A/N If you have read this story all the way through you know that there are some chapters that are not happy and some that are. We get to happy chapters with the motivation of unhappy chapters. The next one will be happier. Thank you all for your commitment to this story and all the people who have taken the time to read and review.
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Ch 29 An Unforgivable Act
When Luke and Lorelai got back to her house Rory was in her room packing boxes. Lorelai walked into her room and asked, "Rory, aren't you home early?"
"Well you know I've got to get these books packed so we can take the bookcase over to the new house tomorrow. Then I've got to wash all the bed linen that I want to use in my new room, and I may as well start taking down my Harvard decorations, you know, move them over. I just love to find new ways to decorate, you know." All the while she has been a flurry of non-stop activity.
Lorelai's eyes narrowed, "Did something happen with Dean tonight?"
"Why would you ask if something happened with Dean? Is that all you can think about, if I'm not doing things exactly as you think I would it must be something with Dean?"
Luke was watching all of this from the hallway and decided to go on up to bed; this was escalating quickly. Lorelai sat on Rory's bed holding Colonel Cluckers and watching her daughter flutter around. "Rory, are you and Dean still going out?"
Rory dropped the book she was holding and quickly bent to get it. "No." She whispered, "He told me that he loved me mom." She looked at Lorelai with huge tears in her eyes, "How could I continue to go out with him when I know I'll never love him like he deserves? I told him I was sorry. He tells me that he loves me and I say, 'I'm sorry.' How horrid is it for a guy to put everything out there and have his girlfriend break his heart? I'm a horrible person, I shouldn't even be allowed to date anyone. Bad, bad, bad, that's me. I deserve to spend countless nights alone with nothing to do, no movies, no books, no food, no company. You and Luke should just leave me here alone to be by myself, I don't even deserve to move into the new house."
Lorelai had tuned out half-way through her rant, it amazed her once again how Rory and Luke could be so similar even though they didn't share one genetic marker. The 'not move into the new house' brought Lorelai back, "Sweets, I know it's difficult to tell people the truth about the way you feel, your dad still thinks we're in high school and I have so moved on. But if I pretended that I loved him I'd never have found Luke and been so happy, right? So sometimes it's good to tell people what you feel, even if it might hurt them. I know it's going to hurt for a while, but in the long run it's good you told Dean the truth." Lorelai got up and hugged Rory who hugged her back fiercely.
"Mom, will you tell Luke? I don't know how to tell him I broke a boy's heart and since he is one and if he ever had a girl tell him I'm sorry when he told her he loved her, he'll hate me. I couldn't stand it if Luke hated me." Rory was heading off on another tear when Lorelai stepped in.
"Hon, Luke could never hate you, I promise he'll be more worried about you then he will about Dean." Lorelai was thinking that Luke will be dancing a jig about this one. "But I'll tell him for you. Why don't you pull back on the packing and get to bed, OK? We'll finish up tomorrow." She kissed her forehead and Rory hugged her goodnight.
Lorelai went up to bed to tell Luke about the Dean situation, she started out by telling him that Rory and Dean had broken up that night, "What, the kid thinks he'll do better then Rory? Stupid punk, I knew he was a punk kid the second I laid eyes on him!"
"Luke, Rory broke up with him, he told her he loved her and she knew she wouldn't ever feel the same, so she just told him she was sorry it wasn't going to happen."
"Wow, that's rough, how's she dealing with this? Is she OK?"
"Yeah, I think she feels bad about hurting Dean's feelings, she's even concerned about your feelings incase you told some girl that you loved her and she didn't say she loved you back."
"Well, the only girl who did that to me eventually made up for it." Luke grinned.
Lorelai looked confused, "Who? How did she make up for it? Or don't I want to know?" Lorelai looked at him with narrowed eyes.
Luke gathered her in his arms, "Well, she eventually said she'd marry me."
"Oh, my God, I didn't say it back for a few weeks did I? I guess I just love you so much I forgot about a time when I didn't realize it. Oh, babe, were you OK with that?"
"Well, it wasn't my favorite time, I'd a good idea that you felt that way, but the night I came home from New York and you actually said it was much better." Luke chuckled. "So I appreciate Rory being concerned for my feelings. Hey, how's about tomorrow I make chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast before we go over to the new house?"
"I know Rory would love that, you're the best. I'm so glad I finally realized that I can't live without you." Lorelai snuggled down into Luke's arms.
