Bad Memories

These violent delights have violent ends, and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which as they kiss consume.

Renesmee stared at the photograph Esmé decided to put on the mantel this year. Every year they would take one big family photo, which Esmé would then display on Christmas. This year they didn't have any time to take a photo, with her being in NYC and the rest of the clan at Dartmouth, so Esmé recycled a photo. The photo that sat there this year was taken last year on their family trip to Italy. Renesmee hated that trip and the photo only brought up bad memories.

One year ago

Renesmee hugged herself tightly, as if she was trying to keep all the pieces of herself together. It wasn't working. She had been trying ever since this morning to keep her perfectly calm composure in place, but as the plane neared Italy she found it harder and harder to do. She was cracking like broken glass; no matter how hard she tried to keep the pieces together they just kept falling out-of-place, their jagged edges cutting her along the way. Usually she kept it together pretty well. Her mask was perfect, never showing the cracks underneath. It was the promise she made herself after he left, she wouldn't mope, she wouldn't show her depression and she most certainly wouldn't let anyone pity her. That's why she wore the mask, why she pretended to be happy. Maybe if she pretended long enough she might actually start tricking herself into believing she was happy.

That's why she agreed to come to Italy with her family for their 'family reunion.' She was supposed to be happy, her family sure believed it. This was a way to get some closure. Alec still had a strong hold on her, he had left a giant hole in her chest, had left her bleeding and broken. She carefully bandaged herself, sowed herself back up with stitches that never held. She needed to heal, not just keep covering open wounds. The hole needed to close. She knew it would never go away, no she loved him too much for that, but it needed to heal. She could live with the scars; she couldn't live with a bleeding heart forever.

The plane jostled and her stomach dropped as the plane dropped as well. The Captain's scratchy voice came over the speakers, announcing in his heavy Italian accent that they were starting their decent. Renesmee returned her seat to the upright position, elbowing Edward in the ribs to wake his ass up. He groaned, pulling the blanket over his head. That boy could sleep through pretty much everything.

"Wake up, we're landing." He groaned again, sitting upright and stretching, his bronze hair sticking out in every direction.

"Can't take you anywhere," Bella mumbled as she reached out and combed her fingers through his hair, trying to tame the bronze mess. Renesmee left them to it and turned her attention to the window. The sun was shining brightly outside and she could tell it was going to be hot as hell outside. Italy was beautiful, at least from the sky, but Renesmee couldn't bring herself to appreciate it. She didn't like beautiful things anymore. Alec did that to her.

He destroyed her, and she hated that he had so much power over her, even a year after they had left. Every single beautiful thing reminded her of him, she could see his face, the crooked smile he always gave her. She could feel his arms around her, pressing her to his muscular body. She hated it, because somehow imagining his arms around her made her still heart beat again and it was painful. He was everywhere and no matter how hard she tried to avoid it, she couldn't. Now she was going to walk right into the belly of the beast with every intention to slay it.

That's what she needed to do; she needed to slay the beast. It was time.

An hour later the entire Cullen clan assembled outside the airport. Renesmee was right, it was blistering hot. Rosalie and Bella leaned against their luggage, fanning themselves with their passports. Renesmee could see the sweat on their brows; they weren't used to this kind of heat. Edward, Jasper and Emmett were busy buying bottles of water for all of them and Carlisle and Esmé had gone to rent them cars. The Cullen children were reluctant to go to Italy, especially after the accident happened. But Esmé had put her foot down.

"It's been over a year, it's time to kiss and make it. This stupid feud is bad for all of you."

After that they had tried to look at the positive side of things, like all the shopping, the heat, the huge villa they were going to stay at and the hot Italian guys. Renesmee wouldn't mind a distraction in the form of and Italian God.

"Did we fly into hell? It's way too damn hot here," Bella panted as she waved her passport furiously in front of her face, trying to cool down. Rosalie just nodded in agreement, trying to limit her movement. Maybe that would help against the heat.

"Here we go women, ice-cold water." Emmett announced as he and the boys came back, hands full of blue bottles of water. Renesmee grabbed one from Jasper, turning the cap off before chugging it down. The ice-cold water ran down to her stomach, instantly cooling her down. She shivered, finishing the bottle in a few gulps. Bella and Rosalie did the same, though she was sure Bella would rather dump the water over head than drink it. She was so paying a visit to the pool when they got there.

"Look what I found!" Alice sang as she came bouncing back to the group. She seemed unaffected by the heat, bouncing around life a pixie who was high on fairy dust. She held up an entire box of chocolate magnum ice cream, grinning wide like she just found the solution to all of their problems. She probably did. The boys jumped on her, each grabbing an ice cream.

"Well done baby sis," Emmett grinned, his ice cream already unwrapped and in his mouth. Alice tossed Renesmee, Rosalie and Bella one before sitting down on her suitcase, unwrapping her own ice cream.

"This should help cool us down."

"Hey..." Renesmee heard a soft voice behind her and a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist. She took a deep breath, glad he interrupted her thoughts. She leaned into Riley, taking in his scent, somehow it always calmed her. Their trip to Italy was not one she wanted to remember, she spent most of it hiding in her room and avoiding Alec. She couldn't face him, it was too soon.

