Author's Notes: I revised this chapter to change James to a chaser, as pointed out by one of my reviewers. I knew he was a either a chaser or seeker because the book represented him as one and the movie as an other but I couldn't remember which was whick and then never checked before I posted this chapter. My apologies to all those canon sticklers out there! I hope I have gained back some of your respect. :-)
First Times, Second Chances
Chapter Twelve: The First of Many
Meri stood frozen on the threshold trying to process the sight before her. Severus was in a similar state, shocked into paralysis. The room was so quiet she could hear the tear drop that fell from his pale face splat against the old floorboards. It was just enough sound to start them back into motion. Well, at least one of them. Severus was on his feet and had a hold of Meri's shirt in the manner of a second. She hadn't even realized he had moved until her back connected with the hallway wall behind her.
"Not a word!" he hissed.
She noticed he was visibly shaking, whether from grief or anger, she didn't know. Perhaps it was a combination of both. He shook her again and it was enough to loosen her wits. Coming back to her senses, she shoved him from her and he stumbled back into the bedroom. "When have I ever betrayed you? Or anyone else for that matter?"
The anger in his face melted away and he turned away from her quickly. Meri gave him a moment to compose himself before stepping into the room. He had taken up a stance by the window which left the letter and picture on the floor unguarded. Meri carefully picked them up and scanned over the two pages, immediately recognizing Lily's easy handwriting style. She had been writing to Sirius thanking him for the toy broomstick he had bought Harry for his first birthday. Meri looked at the photograph to see the one year old Harry zooming around with James' legs trying to keep up and Lily herself laughing in the background. Meri sat down on the bed, a small cloud of dust rising up around her, and let out a little laugh.
"What?" Severus sounded tired but still angry.
Meri ran her fingers over the photograph. "I was so mad at Sirius for getting him this toy broom. I already had one on order when he showed up at my flat, proudly showing Remus and me what he had found. I was absolutely fuming." Meri laughed again but it died quickly. "I was the one who took this picture. All the annoyance I felt towards Sirius faded when I saw Harry zooming around on that broomstick. He nearly knocked me over as soon as I stepped through the door. Between him on that broom and that annoying cat of theirs…" she trailed off. It was getting harder and harder to remember without falling apart. No wonder he was crying when she came in on him.
She folded up the letter and tucked the picture inside the folds. She had found a box of old pictures in her vault at Gringott's and she had picked out a handful to show Harry that night. The one she held in her hand right now wouldn't matter that much if Harry didn't see it. Getting up and brushing off the dust from her clothes, she went over to the window and held the letter and picture out to Severus. "Here, you take these."
He slowly turned his head and stared her right in the eyes. In that split second, she saw everything from Dumbledore's cursed hand, to the planning stages of Dumbledore's murder to the actual murder itself. Just as quickly as she was allowed a view into his mind, he shut her out once more. Meri nodded her head in acceptance and moved the letter closer to him. Silently, he took them from her and Meri turned to leave.
"Are you going to tell him?"
Meri turned back to face him from the doorway. "Him who?"
"Your nephew."
"Tell him what?"
"About today." He looked down at the paper in his hand. "About Lily."
"No," Meri answered. "That's your story to tell him. Besides, I know how much you hate it when someone thinks you actually have a heart."
Harry couldn't believe the treasure trove that was laid out on the Weasley living room floor. His aunt had come home around dinner time with a stack of photos all of James, Lily, Sirius, Remus and herself. They ranged from his parent's time at Hogwarts to Harry's first birthday. The fact that he now had a physical connection to that part of his life meant more to him than he could ever express.
"Here's one you'll appreciate," Meri said, handing him another photo.
It was a picture of Meri and James, both in Quidditch robes with their brooms on either side of them. James was holding up a quaffle and Meri was waving her bludger at the camera. "So you both played Quidditch?"
Meri nodded. "Your father was a chaser and I was a beater. I even made captain in my seventh year but half way through the year I took a bludger to the knee and it cut my Quidditch career short."
"How did you become a Auror with a bad knee?" Ron asked.
"It only throws off my balance on a broom because it won't bend a certain way. I can handle a good chase, I just have to be careful of the sharp turns."
Hermione laughed. "What in the world was going on here?"
Harry looked over his Aunt's shoulder at the picture of her and Remus holding crickets and laughing. It amazed him how young and carefree they both looked. Apparently their joy was contagious as all of them started laughing.
"This," Meri said wiping tears from her eyes, "was taken during our seventh year. I set the camera up on a timer because it was just the two of us."
Ron took a closer look at the background in the picture. "That looks like the Slytherin common room."
"It was," Meri confirmed. "This ladies and gents was the birth of the pre-prank."
Fred and George perked up a bit and said in unison, "The pre-prank?"
