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Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent. I just like to play with the characters.
Chapter 19
I wake up early and head to the training room. I want to get my workout in before breakfast. I know today will be a long day. The initiates are going to go through Lauren's fear landscape. Even if Marcus wasn't in mine, we wouldn't use me. I only have four fears and there are 15 initiates left, including the Dauntless born.
On my way to the training room, I pass the transfer dorms. I peek in the room and the light from the hallway shines on her face. She is sleeping peacefully, mouth slightly open. Her hair lays across her face, rising and falling with her breaths. I stare at her for a moment. What was doing, again? Oh yeah, training room.
I think back to last night, how perfect it was. How perfect she is. I can't help but grin. She makes me feel happy, hopeful even. Hopeful for what though? All of that fades, when I open the door to the training room. Eric stands leaning back against the gun cabinet. My face immediately hardens.
"Thought I would find you here. You're later than usual, what's her name?" Eric says, raising an eyebrow at me.
"What do you want, Eric?" I say.
"Well it seems that some of the test results from stage two were entered manually and a couple showed discrepancies. It seemed to happen to the same two initiates every time." he gives me a concerned and confused look. It is not convincing, if this is his best acting he needs to try harder.
"What are you getting at?" I say. I act bored, but my body is alert and ready. I know what he is implying. I think about her and Uriah. I will protect them.
"It's just odd that's all. Anything you care to share? Lauren didn't seem to have the same, let's just say problems with her sims." He grins at me. It is a predatory look.
"You would have to be more specific with the initiates you are referring to. I administered over forty sims last week. You can't expect me to remember them all in perfect detail." I say, making sure to keep my voice even.
"Well it happened with Uriah and," he stops and acts like he is trying to remember, a wide smile spreads across his face pulling at his piercings, " I believe it was the stiff. Ring any bells?" He stares at me, studying my face for a reaction to the last part.
I don't give him the satisfaction of reacting. I press my fingers to the bridge of my nose and fain annoyance. "Tris got sick during a couple of them, I vaguely remember her saying the same thing happened during her aptitude test. Uriah seemed to sensitive to the serum as well. He threw up during one of them." I say, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. I shrug.
"Are you sure that's all?" Eric says. His eyes narrow at me, but he will not get anymore than that.
"That's all I got." I say. "Now, if you are done, I need to get to breakfast. The initiates are going through Lauren's fears today. Don't want to be late for that too."
I turn and walk back out of the training room, not giving him a chance to respond. I don't stop until I reach my table in the dining hall. I march straight over to Zeke. I sit down and lean over so that only he can hear me, "Eric is suspicious. Uriah will need to be careful during landscapes. They are watching him."
Zeke's eyes grow big and I can tell he is worried, but he does his best to look calm. He nods at me. I eat my breakfast I silence. Nodding occasionally to indicate I am listening to the conversation around me. Zeke will take care of Uriah, but I will have to take care of Tris and I will have to do it without anyone knowing. I can't breathe thinking about what Eric might do to her. She cannot give him any reason to attack her. I try to formulate a plan, but the only ones I can think of involve me talking to her about it. I will have to find a reason to catch her alone, somewhere away from Eric's prying eyes. Then it comes to me. The trains. She can leave dauntless with a member. I will take her on the trains tonight. I can talk to her there.
I stand up and am going to try to catch her in the hallway after breakfast. I have to warn her not to manipulate the fear lanscapes today and tell her to meet me at the trains tonight. I see her sitting at the table with her friends. My stomach drops when I see her face. She looks absolutely sullen, hurt even. Are they still giving her a hard time about her rank? I walk towards the door and hope she will see me. Her eyes dart up for a moment and the look she gives me tells me, it is not them. She is angry with me. My heart sinks. It feels like someone has punched me hard int the chest. Now is not a good time to talk to her. I will need to wait until after the landscapes.
Thirty minutes later, I stand in the fear landscape room. The initiates gather around Lauren and I. I stand with my feet apart, arms crossed against my chest. The more I thought about Eric hurting Tris, the angry I became. The fact that she looked at me with hurt in her eyes this morning only adds to the mood I am in. Does she not understand, I am trying to protect her? I thought I explained that to her last night. No one has ever been able to frustrate me so completely before. It is absolutely maddening. The frustration mixes with the worry. I know I am glaring at the initiates, but I don't care. Why can't it be one of them and not her?
Lauren steps up when they have all arrived and stands with her hands on her hips. There is an air of superiority about her, a confidence in the way she stands that is intimidating, like she is daring you to challenge her. It is something I have noticed that most Dauntless women have about them. Tris has it too, but not in the same way they do. Hers only comes out when she is acting selflessly, protecting others from harm. She is so small, yet so fierce. Lauren begins to speak, and I try my best to look at anyone but her. I know Eric is watching all of this from the control room, waiting for me to slip up. I will not give him that chance. I will be harsh instructor Four to a Tee today.
"Two years ago, I was afraid of spiders, suffocation, walls that inch slowly inward and trap you between them, getting thrown out of Dauntless, uncontrollable bleeding, getting run over by a train, my father's death, public humiliation, and kidnapping by men without faces."
