A/n: The last official chapter :sniff: even though there's still the epilogue, and then almost definitely a pointless-type A/n chapter, and then...the third installment -.-;...I'm a bit more emotional than I really should be. It's still the last chapter chapter...of this installment. Which is all I'll be able to write for a while (you all are aware of my obligation to one NaNoWriMo? I'm sure I've explained it several times already, but just in case--site at bottom of my profile)

Ahhh, the debriefing. What the hell did happen everywhere, anyway? I'm tempted to later add in the chapter(s) I cut--fightscene! What do you say?

Hrmmm...I actually suspect that the epilogue is longer than this chapter (epilogue? yeesh. Mary-Sue equals Ren equals Very Yes.)

I kinda wish that I could do something to make up to you guys that I'll be totally silent for a month. But I can't think of anything. Ummmm...I really can't think of anything. If anyone has any suggestions that can be pulled off before November, I would very much like to hear it. What's in it for you? I'll probably do it.
Oh, yeah...hey, would you guys be at all entertained if I collected my disclaimers from all the stories I've posted on all three websites? I try to keep them relatively not-so-very-boring, it might be a little less boring if I posted those (furthermore, those would be really simple and thus short to post if I put a little effort in now, so it wouldn't be out of the question for me to post them through November...). And it would be from other sites, so some would be similar, but I'd save the ones here for last because you've already seen them...
...like a day-by-day calendar of...disclaimers. The thought amuses me...(even if it's only through November)

Thank you everyone who has been bothered to read this story, for I put a lot of stress, late nights of forced typing, thought, and/or effort into this. Thank you also for not shooting me because of Ren, even if it seems to be only through turning a blind eye. Thank you once more for thinking of the story as a trilogy in a positive manner. I'm glad you can make me feel so great when you say that my work deserves a third round. And I hope that these thanks make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Or that you are a ninja with no emotions and don't want to feel warm and fuzzy inside, so it would be a good thing if you didn't.
(in case anyone is bothered in any way about this, the epilogue will include the list-o-fans for the whole series that I had last installment but not anymore, for old time's sake.)

Disclaimer: Mine is not the Akatsuki. Mine is the writting, be grammer of damned, mine is the Ren, the Haruka, the Shikai, the Sayuri. Mine is the deceased and/or flee'd thusly becoming irrelevant somewhat the unstraight beings from the depths of Otogakure. Akatsuki is the Masashi Kishimoto's, with jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Mine is the not icle of the sense.

As soon as the rescue team returned to the base, Deidara carried Pein into his own bed. Pein had not problems with this, except for the fact that he was stuck half-underneath the covers as he debriefed everyone on the…well, rescue mission, he supposed.

However, he had time to rest first; apparently, one of the first aspects of debriefing would be an account from anyone who stayed behind to explain why everyone else was unconscious. But at least he could sleep, and he could sleep as comfortably as a man with piercings through the bridge of his nose and all four limbs broken could.

Before he even had a chance to truly appreciate the rest, though, cold water splashed on his face, and he started to push himself up abruptly before pain shot up his arms again, and he cursed his kidnappers for being so thorough as he opened his eyes to glare at whoever threw water at him—he changed his mind when the closest person and thus the most likely person to have done it was Kai.

"Otou-sama," Itachi began, the natural edge on his voice blurred to neutrality by a drowsy slur. "We are all conscious enough to handle the debriefing."

Not that anybody looked terribly conscious: Tobi was leaning on Itachi's shoulder; Kakuzu held a mug with "#1 Grandfather" painted sloppily on it, the smell wafting over signaling it to be full of coffee; Zetsu's white half was trying to awaken his darker side; Hidan yawned widely and jabbed a fork in his ear, before a grin spread across his face and he straightened, looking satisfied at his wakefulness; Kisame, for whatever reason, had brought his fish into the room and held it such that, as Pein watched, he fell asleep and his face landed in the fishbowl. He didn't straighten, but from somewhere along his face came streams of bubbles that were probably proportional to that of the fish.

But, evidently, everyone was capable of hearing him (except maybe Hidan), so he might as well get the debriefing over with.

"Ojii-sama," Ren began from the corner, "should I start with an account of what happened back here?"

Pein hadn't noticed her a moment ago and now turned to face her; she sat on Kai's bed with Haruka and Shikai. He wasn't sure he wanted his own children listening to this, but he supposed he didn't have much say in the matter. Ignoring the burning feeling toward Ren for having seemed to read his mind, he answered, "Yes, Ren-chan. Please continue."

Ren straightened proudly as all open eyes turned to her and she began, "Well, as soon as you were out the window, I went and told Obaa-chan, and Otou-san didn't believe me but I was right anyway, and we all gathered in the kitchen except Haruka-chan and Shikai-kun who stayed in Otou-san's room with Sayuri-san. We were getting a plan together, but I heard a buzzing noise, and then I closed my ears so I don't know what else anyone said, but then everyone fainted.

