Title: Lingering Sadness
Author: jenbachand
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Grissom/Sara
Summary: A look at family life.
Spoilers: Through current point in Season 7, but it's a future fic, so nothing really.
Author's Notes: A thousand years couple months ago scullyseviltwin challenged me to write a fic on post partum depression. She had to poke me a couple times on it, but I finally got around to finishing it. It's part of my Grissom & Sara baby/family series. Much thanks to mingsmommy for putting up with me and to phdelicious for giving it a second look over. I of course don't own anything that might be credited to CBS and others or Disney.

...CSI...CSI...CSI...

"You don't have to go back tonight."

"Well, the criminals of Las Vegas won't stop breaking laws just because I want to spend more time with my kids." Sara had gotten up early and dressed, but had spent the last hour in the nursery with their son. Nursing the baby first, then, just sitting in the glider with him. The light was soft and low; the air in the nursery was cool and baby powder scented.

Their daughter was sound asleep in her bed. When Sara hadn't joined him to tuck her in, he'd gone looking for her. Grissom had been watching her stand at the crib for the last 10 minutes talking softly to their son.

To tell the truth, he had been worried about her going back to work. Seven years ago, she'd bounced back from Elizabeth's birth, without batting an eyelash. This time around she seemed worn and world weary.

In the three months since Robert had been born, she's been distracted, cried frequently, and he's had to wake her up from nightmares at least once a week. Huddled to his chest sobbing, she's choked out what an inadequate mother she thinks she is, and no matter how much he's tried to tell her how wonderful she is as a mother, how much everyone has told her, she still is so afraid of failing. Of being worse than her mother. Of letting him down. Of hurting their children.

She says, "It's just 'Baby Blues'," but her lingering sadness has him worried that it is more than that. Worried enough to Google post partum depression.

He suggested a working mother's support group once, and she burst into tears.

"Sara, you have more time on the books than I did when I left. You can take a few extra weeks if you'd like." He entered the nursery on soft feet and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I feel like if I don't go back to work my brain will be nursed out of me." Her tone was sad. She probably would have liked nothing more than to take him back to bed with Betsy & Robbie and cut themselves off from the outside world.

His heart clenched at this helpless feeling. He wanted to make it better, to make her smile again. He knew this was something she wanted to do for herself. To prove she could be both a mother and a professional. Her fears and insecurities, the ones she only shares with him, are some of the greatest gifts she has given him. He has told her frequently how amazed he is by her; he hopes it helps.

"You could always take time off and finish your doctorate. I could spend more time with my family that way." His teaching job and consulting for the lab have allowed him plenty of time with the kids. He's enjoyed having Sara home with him these last few months also. Watching mother and son nap had come to be one of his favorite afternoon events.

She turned in his arms and gave him a watery smile. He gathered her closer, thinking how hard the night was going to be for her. He hugged her a little tighter and dropped a kiss on her head.

"I couldn't do that to Warrick. First you leave, then Catherine gets in trouble one too many times and is out on her ass." She glanced briefly at the crib. "Then I get pregnant again and spend 3 months on maternity leave. The guys all look haggard. I need to go back, for a while at least," she said into his chest.

"Of course, you couldn't honey. I'm just saying, when the team is more complete and the new people have been trained, you could take some time if you wanted." He guided her out of the nursery and into the living room.

He held her close and murmured positive things to her, assured her that they'd be fine, and that Warrick had promised to have her out on time, if not earlier, so she could be home by breakfast time. The smile he felt against his neck eased his fears.

Unfortunately, fate isn't always kind.

Greg's panicked call at four in the morning had had him bundling up his drowsy progeny and driving to an address he had sleepily written down. He replayed the conversation with Greg over and over in his mind as he drove.

...CSI...CSI...

"Sara's sitting in the back of the Denali crying." The young CSI began without preamble. "No…sobbing. It's got us all worried Griss," Greg's voice had a definite note of alarm in it.

"What's the case?" Grissom asked as he swung his legs out of bed. This had been his biggest worry sending his wife back to work tonight. He slipped into the sweats he kept hanging on the glider in their room. He fished his shoes from the closet and set off for his son's room. It was easier to get him bundled up and into the carrier before attempting to wake his oldest.

"We really didn't want her to go out, but Ecklie insisted it was all hands on deck," Greg drew a breath before continuing. "The city comptroller, his young wife, and their newborn were all gunned down during a home invasion. It was just…horrible. The wife was holding the son, huddled in the nursery."

"Jesus, Greg, what was she even doing in the house?" Grissom couldn't keep the note of frustration out of his voice, even as he placed a tender kiss on the baby's forehead to soothe the fussing that had resulted from being roused from the Land of Nod.

Greg sighed, "She wasn't supposed to be. Warrick had assigned Sara the perimeter, she came into ask a question, and saw it." Greg sounded despondent. "She just set her camera down and walked out to the truck and locked herself in and started crying."

"I'll be there in 20 minutes, but I'll need one of you to help me with the kids. They'll probably be asleep, but someone will need to sit with them." Grissom snapped the harness of his son's carrier across the baby's chest. "Just tell her I'm on my way."

...CSI...CSI...

He pulled up to the police line, fishing out his consultant id for the officer manning the barricade. Greg was standing next to a vehicle a few houses up talking to the window, which would have been odd, but he knew his wife was behind it. He parked at the opposite curb, opened up the side where his son's carrier was, and proceeded to unbuckle the baby from the carrier. The night air was crisp, but not cold; luckily the crackle of police radios was quiet enough not to awaken his kids.

Someone tapped his shoulder and Grissom turned around. Greg was standing there, wide eyed, and looking thoroughly out of his depth.

"Could you unbuckle her," he whispered to Greg, nodding his head at his daughter, "and bring her over to us?"

"Sure."

Upon seeing her husband and son, Sara opened the door a bit. He climbed in the back of the truck after handing Robbie to Sara. Greg handed him Betsy and closed the doors on the family. Sara indicated she wanted to hold her daughter also, so he maneuvered them so that Sara was between his legs, their son in her arms, their daughter half lying on Sara between her legs.

"Do you want to talk about it," he whispered in her ear. She shook her head.

After a few minutes, her breathing evened out, and she relaxed back into him.

"I don't think it's just the 'Baby Blues'," she admitted quietly. He nodded, tightening his hold around her.

"I found a post partum depression therapist who specializes in working moms," he whispered gently to her. He wanted to keep her from getting upset again. Well, more upset than she already was.

"You're too good to me," she sniffled.

"We're partners, Sara. But more than that, we're a family. To have and to hold, sickness and health, temper tantrums and teething, creaky knees and all."

His family was small, and a bit warped, and yes, he was robbing and mangling lines from his daughter's favorite movie, but they were his.