Chapter 12 - Coping Skills

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. I just like having fun with the characters and world the wonderful Stephenie Meyer created.

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Bella POV:

Today has been the longest day of my life, and tomorrow would be another long day. I thought when I was human that I would be happy to not have to sleep - it was wasted time that I could have spent with Edward. But after today, I wished I could sleep, just to give myself some time to figure things out. It felt like I was swimming in thoughts - not bad and good, but good and odd.

Finally becoming a vampire was good.

Finding out I was also part werewolf was odd.

Sitting in Edward's lap, good.

Wishing I had Jake here with me too, odd.

Having Jacob and Edward with me at the same time was good.

Being without Edward had made me feel like I had lost part of my soul. Being without Jacob felt that way too. Definitely odd.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Edward asked, rubbing my back as I sat in his lap.

"Wishing I could sleep again, just for tonight. Too many things happened today, I think my brain went on overdrive! It won't slow down." I replied, still snuggled against him.

"I'm sorry you can't sleep." Edward frowned.

"Oh no. Nope. You don't get to do that!" I yelled and jumped out of his lap.

"What?!"

"You can't take everything I say as an attack on the fact that you Changed me. I had asked to be Changed. I had begged to be Changed. I tried to bribe your family members to Change me! And then when I'm about to die, you do Change me, and now you're apologizing! Give me a break!" I caught my breath, still staring straight at Edward, who was looking completely shocked.

"You go girl!" I heard Emmett say from the doorway. "That's been coming for a while. We've all been wanting to say it!"

Edward looked at me, "Have I really been that annoying?"

"Well," I hedged, not wanting to say that my boyfriend was annoying.

"Yep!" said Jasper, standing next to Emmett in the doorway.

"Absolutely!" agreed Alice and Rosalie in unison.

"You do tend to beat yourself up a lot, Edward. I know you love me, I know you wish I could have stayed human, but remember what my wishes were. What's done is done - you can't un-Change me, so lets get on with life." I tried to give Edward a compassionate look, but I worried he'd beat himself up more for having a fight with me. Emmett was right, this had been building for a while.

"Or un-life," came from Emmett.

"Thank you. I think I'm OK now without an audience." I shot back, still looking carefully at Edward, and waiting for a response.

"Fine. So now I'm just your dog-sitter? I can't be your cheerleader any more?" Emmett's voice held a clear pout. "Fine. I'll go. But I'm leaving Mystic here."

I laid back down on the couch, and my cuddle dog came up and snuggled her warm body next to my cold one. This felt good. Very peaceful.

"I'm sorry I've been so melodramatic, Bella. I was trying to help you, but I was really only helping myself. I need to just support you and what you're dealing with, not say I wish I had done things differently." Edward sat down next to me, and pulled me gently into his arms.

"That's exactly it, Edward. If you can just listen to me complain and say that you're sorry things are rough or that you're there for me, that's all I need. If I need advice, I'll be sure to come to you and tell you I want advice."

"You won't go to Emmett for advice?" Edward actually started to smile.

I laughed. "Nope. No advice from Emmett." I paused for a moment, as Mystic snuggled in closer, and I was surrounded by love - cold, hard love on one side, and soft, warm love on the other side. "Aaaah, this is the life. I'm so happy right now!"

"I'm so glad, love." I could hear the smile in Edward's voice. "I'm glad I worked on being with Jacob lately, I can see how much it means to you. It's hard to put almost a century of hatred aside, but you know I'll do anything for you."

I nodded.

"Jake will do anything for you, too, sweetheart." I nodded again, and he continued. "I want to know what Billy says, and what Carlisle comes up with in his research. But I have my own theory about you."

"Really? What's your theory?"

Edward took a deep breath. "I'm not sure you're going to like the answer to that question. I think your change went differently than what Alice and the Volturi expected. I think it happened like that for a reason. Remember that our human traits are carried over into our vampire selves. Your dislike of blood clearly carried over. Something else carried over, too." He looked down at me and kissed me.

I started kissing him back, forgetting what he had been talking about, as suddenly we both remembered that we could kiss more passionately now that I had been changed. Our lips and tongues moved against each other, as we stayed in a long embrace, grateful we didn't need to worry about breathing.

My hands roamed over Edward's muscled back, as his hands slipped under my shirt, feeling my skin under his hands. I shivered with enjoyment, and Edward's lips left mine to trail kisses down my throat to the curve where my neck met my collar-bone. I moaned softly, then pulled his face back to mine so we could kiss each other again. We had dated too long with chaste kisses for me to give up these amazing kisses for very long.

I knew there was more we could do, but at this point I was just so happy to be able to show Edward how much I loved him in so many ways, I didn't have to actually do it right away. After an eternity, or only a moment, we broke apart.

"I've got a request," said Edward with a smile.

"Oh, really?" I replied, wondering what the heck it could be. I wasn't ready for anything kinky...

"Do you think you could phase? I'd love to get another look at you as a wolf. I loved you in your human form, I love you in your vampire form, I want a chance to appreciate you in your wolf form."

OK, that was something I was not expecting at all. But hey, kissing had taken my mind off my worries, maybe this would as well. I stood up, taking off my clothes (so I wouldn't rip things and anger Alice), watching Edward's face with enjoyment as I did so. Then I held the picture of myself as a wolf in my mind and Phased.

"You're beautiful like this, too, love. Though if I had been human, I think my heart would have stopped when you took off your clothes." There was a bit of a smirk on Edward's face as he said that.

If you were human, then everything would be very different. I thought, picturing Edward in my mind as I said it and, hoping this thought would go only to him. Can you take a picture of me like this? I want to see what I look like.

"Well, we could do that. Or you could go look in a mirror."

D'oh!

Edward grinned, and I could feel a wolf's grin on my own face. Mystic was rubbing against me, clearly enjoying my new form.

"Rosalie has a great mirror. She and Emmett aren't in her room, so we can go in there." Edward said, his hand moving through my fur as we walked through the hallway.

When we got into Emmett and Rosalie's room, I walked gingerly over to the mirror. I looked at myself. Wow - is that really me? I've got great fur! I still hate my eye color, though.

"The eye color will change, love. And yes, that is you. You make a beautiful wolf. Edward knelt next to me and buried his head in my fur while I put my head on his shoulder.

I love you. I said, then licked him.

"Hey!" Edward objected. But I just laughed, and raced back to his, no our, room.

I realized something, and quickly Phased back and tossed on my clothes. I looked hard at Edward. "There was something you were going to say to me that you thought I wouldn't like. And then you kissed me to distract me. And then you encouraged me to phase. Was that all to distract me?"

"Bella, I love you. I love kissing you, especially since our boundaries don't need to be there for your safety any more. I love your wolf form, and I love looking at you no matter what form you are in." He cast his eyes downward. "But I did hope you would forget what I had said."

"I didn't. But I did enjoy kissing you and seeing what I look like as a wolf." I smiled up at him, and he kissed me again. "Oh no you don't! You have to talk to me."

"Fine." Edward agreed, but he didn't look happy about it. "I was talking about the human traits you brought with you into your life as a vampire. One was your aversion to blood."

"I think we've established that. What's the other one?"

"Your love for a vampire and a werewolf." Edward said, and I had no response.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review if you have a minute!