Meri nodded. "Ah yes, the pre-prank. That was my contribution to the Marauders. The pre-prank is a prank that we pulled before we did the real prank. Here," she tapped the photo, "Peter was making a fool of himself in the Great Hall at dinner, keeping the Slytherin's occupied. Sirius and James were already in detention for the pre-prank, which was setting off firecrackers underneath certain Slytherin's chairs. So it was up to Remus and me to carry off the prank. We filled the Slytherin's common room with crickets and we enchanted them so that if they tried to get rid of them they would only multiply. I overheard Professor Slughorn talking to Professor Dumbledore and complaining that he didn't get any sleep that night because the chirping was so loud."
"You should hear about Fred and George's famous exit during our fifth year," Harry said. "That will go down in Hogwarts history!"
Just as the twins were about to launch into the fireworks departure from Hogwarts, a silver lynx appeared in the center of the room which silenced everyone. After a moment of complete silence, Kingsley Shacklebolt's deep voice reverberated off the walls.
"We caught a group of Death Eaters tormenting a group of muggles. We brought in all four Death Eaters but Remus was hurt very badly. We've already contacted Tonks and she's at St. Mungo's right now with him." There was a pause. "It doesn't look good."
Harry's mind was racing as the silver lynx vanished from sight. The thought of possibly losing Remus just as he was about to set out to search for the Horcruxes seemed too hard to take. He didn't know anyone else who knew defensive strategies like Remus did. And then there was Tonks, who from what he had heard, was still in the early stages of pregnancy.
"Meri!"
Harry turned towards Mr. Weasley, who had shouted for Meri. He was only able to catch sight of the corner of her shirt as she rounded the corner. Mr. Weasley was at her heels and it didn't take Harry long to catch up with them. He knew where they headed: the boundary line that surrounded the Burrow so they could apparate. No sooner had she stepped over the line then she disappeared with a "crack." Harry knew Mr. Weasley would want to decide who would go and who would stay but he didn't want to waste time right now with that and he too apparated as soon as he stepped over the boundary line.
Meri had apparated directly in front of Purge & Dowse Inc. She knew she should have been watching for muggles but she didn't care in the least at this moment. She pounded on the glass in front of the manaquin.
"Let me in! Let me in, now!"
Harry appeared out of nowhere and pushed his way in front of her. He leaned close to the glass and whispered, "We're here to see Remus Lupin." The dummy nodded it's head slightly and they both stepped through the glass together. Meri rushed up to the welcome witch, a plump woman seated behind a desk.
"Remus Lupin, is he here? What floor?"
The witch checked her clipboard. "Forth Floor, Spell Damage."
Meri took off for the stairs and jumped them two at a time. She was dimly aware of Harry trying to keep up with her and she had no idea where the Weasley's were but Remus was the only one on her mind. She crashed through the doors leading to the fourth floor and skidded to a halt, taking time only to look down the hallway for a recognizable face. Kingsley Shacklebolt was standing in the hallway to her left and she jogged down to meet him.
The words to ask how Remus was doing were on the tip of her tongue but the somber look on Kingsley's face told her everything. This couldn't be happening. She had just had lunch with him that day. Was that all the time she was allotted with him now? Just a lunch…no, that couldn't be it. He would be fine. He would recover. He had to. She remembered the time she was at St. Mungo's and everyone was worried she wasn't going to pull through and she did. Surely that was what was going to happen now.
But a heart broken sob broke the silence on the ward. Instinct told her it was Tonks. She must have spoken the Auror's name because Kingsley nodded his head in affirmation. Meri was weaving on her feet and reached out blindly for anything to hold her up. The cool white wall came in contact with her hands and she rested her head against the wall. Her vision had gone blurry but when she blinked it cleared. Crying…she was crying.
"I feel like I've done nothing but cry since I got here." That was what she had said to Remus earlier that day. That day, mere hours ago they had been talking and laughing. Someone touched her arm and she looked over to see Harry staring at her, grief and concern written on his face. James and Lily. He was a perfect mix of James and Lily. Both gone. James' face and Lily's eyes bore into her and something snapped in her mind.
A loud smack resounded through the hallway and her hand suddenly started to hurt. Looking up, there was a large dent in the wall, fist sized. Looking down at her hand she found her knuckles had been scraped and were bleeding slightly. She hadn't even realized it was her that had hit the wall. Flexing her hand, Meri tried to control her breathing but Tonk's crying filled her head once more and all that she could think about was that Remus was gone. Completely and undeniably lost to her forever.
She pushed her way past Harry, Kingsley was there to watch over him. Arthur and a handful of other red headed people came running at her and she slid easily between them and headed back down the stairs. She rushed past the welcome witch and back out into the cool London night air. She had to get away from this place. Somewhere, anywhere but here. Anytime but right now. Closing her eyes, she pictured what peace would look like and apparated. When she opened her eyes, she was standing in front of the little white church in Godric's Hollow.
