Self Insert Naruto 2
"Well?" Iruka asks, looking at me expectantly.
"Well what?" I reply.
"If you're going to make a go of it, you need to get going."
"I'm just a clone. The original is in the classroom waiting for them," I explain.
"Yes, but if you're going to take it seriously you need to know before Kakashi gets there," Iruka pointed out.
"Well damn, I forgot he wouldn't immediately know what I knew." I sigh and pop myself.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
I awoke to feel a swat on my nose and find Tora a bit annoyed that my clone popped himself and let his clone fall to the floor. I give him a headbutt in apology and lick his ear so he knows I'll remember not to do that in the future.
The popping of my final cat clone lets me know Kakashi is about to enter the classroom.
I quickly hop down and resume human form, picking up Tora and petting him while I stare at the door. Before my two teammates can say anything the door opens and Kakashi enters.
"My first impression of you is... not good," he announces. "Meet me on the roof."
The roof: Two minutes later
I let the meeting follow cannon until it's time for my introduction. "My name is Naruto Uzumaki and before I begin I'd like to say that you have wasted over half our day to no purpose. These meetings are really supposed to be so we can get to know something about you. After all you have files on us and we know each other. So I have to say my opinion of you has already taken a dive. We can't afford to waste time because as green genin we are targets and will need every moment of training we can get if we want to survive combat. You have endangered us by your inaction."
I don't let Kakashi get a chance to give one of his lame excuses. "I had a clone trailing you for the last three hours. At any rate the hokage asked me to take this seriously and there isn't much I wouldn't do for the old man, so no games. My name is listed as Naruto Uzumaki, the Naruto part is correct, the rest, is not." I stroke Tora and can't help but feel like I should be telling them about a bomb being planted somewhere and how my evil plan is progressing. It takes me a moment to shake the feeling off.
"My dream is to fly... well that's more of a goal really and I should have that completed in the next month. My hobbies are weapon and armor construction. I like my pal Tora," I paused as Tora meowed and waved a paw. "And my friend Kiba. I have few friends my own age, for reasons you should understand, even if it turns out they were wrong. You'll have to consult with the Hokage to learn more. I haven't been cleared to tell you any more."
Sakura explodes into some fangirl rant about how I should stop trying to act cool. She really doesn't adapt well to change. She quiets down when she notices everyone staring at her and none of us look amused or impressed.
"Training ground nine at seven AM tomorrow," Kakashi announces. "I wouldn't advise eating because you'll only throw it up. This is the final test to see whether you become genin or go back to the academy."
Sasuke and Sakura immediately start to protest, but Kakashi just vanishes in a swirl of leaves.
Tora reminds me that breakfast was a while ago by a combination of purring and headbutting me. "We had fish for breakfast, so I'll get you some beef or something," I promise him.
Before Haruna or Uchiha (I've decided to be formal with them so I don't fall into the trap of becoming friends with them) can either continue their rant or ask questions, Iruka arrives.
"Let me guess, lot's of questions?" I ask.
Iruka nods.
"Fine, but you and the old man are paying for dinner," I reply.
Iruka groaned. "No ramen and would it kill you to show a little respect for the hokage?"
I chuckled already knowing what Naruto would have explained if he'd had the words. "Fine, someplace that doesn't mind cats and serves beef. I call him old man, because I do respect him, and he knows it. Plus, it amuses him and breaks the monotony of being called Hokage-sama all the time which annoys him."
"Huh," Iruka thinks about that. "I could call him something else I guess, on informal occasions or in private I suppose."
"Probably a good idea," I agree. "Cause old man is something only I get to call him. Try Professor or Sensei. It should bring a smile to his face."
Iruka smiled. "Well let's get going then and remember to drop Tora at home after dinner. Because of you, chasing the Fire daimyo's wife's cat Tora, is now a C-class mission. Do I even want to know how you taught a cat ninjutsu?"
"Probably not," I agree cheerfully when Tora nips at my ear to ask me about the near future. "After dinner we'll drop you off at home. In the morning... well actually Tomorrow will probably bore you to tears so hang loose and I'll stop by to pick you up before training with Kiba," at his questioning head butt I nod. "Ok, five or six clones before I drop you off."
Tora gives off a satisfied purr and a series of subtle movements causing me to blink. "I never thought of that," I admitted.