"So, I was the only person who was conscious and had a clue and all that, right?" she went on. "But I still kept a cool head—anyone else would have totally—ow!" she exclaimed when Shikai jabbed her in the rib with his elbow and sent to her a glare. "Fine, fine…As the only knowledgeable person available, I made the right decision to—I'm getting there!—make clones and bring everyone to this room before I personally came back to Otou-san's room to check on Haruka-chan and Shikai-kun.

"When I entered," she continued, her voice somewhat defensive, "they were fine, uninterrupted, and Sayuri-san had most of her kittens. After I confirmed this, I went out to track down your captors, Ojii-sama, leaving behind me a note and a trail of silverware." She hesitated before adding, "I am uncertain as to the specific events after my departure. And I am willing to take an expedition to recollect the silverware as well as wash it under the condition that I get an allowance."

Kakuzu choked on his coffee. Hidan slapped him on the back, and he started coughing.

Pein ignored this scene. "Did something happen after you left?"

Ren fidgeted. "Yes, but I am not aware of the details."

Shikai raised his hand. "Otou-sama, can I tell the story?" He didn't wait for an answer before he cleared his throat. "So, after the real Ren-chan left, there was this tap on the door, right? So I open the door just a crack, and Ren's standing there, saying that she's already back or something, but I didn't believe her at all, I mean, it was totally obvi—"

"You didn't know the difference!" Haruka argued. "You let her in—and then you let the other one in too!"

Pein raised his eyebrow. "You let two Rens in?"

"No, but there was another imposter," Shikai explained. "She looked just like Okaa-chan. And…okay, yeah, I kind of fell for it." His shoulder sagged. "But I didn't know any better! And I made up for it! Because, Okaa-chan and Ren came in, and then they started talking—"

"I figured it out," Haruka took up the story, "when they saw Sayuri-san. Ren said something about naming one of the kittens Akio, because something about persevering, but Ren-chan would never name anything after anyone just because it's cool or something like that, so I told Shikai-kun—"

"And it was like—" Shikai took over, standing up and holding his hands in fists facing each other, having them maneuver around each other like they were battling while making noises with his mouth like, "Chink!" "P-chew!" "Plrrrrrr!" and "Argh!" As certain as Pein was that Shikai knew what he was talking—er, "talking," about, Pein knew that he didn't know what was being "said," but he thought he had an idea.

"You mean you fought the imposters?" Pein ensured.

Shikai nodded enthusiastically. "I beat both of them all by mys—"

"I found Otou-sama's kunai knives!" Haruka protested. "If I hadn't done that, you'd be fighting with your bare fists and you would have los—"

"I could have!"

"Haruka-chan, Shikai-kun," Kai interrupted, smiling warmly before going to embrace them both. "I'm sure you two both played important roles in beating the bad guys. I'm very proud of you—and I'm sure your father is, too." She shot an accusing glance at Pein, who thought he heard a trace of a giggle from Tobi and sent a glare at him before turning back to his blood family.

"Yes," Pein answered awkwardly, pausing before adding, "…kids. I am very proud of you for fighting them off by yourselves."

Kai's gaze approved reflected her approval. "Yes. There will never be a day when we deny you being a part of our family."

Hidan scoffed. "Man, the little kids fought off ninjas from fucking Otogakure while all the experienced, capable, and—for crying out loud, almost half of us are fucking immortal or something! Who the hell makes things happen so that the little fucking brats win?"

It took a moment for even Sasori to figure, "Well, I guess that's just how our family goes."

"Yeah?" Hidan challenged. "Well, if that's how our family works, then our family is really—"

The cat had apparently wound up in the same room, and now was making a strangled cry that, combined with Hidan's pained scream, almost drowned out Tobi sirening, "Small children!"

A/n: Dude. Have you ever had a not-declawed cat shoved in your face? They get violent. It hurts. Tobi apparently had access to Sayuri, whom I imagine would be even worse considering the whole just-had-kittens-and-now-seriously-really-overprotective-and-thus-quick-to-violence-and-worse-violence-at-that.

Think about the final line in the first installment. Guess what Hidan was about to say. Yeah, like you seriously needed to think about it.

A little free-written thingermathing not unrelated to the third installment:

An ANBU team is a team of great power, of great strength, of great capability. The individuals of the team have a great amount of power and ability, of knowledge and wisdom. Such great and vast are the mere numbers of their skills, much less the talent behind these skills, that not a one should go to waste on such a menial task as delivering letters. Otogakure or not, there were battles to be fought, and none of these would be assisted by the simply handing a piece of paper with a lot of fancy words telling something undoubtedly simple to the boy who decided to hate those who meant to give him the letter. And it was but a few years later when the very same ANBU team filed another complaint toward the Hokage and her decisions that the ANBU were a postal system. It seemed only Tsunade would be capable of finding so many letters directed to the enemies of Konohagakure...