FLASHBACK

"You're seducing me, are you, Orochi?" I grinned as I watched my boyfriend lick his fingertips clean. It's three in the afternoon on a beautiful Sunday. We were in a small but spacious café in town. It was a wonderful moment. I was sitting next to the most beautiful man in the world on a beautiful day with a beautiful weather in a beautiful café. This was all I asked for.

"Hmm, I might be," answered the silver-haired man as he took my doughnut-covered fingers into his mouth. His gentle lips were soft and his swift tongue rejoiced on my sugar-flavoured fingertips. My sensitive fingers immediately sent tingles all through my body. Upon sucking all five of them clean, the golden eyes turned to look at me seductively. "Sasori, dear, would you like to put those saliva coated fingers somewhere?" He shifted closer to me. I was now pushed against the corner. I felt his slim, bony fingers caressing my thigh while his face slowly reaching towards me, rubbing his nose and lips against my neck as a silent demand for a release for his love.

I surrendered to his everlasting demand. "If only you want it, Orochimaru. I would never force it if you do not wish to, you know…" I lowered my voice to a whisper as I hold his hand in mine, "make love with me." I gently bit his ear. "but if that is the case, though, I give, you receive; I like being the dominant one."

Orochimaru's thin pupils widened as we looked into each other's love and lust filled eyes. "Oh yes." He sighed with a slight blush on his pale cheeks. I leaned forward to plant a kiss on his lips. That was when I decided that I should keep Orochimaru by my side forever – I would definitely marry him.

Two weeks later, I stopped my car at Orochimaru's front door with a bouquet of flower and a ring with me. I was well-dressed. At least, more well-dressed than usual. I ruffled my hair in the rearview mirror to make sure I look okay. Today is the big day. Don't mess up the proposal, Sasori!

I stepped onto the veranda and stopped at the door. I was nervous; very, very, nervous. I pressed the doorbell with all the courage I could find. Any moment now, Orochimaru would open the door, see the bouquet and the ring, and say, Oh my goodness, Sasori! Of course I will marry you…!

But the door did not open.

I pressed the doorbell again, hoping Orochimaru had just missed the previous ring, but the door did not open. Five minutes later, I gave up. Orochimaru was out, and I didn't know till when, to where or why. I stood there like a dumb person for five minutes, and I no longer want to continue to be one. There is no use in lingering here pointlessly anyway. I was upset by the unsuccessful proposal plan, but I guess I could try it again some other time. I turned around to go back to my car feeling disappointed, but I caught sight of something that changed me forever.

At first, I just saw a glimpse of two persons moving around, but then I recognized the long, silver hair and the purple markings around the eyes. Orochimaru was not at home because he was at his neighbour's.

Making out with a person I don't know.

The man with glasses caught sight of me through the window. He wanted to tell me to go away for a moment, but it seemed that he recognized me. From where, I do not know. I was too stunned at the moment. I thought Orochimaru loved me. There he was again, appearing in the window. He stared at me with shock, fear, confusion, guilt and blankness in his golden eyes. I looked away from the sickening stare. Oh, how I used to love those unique eyes! For the first time, I felt a wave of mixed emotions filling me: love and hatred; sadness and shock; massive, powerful blurs in my mind and the hollow, empty feeling in my heart. What am I to do? I felt the tsunami tides in my eyes. I climbed into my car without a word, leaving the bouquet and ring on the pathway. In the accursed mirror, I saw Orochimaru get dressed hurriedly and ran after my car in a hopeless chase. His face was ugly and distorted.

I hid myself in the house at the forest near the border of Iwagakure. The house was built by us. The both of us. Before the man with glasses turned up. We used to spend our holidays here sometimes. Or just have a sleepover there, a pure sleepover without any lust and powerful desires to have release in each other's bodies. This has been the place where we cuddled, procrastinated and watched time fly by. It no longer was.

For days, I wasted myself among the darkness that seemed to have settled in this house. Time dragged along. I abandoned my work at the office, I gave up my life. Miracles and wonders and love does not work without the Orochimaru I loved. Nothing has meaning in it anymore. I was a man left to die, battered by the violent waves that mercilessly whipped onto me. Since then, my every day was tears, alcohol and blood. Only in self-harm can I obtain a more realistic pain to distract myself from the less definite ones in my heart.

By the end of Month Three of the abandoned life, I heard a knock on the door. I knew at once who it was. I crawled towards the front door shamelessly, unlocked it, and lay on the floor. The empty cans of beer clashed against each other in my disturbance. My hair was matted, my clothes and body dirty, my life torn apart. Seeing Orochimaru's damned face again? No problem. Nothing matters anymore.

"Sasori?"

He was sad, I could see it. He didn't like the way I am now.

"Sasori, listen to me. I'll explain everything…" He started to mumble.

"Speak. Speak all you like. I'm listening." I said curtly in response to his offer. I'll see what you have to say, Orochimaru.

He took a deep breath. "I don't love you anymore, Sasori." A moment of silence. He seemed to regret saying it. Hey, wait. Is that tears? Was it on my face or his? My drunk vision is swaying, I couldn't focus. I saw him squat down and touch me. He was so warm. He helped me up and sat me on the couch.

The swaying intensified. I wanted to puke. I felt two warm hands against my arm, holding me in place.

Right before I passed out, I heard my own whisper.

"But… Orochimaru, I still l–"