Check it, a slightly quicker update to wrap up day two! As usual you guys are awesome, thank you for the feedback and encouragement! I'm glad you've enjoyed reading this silly thing as much as I've been enjoying writing it. Hope you like this one!
The humans hadn't been at the school for long before their war horn sounded.
"Fuck! The elves!" Cartman spat tensely, while Craig relaxed. The elves sure took their sweet time in getting here. Well, okay – truthfully it'd only been a couple of minutes, but that's all it would have taken for Cartman to run to the fourth grade classroom and see what was what. Fortunately, Craig was able to convince him it was more important to take control of the intercom first.
"Attention, Elf King! The building has been fortified, and the armies of Christ shall never surrender! You will all die in this place." Cartman switched off the button after his announcement and turned to the rest of them. "There, that should intimidate them while we seize the Stick. They can't get the chance to defend it. Warriors three, keep the office secure! Butters, Kenny, let's go-"
"Wait!" Craig interrupted, holding out a hand in front of the door out.
"Damnit Craig, what is it this time!"
"Think about it! The elves hid the Stick in Kyle's desk, but not one of them is here to defend it? Isn't that a little convenient?"
Cartman's eyes narrowed. "What are you saying?"
"I'm just saying that the elves seem pretty confident. They cheated once; it probably doesn't stop there. Who knows what kind of traps they have set up, waiting for us in just in case? You can't just go in there. We need to send someone who can detect traps, and disable them."
"We'd need your thief skills again…" Cartman said thoughtfully as he caught on, rubbing his chins. "An excellent point Feldspar, there's just one thing." His eyes narrowed further in a piercing suspicion that gave Craig immediate apprehension. This couldn't be good. "Why are you being this cool? You're never this cool." Okay, yeah, Cartman had him there. Now that he'd been called out, Butters, Kenny, Token, and Tweek all turned on Craig too, each with varying degrees of skepticism.
"I know," Craig said with a slow sigh, stalling while his mind raced. He had to diffuse the suspicion, and fast. There was a phrase that Cartman and his friends used in situations like this, and Craig didn't know if he could get it to work for him, but it seemed like his best bet right now so he'd have to wing it.
"But you know, I learned something today." Was that music? Oh goddamnit, but it was too late now; he was committed. "Through all the adventures we share, and all the games like this one, you can either play, or you can be an asshole. And me? Well, I've always been an asshole, and a really crappy friend." Were they buying this shit? It seemed like it. Better keep going. "But don't you see? Friendship means learning how to sumo wrestle to prove how tough you are when you really don't care; it means giving people your birthday money so you can go to Peru and save the world. It even means busting each other out of detention," he smiled fondly for a moment, then put on a more solemn frown. "I was supposed to be a better friend, to you guys and to Douchebag. Instead he got manipulated, and I screwed that all up. I'd like to make up for that now if you'd let me, because that's what true friendship is really all about." Craig doubted he could have spewed more crap if he shoved food up his ass.
It must have worked though, because Cartman responded with a rare, earnest smile. "Yeah."
Princess Kenny stepped forward. "Your words are pure, and have touched us all," she said, wholly won over. "However," she looked away, focusing on what would probably be some distant point on the horizon if the office wasn't so small, "I fear for your chances. A thief is no hero," she said solemnly. "Unless Douchebag chose to be a thief?" she added in a quieter aside to Butters, eyebrows wrinkling.
"You don't remember Sir Douchebag's class?" the paladin replied, admonishing. "Why, you ought to pay more attention."
She just shrugged. "Every time we fight together he's accidentally killed me. So what is he?"
"A bastard!" Butters declared at once, grabbing the intercom microphone from the desk. "Douchebag, it's me, Paladin Butters – your friend!" he said heatedly. "Don't be on Kyle's team! He may have cooler people on his side, and a better base, and sometimes they have piñata parties, I-" he frowned as his impulsiveness seemed to catch up to him and he lost all of his fire. "I should probably just stop talking."
"Dumbass, is that what you call convincing?" Cartman scowled, snatching the microphone away. "Back to the matter at hand – Lady McCormick is right. It's dangerous for him to go alone. Take a buddy," he decided, turning back to Craig. "You've unlocked Tweek and Token. Congratulations."
