First Times, Second Chances

Chapter Thirteen: Moving Forward

The beginning of the school term was just a week away and Harry had never felt so torn before. Ron and Hermione were anxious to start the mission that Dumbledore had given them but Harry wasn't ready to leave yet. Not with his Aunt in the condition she was in. Remus' funeral had been four days ago and she hadn't uttered one word during that time. All the laughter and telling of stories had come to abrupt stop and she had taken to locking herself in her room for hours at a time.

"I know you're worried about her, Harry, but we have something that needs to get done," Hermione was saying.

"I think you should give him a break," Ron answered, kicking a stone. "How would you feel if it was your aunt?"

Hermione started to say something but it came out in an exasperated sigh. They had taken a walk through the meadow behind the Burrow so they would be able to talk freely about the Horcruxes. However, the subject that been controlling the conversation was Meri's degenerated mental state.

"Maybe there's someone she can talk to," Hermione suggested, having found her voice again.

Harry shook his head. "There's no one now. Everyone she ever knew from back then is dead."

"Wait," Ron spoke up, "didn't you say Mad-Eye Moody was her mentor? Maybe he could talk to her."

"Somehow I don't think he would have much insight into what's she going through," Hermione said. "She needs someone who's been her friend for a long time and understand her."

"But like Harry said, everyone she knows is dead."

"She's all I have left." Harry looked up at his two friends. "She's the only family I have left. I can't just leave her like this. Look, I tried to put myself in her shoes last night and thought about what it would be like to lose you two and Ginny and Neville. It took five minutes before I was crying myself to sleep." The thought seemed to drop a somber cloth over the three of them. Hermione spoke up at last.

"Well, let's think who else she would have gone to school with then."

Harry scoffed. "Okay then, there was my Mum and Dad, Sirius and Remus, all of who are dead. Peter is the traitor so he won't help her. She said she knew Frank and Alice Longbottom but they're in no condition to help her. I know that Ron's Mum has tried to talk to her but without getting any response. The only other person that I can think of that she would know is Snape and I really don't think he's about to have a heart to heart with her."

"Tonks," Ron spoke up.

Hermione sighed again. "She just lost her husband, Ron, I don't think-"

"No," Harry pointed towards the horizon where a figure was walking towards them. "That's Tonks."

They waited for her to reach them and greeted her with shaky smiles and hugs. She looked very different from what the neon haired, bubbly witch they all had come to love. Her hair had returned to the mousy brown and she looked exhausted and weary. But she managed a smile even if her "wotcher" was a little weak.

"What brings you here?" Hermione asked.

"Ron's Mum owled me. Said she's very concerned about Meri and wondered if I felt up to talking to her. She said she didn't know who else to call on for help."

"And do you feel up to talking to her?" Ron blurted out while Hermione and Harry gave him a shocked look. Tonks, however, seemed unruffled by the question.

"There's only so much I can do now." She patted her stomach. "I have to keep going for this little one. Besides, I'm certain that Remus would want me to try to help her if I could."

They walked with her up to the garden wall where she was greeted by Molly Weasley with a large hug. They waited till the two women disappeared back into the house before starting back out in the meadow again. But instead of piecing together a plan for the Horcruxes, each became lost in their own thoughts, content to say nothing but just be with each other.

Tonks hated to admit to anyone that the reason she had come to the Burrow was partly because of selfish motivation. She needed someone who understood the pain of losing someone they loved. From what she knew of Meri, the woman had lost just about everyone she had loved, save Harry. She was also tired of her parents fussing over her and tip toeing around. They had even gone as far as to take down some of the pictures of her and Remus in an effort to "relieve some of her pain" as they put it. But she loved looking at the photos and had hoarded a bunch of them in her bedroom. They were a reminder that he had lived. That she had lived a fairytale for a short amount of time.

"I'm so sorry to impose on you," Molly was saying as she walked up the narrow staircase. "I've tried talking to her but she just lays there and stares out the window."

Tonks didn't say anything but allowed Molly to ramble on about Meri's state of mind. On her way over, she tried to think of how she could relate to the older woman. Remus had spoken of her in short phrases and it was obvious her disappearance had caused him grief. If anything, their common ground was Remus himself, and the pain was so fresh. But it would have to be the starting point because Molly had stopped in front of a closed door and knocked.

"Meri? There's someone here to see you."

Tonks strained to hear any sound but there was none. Molly shrugged and opened the door. The room was in a chaos. There were photographs everywhere, on the floor, chair, dressers and even scattered across the bed. Meri herself was just as Molly had described, curled up in a fetal position and staring blankly out the window. Molly patted Tonks on the shoulder and backed out of the room.

Tonks was certain that Meri was aware of her presence there so she would just wait her out. She started picking up pictures and stacking them together. She caught brief glimpses of a young Remus and Sirius in a lot of the pictures. There were a few of a man who bore a great resemblance to Meri and realized that must have been James. There was one picture she stopped to take a look at because it was of a very young Meri and a sallow looking, hook nosed boy that was also very young but both were smiling brightly. She thought she should know who the boy was but couldn't quite place him so she shuffled it back in with the rest of the photos.

Among all the pictures, Tonks found a couple of Daily Prophets scattered about as well. There wasn't any news she hadn't heard except for the latest one that she had laying next to the bed. Tonks couldn't believe what she was reading but there it was, plain as day, complete with picture.