The initiates all stare blankly at her.
"Most of you will have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your fear landscapes. That is the average number."
Lynn speaks up, "What is the lowest number someone has gotten?"
"In recent years," she pauses, and glances over her shoulder at me, "four."
I feel the initiates all look over at me. I see her eyes search for mine. I train my eyes to the floor. If I look at her, Eric will catch it and then she will be in more danger.
Thankfully, Lauren continues, "You will not find out your number today. The simulation is set to my fear landscape program, so you will experience my fears instead of your own."
Tris looks at Christina pointedly, crossing her arms. I wonder what that was about? I make a mental note to ask her later. I vaguely hear Lauren start assigning fears and don't think to much about it. I walk back over the the control room. I start prepping the computer for the first initiate. There is a small observation window in the control room that looks out into the fear landscape. Lauren comes in and I hand her the electrodes. I have already connected mine.
I absentmindedly watch the initiates go through Lauren's fear. I know Zeke said that he would talk to Uriah about getting through them like a Dauntless would, not manipulating any of it. My thoughts drift to Tris. I had not had the opportunity to speak with her. I bite my lip, until I taste blood, hoping she will find away out of the fear, not around it like the simulations.
Uriah easily passes through the fear of public humiliation, his heartbeat was higher when he was entering the fear. I don't think anything embarrasses a Pedron. He smiles and I see a momentary blush cross his cheeks. Then his heartbeat evens out and the simulation fades. Lauren gets up and starts into the fear landscape to call Tris.
"You ok? You seem a little off today." she says pausing momentarily at the door. I look up at her and shrug. "Don't worry, she belongs here. She will do fine." Lauren looks at me. I know she is concerned for me. If only you knew.
She calls Tris into the room. I see her bend her head to the side. She barely flinches as Lauren injects her with the serum. I turn back to the computer, not wanting Lauren to see the worried look on my face. Lauren squeezes my shoulder as she passes, reconnecting the electrodes to her temple. I close my eyes just as Tris enters Lauren's fear.
The scenery changes as the kidnapping begins. I see hands clamp around her mouth and I immediately begin to panic. I want to run into the room and take her away from this. I know Lauren has no way of knowing that this fear is way to close to reality. Tris is next to the chasm. She screams and thrashes, trying to free herself. The arms are too strong and she screams against them again. Oh God, Tris. Her screams continue to echo in my mind. I am lost in the fear with her for a moment, before my senses return. I hear a voice yelling at me.
"Four. FOUR! Stop the sim. She can't handle it. Stop it now!" Lauren yells at me, jumping up from her chair.
I slam my hand down on the cancel button. I am already in the fear landscape screaming at the attackers to let her go, before I come back to my senses. I hear my voice stern, as I yell "STOP!"
I see Tris starting to come out of the fear. My heartbeats so rapidly, I think it will burst from my chest. She begins to shake uncontrolably, dropping to her knees, pressing her hands to her face to hide the sobs coming from her. I see her body shudder and all I want to do is pull her to me and take her away from all of this.
As I approach her, logic returns and my brain screams at me that Eric is watching. Whatever he will do to her will be far worse than what she just experienced. Rage replaces fear and I cannot control my reaction. I have to protect her. My anger and worry mixes into one as I wrench her to her feet. Pulling at her wrists.
"What the hell was that Stiff?" I growl at her. Her face is inches from mine and all I want to do is press my lips to hers.
Her eyes are wide with fear and panic, she tries to respond "I... I didn't-"
"Get yourself together," I snarl. "That was pathetic."
I see her eyes flash at me. I know I have crossed a line, but Eric got a show and that serves to calm me for now. He will back off of her for now. My yelling at her and her poor performance serving to protect her until she is a full member of Dauntless. After tomorrow, I will be able to protect her, free from the danger our relationship currently poses to her.
Her hand crashes against my face so hard, it leaves me momentarily speechless. My cheek burns from the impact. I stare at her, my eyes wide with shock and anger. I am trying to protect her dammit!
"Shut up!" she screams at me staring me deep in the eyes, before yanking her arm from my grasp. She walks out of the room and I stand there. Every inch of me screams to go after her, but I will my feet to the floor. If I go after her, Eric will win. He will kill her. I have to protect her, no matter the costs. I will find her later, explain it all. Hopefully she will listen. But even if she doesn't, at least she will be safe.
"Lauren walks out of the control room. Her face is wild with shock and anger. She sees doesn't seem concerned by the look on my face.
"What the hell did you just do? Did she have something happen to her?"
I just nod back at her. Regret and embarrassment start to replace the rage I felt just moments ago.
"Jesus Four! Those rumors were true! Why didn't you say something? I would have assigned her a different fear. You were a complete dick to her." Lauren says, accusingly.
"My job is teach her how to survive in Dauntless. It is what she needed to hear. It was pathetic." I say sternly. I glare at her, all the time aware that eric is still watching.
"Whatever." Lauren says. She shakes her head at me in disgust and stalks out of the room. I harden myself to her reaction. Making sure that I appear cold to the whole situation on camera. Inside, I feel sick about what just happened. She was already hurt and now...well now I don't know. I just hope that I have a chance to explain myself.