Craig considered arguing this, but he wouldn't push his luck. He looked between the barbarian and the cleric. He liked them both just fine, but the last thing he needed right now was more suspicion, even if it was based on paranoia. "Token. Come on." He turned and left the office, and Token followed.
The hallways were empty besides some humans, who looked to the pair of them inquisitively. "The elves are coming. You guys, head down the hall then split up to make more barricades to slow their progress. You two stay here and guard," Craig ordered. The humans looked at each other hesitantly, but after a sharp look from the thief were quick to scurry off to their new tasks.
Satisfied, Craig turned down the hall in the opposite direction. A short trek later and it was just him and Token, nearing their classroom area without the slightest sign of interference.
"We should go down here and set up a barricade in this hall too," Craig said, gesturing to an upcoming corner. "If the elves get through here right away, I won't have time to check for traps around the classroom."
"Uh-huh," Token said. "Why do you keep delaying Cartman?"
Craig paused. "I'm not delaying Cartman."
"First we were going to go straight to the classroom, but you convinced him to take the office instead. Then they were going to go the classroom themselves, but you made a speech about friendship so they'd send you. Now we're on our way to the classroom, but you still don't want to go; you want our people to make more barricades, when it's obviously the least useful thing any of us could be doing right now. So, why?"
Shit. He should have brought Tweek. "It's not sabotage, Token, it's tactical. If we make the school our fortress while proceeding with caution…" Damnit, he had nothing. "Look I know what I'm doing, just drop it okay?"
"Okay." That easy? Thank- "How's Clyde?" Fuck.
"I told you to drop it."
"So it is related."
…Son of a bitch. "I didn't say that."
"And I never said sabotage," Token said pointedly. …Son of a bitch! This time Craig stopped completely, turning to face Token.
"But now it makes more sense," Token continued. The smug jerk didn't even look like he was putting the pieces together, he looked like everything had just all clicked and he was reporting his findings. "You weren't mad or anything when Cartman kicked him out."
"You're right. I'm usually sooo expressive."
"Which wouldn't have been surprising really, but instead you got way more into the game. It was weird, until you gave yourself away just now. I don't think you'd betray us for the elves – Kyle's killed you a bunch – but if you're planning something with Clyde? Yeah, that makes sense." Token looked back to Craig for confirmation, and by the cleric's small nod, he seemed to have gotten it from his face.
Craig didn't know whether to be mad at Token or himself. He decided to go with Token. As for himself – well, he could fix this. His expression turned cold.
"You're a smart guy, Token." Craig advanced slowly, drawing the weapon from his belt. He didn't bother with subtly, not this time. "You know what happens now."
"Craig, wait," Token finally had the decency to look alarmed as he took a few steps back, like he didn't see this coming. He clumsily grasped for his weapon.
"It's true. I've been working for Clyde since this morning. He's a dark lord now, you know." Craig was a courteous villain. He would fill in the blanks. "The game is changing, Token." He lifted his dagger for idle inspection, sliding his fingers against the edge. "The world is changing. The humans, the elves; they're so wrapped up in their war that they don't even see it. The hour of reckoning is at hand, and you? You're too late." He looked up sharply. Token's eyes had gone wide and he'd backed himself against a wall, clutching his bass guitar defensively. It wouldn't help.
"Craig-"
"You'll never be able to warn the humans in time. You'll be dead." He paused. "And we both know it's in the rules that when you're killed you have to stay dead for at least ten minutes, or until another kid heals or revives you, and if you don't that's cheating," he said starkly before clearing his throat and returning to his offensive stance. "I can't say that it hasn't been a pleasure, but this is the end. Goodbye, Token." Craig moved in with his dagger to strike, and the thunder of combat erupted in a quick flash.
Just, not in the way he expected.
A rigid pain in his back sent him crumpling to the floor on his knees, quickly joined by a hand to steady himself from slumping completely. "Eughh…"
"Craig, look out!"
It was Token's voice. The warning wasn't too late, but Craig's reaction was. What he was supposed to be looking out for came in the form of swift, hard strikes that pummeled him without mercy.
