The next morning, a very tired Harry Kim walked into the mess hall to get breakfast. He saw Tom and B'Elanna sitting at their usual table, eating. B'Elanna waved at him to come over and join her and Tom, as Harry usually did. Harry, on the other hand, was still annoyed at B'Elanna for her fight with Seven, and subsequent fight with him, last night. He wasn't as mad as he was last night at her, but he didn't really want to have to deal with her at the moment. Instead, he just waved back at his friends, and went to see Neelix to get something to eat.
Neelix, Voyager's Talaxian morale officer, chef, and ambassador, greeted Harry in his usual cheerful manner. "Hello, Ensign, and how are you this fine morning?"
Harry gave Neelix a little smile. It was hard not to do so around the perpetually happy chef. "Awful, actually."
"Care to talk about it, Harry?" Neelix inquired with genuine concern in his voice.
Harry shook his head. "Thanks, Neelix, but I really don't want to talk to anyone about it."
"Some other time, maybe."
"Maybe. What do you have for breakfast?"
Neelix showed Harry his breakfast selections. "We have scrambled eggs, an assortment of fruit from Vehar II, and my breakfast specialty, whipped pilarbra tubers au gratin." He looked dejected for a moment. "No one seems to want the tubers."
Despite his foul mood, Harry wanted to cheer Neelix up a little. His concoctions were often bizarre, and some were downright inedible, especially those which involved the words 'leola root', but Neelix always put a lot of effort into his cooking. It could be surprisingly good. "I'll try the tubers, Neelix."
The Talaxian cheered up immediately. Handing Harry a plate full of whipped tubers and a glass of juice, he patted Harry on the arm and said, "I'm sure you'll enjoy them Harry. Have a good day!"
Harry took his tray, and now had to decide where to sit. He really didn't want to go and sit with Tom and B'Elanna. Vorik was sitting alone, reading a padd, but Harry wasn't really in the mood to engage in the conversational curiosities Vulcans sometimes got involved in. He saw Sue Nicoletti, the Delaney sisters, and Crewman Jeffrey Schmidt from Security sitting together and chatting. Sue Nicoletti caught his gaze and smiled at him, something she had been doing a lot lately at their music practices. Other than himself, she was the most accomplished musician on the ship, her instrument being the oboe. Sitting with them would be a change of pace, but it might make B'Elanna think he was trying to spite her, and he wasn't. He knew he really wanted to eat alone, so he flashed a smile at Sue, and sat at an empty table on the other side of the mess hall from Tom and B'Elanna.
He tried a mouthful of Neelix's tubers. There were coloured a bright royal blue, which Harry found a little disturbing. The consistency was not terribly enjoyable, being similar to mashed turnips, but the taste was something else. The tubers themselves tasted similar to cinnamon, which combined in a strange but pleasing manner with the cheese Neelix added to make a really enjoyable dish. He turned around and tried to catch the Neelix's eye, and when he had done so, gave him a hearty 'thumbs up'. Neelix beamed at him, and Harry heard him tell his next diner, to "try the tubers, Ensign Kim really likes them". Attacking his breakfast with renewed vigour, Harry thought that maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all.
The doors to the mess hall opened with a swoosh, and in stepped Seven of Nine. She saw Harry sitting alone and made a beeline straight for him.
Harry looked up, as if towards the heavens. 'Just had to prove me wrong, didn't you?' he thought.
"Ensign Kim, may I join you for breakfast?" she asked in her level voice.
'Yes!' screamed his heart. 'Yes, of course you want her to join you!' His mind refused to listen. "Actually, Seven, I'm nearly finished my food, and was just about to go on duty." It was the first excuse to say 'no' he could think of.
She turned and looked at the messhall chronometer. "It is 0720 hours. Alpha shift does not begin until 0800 hours, therefore you have forty minutes." There was an unsettling pause before she resumed, "I would like to discuss something with you, Ensign."
He looked down at his half-eaten tubers. "I'd really rather eat alone, Seven," he said quietly, and looked up to her, almost pleading.
She looked at him strangely. "You have never wished to eat alone before, Ensign." Looking at him, and seeing no response forthcoming, she continued. "Very well, Ensign. I will let you eat alone. Good day." She turned away and walked over to Neelix to get some food of her own.
'Fool!' shouted his heart at his brain. 'You myopic fool!' Harry suddenly lost his appetite, and toyed with his food. He overheard Neelix use his 'Ensign Kim really liked them' line to plug his tubers to Seven, and heard Seven agree to try them. He watched her sit down at a table between where Harry was sitting and where Tom and B'Elanna were, and couldn't help notice her reaction to her breakfast. Her right eyebrow raised after the first bite, and she ate them with a slightly more enthusiastic bent than she did most other foods.
