Hot Mama

Leeman was glad to have some friends to talk to. Since Meg was gone to Cha knows where he needed to get something off his chest. Sure he only knew Pinz and Candy for about a week then again he only knew Meg for about a day and he loved her. Plus they felt strangely like family. All three of the guys were at a bar a mile away from Quahog called Barker's Midnight Bar and Grill. For a first timer we would have mistaken it as a dance club with all the flashing lights and techno music but that is the lie. If this is your first time and you're human without anything special (meaning powers of a supernatural scale) then your blood and flesh is going to be served to the customers. Which brings us to Pinz, Candy, and Leeman sitting at the bar, Pinz was drinking a Bloody Mary, Candy was eating human steak while Leeman had a martini (with an eye in it).

"Guys I'm having some trouble at home."

"Meg's mom has the hots for you, huh?" Leeman was about to ask how did he know until he remembered Pinz was a Cenobite. It's practically their job to know everything about you while they're ripping the flesh off your bones. "Yeah and that's the strange thing, why would she want me? I'm ugly as sin and I'm surprised Meg would want me too." Pinz pat him on the shoulder for reassurance. "You know you shouldn't let yourself down like that. It's not all about looks but, performance. Did her mom see the porno you and Meg were in without realizing it?" Leeman blushed in embarrassment. He had been trying to forget that moment for about a week and it was almost out of his mind until Pinz mentioned it.

"Yeah and I remember her beating the crap out of me too. Anyway she's been giving me signals that she wants me." Once Leeman mentioned this he had a flash back about coming home from work (strangely he got a job at Hot Topic….well not that strange) Lois was on the couch wearing nothing but lingerie. "Well hello there you thrice gifted lover!" Before she could pounce him he was able to get away up the stairs and lock himself into Meg's room. Leeman shivered at the sight. Sure Lois was an attractive woman but she was already taken….plus she was rather annoying.

"What am I going to do guys? I'm afraid to go home because I know she'll be waiting for me plus I'm faithful to Meg."

"Maybe we can help you," said Pinz with a smile. Leeman knew that smile meant trouble. "How?"

"Do you remember Kirsten Stewart?"

"You mean that girl from Twilight?" asked Leeman confused. While Leeman was sitting there looking puzzled Candy on the other grinned with acknowledgement. "Oh yeah, I remember her! Damn that girl needed some chocolate with all that vanilla." Once he said this we go on a flash back to Robert Patterson with flowers knocking on her door. He was going to purpose to her. On the third knock Kirsten opens the door wearing lingerie and…..smiling. "Kirsten….why…" he becomes speechless as he sees Pinhead, Chatterer, Butterball, and Female in the bedroom having a smoke. Robert finally found his voice, "Kirsten what happened?"

"Well, Robert….I've tasted their pleasures and I would like you to join me!" Kirsten tries to drag him in but runs off screaming like a little girl. Kirsten only sighs then goes to the bathroom chanting 'Candyman' five times. Once he appears from behind her she turns around very excited, "Yay, some chocolate in my vanilla ice cream!" The flash back ends.

"Wow, so that's why Kirsten's…acting so weird."

"Yeah," said Pinz smiling as if he was still plunging the hell out of her. "How do you think Fifty Shades of Grey came about?" Pinz looks at us then says, "What? You seriously thought sparkling vampires can do some S&M? The only good those vamps could do is make a nice sparkly rug for us to have sex on." Pinz turns his attention to Leeman then says, "Anyway you can give our box to Lois the next time you see her." He pulls out the gold and black box then gives it to Leeman. "What if it doesn't work?"

"Oh believe me it'll work."

#

Leeman arrives back to the Griffin house feeling guilty. He was sending his possibly soon to be mother-in-law to a place were 'pain and pleasure were indivisible'. Leeman stood at the door for a moment not wanting to do this but then thought about what Pinz said, "If you're feeling guilty about this, don't be. If she's wanting to 'get it on' with you then she'll defiantly have a blast with us. Trust me, we make Quagmire look like a Saint compared to what we can do." Leeman took a deep breath then opened the door. As he predicted she was there only this time she was wearing nothing.

"Hey there lover boy," said Lois, lustfully. The site of her naked one of his members harder then steel. He pulled himself together then went to her. "Lois….before you try anything I want to play a game."

"What kind of game….I hope it involves foreplay."

"Well, it kind of does. All you have to do is play with this then I go upstairs and then once you solve it I'll be behind you….naked." Lois smiled at the thought then looked down at the box. It looked complicated. Leeman caught the confusion in her face then added, "To make this game easier, all you have to do is press the button here then to go counter clockwise."

"Sounds like you played this game before."

"Oh yeah, plenty of times. Now just sit on the couch and I'll go upstairs so get to solving ok." With quick speed Leeman hurried up the stairs and into Meg's room waiting for Lois to be taken.