14. That was then and this is now

Kaiba shook Joey's shoulder. "Hey. Wake up. Wake up!"

"Mmmnnn gah she's a boy…"

He stopped and stared. "I really don't wanna know about your fucked up dreams. Now wake up!"

"Guh? Where am I?"

"Do you always wake up this lost? We're in the other me's world, did you forget it already?"

"Oh yeah, we're in the other me's world. And we…" He noticed their state of undress and smiled lazily. "Oh thank god. I was afraid that was part of the dream too."

"No, but you seemed to be dreaming about a hermaphrodite, which I'm sure you've noticed I'm not." He licked Joey's face and got up. "Put your clothes on, we've got work to do."

Joey didn't move. "Wha— you don't… you don't just lick someone's face and start to get dressed like it was nothing!"

"What do you want me to do? You probably have morning breath right now, I don't wanna kiss you."

"That's not the point! Hey! I'm talking, I'm not supposed to talk! Why am I talking?"

"Don't worry about it. I disconnected all of the bugs while you were sleeping." He finished getting dressed, without forgetting the wig and sunglasses, and looked at the bed. "You haven't moved."

"I… I was just thinking about… stuff." This time he got up and started getting dressed.

"Right. I forgot you can't think and do something else at the same time."

"Ugh, shut up." After putting on his wig, he stared at his hands and started grinning uncontrollably. Kaiba stopped by his side and stared with him.

"My ass is that great, huh? Glad I could help you achieve this level of happiness."

Joey turned red and pushed him away, running to the bathroom to wash his mouth with some toothpaste, careful not to wash where Kaiba had licked. He went back to what he was been thinking just then. If Kaiba was still naked when he woke him up, and he had disconnected all the bugs before, then that meant he did it while butt-naked. For some reason, the thought of Kaiba going around in the room disconnecting bugs with his butt in the air seemed extremely delightful to him. He grinned again, completely pleased with the world, and left.

He passed his arms around Kaiba and pulled him for a kiss. "See? Deliciously minty."

Kaiba pushed him against the wall and kissed him again. "I'm just pleased that you're doing it. Now come on." He opened the door and left.

Agreeing with Kaiba's observation over his now practically nonexistent bashfulness, he brought up his good-morning-world grin once again and followed him. "Where we going? It's still kinda dark outside."

He locked the door and took the key with him. "We're meeting Yugi, he'll get here in ten minutes. Now stop talking."

oOo

"Mhfhh. Mhhhfhh… ah kn fww mh hms."

"Wah?"

"Ah kn fww mh hms."

As the Master woke up, still sitting on B., memories from the past night dawned on him. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

He got up, feeling quite sore, and quickly got dressed. He talked, with his back turned. "I'll release you if you swear not to say a damn thing about yesterday."

"Ah fwr."

"What? Oh, right." He removed the rag from his mouth.

"I said I swear. Now please release my arms. I think they're dead."

"Yes, yes." He got the keys from the drawer and released B.'s arms, which instantly fell torpid to his sides.

"If I have to get them cut off, you're going to be my hands when I go to the bathroom. And when I'm soloing. And I do that one a lot."

"Don't be so dramatic, the feeling will return soon. But it'll probably sting like a bitch. Oh, well. Sucks to be you."

"Ah! Were you this mean before?"

"No, that was you. Our roles were inverted, remember?"

"Oh, please. I never made you sleep cuffed to the bed."

"Hmm… yeah, you had your magic potion. Except that actually wasn't supposed to happen, but I got so tired after…" He got violently red and ran to the bathroom. "For your information, I was drunk!"

B. snickered, then winced when his arms started to prickle. "Hey, I'm not saying anything. You are."

"Shut up! You're not supposed to say even that!"

"Yeah, yeah." Enjoy your last day as the Master, Puppy.

oOo

They left through a window and got to the gates just in time to see Yugi arriving. Kaiba grabbed him, with a hand on his mouth, and pulled him behind a bush where Joey was waiting without the disguise.

