Author's notes: Sorry I haven't updated for such a long time, been very busy lately and I know I'm not that great at writing but I'll try my best to improve and be better. Hope you enjoy this chapter …

Chapter 3: Beacon of hope

As she stroll down the hall , she noticed that everyone was heading towards the cafeteria , no doubt wanting to fill their stomach and take a bite after a long day of work saving people. The door slide open and she tried her best to make herself as invisible as possible. It was sort of like a routine now. 1. be invisible and avoid eye contact with haters and supporters. 2. Take food on a tray 3. Go to the farthest end of the lunchroom and sit alone. It was a simple plan and liked that, she can be rest assured that no one will be able to bother her or judge her.

Sometimes vigilante or flash will come and sit with her. On some occasions, even Mari. Although some may find it hard to believe but she and Vixen had become rather odd friends. Their weird tangled relationship with Lantern and the competition to win him back. But Shayera had to admit though, she wasn't keen on stealing John away but doesn't want to lose him either. Progress of talking to him was hard these days and the empty conversations were always based on work and nothing more. A small bit of personal small talk would send them back to the past where they used to be happy until darkness came and overshadowed them.

And that very friendship with Mari. It was getting harder and harder each day. Shayera knew that behind the mask Mari wore every time they met, she holds a bit of worry and insecurity that John may go running back to her. The way her eyes stare at her like she was a prey, the way her smile becomes slightly tighter when she makes a comment about John's habits. She didn't mean to, it was just that sometimes, she really wished John was still there with her. Not with Mari. Not burden and awkward but carefree and loving, like he used to be.

Shayera sighed. "When will this nightmare end"?

Without noticing, her eyes began scanning the room again. She does this every time whenever she was in the cafeteria. Searching for the glowing greens eyes that were comforting and stern, reassuring her that nothing will ever be able to hurt her. Her eyes met his, but today, he holds her gaze longer than before. Before, they would have just caught sight of each other and let their eyes quickly dart away, for they were too ashamed and scared to ignite that flame again.

What are you trying to say John?

She knew that something was amiss, John was looking extremely nervous, fidgeting all the time. Once in a while, he would tugged at his lantern's uniform collar and glance around the room like he knew something bad was about to happen.

Shayera looked to Mari, who was exceptionally happy today. Mari was wearing a wide smile on her face, a smile Shayera knew that was specifically for John only, unlike that billion-dollar smile of hers which she had seen in many magazines featuring her. She cringe internally when she saw Mari gazing reassuringly at John , running her fingers over his hands to soothe him down.

Wait….. Is that what I think it was?

Like a beautiful black swan, Mari stood up onto the cafeteria table and clink her glass of water she was holding with a fork. The room went silent as all heads turned to her and was pleased when all attention was on her.

"May I have your attention please?" she paused, making the scene a lot more dramatic as she waver her hands in the air. "I have an announcement to make"

The costumes were eager to know what was going on, as it was a rare sight to see the super heroine standing on a cafeteria table, making news about something big that was coming.

"John and I…" she smiled looking at John for support, who smiled back nervously.

Shayera looked at John, desperate to try and catch his attention. She knew what followed will be the day where life had no more meaning , where life was no longer worth fighting for . A life where she'll grow old alone, with no hope or love.

John caught sight of her crumbling face, her wings were folded tightly around her and her hands were clamped into fists. Her eyes were nothing but sorrow and they seem to be questioning him about his choice. He saw her lips quiver and mouthed the words:

Is this what you really want?

Upon seeing that, his breathe got caught in his throat and his chest began to tightened up squeezing the life out of him. He didn't know what to say. John wanted to say he was sorry, that he never meant to break her heart with this news. He wanted to say that he still loves her, and hopes she knows that.

"Shayera I- "

"John and I are getting married!" Mari exclaimed enthusiastically. The whole cafeteria erupted with cheers and shouts, and all head towards the engaged couple to congratulate them upon this newfound happiness. All except for a winged warrior, who left the room as quick as she can?

And this time, she knew for sure that she was going to be surrounded by darkness. She was going to live and die, alone, forever.

"Congratulations John, you are one lucky man!" said Green Arrow, who shook his arm joyously, obviously happy that the couple decided to take one step further ahead in their relationship. Although John was thrown with many congratulations and wishes, he searched and waited for the blessings of one person he was dying to talk to.

