Chapter 23

I woke up early the morning of fear landscapes. I had not had a very restful night. I didn't go back to the control room, but I did wake up often, worried about Tris and about what I had told her. I went to the training room to workout with the bags, making sure to peek in the dorms on my way there. I could see her sleeping peacefully and all I wanted to do was have her wrapped in my arms again.

On my way back from the training room I went to the cafeteria for breakfast, the compound was already turning into a mess of drunk and chaotic Dauntless. I thought about how different today would be for her and me, if we had chosen grey instead of black. Today would have been a day of peace and solitude, with washing of feet and joining of hands. Would we have met had I stayed? Or would Marcus have made me into a shell of the man that stands before her today? I stop my thoughts at Marcus, not wanting to go down that road. Today is about her, not me. I need to focus on her.

I scan the room looking for her, but I don't see her. I am so focused on finding her that I don't notice when the others sit down next to me.

"Four, earth to Four." Zeke says as he snaps his fingers in front of my face. He is grinning. Lauren and Shauna laugh slightly, shaking their heads at me.

"Dude, you have it bad." Lauren says.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." I say, trying to sound bored.

"So I take it that she forgave you for calling her pathetic the other day?" Shauna says. I glare at Lauren and she makes a face and shrugs to say she doesn't know what Shauna is talking about.

"Thanks Lauren." I say, still glaring at her.

"Calm down, man. We all want to see you happy and the Stiff makes you happy. Stiff love, so cute." Zeke says.

I get up, taking a muffin with me. I have better things to do than listen to them give me hell. I walk back through the Pit still looking for her. I am headed towards the hallway to my apartment to take a shower, when Eric stops me.

"Hey Four, you need to come a few minutes early to the landscape room. Every member of Dauntless is to be injected with a tracker per Max's orders. You didn't get yours yesterday thanks to your initiate's little stunt. Be there five minutes early." he says. He starts to walk away from me and then he stops. "Did she really try to kiss you?" he laughs. I shrug my shoulders and turn to keep walking. I hear him say pathetic under his voice as he walks away laughing. Good, at least we convinced him.

I get to my apartment and head to the shower, letting the warm water run down me, hoping it will wash away my anxiety about today. My mind turns to Tris, as it always does in the quiet when I am alone. She will make it through today. She has to. She is strong. Then we can be together and I won't have to worry, because she will be safe in my arms, free from danger and attack. I get out of the shower, happy and confident in my thoughts of her.

Page Break

I enter the landscape room five minutes early, as instructed. I still haven't found Tris. I can see some of the initiates are already there waiting for their turn in the dreaded room. I don't linger too long on my thoughts of who will make it and who won't Stage two had let me see most of their fears, and I am fairly confident in my predictions of who will be factionless by the end of today. If Tris can keep it together today, she will be well in the top five. Hell, she might even be first. But, being first worries me, as it might give away too much of her divergence. Again, I press the worry from my mind, not wanting it to show as I approach Max and the others.

"Ah, Four, just the man we were discussing." Max says, shaking my hand and putting his other on my shoulder. He leads me over to where the group of observers is sitting. "I heard that you had an interesting time with one of the transfers yesterday. I am not surprised, you are a handsome man after all."

"Thank you, Max." I smile. "I heard that I need to be injected with some sort of tracker?"

"Nothing to worry about. Just a new policy. As you know some of our members have gone missing while on business away from the compound. Just a safety precaution, so that we can locate you, if we need to." Max says casually.

I don't trust him, but I can't question him anymore, it would raise suspicion. As I told Christina the first day, the first rule of Dauntless is to keep your mouth shut and follow orders like a good soldier, so that is what I do.

Eric comes up behind me and without warning I feel the needle in my neck. Then the burn of what I know to be a serum flooding through my veins. But why would it feel like a serum? New technology from Erudite, no doubt. I crick my neck to the side trying to ease the burn, and then take my place in the control room.

The first initiate comes in the room and Eric goes into inject him. I turn my attention back to the computer. I can't see what is happening today. My job is just to monitor their heart rate and breathing, basically make sure no one dies during their landscape. It is fine with me. I don't really like watching them face their fears, like everyone else. The observers are the only ones that will be able to go through the actual fears with them today. The screens in the compound only show their reactions to their fears. I guess it would be too Candor to allow the whole compound to view everyones' fears and for that I am grateful. Fears are a personal thing, intimate really. A person's fears are a reflection of a hidden part of their soul. No one should have to bare their soul without their consent. It would be like stripping naked in front of your entire faction without choice.

As I monitor the fear landscapes, my thoughts drift to Tris, again. We should be getting close to her turn. She will go last, because she is ranked first. I hope she realizes everyone in the entire compound will be watching her. The first ranked initiate is always of the most interest. People may even be betting on her and Uriah. Hopefully, most of them will be too drunk to really pay attention.

I swivel in my chair, half watching the Dauntless born as they go through, half watching the waiting initiates hoping to see Tris. Just as I swivel back to look at the initiates again, I see her, following Will and Christina through the crowd. She looks happy and ready for today's events. I can't help to admire how beautiful and strong she looks, still bird like. A perfect disguise for the ferocity contained within.

"Hey, Tris!" Uriah calls out from across the room. He sits with the other Dauntless-born initiates. Only four of them are left; the rest have gone through their fear landscapes already. He pats his leg and I feel my fist clench at my side. "You can sit on my lap, if you want."