"Thought of what?" Iruka asked curiously.
"If having multiple clones sleep would cut down on the amount of time you actually need to sleep in," I replied.
Iruka nodded. "That's a good question, but I think it's kind of moot, as only you have enough chakra to make the answer worth knowing. Most people would pass out making a single clone last that long."
I nodded. "Well Tora is going to test it out and I suppose I'll give it a shot as well, but enough about that, where can we get large slabs of meat and not some fancy place either?"
"I know of a place near the stockyards, it's a bit rough but unless you buy a cow you can't get cheaper or fresher," Iruka said.
I smiled happily. When it comes to food I'm a simple guy and I need more than ramen to avoid being a midget for this entire life.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
It'd taken a couple of hours and had completely destroyed the edge of a kunai, but the fridge was clean. I checked my chakra levels and found I was still sitting pretty, which mean I could, hopefully henge into Warren and go flying now.
I decided to make sure I got it right on the first try and moved in front of a mirror, carefully building it all up in my mind until the picture was complete and poof! I rechecked the bones and joints when I realized that I didn't need an exact copy and could conserve some energy by making it closer to me, in fact I could just alter my form to match his mutation. I'd gone over the details enough that I could do it pretty easily as long as I wasn't rushed.
My next henge came off perfectly I was now a tiger striped Naruto with wings! Grinning I made a mental note to see if I could do Nightcrawler's tail. He could wield a sword with that sucker like nobody's business!
I leapt out the window and snapped out my wings, shooting up twenty feet effortlessly. I always knew having wings would be kickass and I was right! I glided in circles, catching the updraft that the heat from the city created, climbing higher until I could see the entire city and the mountains beyond. Hell, I could see the desert from here.
I practiced diving and turning to see how close I could cut things and discovered that I could actually control section of my feathers to great effect. Sure I almost ripped a wing off and lost control a few times, but for the most part flying was instinctive.
A clone popped and I realized that I, well the clone-generating I, had some dinner for me.
I figured out where he was from the angle of the memory, well that and I had the old man sending up a spark for me to home in on.
Swooping down I just managed to snag a bag that my original flung up into the air on an intercept course. Good thing, because no way was I good enough to snatch something off the ground yet. Birds make it look easy but they have a lot more practice than I do. Hell, I'm pretty sure attempting to land in anything but water would be a bad idea right now and even with water it's kinda iffy if I'll pop or not.
I open the bag and find that I got me steak and a bottle of orange juice. I love me!
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
I grinned at the stunned pair. "I said my henge was solid and that I was figuring out how to fly, but you two didn't believe me. Man, I should have bet money."
"How?" the Hokage asked with a look of wonder in his eyes.
"I've always used a different version of henge, cause let's face it, my chakra control makes normal henge impossible. My henge actually changes what it's used on. Add that with the knowledge of the anatomy of a man whose bloodline gave him functional wings and you get one flying Naruto."
"The... gifted knowledge?" the hokage asked.
I nod. "He was very generous and since I'd suffered from other's ignorance he felt a fitting gift would be knowledge. Plus I think he liked the fact that his gift was far greater than what the blond man had to offer. Sure he wasn't evil anymore, but one upping a man who defeated you always feels good, especially when the guy you are one upping admits it and thanks you. The yondaime may have dealt me a shitty hand, but he certainly didn't do it on purpose and he was happy to see the furry one slip me some aces."
The civilians were so used to nin casting genjutsu and my pulling pranks that no one believed it had actually been a flying me. A couple of people even chuckled and grinned at me, glad of the free entertainment I was bringing to the place.
It had great food and they didn't care about the Fox. The portions were a good size and the seating was in tables overlooking the forest. Yeah I'd be eating dinner here a lot.
"Has it changed you any?" Iruka asked, just realizing a bit about how much knowledge I had now.
"Knowledge always changes people," I replied seriously. "Most people don't understand death until a close friend dies or that they will die someday until they hit middle age."
Neither the old man or Iruka looks happy at my answer.
I chuckle. "Yeah, I'm growing more mature by the second, but trust me when I say ignorance isn't bliss." Memories assaulted me. "My life before... let's just say that herd animals, when kept by themselves either go crazy or die. Man is a herd animal for the most part, especially as children. I'm more happy now than I was last week. I may not be as loud and cheerful as I was or have the same goals, but I'm far happier."