Harry knew the only reason he noticed this was due to the time he had spent with her. Time he was convinced would end if he let her have a conversation with him. He was certain than since B'Elanna had let it slip to Seven that he was in love with the ex-Borg, Seven would terminate their 'association', which was a friendship that Harry highly valued. Part of him thought Seven valued it too, but he still believed she would end it as an irrelevant burden.
He toyed with his tubers some more.
He was interrupted from his fidgeting by a shadow passing over his plate. Harry looked up. It was Tom Paris, his best friend on board. "Mind if I sit down?"
Harry hesitated.
"I'll be brief, Harry," Tom continued, sitting down. He looked over at Seven of Nine, sitting alone, finishing off her tubers. "So, she eats the same breakfast as you, eh Harry?"
"Tom..."
Tom held up his hands. "All right, all right." Continuing to look at Seven, he said, "At least B'Elanna doesn't feel like the only one you're rejecting. She told me what happened, Harry. She's sorry, you know. She didn't mean to tell Seven -"
Harry shot Tom a look.
Tom saw his friend's warning. " - what she did. You don't hate her, do you Harry?"
The younger man set down his fork and looked Tom straight in the eye. "Of course not, Tom. B'Elanna's my friend." He dropped his gaze again. "Just because she ruined my life doesn't mean I don't like her any more. I just need some time."
"She didn't ruin your life, Harry." Tom looked apologetic now. "Look, you know how she gets. In some weird, misguided, confrontational Klingon way, she was trying to protect you, Har." He sounded almost wistful at that. Tom liked B'Elanna's 'weird confrontational Klingon' half more than she herself did.
"Yeah, I know, Tom," Harry replied. "But did she have to do it in front of Seven? Now Seven's going to want nothing to do with me!"
"If that were the case, would she still come over and talk with you this morning?"
"Maybe."
Tom sighed. He was having a hard time reaching his friend. "Just talk to B'Elanna sometime. Same thing with Seven. O.K.?"
Harry gave in and looked at his friend. "All right."
Tom smiled at that. It was a start, at least. "Pool at Sandrine's, tomorrow, 2000 hours? Just the two of us?"
It was Harry's turn to smile. "You know it, buddy," he said, mimicking Tom's voice.
Tom got up and walked over to his lover, but looked back at Harry and said, "You know I'm right, don't you?"
Harry just nodded, and went back to his tubers.
He filled his day with work. Using procedures as a suit of armour, he tried to be the perfect officer on the bridge that day. He was crisp and efficient. He did what he was told, offered suggestions when they were necessary, but never said anything frivolous, not even his usual banter with Tom. Tuvok approved of this side of Ensign Kim.
It never occurred to Harry that he was doing exactly was Seven of Nine did to protect herself from her emotions.
That evening, he managed to forget his trouble with an intensive practice session with Sue Nicoletti. He turned to his music for release again, and convinced Sue to extend their session by a full hour. He then returned to his quarters and took his frustrations out with his clarinet again. Baytart next door resolved to switch shifts to try and work the night shift for the next little while.
The second morning in the messhall after his confrontation with B'Elanna and Seven went more smoothly than the first. B'Elanna waved and smiled at him, and he waved and smiled back. He was glad she knew he didn't hate her (how could he? she was too good a friend), and also glad she seemed to accept he needed some time to himself. Neelix's special was leola hash browns, so Harry just had fruit that day. He did request that Neelix make whipped pilarbra tubers au gratin sometime soon. Sue Nicoletti came over with some suggestions for their next performance. Pablo Baytart came over and asked him to "work out his damned problems with something other than that bloody clarinet." Four years as Harry's neighbour had made him aware of Harry's form of therapy. Baytart's suggestion was origami.
Seven of Nine did not show up in the mess hall while Harry was there. For that, Harry was grateful.
That afternoon, Seven of Nine was crouched under the main control console in the Astrometrics lab, wiping the sweat from her brow. Trying to increase power efficiency under Lieutenant Torres' "parameters" was a frustrating job. She thought the job would be easier if she had some help. Only one name came to mind. The only person she enjoyed working with on Astrometrics problems. Ensign Kim.
"Enjoyed." She wouldn't have phrased it that way out loud, but it was how she felt. Her Borg mind could rationalise by claiming that she merely "enjoyed" the efficiency that resulted when she worked with Ensign Kim, who was intelligent, competent, and knew Astrometrics better than anyone on the ship other than Seven herself. Commander Chakotay was right she he said they made a good team. But she also realized it was more than just efficiency she enjoyed about Ensign Kim.