"Tempting," she calls back, grinning. "It's fine. I like to stand."

I release a breath I hadn't realize I was holding with her answer and grin to myself, swiveling again to face the screens. Soon enough, it is Uriah's turn and I turn to face the screens, not wanting to see his reactions to his fears. He goes through his fears quickly. He is divergent, after all. When the final fear is finished, I see the indication light on the screen telling me he is through. I turn again and see Max and the others go out to congratulate him and I head that way also. When I enter the room, I see Eric inject him with the same serum he injected me with, telling Uriah it is a tracker. Uriah just grins at him and then comes and gives my a quick hug, before running off to find the others to celebrate, no doubt. He will be drunk before tris has even gone.

As soon as he is clear of the room, I walk back out to address the transfers. "Transfers, the order in which you go through the final test was taken from your rankings as they now stand," I say, lingering a little too long on her face. "So Drew will go first, and Tris will go last."

I head back into the room to start monitoring the landscapes once more. Tris stands at the back of the room, a few feet from me. We exchange glances as Eric injects Drew. I want to grab her hand and hold it in mine. You are strong. You will be fine. I try to tell her as I look at her. It takes everything I have not to go out and whisper those things in her ear. I want to hold her, comfort her, but I know I can't and that is what kills me. She watches Drew for a moment and then closes her eyes. Willing herself not to watch the reactions of the others. Smart, and very Abnegation. She is unwilling to watch their pain because she knows she will take it as her own.

Soon enough, it is her turn in the room. I watch as she goes into the room. Eric waits for her and injects her with the serum. Be brave, Tris. Then my screen lights up as her fears consume her.

I don't watch. I can't watch. It takes all my strength to stay focused on the screen. I want to be there for her, help her through her fears, just as she helped me through mine. I watch her heart rate start to pick up on the monitor and then, before it really even has time to register, she is moving on to her next fear. I am amazed at the speed she works through them. It really is something to admire. Beautiful and terrifying. She is able to truly wake up in the face of fear, almost as if her mind processes better with the surge of adrenaline to her system. I force myself to focus on the screen not wanting to see her face.

One fear, then two, then three are down. I expect her to be in the sim much longer than she is. I am amazed when she passes her fourth and fifth. Then something happens. Her heart rate immediately jumps at her sixth fear. I turn and see that the observers are laughing. Why would they be laughing? Then she acts as if she is pushing someone away from her. I turn back to the screen and shrug it off. Maybe she is afraid of moths or something equally as stupid, like Christina. Who knows why they are amused. Then the simulation moves on and she is facing her seventh fear.

I watch as her heart rate speeds up and her breathing matches pace. Oh no, she is panicking. She can't panic not now. She won't be able to face the others. Then I turn and watch her body slump to the floor, lifeless. I turn back to the screens in a panic, but see that her heart rate is steady once more. The lights in the landscape room come one again. Seven fears? She only has seven fears.

She pulls herself into a ball, rocking for a moment to calm herself, as Eric and Max leave their seats. Before they get to her, she is standing once more. I follow behind, as everyone leaves the room. I stand behind Eric and Max, listening as Eric injects her with the tracker. I allow them to walk ahead of me, pausing by the door, beckoning her to follow me. She does and I wait in the Pire for her. She walks up to me and I can't help but smile at her. She is brave, she is Dauntless, and she is mine.

"I heard a rumor that you only had seven obstacles to face," I say. "Practically unheard of."

"You…you weren't watching the simulation?" she says. For a moment she looks nervous, but it passes quickly, so I write it off as lingering nerves.

"Only on the screens. The Dauntless leaders are the only ones who see the whole thing," I say. "They seemed impressed."

"Well, seven fears isn't as impressive as four," she replies, a small smirk on her face, "but it will suffice."

"I would be surprised if you weren't ranked first," I say. I know she will be ranked first. I was monitoring the times, but I want her to have her moment. So, I don't tell her. I just watch her blush and shake her head at me.

As we walk through the Pire, people can't help but notice Tris. She receives several claps on the shoulder and congratulations as we walk through the crowded compound. She looks around at the people of her faction and it is as if she is truly seeing them for the first time. I remember being her. How strange it still seemed to have people's attention on me. Her Abnegation is showing, but I don't want to tell her. She is too damn, cute. All I really want to do in this moment is grab her and pull her to me. Claim her as mine. But, I still have to wait until it is official, before I can let everyone know that the stiff, the first jumper, the girl with seven fears is mine.

As we leave the Pire and head into the compound she bites her lip and looks up at me.

"How much did they tell you about my fear landscape?" she asks.

"Nothing really. Why?" I say.

"No reason." she says, as she kicks a pebble in the path. She is hiding something, but I don't know what. Was I in her landsape? Is she afraid of me, of what I might become? Once again, I push these thoughts from my mind and continue.

"Do you have to go back to the dormitory? Because if you want peace and quiet, you can stay with me until the banquet." I tell her.

She pauses as if she is considering it and momentarily she seems afraid.

"What is it?" I ask, trying to hide the worry in my voice.

"Let's go." she says.

I must have imagined it. I look around and take her hand, lacing her fingers in mine. She makes me stronger. She makes me whole. I need her strength. I need her love. It is all I have ever wanted and now that I have found it, I will never let her go.