Although he was thoroughly happy upon accepting Mari into his life, he couldn't help but feel worried about Shayera. This was supposed to be his moment, to be exact his and Mari's and he wanted to make sure Shayera was OK with it.

Not that she has a choice anyway… a voice in his head snapped back at him.

"I can't believe you propose and you didn't tell me about it? What happened to letting hotshot know a little something before hand?"

He turned around to see Wally smiling back at him and as quick as lightning blinded him with flashes of shots from a camera.

"Smile Johnny! It is your big day to shine!" John made an attempt to smile; it wasn't too fake or genuine either.

"What's wrong GL?" questioned Wally; he stopped blinding John with the camera and look at him, eyes filled with concern.

No Wally, I'm not. I love Shayera and I love Mari too. Now that I've propose, I feel that Shayera will never talk to me again and I don't blame her for that. Have I made the right choice Wally? When I choose Mari over her? What if things don't work out and I lose faithfulness to Mari? What if Shayera moves on too? Will I be able to accept that?

"John?"

He pulled himself away from his worrisome thoughts and forces a smile.

"Yeah Wally, I'm alright. Just a little giddy and nervous, that's all" He lied, concealing it with a smile, as he looked from Flash to Mari. She was chatting excitedly with Black Canary and Fire, who were both equally thrilled for her. She was showing off her engagement ring to the women as they squeal in excitement.

Although it was only a 1 carat, the ring belonged to his grandmother who treasured it with all her heart. During those days of living in poverty and racism, his grandfather had toiled day and night, working till his back could hold no more. Every piece of penny was carefully kept in an empty coffee can, which he clutched in his arms every night when he dozed off to dream of marrying his grandmother.

That dream of his paid off , as he quickly rush to the little jewelry store in Detroit , and pour out the whole can of pennies and notes to buy a ring for his loved one. The owner grunted and began counting the countless pennies whist his grandpa pointed to the ring he had set his eyes on a long time ago. With the receipt signed and the ring carefully placed in the red velvet box, his grandpa took off to his grandma's house and proposes right on the spot.

Till the day his grandparents, grandma still wears the ring on her bony wrinkled finger. John saw her eyes lit up whenever she looks at the ring. A symbol of everlasting love his grandfather had so hard worked for.

His grandmother once told him as a boy that one day; he too will grow up to be a fine gentleman. She laughed heartily when little Johnny said he was never going to get married.

"Oh John, take some advice from your old grandma here "she said, hugging him while she continue to rock the rocking chair. She paused for a moment to carefully think what she was going to say next, her gentle, caring eyes became more focus on John as she continued to say what was needed.

"John, every man needs a woman in his life, no matter how tough he thinks of himself. Because, we need to love. To love and to lose is better than someone who never had loved anyone in his old life." She said, smiling at little John who now seemed very interested in this conversation.

"One day John, you will grow up and I hope you will be just like your grandfather. He had such a big heart and so much love to give, I loved him unfailingly too." She whispered softly into his tiny little ears and looked deep into his eyes.

"You have your mother's beautiful brown eyes, child. They hold so much hope. I pray night and day, that you will one day, not today, not tomorrow, but someday, you will find a woman. A woman who ain't those typical weak and dependent, she better hold her own ground and protect you at all cause. Fine, beautiful women who will tug at your little heart strings hard and accept your flaws. She better be tough and spirited for my little Johnny. Most important of all…" she paused, poking a finger at John's heart.

"She would die for you, and love you more than I do,"

John frowned at his grandmother, thoroughly confused with what women his grandmother preferred.

Who on Earth would want a bossy woman in his life anyway?

Despite that, John made a mental note to remember his grandmother's advice. For whatever his grandmother said was always bound to make a good difference in his life.

" And if you find her, give her this" whispered his grandma who slipped of the old ring from her trembling fingers and held it in front of him.

"But grandma, this belongs to you and granddad" Interjected little John, refusing to take his grandma's most prized procession.

Grandma chuckled and held little John a little closer.

"One day John, I won't be here to protect you anymore. And this is ring? I won't be able to bring it to heaven! I want you to give it, to the woman you can't live without. And by then, may it be your turn, to protect and provide her love just as I've shown you"

John smiled now as the flashback ended; glad was he to remember his grandmother's advice. He's eyes glistened with sadness as he remembered his grandmother giving him the ring before she took the staircase to heaven and her sweet voice ringing silently in his head.