"Right back atcha."
The next morning they all took a few truck loads of clothing and furnishings to the new house, since they weren't going to officially live there for a few months Lorelai only took casual clothes, because she said her work clothes didn't want to be separated.
Luke and Lorelai had both taken the day off to get the house in order; Jess was coming the next day. The mattresses had been delivered the previous day and they set up all the beds, including the guest house incase Liz brought Jess. They filled the small fridge with water and soft drinks, Lorelai made sure there was a coffee maker in the main kitchen as well as the guest house, Luke rolled his eyes. The big dinning room had a large table that both kids could do their homework at if they didn't feel like being locked in their rooms. Rory was excited to see a nice sized desk in her room and there on top of it was a blueberry ibook. "Luke! What did you do? This is great, Mom, look at what Luke got me!"
Luke looked down at his feet and said, "Jess needed a laptop as well and the guy at the store said that this was a good one. I didn't get Jess the blue though." He smiled.
Lorelai hugged him, "You're such a good guy. You know you don't need to get Jess and Rory everything the same, they're big kids, they can handle it."
"Well, I know how much Rory uses the computer at school and Jess will need one for Chilton as well." Luke shrugged.
After dinner Lorelai headed out to the baby shower for Janet the elementary school teacher. "I'm steering clear of Miss Patty's punch tonight, so I shouldn't be late and I won't be hung over tomorrow."
She leaned over the couch to kiss Luke who was watching TV with Rory, "Make sure you only drink from bottles or cans you open," Luke warned, "I remember when Miss Patty forgot to make a punch without alcohol one year, half the town got blitzed without intending to. Worse hang over I ever had."
Lorelai chuckled. "Well, I'll see you party hounds later," they waved their hands without looking back at her. "Nice to see how much I'll be missed," she muttered as she went out the door.
At the party Miss Patty and half the group had already had a few glasses of punch. Either that or this was left over buzz from last night's festivities. Lorelai saw Sookie and went to sit with her, what she hadn't realized was that Rachel was also sitting with the group. Some of the group who had children were swapping war stories in front of the poor teacher.
Annie said, "I think the worst thing about being pregnant was having an incubator attached to me, I couldn't sleep at all after the fifth month, I spent the entire time taking covers off, pulling them back on, taking them off." A few moms murmured agreement.
Sarah said, "No, the swelling was worse, I had a single pair of shoes that I could wear from the sixth month on; once they got on my feet they didn't come off until I got home. When Lucy was born and I was able to wear different shoes I burned those damn things." A rousing cheer accompanied her statement.
Deborah argued, "No, I've got it, I had morning sickness every single freaking day for four solid months, and it didn't only show up in the morning, unless that child was on an around the world trip and was hitting different time zones without me. First trimester only my ass."
Quite a few women nodded in agreement and Lorelai noticed that Rachel was one of them. Miss Patty, who wasn't too far gone to notice as well, said, "Rachel dear, have you ever been pregnant?"
Rachel, who had a few too many glasses of Miss Patty's punch answered right away, "Oh, yeah, about eleven years ago, but the father and I decided it wasn't a good time for that."
That's all she said, but Lorelai knew what she was implying. Eleven years ago. Rachel was with Luke eleven years ago. Luke who was so excited about having a baby already had one, but it wasn't convenient so they 'decided' not to have it. Lorelai didn't say anything but gathered her coat and left. She was so stupid, how could she have agreed to marry this man who she clearly didn't know at all?
She entered the front door and slammed it behind her, looking at Luke she said, "Kitchen now." Luke was dumbfounded but followed her and closed the pocket doors to separate the kitchen from the rest of the house and Rory's ears. Luke sat at the new kitchen table watching Lorelai stalking around, ranting, "I can't believe that you've gone on and on about having children, making me think you actually realize what a gift ANY child is and then I find this out! How stupid am I? Your first child wasn't convenient so you decided not to have it? So if a child of ours comes at an 'inconvenient' time you'd want me to 'decide' not to have it? For God's sake Luke, I was sixteen and alone, how convenient do you think it was? But once I found out I was pregnant I NEVER considered not having Rory for a second, it wasn't even a passing thought!"
Luke grabbed Lorelai by the upper arms and looked at her, "Lorelai, what the hell are you talking about? I've never had a kid or the option of a kid before, where's this coming from?"
