A/n: Plot? You'd think so. I think I was introduced to National Novel Writing Month too early in my writing career--my writing takes so long...
No, if nothing else, this paves the way for plot. Next time is pretty for-sure.
Today was pretty good. Thirteen emails. I feel so loved. Haven't had that much attention since this story's prequel.
Someone said Ren's not that Mary-Sue. Eh...probably not. I guess she's not really that loved. She is, however, obnoxiously perfect, and it just so happens that Akatsuki is smart enough to see that and hate her for it like everyone else hates Mary-Sues (or...yeah, that's my theory.)
Which might be why those people who hate Mary-Sues seem to like this stuff anyway.
Disclaimer: I should make a song...it'd be, like...:tries to sing, emphasis on tries: These characters I write with, no they don't belong to me, they belong to that evil mastermind we all know aaand love, that evil cruel Masashi...Kishimoto.
Except-of-course-Ren-and-the-cat-but-I-really-don't-care-if-you-use-them-because-I-don't-much-like-Ren-and-the-cat's-a-freaking-cat-and-I-didn't-give-it-enough-personaaaaaality-for-anyone-to-notice-you-stole-it!--
...:not singing anymore: yeah, I'm not doing that again. Marching band music is for marching band, not disclaimers.
The next day, as Pein sat at the table, he didn't open his newspaper. He was on-edge, more than just a little nervous about the day before. It was hard to tell which was worse—that he had a conversation with Kai about that, or that Ren most definitely overheard it. Something about Ren told Pein that she was the one who was most likely to blurt it randomly, and for that reason his gaze focused intensely on the dark-haired little girl.
Ren was good at ignoring him. She continued eating, looking up only when she went to another item on her plate or picking up her glass to take a sip. Tobi sat at her side, having found the last chair of their set and managed to squeeze it in next to his old spot, and kept looking anxiously at Pein, seeming to wonder why his boss was glaring at his daughter. Er, adoptive daughter.
Unfortunately, all around the table, Pein's uncertainty had become aparent and spread like a plague. The only noise was that of the few who weren't too uneased to eat consuming the food before them. Finally, Tobi cleared his throat uncertainly, drawing all eyes to him as he mumbled, "I-is anyone wondering what we named Sayuri?"
The tension was suspended for a brief moment by confusion, until Ren growled, "Otou-chan, you just said it," which she began to utter at the same moment that Itachi added forgivingly, "He means the cat." The two exchanged a glance, and it seemed the first time they'd done so—Ren recoiled in surprise, if only so slightly.
Pein felt a wave of triumph and stood up. "So, you don't know about Itachi-kun's eyes yet, do you?" He then realized that he had stood up, and thought of how immature that was as he sat down, letting out a small cough to excuse it.
Ren turned to face Pein with a neutral expression. "I know about his eyes," she answered monotonously. "I just hadn't really looked at them yet." She grinned evilly. "And besides, I probably know more secrets in this group than anyone else," she added, leaving a pause for drama. "Great evil genius Pein-sama the father."
Pein flinched. Badly. And almost flinched again when he realized what that did to his image. How unleader-like!
Hidan sighed. "Didn't we already know that he's technically the fucking father?"
Tobi squeaked and hissed, "Hidan-obaasan! Please don't use that word in front of Ren-chan!"
"My beloved grandson," Hidan began loudly and sarcastically, "if she hears crap that she 'shouldn't,' don't blame me. You're the dumbass who brought her to the mother-fucking Akatsuki at the age of nine."
Ren cleared her throat. "I'm ten," she corrected huffily. "…and a half," she added.
Hidan rolled his eyes as he ammended, "Yeah, whatever the fucking hell you say. You're still with Akatsuki, and you're still really young."
"That doesn't matter," Ren snapped, an obvious move to distract from her loss. She hesitated a moment longer, taking a deep breath, before she turned a cold smile to Pein and declared, "Pein, I would like an explanation of exactly what you and your girlfriend were talking about yesterday."
Pein took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and was halfway through another when he finally figured exactly how to retort. "Well, someone has to decide what we're going to eat during the week." Stupid excuse, talking about their conversation before breakfast, but an excuse nonetheless.
Ren shook her head. "No, Pein. I mean after breakfast." She gave him a pressuring glare. "I believe there was some mention of a child? Other than myself, of course." Gazes were exchanged about the table.
Unleader-like as it was, Pein turned to Kai for support, locking eyes with her and sending a question through that connection. Kai closed her eyes in thought, bit her lip, and paused before she finally inclined her head sharply in a nod.
Pein took a deep breath, sighed, and began trying to explain. "Well…you see…" It took a deep breath and almost all of his courage for him to spit out, "When a man loves a woman very much…"
Hidan burst into laughter at the simplistic explanation, and Deidara choked on the orange juice he had just sipped. Pein waited for his "daughter" to stop coughing and complaining about the burning in his nose before continuing.
"Yes," he went on. "If you'll recall an incident three years ago…"
"I said that it was because of my family," Kai took up where Pein left off. "And…we kind of lied. I just needed to get out so that you'd never really know about it, because, well, the whole point was for you to not find out…"
There seemed a moment of something like confusion, and it took Pein a moment to realize that the rest of Akatsuki wasn't used to Kai being so talkative. Finally, Kisame spoke up. "So…you mean, you two actually have a child related by blood?"
Pein hesitated for half a second before nodding his answer.
"…that means that you guys…" Tobi wondered with horror.
Pein nodded again, a bit more exasperated this time.
"Ewwww!" Tobi whined. "Tobi's parents had sex—that's so gross!"
Pein closed his eyes patiently and shook his head at his son's naivety. He could hear Deidara and Hidan chorusing laughter, and Sasori explaning patiently, "Of course they had sex, Otouto. I mean, how do you think you were made?"
Tobi paused before asking, "Sasori-oniisan, how was I made?"
"Sex, Otouto. You were made through sex."
"Ewwwww!" Tobi repeated. "That's so—that's so—…" He stood and ran to the bathroom.
A silence was stopped early by Itachi giving a little cough, reminding everyone of the conversation from before.
"So, really, you guys seriously had a fucking child?" Hidan asked.
"For the last time," Pein growled, "yes, we did."
"Then," Deidara started, his expression relatively neutral but not without touches of a smirk, "when will we be meeting the latest addition to our family?"
It took Pein a moment to realize exactly what his daughter meant. "Never," he answered firmly when he figured it out. "Akatsuki is no place to raise a child, and I'm not going to endanger ours by letting it live here."
"Ren seems to be doing fine," Sasori pointed out. "I don't think that Akatsuki is as unhealthy as you seem to think."
Pein was aware of Kai looking at him expectantly and addressing him. "Love…"
"I know," Pein consoled. "But no."
A/n again: What to say...oh! Tobi's little comment! That whole, "Ew, my parents had sex" thing? The sad thing is...that line had inspiration from my brother (who, by the way, is a male senior in high school). I don't even remember how the conversation started. But it somehow turned into my parents mentioning...I don't even remember. It could very easily have been directly them having sex. And my brother was grossed out.
Which I still think is funny.
Oh. Oops. I forgot the preview last time...oh well.
Preview: As the leader of Akatsuki, you'd think Pein would get his way more often. Maybe he wouldn't mind it so much if he knew it had to be done for the sake of plot...
No special. Because it's short and the only thing I thought I could talk about was Tobi's line, and that didn't seem long enough to constitute a special. But it means I'm rambling less! That's good, right?