"Hey yourself," she mumbled, resting her head against his muscled chest. It felt like she was falling apart and his arms were keeping her together now. It took all her strength one that trip not to sink back into a deep pit of despair, but the darkness was alluring as always, and there was one particular darkness she couldn't resist…

Renesmee couldn't sleep. Alec had been running through her mind ever since she saw him again for the first time yesterday.

She couldn't breathe, fuck he was sexy. She had forgotten that he was sex on legs. His dark hair hung in his even darker eyes s he whispered something to Jane. The silence that hung between the Cullen and Brigham children was heavy and no one even looked t each other, but she was looking at him. He had gotten taller and his shoulders broader. She bet he still smelled like cigarettes and min. Her stomach clenched just thinking about it. She had to try very hard not to let her old feelings for him resurface, but he had bewitched her with his good looks. She was spellbound, unable to tear her gaze away from his 'I just got fucked' hairstyle, his dark eyes she could drown in, his muscled body, his sexy hips…fuck. She bit her lip, looking down at her salad and playing with it. She hated seafood, but having Alec Brigham's sexy ass five feet away from her demolished her appetite completely. He was looking at her now, she could feel those dark as night eyes on her and she had to hold her breath. Thankfully it was dark out; otherwise he would have surely seen her blush. She looked back up, only to find him saying something to Jane again. She knew they were going to spend the entire week playing cat and mouse.

She sighed and looked at her watch, one am. This was madness. She was always a heavy sleeper, when sleep enveloped her with its soft, dark tendrils she gave in to it gladly. It was better than reality. She'd rather sleep than deal with her problems. It was like a drug, you close your eyes and just like that you're gone and reality cannot touch you. If nothing was ever a priority she would have spent all her days sleeping, but alas, some things were important. She rolled around, wrestling with the sheets before finally pushing her off. Bella was fast asleep, only not in her own bed. She didn't even know why all of them made such a show of separating boys and girls; they ended up in each other's beds anyway. Renesmee pushed her feet into her flip-flops before pulling on a long-sleeved cardigan to cover her PJs before walking outside. The night air was nice and cool and refreshing as she took a deep breath before setting off down the long, dark corridor.

She found herself wondering which room Alec was in, and if he was having such a hard time sleeping as she was. Apparently he was, because not a few seconds later she bumped face first into his gloriously naked chest.

"Oh...I..." She flushed and her cheeks burned furiously and she struggled to form coherent sentences. She had put her hands up to protect her face when she made impact and they now rested on his perfectly toned chest.

Move your hands, move your hands, MOVE YOUR HANDS! She yelled at herself but she couldn't find the will to move them. She looked up, finding his face inches away from hers. His eyes had their usual mischievous gleam and he gave her a lopsided smile that almost made her knees go weak.

"Nez…" He whispered and she couldn't help but shiver at the way her nickname fell from his lips. It had been so long since anyone had called her that. Her family called her Nessie or Rennie, she didn't have the heart to tell them that she only preferred one nickname and that was the one Alec had given her.

"Alec…" She was surprised that her voice sounded steady, even if she felt completely unsure of herself. His strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her against her chest. Her hands moved up his torso, over his broad shoulders and around his neck. She was right, the minute his arms went around her it was like they were piecing her back together and this time her pieces stayed in place. He was hugging her so tight, as if he wanted to hug all her pieces back in place. It was working.

"I'm so sorry Nez." She didn't ask what he was sorry for, she didn't need to. He was sorry for leaving her like he did.

"You left Alec, I needed you and you left." She hugged her tighter, and she knew her words stung.

"I wasn't good for you Nez; I was trying to protect you."

"You were more than good enough Alec," she whispered. She was right, he still smelled like cigarettes and mint, this time with a dash of whiskey, but it smelled nice. She rested her head against his chest, breathing him in. It was comforting, it was home. "You did more damage when you left than when you would have stayed."

"Leaving you was my biggest mistake Renesmee." She shivered again, this time because he used her full name. "I know I did some damage when I left, but baby I was doing it for you, for your happiness." His fingers were under her chin suddenly, tilting her face gently up to his. She could see the sincerity in his eyes, he wasn't lying. He truly believed that what he did was the right thing for her. She hated him and loved him for it.

"You're not going to come back are you?" She knew he wasn't, and she wasn't going to beg him to. He shook his head.

She ended up falling into his arms again, but this time he let her go. Why was it so hard for her to let him go? Why couldn't she move on? She was perfectly happy with Riley. He was good for her, he took care of her and he made her better. But Alec…Alec was dangerous. She felt alive when she was with him; there was just something about him that had her going back to him each and every time. She was afraid as well. He was out to get her and she knew nothing would stand in his way, all bets were off. She needed to protect the people she cared about. She knew that she told herself she wouldn't think about Alec this Christmas, but now it was all she could do.

"What's on your mind, Nessie?" She frowned, the nickname suddenly irritated her.

Once upon a time Alec had wanted her to be happy, but now…now no one would be happy.

"Is it Alec?" He was too damn good.

"I'm scared…what if he hurts us?" She turned around to face Riley. He smiled at her; it was the smile that she loved so much. It made his whole face light up and his blue eyes sparkled. He gently cupped her face, stroking her cheeks softly.

"He can't hurt us if you don't let him; we just have to stay strong. He can't come between us, I won't let it happen." His words didn't comfort her at all, but she smiled and nodded anyway.