Severus Snape named as Hogwarts Headmaster.

She turned around and started for the stack of pictures she had just put in the corner to compare the front page picture of Snape with the photo of the young man to see if her suspicions were correct. She never got back to the pictures as Meri started to move around. By the time Tonks turned around, Meri was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking around in awe at the room. Finally her eyes rested on Tonks.

"You shouldn't be here." Meri's voice sounded hoarse, like it hadn't been used for a few days.

Tonks tossed the old paper onto a chair and sat down on the edge of the bed. "What do you mean?"

Meri rubbed her eyes. "You should, uh, be home. Resting, with family and friends."

Tonks reached out and laid a hand on Meri's arm. "Well, what makes you think I'm not with friends?"

"You hardly know me."

Tonks felt her cheek twitch and her eyes started to burn. "Remus knew you."

That was all she needed to say and Meri's face crumbled. Tonks allowed herself to cry as well and wrapped her arms around the now sobbing woman. This was why she came when Molly asked. She needed to cry with another person who understood grief. There was a camaraderie in the pain that they felt, and that brought Tonks some comfort.

The day after Tonks had come to visit, Harry was more than pleased to see his Aunt sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. She still looked worn and tired but she was up, dressed and apparently speaking again as Mrs. Weasley was saying, "You know, I think Fred and George have taken it on themselves to out do you and your brother and your friends. I swear, some of things those boys did at that school, I was absolutely horrified. Oh, hello Harry."

Meri glanced up and gave him a slight smile. "Hey."

He sat down next to her at the table. "Hey." He was going to ask her how she was feeling when she pushed a couple photos over to him. There were only two this time as opposed to the stack she had with her a few nights ago. He picked up the one on top and saw it was a similar photo to the one Mad Eye had of the original Order of the Phoenix. He didn't have the heart to tell her he already had one. The second one however, he had never seen. It was a picture of Remus and Meri with their arms around each other and beaming, Sirius was sitting on the arm of a couch where his parents sat holding a squirming baby on their laps.

"You never could sit still for long," Meri said quietly before looking him straight in the eye. "I guess some things don't change that much."

"What do you mean?"

"I know you and Ron and Hermione are going to be leaving soon to do the mission Dumbledore gave you. I wanted to make sure you had these pictures with you when you left. Whenever you feel like giving up, take them out and look at them. Remember what you're fighting for."

"As long as you remember too."

Meri nodded and looked at him directly in the eyes again. "How many Horcruxes do you know about? Have you destroyed any yet?"

Shock came over him and he glanced quickly over to Mrs. Weasley who was still quietly humming to herself as she chopped up vegetables by the stove. Harry glanced back at his Aunt and found her tapping her temple with her finger and he understood. She hadn't spoken the question out loud, she had merely put it in his mind directly.

I'm a legilimens, Harry. Which is also how I know the mission Dumbledore gave you was to track down the rest of the Horcruxes. You have my word, however, that I will tell no one because I know the secrecy is very important.

Harry took a deep breath, in an effort to steady himself after hearing his Aunt's voice inside his head and also to collect his thoughts. He thought of the diary of Tom Riddle's that he had stabbed with the basalisk's tooth and she nodded her head. He then thought about the locket that he and Dumbledore had retrieved only to find it to be a fake. He also called up a vague image of Hufflepuff's cup, as well as his theory that Nagini, Voldemort's snake, might be one as well. Meri remained thoughtful for a long time before he "heard" her voice once more.

Do you have any idea where any of these things might be?

Harry shook his head.

I would check Sirius' old home at 12 Grimmauld Place. I knew Regulus, his younger brother. Regulus confided in me his doubts of being a Death Eater. Actually, confided isn't the right word, he just didn't know how to keep his mind shielded. I would ask the house elf if he knows anything about the locket. If not, at least it's a starting point. I would leave Nagini for last since the snake is constantly at Voldemort's side.

Harry glanced back at Mrs. Weasley and found her peering over at them curiously due to the extensive silence between the two of them. "So, what are you going to do now?"

Meri smiled slightly but it quickly faded. "I'm going back to the Aurors. Tonks has resigned temporarily, most likely till after the baby is born. I'm filling her position. Arthur says the Ministry is in sad shape. Maybe I can shake things up a bit."

Harry smiled at the brash comment and he caught a glimpse of the Meri he had come to know from the pictures he had seen when she was younger. But it didn't last for very long and as quickly as it appeared it was gone and he was left looking at a grief stricken woman. But she had something to do now, she would go back to doing what she loved as an Auror. Surely that would be enough for her, wouldn't it?

Harry turned to face Mrs. Weasley. "Uh, Mrs. Weasley, I think Ron, Hermione and I will be setting out tomorrow morning."

She kept her back to him and he could tell from the tense set of her shoulders, she wasn't happy with the announcement. But she nodded her head curtly and threw the vegetables she had been chopping into a large pot of water. He looked back to Meri who patted his arm.

You'll be fine. Just make sure you keep in touch.

Harry asked how in his mind.

I have a post office box in London two blocks from the Ministry. Send it by post whenever you can. Owls will be watched, as well as a patronus. Voldemort wants to forget all things muggle related so he won't be interested in the post if we keep this quiet.

That made Harry feel better. If he needed help from someone he now had a safe way of contacted them. It also meant his Aunt really was moving forward. And tomorrow morning, so would he.