A/n: Next chapter is last chapter. Unless you count the epilogue. And the most-certainly-freaking-not-unlikely A/n chapter that hopefully won't follow. But don't hold your breath.
Nigh on the end...and you know? No fight scene. Damn. I kinda wanted some blood. Because I seem to be totally psychotic.
Yeah, like you didn't already know.
Now, seriously, do any of you think that it would be kinda stretching-it-too-thin to make DRF a trilogy? By the way, if none of you answer to this now, I'll integrate it without warning into the next chapter. Which will be really annoying. If you don't think so already, I will find a way...
Just think about it:
"Otou-sama?" Tobi asked. "How did you survive this whole incident?"
"I don't know," Pein admitted. "But maybe I didn't--maybe the author will kill me off because it won't matter because nobody's giving an opinion on making this story a trilogy and thus she assumed that it would be stretching it too thin and thus nobody wanted a trilogy and nobody would care if she killed me off. In other words, this conversation might not even be posted on the internet for very long before it is replaced with whatever fate she plans for us for the benifit of killing me off just to be a jerk. Because all the best authors seem to be jerks. Like J.K. Rowling. Why the hell did she kill off Sirius, anyway?"
"Ummm...Otou-sama?" Tobi wondered cautiously. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Well, I've had this crick in my neck..." Pein felt the back of his neck and realized there was a small metal square lodged in the base of his brain. "...fuck," he muttered.
Haruka fell unceremonsiously on the floor.
(That was an example. None of this actually happens. Though something vaguely similar may occur if you don't heed this warning and answer in one way or another.)
Yeah, I'm a filthy liar on the whole Yeah-I'ma-post-this-chapter-yesterday-or-the-day-before topic.
Disclaimer: As always: I only own Ren, Haruka, Shikai, Sayuri, and those Otogakure fools who dare attempt to kidnap our dear hero Pein-otousama.
(by the way, they're on strict take-everyone-hostage basis, because they're kinda Orochimaru's flunies and Oro kinda wants at least Itachi's body, probably wouldn't complain about having everyone else's too, but that really doesn't matter because they're currently the antagonists and are thus doomed to failure) (yeah, that other bit should totally have been under A/n rather than disclaimer; too bad, so sad, deal)
All others are property of Masashi Kishimoto.
Pein awoke groggily, out of a discomfort that wouldn't let him sleep right rather than something telling him to wake up. And he most certainly was uncomfortable—he couldn't possibly be in his own bed, because when the hell did his bed have him sitting upright on a rock-hard surface?
It never did, and he most certainly hoped it never would, but as he thought about it he began to wonder if that was really so bad as the alternatives. Memories came back, and he found a deep hatred for himself for having seriously fallen for that.
But that wasn't quite relevant, and he instead took the time to observe his surroundings: he was in a small fissure, the light outside revealing the scenery somewhere over his house behind the silhouette of a pale-clad figure with something odd around his waist. So he was being held captive in a cave in the mountain near his house. At least he wasn't too far from home, and getting back would probably be relatively easy.
As he thought about his situation tactically, he realized that his captors (there was only one here, but he did remember seeing more earlier) had left him untied. 'Idiots,' he insulted. 'Forgot even the most obvious thing.'
He tried to push himself up—and flinched at the pain that shot up his arm.
Pein clenched his teeth. 'Damn it. They broke my arms—maybe they're not so stupid.'
He tensed one of his legs experimentally, and knew immediately that he wouldn't be able to walk unassisted even if he could get up. He knew no jutsus that would fix any of his limbs, and while he could probably do something about his guard, there might be more just outside, and seeing as he was still alive, they didn't want him dead and would presumably be his only potential source of food.
His only apparent option was to wait and hope that someone would come and save him somehow. Which didn't seem likely to happen at all, much less in a short timeframe.