"Quit it!" Craig snapped, fighting through the daze to turn his head and see what was getting his health as dangerously low as it now was. "G-Ginger hallway monitors?"
"I tried warning you!" Bass guitar chords rang through the hall as Token used it to block the ruler of the third attacking ginger. "But someone had to monologue," block, "like all the worst bad guys," block, "ever!" Counter-attack!
"S-Shut up," Craig groaned. Well it was going to have worked when he killed him! Best and worst were on a different scale than coolest to lamest, seriously. And he was starting to get how villains could still be surprised when their plans failed right after their evil expositions. Everything was going all fine and according to plan a second ago, but now he didn't even know if he could live long enough to so much as-
"Heads up!"
Craig looked up just in time to see a large health potion flying at him before he caught it, stunned.
"Will you hurry, dude?" Token urged, going back to rummaging through his pockets. "Something isn't right with these guys."
Craig was compliant, eating quickly and giving the potion a second to restore his health before he stood and turned to face their enemies. There were three of them: two with rulers and small shields, and one with a large T-square. There was something up with their skin, which was saying something because ginger kids always looked pale and sickly, just not so green. Craig couldn't shake the familiarity here, and a glance to the bands on their arms all but confirmed it.
"They're back from the dead," Craig supplied, brushing himself off.
"Really? How did you- never mind. Hope this still works!" Token held out his hands, each of which now holding a thick wad of cash. He held them each in a small bridge between his thumb and fingers, tightening the space until the arcs of bills were repulsed out and sent fluttering down to Make it Rain! over their enemies.
It did work. The three zombie ginger hallway monitors grabbed up for the money, and subsequently suffered Defense Down in their distraction. At the same time both Token and Craig got Attack Up, because that's how the wealth gap worked.
Now it was Craig's turn. "This doesn't change anything," he told Token as he stared down the ginger in front of him and flipped him The Bird. The hallway monitor clenched his teeth, completely PISSED OFF. "I still can't let you tell Cartman the truth."
"Dude, I'm not going to," Token said. Craig glared at him briefly before turning his glare on the larger ginger with the T-square in the back row.
"I don't believe you," Craig told Token shortly, though he remained focused on the ginger, unblinking. Then his eyes resonated with a blue so intense that a magical glow shot out from them in a pair of solid, sizzling beams that burned into his enemy. "Okay, now there's sparks shooting out of my eyes." The beams hit the ginger in front of him too, the double-strike effectively sundering his shield. The T-square ginger in the back row fell completely. When the sparks faded Craig concluded his Incan Savior ability with a sigh, like always.
"Why? If you haven't noticed, I usually just go with things."
Token had a point that Craig tried to consider, but it was the enemies' turn now and he was busy blocking all of the pissed off ginger's attacks and delivering a swift counter. The other remaining ginger attacked him too, but where Craig expected the ruler, he got teeth. What the fuck. He groaned and clutched his stomach, ready to throw up.
Token took a swig of a small power potion before getting out a sleek black pen and a checkbook. He started scribbling, and by the power of Health Insurance, Craig was cured of his gingivitis and fully restored.
"You're a good healer," Craig said gratefully.
"You're an awful tank."
Craig sighed again. He didn't have any PP left, but that was fine. He had coffee. Giving his mental regards to Tweek, Craig downed it and immediately raised his dagger to the ginger that still had his shield. With one swift hit he tore through his lunch tray, and he used the other two to finish him off with perfect strikes. The last ginger standing had no more shields, so killing him off wasn't so much a challenge as it was good housekeeping.
"All right!" Token grinned in victory, before quickly sobering and stepping away from the battle to face Craig. "You're not seriously going to kill me, are you?" he asked cautiously.
Craig frowned. He didn't know. "You saw through my evil plans and made fun of my monologue."
"I didn't think you'd be so upset," Token said, genuinely surprised. "You're really having fun, aren't you?"
He paused to consider this. "I guess I am, yeah."
"Well I won't say anything, I promise. You really don't have to fight me. Anyway, I'm the one who's your buddy. If you're that worried, just get me out of the way by ordering me to go fight elves or something."