Seven liked the fact that he went out of his way to help her. She liked that he would always make time for her questions, and rarely seemed to get offended. She even liked his fraternizations, something she would have considered impossible a year before. She liked his smile, and the smiles he brought out of her in response. Most of all, she liked the attention he paid to her. She could tell he went out of his way to spend time with her, and in that he was unlike anyone else. Oh, the Doctor, Lieutenant Commander Tuvok, and Captain Janeway all went out of their way to help her, but they did so as mentors as much as friends. Ensign Kim was not a mentor. He was her age, and though he was of superior rank, being part of Starfleet's hierarchy and head of the operations department, he never held that over her. He treated her as an equal. Seven liked the attentions he paid to her, as an equal, and as a friend. He was pleasant to be around, and she knew that were it not for
him, Voyager would not have become a home to her nearly as quickly as it had.
Seven felt comfortable around Ensign Kim, as well. Many of the other men on the ship would leer whenever she passed by, giving her looks inviting a sexual encounter. Seven ignored them, but found their looks vaguely unsettling. She saw the Ensign's pupils dilate when they looked at her body, and recognized his increased respiratory rate, but he didn't leer. Seven took that to mean he was not attracted to her in the way she saw some of the others were. That was what she had tried to tell Lieutenant Torres two days previous when Torres stated that Ensign Kim was in love with her. Why else would he have refused her when she asked him to copulate last year?
That incident still left Seven feeling somewhat annoyed. She learned subsequently that human women were not usually so open with sexual invitations, even though men sometimes were. She was still a little regretful that Ensign Kim had turned her down. He couldn't have meant it as an insult - if he did, why were they friends? - but she really had wanted to try copulation. It was an aspect of humanity that seemed - intriguing. There were no other males on Voyager that were as acceptable as Ensign Kim to her, and as she studied the databases on human sexuality after the 'mess hall incident', she realized that sexuality was a matter that humanity still did
not take lightly. She still wanted to experience it, but as there was no one else acceptable, and as Ensign Kim obviously did not find her attractive, dilated pupils notwithstanding, she had refrained from propositioning anyone else. There was no one else who would have made her feel as comfortable.
But why did Lieutenant Torres insist that Ensign Kim was in love with her? And why did he react so poorly when she insisted he was not? And why was he avoiding her? And why did it seem to *matter* so much?
Her frustration at the impasse with Ensign Kim and the problem with increasing power efficiency increased her frustration even more. She needed help with her task. Not because she was incapable of completing it, but it would be easier to have help.
It would also, as the phrase Ensign Kim had taught her, "kill two birds with one stone". For a species that claimed to be peaceful, humanity had a preponderance of violent metaphors.
She tapped her commbadge.
Captain Kathryn Janeway was sitting in her ready room, reading padds of daily reports, and drinking her third cup of coffee that afternoon, when she was hailed over the comm system.
** Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway **
"Janeway here. How can I help you, Seven?"
** I require assistance in Astrometrics, Captain. ** There was a hesitation on Seven's end, then she continued. ** Is Ensign Kim busy? **
Captain Janeway smiled. She knew that there was no one Seven preferred working with over Harry. She also knew Harry jumped at any chance to work with Seven. There was an undercurrent between the two, although the Captain doubted they were acting on it. That undercurrent helped make Seven and Harry one of the best teams on Voyager for completing assignments, so whether it came to anything or not, she was in favour of it. For the good of the ship, of course. Janeway told herself that the fact that she viewed Seven as the daughter she never had, and that Harry was about the nicest and most responsible young man she had ever met, had nothing to do with her approval of their working relationship, no matter it's consequences.
She did not entirely convince herself.
"No, Seven, it's been pretty dull up here today. I'll send Harry down right away."
** Thank you Captain. Seven out. **
Janeway smiled again and exited her ready room onto the bridge. "Ensign Kim," she called.
"Aye Captain."
"Seven needs a hand in Astrometrics. There's not much happening here today, so I told her you'd go and assist her."
At that moment, Harry looked like he would prefer to battle the Borg Collective on his own than go and work with the solitary Borg in Astrometrics. The moment passed, however, and Harry responded with a distracted but professional, "Aye, Captain." He then left for the turbolift.
Captain Janeway was surprised. Normally Harry leapt at the chance to work with Seven. She exchanged a look with her first officer, Commander Chakotay, who also noticed Harry's reluctance. Chakotay just shrugged at the Captain.
As she returned to her ready room, Chief Pilot Tom Paris tried his best to become invisible. It didn't work. It never did.
