Sam and I have been going strong for about 6 months now. Finn had been out of the picture since the Halloween party; his mom sent him to live with his aunt in Kansas when she found out about his multiple attempts at attacking me. We had our cutesy couple moments but we also had ridiculous fights as well. Sadly they are usually over stupid things, like which is the better super hero is Iron Man or Captain America (totally Captain America all the way). They never keep us apart and we usually end up laughing hysterically after they are over.
Anyway back to the present. I was currently sitting in my apartment, and I was home alone. Santana had gone somewhere or another with Brittany I'm honestly not sure where. I was also laying on my bed typing a paper for class in just a tank top and underwear. What? Oh come on who doesn't take off their pants as soon as they were home alone? Nevermind. I was mindlessly typing away at my paper when I heard some noises coming from the entree way to my apartment. Holy shit someone is in my apartment. I quickly grabbed my pepper spray which sat in my night side table, my daddies wanted to make sure I was super safe while living alone and hid. I made sure I was out of site of the door. The noises came closer and someone burst through my door. I acted before I could even register and pepper sprayed the guy in the face. I quickly punched him afterwards hoping to distract him enough I could make a run for it. The person began screaming in agonizing pain, and I realized who it was. I had just pepper sprayed my boyfriend in the face.
"Oh fuck," I mumbled.
"What the hell Ray why do you have pepper spray!" Sam screamed clutching his eyes.
"Come on Sam get into the bathroom," I cried ushering him into it. I began rinsing the spray out of his eyes being careful not to let it spread anymore than it had to. "Keep your mouth closed, the stinging is going to spread a little bit, but there is nothing I can do to stop that." I instructed. Sam just nodded. Finally after about half an hour the burning must have stopped though his eyes were extremely red and his nose was swollen. I'm pretty sure I broke it.
"Jesus Christ Rachel where the hell did you learn to punch?" Sam asked sitting with his head in his hands.
"Noah taught me when we were five, he's regretted it ever since. I've laid quite a few good ones on him and Jake." I answered laughing.
"I'd say." Sam mumbled touching his nose and wincing when he did.
"We should probably get you to the hospital baby. I'm really sorry." I sighed.
"It's okay it is my fault for trying to surprise you when you were home alone. Trust me it won't ever happen again." Sam laughed.
"Alright let's go," I said walking out of the bathroom and headed to the hallway where we keep our keys.
"Um Ray?" Sam started.
"Yeah?" I asked calling back.
"As much as I love this view, I would really rather other people didn't see it." Sam laughed.
"What in the world are you talking about?" I questioned.
"You aren't wearing pants." Sam answered.
"Oh right….I should probably put those on." I said heading back towards my room walking past him in the process. He put his hand out to stop me. "Yes?" He kissed me briefly, and went to deepen it before his nose bumped mine.
"Fuck that hurt," Sam winced. I put my pants on and then drove him to the ER. We finally got admitted after a half hour, thank goodness it was a slow day. The two of us were currently sitting in a room waiting for the doctor. Sam was in the bed while I was on the chair next to him when the doctor finally came in. He introduced himself as Dr. Salling, and asked what the problem seemed to be. Upon hearing Sam's nose was broken he asked for the story behind what had happened. He wasn't able to contain his laughter when Sam begrudgingly told him. He checked out Sam's nose and said he would return and take care of it in a few minutes. I took this opportunity to check out my phone as it had been buzzing almost none stop since we walked into the ER. I checked my notifications and realized it was all from facebook. Sam had tagged me in a post, and quite a few people had commented on it.
Sam Evans: Memo to self never EVER EVER EVER try and surprise my girlfriend when she is home alone. She owns pepper spray and a mean right hook. Now I'm in the ER with Rachel Barbra Berry.
Hiram Berry, Leroy Berry, Santana Lopez, and 3 others like this.
Hiram Berry: Well I knew that it would come in handy…..just didn't realize who it would get used on. Sorry Sam lol.
Leroy Berry: Ha that sounds like our Rachel.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: That's my girl!
Jake Puckerman: Ouch sorry bro Rachel hitslike a dude. I've got the bruises to prove it.
Marley Rose: It's true there is also a hole in the wall of the Puckerman's garage from Rachel.
Santana Lopez: Nice chica! Bien hecho Rach! Esa es una manera de mostrar la boca Trouty quién lleva los pantalones en su relación! Yo sabía usted estaba escuchando y tomando notas de todas esas veces que estaba enseñando usted cómo ir Heights Lima adyacente!
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: What the hell did you just say Satan?!
Marley Rose: Well chica is girl and I think there is something about Lima Heights Adjacent in there?
Brittany 'Unicorn' Pierce: You don't ask question when Santana talks like that. Lord Tubbington said she is inhabited by the ghost of a leprechaun …..I think it's Rory.
Kurt Hummel: Wait Rory the Irish kid who works in computers?
Rory Flannigan: Yes me, and for the hundredth time Brittany I am not possessing Santana, she's Latin American which means she speaks Spanish.
Brittany 'Unicorn' Pierce: That's exactly what someone who is possessing my girlfriend would say! Lord Tubbington told me to look out for you!