He didn't get it. Was Token even mad that he intended to make him the first casualty a minute ago? Because he was starting to feel bad about it. God, he was black, even. Token was an honest guy and Craig was inclined to believe him, but he still knew too much. This was complicated… but- wait. Maybe it didn't have to be? "Join us."
"No thanks," Token declined politely, much to Craig's surprise. "I don't really want to be a traitor – no offense," he added quickly. "Or the hero that stands up to one, or the martyr that dies first, if that's okay. I'm happy where I'm at. Besides, three's a crowd, isn't it?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Token's reply was cut off by the Grand Wizard on the intercom. "Douchebag, if you're listening, I know you've been tricked. But I forgive you. Join me again, and together we will rule the land as master and slave!"
Maybe it was Cartman's announcement but Craig found himself suddenly noticing all the clamor around them, the fighting between elves and humans noticeably louder. Nearer. He looked back to Token, who regarded him calmly yet with just a bit of hesitance.
"Come on," he instructed. Token smiled then and followed him back down the hall they'd come from, taking a detour away from the office and closer to the battle. Kids were fighting neck in neck as more elves poured in and tore at the barricades. Craig smirked. Perfect. This was the level of conflict he'd been waiting for.
"Token, join them at the barricade. Don't let any elf pass! I will inform the grand wizard that it is now safe to retrieve the Stick."
"I will do what I must," Token said solemnly, stepping forward. "Good luck." He raised his bass guitar and disappeared into the fray. Craig nodded to himself. It was the right decision; a life for a life. Things might be different later, but for now, he doubled back to the office.
"Finally!" Cartman said upon his arrival. It was just him and Princess Kenny now. "Where is Token?"
"Fighting the elves. We were nearly overwhelmed. Where's Tweek and Butters?"
"Tweek also fights the elven forces, and Butters left to confront Douchebag," Princess Kenny said. "He advances quickly. Have you reached the classroom, Feldspar? Is it safe?"
"It wasn't, but it is now."
"Excellent," Cartman said, lifting up the microphone one last time. "Dude Douchebag, this is gonna be so sweet when you double-cross Kyle at the last minute huh? Am I right? High five!"
Funny; Craig couldn't agree more.
"Time is of the essence. To the classroom!" Cartman took lead. They picked up a few other available human warriors along the way, but all the while, Craig stayed back.
"I'll keep watch," Craig said once they reached the classroom, and the others hurried inside. He could only hope now that he'd stalled the humans long enough and that the elves would catch-
"Fatass is in there with the Stick. Commander Douchebag, lead us to victory!" That was Kyle's voice right around the corner, and his timing could not have been more perfect.
Craig disappeared then, making haste to the Fortress of Darkness. The scene in the classroom didn't matter, only the thrilling conclusion.
"Army of Darkness, defend the fortress!"
Craig looked up from petting his newest feline recruit and stood, adjusting his cloak. That was his cue. The chief assassin stepped out onto the balcony at Clyde's side, looking down calmly as the six boys looked up in horror at their debut.
"Craig…? Craig you're on my side!" Cartman yelled.
"You don't have authority anymore, the keeper of the Stick said so."
"But," it was entertaining, watching Cartman's wide eyes process the betrayal. "But you learned something today, Craig!"
Craig smiled, icy and cruel. "I lied."
The gasps and stunned faces were every bit as satisfying as he'd hoped.
"This can't be happening," Kyle said in shock and disbelief.
But it was, and it was fantastic.
Clyde smirked. "Sorry warriors and wizards! I'd love to invite you in to my Fortress of Darkness, but I'm afraid you're too late!"
"Too late? What do you mean we're too late?" Stan inquired, though his question was answered by the arrival of Mr. and Mrs. Stotch.
"There you are Butters! Do you know what time it is mister? It is way past your bedtime!"
"Oh shit, it's past our bedtime?!"
Cartman and the others panicked and dispersed, while Clyde cackled and Craig grinned – for it may be past their bedtimes as well, but tonight, darkness triumphed.
And thus concludes day two! What do you think so far? Not much on the Cryde front this time, I know, but don't you worry. There's a whole day three for that... Thank you for reading!