Some people didn't mind having time all alone stuck in the back of a dark cave with arms and legs broken and thus no option but to sit and wait and maybe think or something. Pein was not one of those people. He had grown far too attached to his family to want forced alone-time, he'd developed a subtle fear of bats since the incident with Deidara's Kai, his limbs would take forever to heal, his ass already hurt a bit, he wasn't patient at all, and his thoughts…well, everything else was frustrating enough that his only thoughts were outraged strings of impolite vocabulary.
Oddly, not a full minute could have passed before the shadow at the mouth of the cave tensed, then turned in to the cave, pausing some way in and lighting a candle to reveal to Pein the face of his guard: male, with relatively light brown hair falling out of a bandana-style ninja headband bearing the Otogakure emblem. Things made just a bit more sense as the young man approached Pein with a sheepish grin.
"Hey," he addressed, his voice relatively quiet. "The whole breaking-your-legs-and-shoving-you-in-the-back-of-a-dark-cave thing? That wasn't my idea. None of this was my idea. I honestly wanted to stay very far away from this whole situation, but no, for some reason, it seems that Akatsuki is such a priority suddenly—sheesh," he mumbled spitefully, shaking his head. "Anyway, don't blame me, please? And it would be nice if you don't send anyone after me, too. Maybe I can start something for a truce…"
Then he turned and ran out of the cave entrance.
Pein was almost dumbfounded. Almost. 'What a strange person,' he thought vaguely, then shrugged. 'I suppose there's nothing really wrong with letting him go. Not that I'd be able to do anything anyway,' he added, frowning down at his broken arms. 'Stupid…'
The light at the mouth of the cave was interrupted again, but not as fully. The figure blocking it was younger, smaller…and crouched to leap up at something above the entrance before freezing, comprehending, and running into the cave.
It was really really dark in the cave. Pein had no idea who his…savior, he guessed stubbornly, was, except he or she was young, with short dark hair. As the figure approached, though, he could make out a few other features—that they couldn't be much more than ten years old, and that she was probably a girl. Probably. Still too young to be sure, but if this person was going to help Pein, he felt rather certain who it was.
The voice certainly matched. "Ojii-sama," Ren began, "we should go home now."
"Yes, we should," Pein agreed, his voice not as kind as it could have been. "Except that you're ten years—"
"Ten and a half," Ren corrected.
"Screw you too!" Pein snapped. "I happen to be disabled beyond walking ability, and you're not exactly strong enough to carry me home."
"I come all this way and all you can do is yell at me?" Ren retorted. "Do you have any idea the trouble I went through—first everyone passes out, then I'm stuck protecting your kids, it's finally safe to get out and I manage to track you down, and all you do is yell at me that I'm useless? Who do you think killed the guard?"
A pause. "The guard left of his own accord."
"That one did," Ren agreed, "but he wasn't alone—look, I got blood all over my favorite jumpsuit!" she whined, gesturing at her favorite garment and the stains on it that Pein could barely see in the dim light. "And now my eyes kinda hurt, and you're just complaining—I swear—!" She shook her head disapprovingly.
"Why did you come up here to get me if you can't bring me down?" Pein demanded.
"I can't get you down, but anyone else could," Ren answered. "I left a trail for them to follow and a note to explain—as soon as anyone 'capable' is able, someone will be taking that trail, finding us here, and taking us home."
Another pause. "Why didn't you just bring someone capable with you?"
"They all passed out!" Ren answered, sounding like she was placing the blame on someone else. "I don't know why, but they did, and I was kind of hoping that they'd be up by now…"
"…what about my children?" Pein demanded. "Did you just leave them there where several adults were brought under circumstances to pass out for some unknown reason?!" He didn't realize his voice was rising angrily until he stopped talking and heard it echo on the cave walls.
"Calm down, Otou-sama," Ren answered coolly when the echoing stopped, then paused to bring the topic back. "It's not like I had any other choice—it was that or bring them here, where you're being held hostage and the guys guarding you are more than ready to fight for the kill."
Pein sighed, unwilling to admit that she had a point, but thankfully not needing to when he realized that it was getting rapidly darker in the cave—something was approaching in a manner that blocked the sun from the mouth of the fissure.