"What… Master? What is the meaning of this?"

"I ain't him, Yug'. I'll put it back in case they catch us." He put the disguise back, and Yugi looked at Kaiba.

"You… you're those two from yesterday! And you're Kaiba? What's going on?"

"Listen Yug'. You can't tell no one. We came from… another place. B. brought us to work out the situation with the other me."

Yugi obviously didn't understand anything. "…What?"

Kaiba pushed Joey aside. "Let me try. Your former Master Kaiba invented a machine that could cross worlds. He came to my world and asked me to help him dethrone Wheeler, and that's what we're doing here. He and Wheeler, this one, seem to think you would be on our side if we need help with anything."

"Oh. Of course! You can count on me!"

"…You accept these things pretty easily, don't you?"

"Well, it's either that or believe that I've gone crazy and am currently locked inside a padded cell."

Kaiba thought about that. "That's… a good point. Alright, whatever. The reason we talked to you was because he wanted us to. To be frank I don't think there's anything you can do. I'm defeating your Master today and giving the post back to him."

"That's great! I really hope everything works out."

Kaiba frowned at Yugi. "Was that nutcase really that better a Master than Wheeler? I mean, Wheeler is pretty inept, but still..." Joey ignored that, choosing to believe the jab was only directed at his counterpart.

"Eh… well, the fact the he is a nutcase is kind of what made it better. Everybody seems to like that crazy attitude of his, I mean, it was fun. He didn't take everything so seriously like Joey does. And, uh… he paid us better too. With Joey it's obligatory to call him Master and kneel before him. I know it doesn't seem that bad, but trust me, it starts off awkward, then it gets ridiculous and soon it's unbearable. And he… he wasn't like that." He turned towards Joey. "I guess he was pretty much like you, even if a little rougher on the edges."

"Hey, I'm pretty rough too."

Yugi just smiled at him. "I don't know about you, but our Joey has a sister, and she was very sick. He tried everything he could to get money for her operations, mostly things he's not proud to admit. When he thought about challenging Kaiba, Kaiba challenged him. And Joey lost. So he had to… work for Kaiba, and it seems things between them weren't exactly a bed of roses. All the money he got he sent his sister, but suddenly it wasn't enough. Later he found out their father was taking part of the money to gamble. So when the time for the rematch came, by a miracle he won."

"Miracle, shmiracle. He cheated."

Yugi stared at Kaiba in disbelief. "He… cheated? But how? The duel was watched by so many people, and no one saw anything. I remember Kaiba tried to expose him at the time, but they said it sounded so ludicrous that it was obviously a lie."

"It seems he used his dog nose and played a dirty trick. And? Why did he become that pissy prissy that he is now?"

"At first I guess he did it to try to make fun of Kaiba, the way he started acting and talking was supposed to be a mockery of him. Kaiba can be a little pompous too, but it's fun, he himself acts like it's a parody. Then Kaiba escaped before he could, in his words, exact his revenge, and every week, every month that passed and he didn't find him, seemed to ingrain that twisted personality more and more into him. He barely even sees his sister anymore. He said he 'took care' of his father, but don't ask me what that really means, because honestly, I don't want to know. Then he paid for all of her operations. Now she's perfectly healthy, but Joey… isn't. I don't even know if he can go back to the way he used to be." He stopped and looked at his watch. "Oh, shit! I have to go; I'm ten minutes late already!"

Before he left, Joey touched his shoulder. "Hey Yug', where's your Puzzle?"

"Hm? What puzzle, Joey? I never had any puzzle."

Joey let him go with a sad smile. "No. Never mind."

TBC

There. The Master's past is uncovered. Sort of. Sorry for the unfunny chapter. And there's no "Yami" to save the day here. Though even if there was, I'd incapacitate him somehow. Go be a deus ex machina on your own fanfics, Pharaoh!