Chapter 17

Isaac

Things with the baby are moving forward quickly, so I stay with Kate, and then I'll go be with Hazel. Right now I refuse to think that she is going to die. She will be fine, I'll go to her room with my baby and we'll laugh and everything.
"Push Kate, push!" Kate's mom yells and brings me back to reality. Kate is gripping my hand and screaming profanities.
"Come on honey, you can do it!" I say, rubbing little circles on the back of her hand. She takes a break from pushing and starts breathing heavily.
"Do you want water?" Her mom asks. She agrees and I hear her slurp from a straw.
"Isaac?" She says quietly.
"Ya?"
"What were you and you mom talking about earlier? I heard you yell." I sigh and put my head in my hands.
"Kate…I…You don't need to worry about it ok? Just focus on delivering our baby right now." I say sighing.
"Isaac." She runs her hand along my cheek and rests it on my neck. "What is it?"
"It's Hazel. She's, she's here. It could be tonight." I hear her take in a breath and her hand leaves my neck.
"No." I nod.
"Isaac, honey, I know you want to be here and I want you to be here, but one of us needs to be with her." I shake my head
"No. I'm staying, she won't die. She won't. I'm staying with you then going to see her after." She starts to cry and then she stars pushing again.
"Isaac" She chokes out. "I hope…You're making….The right…Decision."

Hazel

I jolt awake. My parents are dozing in the molded plastic chairs against the wall,and my heart monitor is =beeping, slower than usually. I have like a billion tubes stuck in me and my head is spinning. I look down at my hands and notice the tips are turning blue.
"Mom? Dad?" I whisper, falling back onto my array of pillows. They wake up and rush over to me.
"Sweetie! Hi! We've missed you." They kiss me on the cheek and give me fierce hugs, which hurts a bit but I'm not going to complain.
"Mom, my hands." She takes them and gasps.
"Michael get the doctor!" My dad runs out of the room. I look down and see that now the majority of my fingers are blue, the feeling slowly leaving them. I draw in a breath and cough. Suddenly there's not enough air. I gasp and pull in all the oxygen I can, which isn't much.
My dad runs back into the room with a doctor I don't recognize and also Dr. Maria.
"Hazel, I need you to take in big deep breaths for me, okay?" Dr. Maria asks. I nod vaguely and try my best to do what she says. She starts riffling through a drawer beside my bed, and then finds what she's looking for and sticks me with a needle.
"Hazel, did that make it easier?" She asks after about a minute. I gasp in more air, frantically shaking my head. I look up towards my parents and they're in each other's embrace, crying, just sobbing. They each take one of my hands. I vaguely notice Dr. Maria shaking her head at them. I try to smile.
"Mom…dad…" I talk the best I can, taking breaths after each word. "Thank…You…I'm…Sorry…That I…Can't stay…I'll miss…miss…you…I love you so so much." They sob and lie over me. "Tell…Isaac…He's…The best…Friend…That…I…Love…Him…Kate…as well." I take a deep breath. "Tell them congratulations, when they're daughter is born, and tell them that I wish I could of met her." They nod
"We love you Hazel, more than anything. We will never, ever stop missing you, we are so lucky to have had these seventeen years with you, and we will never be the same. Sleep peacefully my baby girl." They kiss me on the forehead and just hold my hands, the tears endless.
I close my eyes for just a second and when I open them again, I see Augustus standing at the foot of my bed, smiling.
"Hello Hazel Grace. I've missed you." He comes over to the side of my bed and reaches out his hand. I take it, and he pulls me into his embrace.

In the end, I don't wish that the cancer thing had never happened. Without it, I wouldn't have met Augustus Waters, or gone to Amsterdam or had an amazing friend like Isaac. There are so many things that wouldn't have happened with my cancer, and part of me will always miss my parents, and wonder what their lives will be like without me, but for now, I accept the fact that I am no longer suffering from personhood. I'm not in pain anymore, I no longer have the oxygen tank, or the cannula in my nose. My marathon is finally complete.

Isaac

Our baby is born. I sit beside Kate on her bed and she puts my hand on top of our daughters, and I just hold her little fingers, wishing that I could see her, and see Kate. I lean over and kiss Kate, and she laughs.
"Isaac, as much as I'd like you to stay with me right now, you need to go see her. Okay?" I nod "Keep me updated. I love you. Tell Hazel that I love her and I'm so happy to be her friend and that I want so much to be with her right now." I nod and kiss her once more before leaving with my mom to see Hazel.

We get to her room and I knock on the door.
"Isaac, hi." I can hear the pain in her father's voice.
"Mr. Lancaster, I came to see-"my mother pulls me into an embrace, stopping me short, her body shaking.
"Mom?"
"Isaac, I'm sorry." I hear her dad, his voice not breaking so much as already broken.
"What are you talking about? What's going on?" My mom pulls me towards what I assume is her bed.
"No. She's not…She can't…No I came to see her…I…I have to say goodbye!" I say, my heart leaping into my throat.
"I happened a little under an hour ago. She had to let go. But I have to believe that wherever she is now, she's happy. Happier than she was before." I sink to my knees. This wasn't happening. She is not dead.
"Did, did she say anything ab-"
"She told us, to tell you that. That um. That you were the best friend she ever had and that she loved you, and she loves Kate too. She told me to tell you congratulations, and that um…That She wished…That she…That she could've met her." And then her mom broke down.
"Where is she?" My mom takes my arm and moves me even more forwards than places a cold hand in mine. I turn and sit on the edge of her bed.
"Hazel. I'm so, so sorry that I wasn't here with you. I wish more than anything, that I could've said goodbye, but I was too late and I can't go back, so I have to say it now. I love you, you made Gus's death easier, and you gave me a friend even though I lost him. I can't believe you're both gone, my best friends. I hope wherever you are, you two are together. I will never forget you, never." And then I just fall into my mother's arms and feel the pain wash over me. I don't know what happens, but I end up back in Kate's room, a little while later.
"Kate." I say. "She's…"
"I know." I hear her voice tinged with tears.
"Isaac I know what I want to name our baby." She chokes out, and I sit down with her reaching for her hand.
"We need to name her Grace." My voice catches in my throat, and she stars crying again.
"I…I think that's beautiful." I clench my fist. "It's so unfair! Why did this have to happen! Why did, why did she have to leave." Kate squeezes my hand.
"Isaac, last year, I can't even imagine what you two went through, losing Gus. But I know that you two had each other, and I'm so so sorry that you had to lose her too. I'm so so sorry Isaac." I nod, and we just sit there, silently grieving, listening to the tiny sounds of Grace's even, sleepy breaths. There is really nothing left to say, there is nothing left to do but remember.