Remember John, to protect and love her…

Though his grandma wouldn't be here for the big day, he hopes that she was proud of him. For becoming a fine man and he promised to protect the one he loved. Only, was it Mari he was to love and protect?

"John!" squealed Mari, grabbing his arm firmly. "Wally has a camera and what better way than for the two of us to pose on the rooftop of the Metro Tower with the cities lights! Come on!"

Before he could answer, she was already dragging him towards the lift and ascending up towards their picture-perfect rooftop.

She couldn't stay in there much longer. Watching that scene was like walking through the flames of hell, only to is burn by fire and the wounds never heal. She ran out of the Metro tower, bumping into several league members who snapped back remarks of her rudeness. But she didn't care; she needed to get out of there. Everything was happening to fast, and she can't breathe, what happened was a slap to the face, her heart is now officially broken. John wasn't coming back, he made a choice. And that choice was Mari, not her.

John … Why?

Tears were going to fall, but she fight back hard to avoid them from falling as she lift open her wings and ascended into the sky. She won't cry, especially not in front of the leaguers. She does not want to be seen as a weak person who collapses simply because the love of her life is getting married. Hell, no.

Branded a traitor was already far enough. Rumors there spread like wild fire and she's sure to be the hot topic of the next few months. She could picture the look on their faces, they would probably look at her disgusted or mock she, for thinking that the green lantern would chose a dirty hawk over a gorgeous model. Their laughs, they were ringing in her head.

Hahahahaha… Aha, hahahahaha…

Hahaha…. Shayera Hol of Thanagar thought Green Lantern would come back… but look what happened….

Hahaha..

Mari's getting married, think John made the right choice for not choosing that traitor….

Snickers everywhere….

A traitor's a traitor's….. Did you really think he'll choose you? Johnny boy's getting hitched; you're going to be the bridesmaid Shayera.

"Stop! Stop! Please..." as she clamped her hands around her head in frustration, try to shut out the voices. Only they grew hauntingly louder in her head, now mocking her for her defeat. They were calling her a traitor and a dirty hawk. They were the feelings buried deep down in her mind, buried then but now resurfacing again to tear her apart.

She started flying faster.

Faster and faster she went, as if those voices would grow tired but they never did. Hot tears started to stream down her face and drop down onto the earth below.

Her chest was tight and she felt claustrophobic and nauseating. Her heart was tired; it was tired of getting hurt too many countless times. Her mind felt numb, like the whole world around her didn't make any sense. It hurts, a lot.

You will never be with John Stewart, ever, again…

She thought she heard her heart shatter and stop beating. As her wings began to lose control she headed for a head dive down towards the earth below. Gravity was pulling her downwards and in any moment now, she'll crash to the earth below.

The dive was exhilarating as her move faster and faster, bitter sweet images of her and John flash through her mind immediately and a huge sense of nostalgia swept over her immediately.

The past where they always crash and seem to never be able to work together as one…

"Hawkgirl! "

"I'll knock you back into next Tuesday!"

The small spark that was so small and delicate…

"They were real enough to me …"

"Are you alright?"

It started to ignite and burn brightly like a small glowing ember… She smiled remembering the denial of feelings they had for one another.

"Why is it when everytime we're together, you've got a problem?"

"My attitude is just fine… except when you're involved"

"JOHN!"

That ember was fueled , and crackled into a beautiful flame . A flame both had never experienced before with their old ones . This was genuine , dangerous but worthwhile. The flame is beautiful and breath taking …

"I see a man and a woman"

"So do you enjoy playing in the snow?"

"Hey, get back in here. You owe me for that little bar trip I took you on Christmas!"

But once you play too much, you'll get burn. In return, hurt yourself from the fires that now engulf you …

"I wanted to explain, about Hro and me"

" Nothing to talk about, lieutenant"

"Anything I took was freely offered; maybe you should have taken care of your stuff."

"Was it all a lie?"

"I love you John, I never lied about that."

The hot flames are dying but there's still a spark of hope …

A beacon of hope …

"Shayera…"

"He's an obsess fan boy with wings and an axe"

" His a man name War hawk , his our son, yours and mine"

But she was sure how that flame was now. It was dead and extinguished , the choice was made and a heart was torn . The beacon of hope is now gone and the reason to live is thrown out the window.

" I'm staying with Mari"

" I'm getting married , with Mari …"

"There's no reason to live now … " she thought bitterly as she neared the ground. She closed her eyes and whispered : "I hope you have a happy marriage with Mari, John Stewart … Goodbye"