilogue after this and that will be it for this story! Tell me what you think! -F