"How have your goals changed?" the hokage asks me.
I shrug. "Well, I no longer want your job. Too many headaches and hassles not to mention always second guessing yourself and having to make decisions that you know are wrong because it prevents a greater wrong. Me? I plan on helping my friends and making things. I may get married at some point and have kids, though I'm still young enough not to want them right now, and in the end I plan on dying and joining every person since the first human being took breath. I plan on being happy for most of my life and spending a great amount of time in the air. I will probably move to the clouds in the sky one day."
"Solid clone notwithstanding, I'm not sure you can actually do that. Flying is possible, but you have to sleep sometime and clouds aren't as solid as they look," Iruka said gently.
I grinned. I always thought S.H.I.E.L.D.'s helicarrier was a bit much, but older designs they'd bandied about like dirigibles were possible without even requiring my knowledge of advanced tech.
"Would you like to make a small wager on me doing it?" I asked, trying to look as innocent as possible.
Iruka suddenly looked wary and Sarutobi had a hard time not laughing.
"What?" I asked dumbly.
"You do a great innocent act, Naruto, but the halo is really pushing it," the old man explained before bursting out in laughter.
"What halo?" I asked.
The hokage made a simple hand sign and was suddenly holding a mirror up to my face and I'll be damned if I didn't have a halo. I stared at it shocked and it flickered and went out.
"Must have been connected to your emotional state," the Hokage guessed. "What were you thinking?"
"Well part of my brain was chuckling 'sucker', and I was trying to make myself look as innocent as possible," I admitted.
"You were trying to scam me!?" Iruka accused.
"You do believe it's impossible, right?" I asked, figuring I could still get him to bet using logic as long as I didn't look too knowledgeable or guilty.
"The halo's back," Iruka pointed out.
I gave up trying to look innocent.
"And now it's gone," Iruka said.
"Look, you don't believe it's possible, right?" I pointed out.
"True, but you have tricked me before," Iruka replied suspiciously.
I chuckled. "Any tricks of any sort and this bet will be considered null and void. The bet is simple. I have to build, with or without help, a safe and comfortable home in the air above the Leaf village. I'm talking cloud level above the village. I'll refer to it as a castle in the sky, but more than likely it'll resemble a ship or vessel. I expect to have it done within the next five years or forfeit. Does that sound fair?"
Iruka nodded slowly. "Suspiciously fair."
The Hokage gave Iruka the fish eye, making him blush. "Heh, sorry." Iruka apologized. "It's a bet."
"Excellent. If I win you have to move in with me up there for at least a month," I grinned, it'd be nice to spend time with one of the few people in the village I consider family.
Iruka blinked at the stakes and then grinned himself, seeing as he couldn't fulfill them unless I succeeded. "If you fail, you have to help me teach for a month." Iruka grinned, for much the same reason.
"Teach?" I said contemplatively, before I realized how big a difference I could make. I could help mold an entire generation of genin to be like me!
Iruka paled and the Hokage simply held up the mirror again, showing me this time with little horns, red clothes and hair, and evilly glowing red eyes.
"Needs a goatee and a pencil thin mustache," I complained.
The sudden appearance of the requested facial hair came as no surprise.
"Subconscious gen-justu?" I guessed.
"I'd guess so," the Hokage agreed.
"So, Iruka, would you like me to help on my days off?" I asked cheerfully.
"No," Iruka said flatly.
"I suppose I could just help the kids when you're not around," I said thoughtfully.
"On second thought, maybe you should help me, so I can keep an eye on what you teach them," Iruka said.
"Too late. I've decided I'm going to take on a cadet team and train them," I said with a grin.
"Cadet team?" Iruka wondered aloud. "The closest thing we have to a team is Konohamaru and his corps..." Iruka trailed off with a groan.
"Exactly!" I reply cheerfully. "The kid is a lot like me in some ways. He wants to become Hokage like I did and for much the same reasons, recognition and to protect those he cares for. Right now he's got Ebisu as a trainer, the council assigned him, and that's stunting his growth."
"How so?" Sarutobi asked, curious about how having a very talented trainer like Ebisu would stunt his grandson's growth.