"Rachel was at the baby shower and she said she had an abortion eleven years ago and she and the father 'decided' not to have it. Well she was with you eleven years ago wasn't she Luke? So you'd be the father who 'decided' not to bring his child into the world! I can't believe that you'd do this and that you didn't think it was an important thing to tell me."
Luke let Lorelai go and looked as though someone had punched him in the stomach. "Lorelai, I have to talk to Rachel, where was this party?"
Lorelai was stunned, "Miss Patty's." She was shocked that Luke wouldn't have known. He turned and opened the kitchen door and left the house.
Rory came up to her mother, "Mom, is Luke OK?"
"I don't know sweets, I guess we wait and see. I think he just found out some news that may devastate him and unfortunately I was the one who told him."
"Will you guys be OK?"
"Oh, I hope so Hon, I really hope so."
About half an hour later Rory and Lorelai were sitting at the kitchen table when they heard, Thwap, crack, silence, thwap, crack, silence, thwap, crack, silence. This goes on for ten minutes and then they hear: thwap, crack, thud, silence, thwap, crack, thud, silence. Lorelai gets up and goes to the back door; in the back yard in front of the guest house, under the work light is Luke without his coat splitting wood. He sets up a piece of wood on the stump, swings the ax and then splits it in two, he then throws both pieces on a growing pile between the two houses. "Mom, why is Luke splitting wood?"
"I think it's because he's committed to us and doesn't want to go fishing, but he still has to work whatever he found out, out. You know he goes inside himself when he is trying to figure things out."
"Yeah, how long do you think he'll be splitting wood?"
"Well, there's two cord of wood there, so it could be quite a while. We just need to give him his space and let him deal with this the way he needs to."
"But Mom, it's thirty degrees out there and Luke doesn't have his coat on."
"Rory, there isn't one word I could say to Luke that would change his behavior at this moment. When it's time I'll make sure he gets warm and dry, but right now I would bet he isn't feeling anything and I think that's the point." Lorelai was standing by the door just watching Luke. She turned to go upstairs, "I'm going to get some pajamas for him and a couple of towels, when he's ready he may want to stay at the guest house tonight."
"Is there anything we can do for Luke?"
"Not right now sweets, maybe later when he's ready to communicate. I really don't know what he is struggling with; I don't know what Rachel told him." Lorelai gathers his sweats, boxer-briefs, a t-shirt, a flannel incase the house is cold and two towels.
She stands by the back door for three solid hours watching him split wood. Finally he falls on his knees just to get back up ten seconds later and he splits wood for another half an hour and he falls a second time. He is struggling to get up and Lorelai walks over to him. Without saying a word she leads him into the guest house and strips off his flannel which is soaked clear through. She peals off the t-shirt underneath and leads him to a chair to sit down. She kneels in front of him and takes off his shoes and socks. Then pulling him to his feet she removes the rest of his clothes and gets him in the shower.
She turns on the water and Luke just stands there with his head down, not moving. Lorelai strips and gets in the shower with Luke, washing him like a child; he is still unresponsive. She gets out and pulls one of the towels around her and starts to dry off Luke's back with the other. She works her way down his backside and up the front of his legs. She notices that he has become excited from the stimulation, but he still has his head down and isn't aware of anything around him.
As she works around his waist her own towel drops and she reaches down to pick it back up. This movement has seemed to have captured his attention. He picks up Lorelai and carries her to the bed. Spreading her legs he enters her without any foreplay and she gasps as she adjusts to him. He quickly finishes then rolls to his side with his back to her. Lorelai is stunned; Luke didn't even touch her, kiss her or acknowledge that he was engaging in a sex act with her.
Her stomach lurches and she realizes that for the first time in her life she's been fucked. He didn't have sex with her, her really didn't make love to her, she could've been any person or even object and that thought makes her feel like she needs to take a shower. She gets out of bed and picks up the clean flannel shirt she brought with her and her towel.
It isn't until Luke hears the shower running that he snaps back to reality. In all the time they have been together, Lorelai has never gotten up out of bed to take a shower until they are ready to leave. The fact she's doing this now makes him think she wants to wash him off of her and tonight he can't blame her. He gets up out of bed and sees the pajamas she brought for him; he puts them on and gets back into bed. How could he do this to this amazing woman?
She leaves the shower and climbs back into bed with him her back to his. Luke feels her distance and he wonders if this is the unforgivable act that Rachel warned him about. He feels his heart shattering in a million pieces.