Rachel 'Barbra' Berry: Brittany hun I can promise you Santana isn't possessed by Rory. Wouldn't she be speaking in leprechaunese if she was? And Santana Yo Definitivamente estaba escuchando cuando usted estaban dando lecciones sobre cómo hacer para todas las alturas de Lima adyacente! Aunque mis hojas de afeitar se mantuvo en mi cabello! Me siento terrible que le rompí la nariz, aunque! Soy así va a tener que hacer aquel depende de él.
Brittany 'Unicorn' Pierce: Good point Rachie! I guess Lord Tubbington is on the crack pipe again! I'm going to have to go have a talk with him! Tell Sammy that glitter heals everything! I have some in all different colors if he needs it! Bye everyone!
Santana Lopez: Oh Berry yo sé cómo se puede hacer eso! Es convocatorias de una espátula, fresas, velas de cera, y un oso de peluche.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: Well I'm officially lost!
Sam Evans: Yeah me to man all I know is Rachel is sitting across from me laughing like a maniac.
Rachel 'Barbra' Berry: San we can't talk in Spanish anymore Sam is throwing things at me! And do I even wanna know what your idea ends up being!
Santana Lopez: Yo Evans does my girl need to give you a fat lip to go with the mess that is probably your nose right now. Although can your lips get any bigger? And Berry… it ends up being sticky lol!
Rory Flannigan: I am so glad that I got brought into this conversation. Is féidir liom labhairt i dtír eile teanga chomh maith le cailíní. Mar do an smaoineamh leis an céir, aigne má tá mé páirt a ghlacadh? Labhairt na Gaeilge agus i mBéarla Nach bhfuil na rudaí ach go hálainn Is féidir liom a dhéanamh le mo theanga. ;)
Sam Evans: Christ on a cracker enough with typing in other fucking languages! I'm going to start speaking in Na'vi!
Rachel 'Barbra' Berry: That isn't necessary Samuel I will translate for you. AND RORY FLANNIGAN I AM SO THROWING A CLIPBOARD AT YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU. YOU IRISH HOUND DOG!
Rory Flannigan: Oh come on Rachel you know you love me.
I shut my phone laughing to myself as I did.
"Okay please translate, and where did you learn how to speak Spanish, and Irish?!" Sam said his eyes wide.
"Well my daddies taught me Spanish because they thought it was a good skill for me to have in the world we live in today. Santana added to what I knew and it became fluent. As for Irish I spent two years there when I was in 6th and 7th grade for my dad's job. You kinda just learn things when you are immersed in them ." I explained.
"Okay so can you translate for me." Sam asked perplexed.
"Of course. The first thing Santana said was, 'Nice girl! Well done Rach! That's one way to show Trouty mouth who wears the pants in your relationship! I knew you were listening and taking notes of all those times I was teaching you how to go Lima Heights adjacent!' My response was 'Definitely I was listening to when you were giving lessons on how to go all Lima Heights adjacent! Although my razors remained in my hair! I feel terrible that I broke his nose, though! I am so going to have to make that up to him.'" I explained running my fingers along the original post as I showed him what said what. "Her response is an interesting one 'Berry Oh I know how to do that! It calls for a spatula, strawberries, beeswax candles, and a teddy bear.'" I explained and went to say what Rory had typed, but Sam interrupted me.
"I know Santana is twisted, but what in the hell could she possibly be thinking of," Sam pondered slack jawed.
"I don't know, but I guess it is very sticky." I laughed. Santana was something you had to get used to. Even though Sam had known her for a while now she and I had been good friends since I returned to America in ninth grade. Even after being friends with her for this long she was still sometimes a mystery to me.
"Okay anyway, what did Rory say?" Sam continued.
"You have to promise me not to hit him first, cause he's Rory and we all know he's a huge flirt." I started.
"Oh well that's very reassuring!" Sam sighed.
"Promise!" I glared.
"I promise!" Sam said holding his hands up in defense. "Just don't pepper spray me again." I just glared at him.
"Well Rory said, 'I can speak in another language as well as girls. As for the idea with the wax, mind if I join? Speaking Irish and English are not the only beautiful things I can do with my tongue.'" I explained sighing and waiting for Sam to blow his lid.
"Rory said that?" Sam questioned and I just nodded. "That's fucking brilliant!" Sam laughed. Not the reaction I was expecting. As I was about to respond the doctor walked in.
"Alright Sam let's get a few tests out of the way just to make sure it isn't too severe." The doctor stated coming up to Sam and started probing his nose. It kinda looked like he was picking it…it was weird. Anyway as the doctor was doing his test he started making small talk with the two of us. "So what are you going to tell your friends about your nose? If I was you I would say I was defending my girlfriend, not my girlfriend defended herself, and well quite frankly kicked my ass." The doctor said laughing and I joined in. Sam; however, didn't look so amused.
"Actually doc, he already posted what happened on Facebook." I laughed.
"So you posted your girlfriend beat you up…..on Facebook….where all of your friends and family, as well as, her friends and family can see it…I will never understand social media…ever." The doctor pondered and I just laughed. After everything was done Sam had to wear a little white cast thingy on his nose. There wasn't anything to severe and it wasn't going to require surgery. As we were walking out the door, and to my car I turned to him laughing.
"You know you are never gonna hear the end of this at work right?" I laughed.
"Shut it Berry!" Sam grumbled.
"Hey now you posted it on Facebook not me!" I continued giggling
"Yeah I know it is kinda funny." Sam joined my laughter.