Without looking out to the graveyard, she stepped through the front door of the church. It was dark inside, the priest was most likely not on duty this late at night. She slipped into the pew halfway down the aisle and stared at the flicker of the candles in the front of the church. She had sat here after Frank and Alice had been found, tortured into insanity. She had sat here, staring at the candles, whenever one of their own fell in the first war.
It was quiet in the church, no sound whatsoever but she could still hear the frantic sobs of Tonks. She thought of Remus' widow and the child he had never seen nor ever will. She remembered how badly he wanted a family of his own but so scared to even risk having children. But he had found someone, fell in love again and had his dream in his grasp. She had a chance to see him live out his dream. But now…
She didn't know what else to do at this moment and she did something that she vowed she would never do: she bowed her head in pain and wept.
Severus felt the white hot spear of pain slice through his mind. It was everything he had in him not to wince at the time as he was standing right next to the Dark Lord. He had played out his role as best he could and the first chance he had to slip away, he went to the only place he thought she would go: the church at Godric's Hollow.
He stepped up to the window and peered through. She was the only one in there, her head bowed and shoulders shaking. He frowned deeply. He hated it whenever women cried. His mother cried a lot and no matter what he did he couldn't get her to stop. He had grown into the habit of brushing off distraught women with cold indifference. But Meri was different. She was the only ally he might have left. Deciding to give her some time, he walked out to the graveyard.
He knew who most likely was the fallen hero tonight, judging from the pain he had felt second hand in his mind. The Dark Lord was not happy about losing four of his followers but he quickly got over it. People were expendable to him. It was hard not to feel revulsion at that school of thought as he past by grave markers, some names he even recognized.
His mother's grave was located towards the back but he never came here for her. She was a lost cause to him ever since he could remember. His father had been buried in a muggle cemetery, not wanting anything to do with his wife's magical world. As if Severus needed yet another excuse to hate his father and his close mindedness. No, he only came for one person when he stepped foot in this cemetery.
It was a joined headstone and that caused him annoyance to no end. Even in death he couldn't have Lily solely, always with James hovering close by. He leaned down in front of the marker till only her name filled his eyesight. He had so many things he wanted to say but words caught in his throat and he couldn't dislodge them. So he settled for just tracing his finger over her name.
"It was Remus."
Severus stood up slowly and turned around to see Meri standing behind him. Even in the dim light he could tell her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Her entire frame spoke of defeat and grief. Tears were still glistening on her cheeks and he remained rooted to the spot.
"Did you hear me?" she asked, mistaking his silence for lack of understanding. "Remus-"
"I know."
Her facial expression froze and hardened. "Oh that's right. You're probably just coming from a Death Eater party celebrating his death! You're probably so happy he's gone now!"
"I can assure you, I take no joy in Lupin's death."
The comment had shocked her and the angry mask cracked a little. She looked around him and realized what grave they were standing in front of. She stepped forward and he stepped away, allowing access to both names. The look of raw grief replaced the anger and he found he could no longer look at her. Instead, he turned his eyes towards the end of the cemetery, wondering if he could see his mother's grave from here. He thought about walking back there and took two steps in that direction when a heart rending howl sounded in the night. He didn't even know a human could make a sound like that but Meri had emitted the cry and was on her knees hitting the grave marker with her bare fists. Seeing smudges appearing on the stone moved him to action.
"Stop it!" he commanded and tried to grab hold of her wrists but she was out of control at the moment. He didn't want to stun her because he would only have to talk her down later on. So he did the only other thing he knew he could do. He entered her mind.
Meri…Meri you need to calm down. Where's Harry? Is he safe?
Her thoughts were chaotic and he could only spend a few seconds in there before his own mind came overcome with the disorder. She had stopped fighting him and his hands were firmly around her wrists. Blood was running down her hands and her breathing was erratic but she held up her hands in a surrender sign.
"I'm fine," she panted, "I'm fine now."
He seriously doubted it but he released her anyway. True to her word, she remained as calm as possible though she still stayed kneeling in front of the graves. He listened closely and heard her breathing evening out after several minutes. She raised her hand and whispered "Scourgify" and the blood smears on the stone disappeared.
"I didn't even think they would be buried here," she said. She ran her fingers over both names, much like he had done to Lily's name. "All of them are gone now. I'm the last one." She looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with tears. "Where is Sirius buried?"
"There wasn't a body to bury."
She frowned slightly and stood up. She turned to look at him, confusion on her face. "What are you doing here?"
Why was he here? If he was honest with himself, it was because on one level he needed her trust in him. On another level, he actually cared about her feelings. The hurt she had felt, was still feeling, was overwhelming. And it was a hurt he was oh so familiar with. But he couldn't dare admit any of that to her. So he shrugged. "Coincidence." And he turned and walked back into the darkness. He would hide until he was certain she was fine and then leave. But as he was walking away he could have sworn she said something like "I think not" but he could not be certain.