"Ebisu is great for genin trying to make chunin, or even chunin trying to increase their skills, but for students who haven't even made genin he's a pain in the ass. The kids need someone who'll make things fun for them and let them run a bit wild. Precision and discipline come later, for now we need to encourage interests and creativity."
The old man nodded. "I can see your point."
I grinned. "Excellent!" I made a quick handful of clones. "One through five, find and train Konohamaru."
The single clone left standing there raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for orders.
I shrugged. "Go poke Hanabi with a stick."
"Poke Hanabi with a stick?" Iruka asked.
"Teaching her not to rely on her bloodline too much, plus Hinata would prefer her little sister to be happy and not just another drone, so I'm multi-tasking."
"so you like Hinata?" Sarutobi teased.
"She's a nice girl who's practically had her ego crushed because her father knows nothing about psychology and child rearing," I explained. "Being who she is she'll be forced to marry within the clan to preserve the bloodline. So even if I were inclined to want her as more than a friend, it'd be a bad idea unless I feel like killing the entire council of elders and possibly her father."
The two adults winced as I'd laid out everything bluntly, not only removing any possibility of teasing, but bringing up some very unpleasant facts.
"Knocking off the Hyuga clan elders isn't a bad idea, they are all dicks, but killing Hinata's father would be a pretty screwed up way to start a relationship."
"I agree," said a voice from behind me and judging from Iruka's pale expression I'm guessing I know who it is.
"Hiashi, why don't you join us?" I suggested.
"Someone should teach you manners, child," he said in his typical stick up the ass manner, with just a hint of killing intent lacing it.
"Why should I need manners when speaking to a man who shows none himself? Listening in on other's conversations is hardly polite," I point out. I can easily see the anger in his pupiless eyes at being talked back to by a commoner.
"I did not intentionally eavesdrop, child. I just happened to overhear while openly approaching," Hiashi growled. I wonder what it is about me that lets me anger people so easily.
"I can buy that," I admit, causing Hiashi to calm down a bit as he felt he had the upper hand again. "However, there is still the manner in which you and most of the village ignore the last request of the fourth Hokage. You ignore the death bed request of a man who sacrificed his own soul for this village. As far as I'm concerned you might as well be pissing on his grave, so I feel no need to be polite to many people in this village."
Hiashi snorted. "Him I would treat as a hero, you were conscripted you did not choose to sacrifice yourself for the village."
I chuckled, but there was little humor in it. "The fourth wasn't just giving a last request, he was also giving a command, because the seal is powered by my will, so if I didn't care to keep the Fox contained when it awoke it could easily get free. Fortunately it was knocked out by the technique used to seal it for over a decade."
"Preposterous!" Hiashi snorted again. "As if..." his voice trailed off as the Hokage met his eyes and nodded.
"The only reason I keep your clan alive is for Hinata and Hanabi's sake," I said. "There are only about half a dozen people in this village I care for or I would have let the Fox have the freedom he was demanding yesterday, but I have both good and bad news for you."
"W-what?" he actually stuttered, stunned by the enormity of what they were discussing now that the Hokage was weighing in on Naruto's side.
"The good news is that the Shinigami came this morning and claimed the Fox, meaning I no longer have to hold him back. The Fox is no longer a threat."
"That is indeed good news," Hiashi said, regaining control over himself, but not directly threatening Naruto again as he was waiting for the whole story.
"The bad news is that the greater danger I've been protecting your clan from has nothing to do with the Fox. If not for the Shinigami pointing it out I wouldn't even have realized it, being very naive before he talked with me."
"Yes?" Hiashi asked standing as still as a statue.
"Yeah, see the whole caged bird seal business is a huge weakness. Anyone who knows the handsigns can activate it, crippling or killing the branch house, which is the majority of your clan. You'd be reduced to you, Hinata, and Hanabi. I don't include the old farts because they'd probably die of heart attacks the moment they realized they had no more slaves and would have to wipe their own asses," I snorted.
Hiashi shook his head. "The signs needed to activate the seal are known only to a few and I don't see what this has to do with you protecting my clan."
"It's not that big a secret," I disagree shaking my head. "The main house may be the only ones trained in the use of the seal, but the branch family has seen it used a lot, so they know it as well. All it takes is one suicidal branch member and boom, most of the clan is gone and with the way they're treated you can't say it's not possible."
