"It's started? Are you sure?" I could hear my grandmother's voice echo down the hallway from inside my room.
Sitting with my back against the door, I effectively tuned out Yura's reply as I stroked Oscar's shiny plumage mindlessly.
A day had passed since the yokai attack, and I had been instructed to stay indoors for a day or two as a precaution.
"It is not fair," I told Oscar mournfully. It was all and well for my cousin and grandmother, who would gather in the drawing room for drinks before dinner, where they would talk about onmyouji techniques and gossip about the antics of their various family members. It was usually an easy, cosy time of the day, and on the one or two times I had joined them, I'd felt like an outsider. But now, their voices sounded taut with worry, and I felt a pang of guilt.
In the end, I opted for the parrot. He was easier to understand and required less effort.
"Even though it is for my own good, I cannot help but wonder if things could have turned out differently. Maybe if I had learnt to fight, I could have gone on with my life. I would not have had to depend on others to protect me."
This was the first time I had ever told anyone my true feelings, and all the trauma and disappointment of the past few months of my life came pouring out of me. I told Oscar about my mother and the shock I had felt when she had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Endometrial cancer. When I finally came to the end of it, the bird let out a squawk and fluttered out the open window into the garden.
"So that is all you have to say about it," I commented sulkily, hoping that he'd catch his death of cold. "If you must know, I think that is a pretty poor reaction."
"Actually," A voice drawled from the window, "I think I was the one who startled him away."
I swung round to find the ayakashi from before perched on the window still, the pink muslin curtains fluttering around him.
"So we meet again."
I felt very silly. This man obviously found the fact that I had been conversing with a parrot musing, if the smirk on his face was anything to go by. He must think I was nuts.
"How long have you been here?" I demanded.
"Long enough to find out that you're a descendant of the Keikain family."
He looked at me, an unreadable expression in his eyes.
"You've obviously had it rough. How'd you do it?"
My hackles started to come up. I didn't know why, but something in his tone angered me. I'd had enough charity to last me a lifetime. All I needed on top of it was this man's pity.
"I have always looked after my mother." I replied, trying to keep my temper under control. "If it had not been for me, mother would have gone to pieces."
I expected him to slap me down, but he didn't. Instead, his eyes flickered to the full tray of dinner on my study table, and he gave me a sharp look.
"Isn't that for you? Why didn't you eat?"
I shrugged, attempting to look nonchalant.
"I had no appetite."
He clicked his tongue and reaching into his haori, pulled out a packet of sakura-flavoured manju and tossed it over.
"Eat."
I hesitated.
"I haven't poisoned it, you know. I'm insulted that you think so lowly of me."
The corners of my mouth twitched as I ripped the packet open and nibbled daintily on a corner of the sweet treat.
"It's good."
He smirked, taking a sip from the sake bottle in his hand.
"I suppose you want to hear the beginning of my story, now that you already know so much." I stated, keeping my eyes glued to the manju in my hand.
If I had been in Kyoto, I would have told this man to get lost. I was used to fighting my own battles (not that I had many of those to fight) and keeping my own counsel. But I was far away from home now, and out on a limb. There didn't seem to be any more I could lose.
So I went back in time to when I was a little girl, when the head of the Keikain family had told me I was special.
"You have a power that can save us all. But it is that power that many yokai desire. They will stop at nothing to possess you."
The nightmare had started for me then. Until that moment, I had been a normal little girl. I had had friends. I was liked. I was popular. But as soon as I had realised who I really was, the yokai attacks had started.
"Not again."
"Seriously? This is the third one this week!"
Noticing my crestfallen expression, my mother gathered me close to her and smoothed away a strand of stray hair.
"It's alright, Hime-chan. It's not your fault."
"B-But I'm a monster. No one likes me anymore. They all think I'm bad luck. Hana-chan even told me that she didn't want me to kill her."
My mother's bottom lip trembled as she pressed her cheek into the top of my head.
"M-Mother?"
"I'm so sorry. Your worthless mother can't even protect you properly. All she can do is ruin your life with her wretched predictions! 'Reincarnation of Yohime with greater power than before,' I could accept, but not the part about 'who doth drink of her blood and eat of her flesh and liver will rule over all yokai for eternity'!"
As the years passed, my mother waned - the years of fighting off my attackers had taken its toll on her, but that didn't matter for I was getting stronger as I grew. In order to protect the civilians, I decided that I would be home-schooled. There were wards around my mother's house that could keep yokai out. No one would have to get injured for my sake.
When my mother's sudden bouts of ill health affected her ability to use shikigami properly, it was I who had taken her to safety, lest a yokai decided to attack.
"But what did it do to you?" The man interjected. "A lot of girls in your place would have felt bitter."
I shrugged. "It was not like that. She was – is – my mother. And as her daughter, I have a duty to look after her. She has been looking after me since I was born, and au contraire, she is not worthless. She did her best. I was not an easy child to look after – I was too headstrong, and I wanted things done the way I wanted them. But in spite of all that she loved me."
I paused. "So I decided that I would behave, and simmer down a little. For her sake."
Nura regarded the girl with a sort of wonder. She was sitting with her knees tucked up to her chest, dressed in a stark white nightgown and wrapped up from head to toe in a soft cashmere wrap. To look at she was just a schoolgirl, only now he had started listening to her, he knew her appearance was a lie.
I finished the last of the manju, only to find him staring at me.
"Yes?"
"You're like a caged bird, aren't you? The walls that you've built up to protect yourself and your mother have imprisoned you instead."
I winced at his words, knowing that he was right.
"Please do not say that. I know what I am doing, and I want things this way."
The man looked at me some more.
"Alright then," He decided and rose from his seat.
"Thank you for understanding my situation, Ayakashi-sama," I smiled wanly, pleasantly surprised to find out that he wasn't as bad as I had thought.
This time, it was his turn to look at me, surprised.
"No, I meant 'alright' as in 'alright, I'll take you outside'."
"Yes, that is exactly what I- E-Eh?"
I let out a squeak of surprise as he forcibly picked me up.
"A-Ayakashi-sama, please don't-"
We were out the window before I could even blink, and I sighed, wondering just what on earth I had gotten myself into.