Ren noticed too, and turned to leave the cave and see what was coming. Her voice could be heard to yell, "Blonde-ojisan! Over here!" and her arms waved, sending the shadows around Pein into a frantic chaos.
Soon Pein thought he could make out the cause of the shadow: the familiar shape of Deidara's abstract bird sculpture, its talons gripping the mountainside as a potentially human shape hopped off and staggered into the crevice, stumbling and mumbling something obscene as it came into the darkness. A match was lit, and Pein saw the form more clearly.
It wasn't a human, it was two (technically): Sasori's permanent critical expression was neutralized with worry, his silhouette skewed by his slouch under the weight of a blue-haired woman, eyes glazed semiconsciously and mouth set half-open in concentration.
"Otou-sama," Sasori addressed, limping forward, uninjured but not used to having to hold Kai up. She was nearly draped over his shoulder, her feet dragging on the ground rather than supporting herself.
"Sasori-kun," Pein answered neutrally as the puppet carried Pein's spouse to his crippled mess in the corner. When Sasori reached his father, he lowered Kai to the ground, where she half-sat, half-laid next to Pein, leaning on his shoulder.
"Sweetheart," she breathed unevenly, "should we wait…for debriefing?"
"Yeah," Pein answered quietly, wondering how he was going to get his wounds healed. Did anyone in Akatsuki know anything in the lines of medical technique? The only one he could think of was Zetsu…who only should be counted in a society where the wounded are eaten.
"Otou-sama, we should get going," Sasori pointed out, reaching down to pick Kai from the ground and carrying her back to Deidara's bird. "Come on."
"Hey," Pein retorted, "do you think I'd still be sitting here if I didn't need help?"
Sasori paused, already halfway to the entrance. "Oh…Deidara-chan?"
Deidara had a reasonably distinct silhouette; his ponytail, sticking high in the wind until he entered the shelter of the crevice and approached Pein, stooping to sling his father-figure's arm over his shoulder and carry him out of the cave in that manner.
As Pein was dragged to the mouth of the inset, his eyes swept over Ren's as she stood with a lit match that sent an orange tint in her red eyes—
But her eyes weren't usually red, and Pein automatically stiffened at the unfamiliarity. Deidara paused, asking, "Hm? What's long, Otou-sama?"
Pein's scowl locked with Ren's relatively neutral stare, the hardness of his glare intensifying as he fully realized that Ren was somehow a user of the Sharingan.
A/n again: :stands in plain sight with arms held wide open and eyes clenched shut: Okay. Shoot me. I know you want to.
Preview: Everyone really should be on the same page...
Special: Uchiha Ren:
Yeah, look at this; she's gotten, like, three Specials on her. Because I have to explain every time she does something too-Sue.
So, remember? Waaaay back when? When Ren had attacked Pein in the morning? There was a tiny little tidbit...seemingly, nobody noticed. Something about a reddish gleam in her eye.
By the way, I had this other story that she was kind of intended for. I mentioned that story at some point in this story's prequel. The plot(thing) of that story was something along the lines of the child of Itachi and the child of Pein and Kai somehow winding up meeting, even though they live in seperate villages (neither of them really know their parents). Ren was Itachi's child (in case you didn't figure)
That whole story was pretty "interesting", I think. Ren started using her Sharingan at some sparring match, the teacher caught her, so then they're all sending word for Sasuke to come back because he has some kin to raise, and Sasuke comes back and marries Sakura and has a little boy child with pink hair who will eventually get Sharingan (color clash), and Ren hates them all.
I'm sure that, at this point, someone's interested in who her mother is? My answer:
It really doesn't matter.
The idea was something along the lines of Itachi going out on a mission (I guess Kisame would have been there too) and somehow wound up in a position for everyone to get totally drunk, and we wound up with unprotected sex and nine months later some random lady's giving birth to Ren and then I guess thinks seriously about that night and goes, "Shit, this is Uchiha Itachi's daughter--I'd better deny the whole thing," and dumps Ren on the streets/at an orphanage/somewhere not her house.
Does this make things more tolerable or do you only want to shoot me more?