Hiashi had gone completely pale as I outlined the situation. Iruka and Sarutobi weren't much better as it would be a major blow to the Leaf.
"Of course that's only partly connected to how I've been protecting your clan. You see I've seen and taken down posters that have the seals and their effects written on them, because some of the branch members have lost it before. I had just been given a lecture by the old man here on security and why I shouldn't point out the holes in it-" I began.
"I don't recall that," the Hokage interrupted.
I shrugged. "It was about five years ago. The whole pink haired ANBU incident."
"You contaminated the water supply in ANBU headquarters so their hair turned pink, causing a dangerous lapse in security as they could be identified while off duty," the old man pointed out.
I shrugged. "And if an academy student could pull that off, what could an enemy nin do? You had me assigned to do some cleaning as punishment. Of course ANBU took the chance to insure I was properly punished by having me clean the worst places they could find."
"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Sarutobi said.
"I was forced to clean sewage pipes, back alleys, porno theaters, and the infectious waste bins at the hospital," I said blandly, recalling where I... err, Naruto gained his hatred of perverts.
From the ashen face of the Hokage I could tell he was more than a little upset. Iruka wasn't looking too happy either and even Hiashi had winced.
"Have I mentioned my sense of smell is just short of Kiba's?" I asked, sure that even Hiashi knew who he was, since he was one of Hinata's teammates.
"But don't sweat it. It's knowledge like that, that has made it so easy for me to out fox ANBU whenever I felt like it. I know all the places that people avoid and how to sneak through places where upsetting paranoid John's can get you shanked by angry whores."
The three just stare at me in shock so I dismiss the henge I was using and allow my bright orange jumpsuit to shine.
I wait the required two minutes or so for the cursing to stop and everyone to regain their eyesight. "I normally wear this unhenged and they still can't catch me, nor can anyone else unless I let them. If I don't trust you, you'll only see me when I want you to. But back to my story, there was an old and forgetful man with very white eyes who would be escorted by a much younger female with similar eyes to an area where the lanterns were the opposite of blue, well actually it'd be more correct to say 90 degrees and I'm not talking green either."
Hiashi groaned.
Naruto nodded. "A couple of henges while passing a certain spot, that has a permanent genjutsu to make people ignore it, and the old pervert and much younger woman would vanish into a love hotel for a couple of hours. He was so forgetful that he kept leaving behind notes that he had written down, like the handsigns and his reasons for forcing a young woman to bear his child, by threatening to use the seal on her younger sister or use the younger sister in her place."
Hiashi sighed. "I know, it was an in-house scandal and the baby was born deformed and died less than a day later, allowing me to outlaw the use of the seal on pregnant women. He took his own life in shame and she was allowed to move out."
Naruto nodded. "I know, although it wasn't so much allowed as forced, for fear of being around her would cause more children to be born deformed. A last revenge by the elders and the branch family buckled under and allowed it rather than standing by her."
Hiashi scowled. "Fine, she got a raw deal all the way around."
"Not to mention the elder who attempted to use the seal on her as she was leaving," Naruto reminded him.
Hiashi winced again. "Yes, I recall, but her seal had already been altered so it did him no good."
I nodded. "A genin could kill half your clan without getting inside your property. The Hokage could probably kill all of them from here and I could wipe them all out from halfway to Sand. The caged bird seal is a greater danger to your clan than even the Fox was and I've been protecting your clan from it for years. So, what am I to the Hyuga clan?"
"Are you trying to blackmail me?" Hiashi growled.
"Is he being deliberately obtuse or is he really that blind?" I ask the old man.
"He's avoiding acknowledging the debt by falling back into the familiar role of pretending you're a threat," the Hokage said flatly.
"A debt owed by one lacking honor is no debt at all," I remarked, a deadly insult that Hiashi had no choice but to take, having gambled I was naive enough not to realize what he was doing and lost.
If the Hokage wasn't here I have no doubt, he'd try to kill me, but having the Hokage on your side is like having a handful of aces, so he doesn't dare raise a finger against me. I resume eating and pretend he doesn't exist. Unless he wishes to lose a lot of face he's going to have to make some major concessions to me.
I'll let the Hokage handle negotiations, I hate politics.
Typing by: Stephenopolos