Trying to understand why the universe was against him this week, Harry Kim entered the Astrometrics Lab. Seven was crouched underneath the main console, working away at its underside. Harry didn't want to deal with her at the moment, but it was his job. Deciding that professionalism was once again the way to go, he cleared his throat and said "You asked for my assistance, Seven."
Seven got out from under the console and stood up at the sound of his voice. Harry couldn't help but look at her. She was so damned beautiful. He knew Seven could see his pupils dilating, so he looked slightly away from him. He certainly didn't want to come into eye contact with her.
Seven noticed his reactions, but decided not to comment on them just yet. She had noticed that Ensign Kim usually waited until partway through an assignment to try and make conversation. She decided she would do the same. "I am trying to increase the power efficiency. Working under Lieutenant Torres' parameters makes it a more time-consuming task than I had anticipated. I need your assistance, Ensign."
"All right. What do you need me to do?" he responded. They set about working on their assignment, standing beside one another, much closer than Harry would have liked at that point.
After about twenty minutes, Seven decided it was time to address the second issue she wanted Ensign Kim to deal with, her argument with Lieutenant Torres, and the Ensign's subsequent avoidance of her. "Ensign Kim, I have a question about the events of two days ago."
He shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it, Seven." Harry continued to avoid looking at her.
This was not going as Seven had hoped. Trying a different approach, she stopped and looked at him, and asked, "Why have you been avoiding me these past two days, Ensign?"
"I haven't been avoiding you." It was a complete lie, and they both knew it, but Harry hoped it would deflect the issue.
"Yes you have. You did not have dinner with me after the arguments with Lieutenant Torres and asked me to leave you alone afterwards. The next morning you did not want to eat with again, and once again wanted to be alone. This is out of character for you, as previously -"
Harry interrupted her. "I thought on-duty fraternizations were inefficient and irrelevant." He hoped throwing her words of months ago back at her would make her stop. He didn't want to deal with this at the moment, and was afraid she would wear him down if he let her continue much longer. It was harder for him to say 'no' to Seven than almost anything else.
Seven did not respond for nearly a minute. She had never heard such a sentiment from Ensign Kim before. She looked downwards at her hands and said, "I have not found our workplace conversations nearly as irrelevant over the past couple of months."
Harry stole a glance at her. She was weakening his defences, and the only way he could keep things professional was to just ignore her.
They worked in silence for nearly an hour more. Harry once again drew his job around him like a cloak to protect himself, and managed to be very efficient.
Seven, on the other hand, was weighed down by her emotions. Ensign Kim had never treated her this way before. She found that troubling, and was nowhere near as productive as usual. Ensign Kim being comparatively more productive would have been her primary concern at any other time, but its importance was clearly secondary at that point.
When they were finished, Harry smacked his hands together to clear them of dust, and said to Seven, "If we're finished here, I'm going to back to the bridge." He then turned to leave.
Seven reached out to his shoulder with her Borg enhanced left arm to stop him. "Am I to assume, Ensign, that you wish to dine alone again this evening?"
His response was so quiet Seven could barely hear it. "That's right."
She let go of his shoulder, and tried a technique to soften him that she had often observed humans use. 'Other humans', a part of her thought. "Perhaps we could dine again sometime soon, Harry?"
At her use of his first name, he turned around and couldn't help but look in her huge blue eyes. They did not bear the ice-cold look he usually saw her give, or even the playfully friendly one he had been more of in recent months. They seemed almost sad.
Mustering every last milligram of emotional strength within him to avoid giving in, he answered quietly, "Sometime, Seven, sometime. Just not today." He then left the mess hall.
Seven of Nine just stared at the door from which Ensign Kim had left. She was completely bewildered by his actions, which were extremely out of character from the Harry Kim she had known for a year. He was avoiding her, but she could tell it was almost a reluctant avoidance. The look on his face when he said 'Sometime, Seven' was clearly one of confusion and sadness, but she did not understand what he had to be sad about. She believed that normally he would have eagerly complied with a request to eat together. She had never asked him before, and so she briefly considered that he was taken aback by that. He had been avoiding her before this, however.
Her own reactions to the situation were confusing her. Over the past two days, Ensign Kim's reactions to her, and her search for their meaning, had occupied a progressively larger amount of her thoughts. They were now impeding her efficiency on duty. That was unacceptable.
She needed to speak with someone about this situation. Her attempt to resolve things by speaking with Ensign Kim had been a failure, so perhaps someone else could provide her some answers. She resolved to bring it up with Captain Janeway or Commander Tuvok the next time she worked with one of them.