Chapter five: I Do Not Want This

Riku returned to the site a little over two hours later. He was clearly much more relaxed and in a better mood. He gave Leon a soft smile as he passed him and set to work immediately. The teen did not speak with the others much, but his attitude seemed to somehow affect the other workers and the entire group's efforts increased.

Leon's group on the other hand, found themselves lagging. It was obvious that their leader was distracted, something that was not normal for him. Thankfully, the details had already been dealt with, so they needed little instruction from the man.

An hour after Riku's arrival, the boy came over to the other group. He breathed a bit heavily and had dirt smeared on his face but he smiled lightly. He stopped beside Leon and watched him for a moment.

The sable haired man flicked his eyes over and scowled, "What?"

"Whoa," Riku held up both hands. "Just seeing how things were going."

Leon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Sorry."

"Things not working out as planned?"

"You could say that."

"Anything I can do?" asked Riku with genuine concern.

Leon's stance stiffened. After a moment, he shook his head.

"Okay," Riku frowned at the older man. It was obvious the boy realized something was going on but was unwilling to pursue the subject. "Well, I'll just get back to work then."

Riku slowly turned away, glancing over his shoulder as he left. Once back with his group, he quietly started working again. From the corner of his eye, Leon observed the noticeable change in Riku's attitude.

Damn it all, the last thing he wanted was Riku worrying about him. The guy had enough weighing on him. Leon wandered toward the back of the works. There had to be something destructive for him to do.

--0—0—

The secondary supervisor found him some time later, breaking down cleared foliage. Striping down the side branches from the felled trunks had proved cathartic, and he felt a great deal less tense. He was nowhere closer to figuring out what he was going to do, but he felt to be in a much better state of mind to attempt it.

"We're finished over there. I sent everyone home."

Leon wedged the axe into the trunk. How long had he been at this? "And the rest?"

"They're wrapping it up as we speak." The woman gave him a long, appraising look. "If you don't mind me saying so, you look like you need a stiff drink."

He needed more than that. Wiping at his sweaty brow, he stepped over to retrieve the Gunblade set to the side. Maybe he would go train for a bit.

"Some of us are getting together at the bar later tonight," she continued uncertainly. Clearly, she wanted to say more, but left it at that. With a quick wave, she hurried off.

Leon stared at the log before him letting out a heavy sigh. Maybe that was what he needed, to be around other people. He was simply fixating on Riku because there had not been anyone new in his life in quite some time.

It had nothing to do with Riku's intelligence or his amazing attitude, wonderful sense of humor, not to mention that surprisingly adult body of his (did all teenagers grow up that fast?) Shiva, he needed to get out. The social bar scene was something he normally avoided like a plague, but nothing of the past week could be counted as normal.

He took the long way home, and ran into Yuffie along the way. She immediately started on some rant about a conversation she overheard. For the first time ever, he was glad for the girl's compulsive need to run her mouth. It drowned out his own thoughts.

"Hey, did you hear what Riku did this afternoon?"

The question was so open, that the girl could have been referring to anything. Of course, his mind had jumped to a most disturbingly graphic image of Riku bent over a counter, face twisted in a look of pure ecstasy.

Leon berated himself, shoving the thought away. Why did everything lead back to that kid?

"He made dirt cake!" Yuffie bounced in excitement. "I haven't had that since I was like five!"

"Dirt cake?"

"Yeah, it's pudding and cream and ground up chocolate cookies! It's soooo good."

They had reached the house and Yuffie flounced off, shouting over her shoulder that someone had better bring her desert later or she would break into the house that night and steal it. Leon waited a moment, standing in the middle of the road. He had never been hesitant to enter his own house before now.

"You going in or what?" Someone suddenly smacked his arm. Sora walked past him, a light grin on his face. A step out, he stopped and turned. He tilted his head and the smiled faded. "You okay?"

"Fine," The sable-haired man replied evenly. He moved forward and up the steps heading inside followed closely by Sora.

Inside was quiet as if no one else was home. Where had Cloud and Riku disappeared to? Leon went to his room to put his things away then went back to the kitchen. Apparently, he had cooking detail again. Oh well, it had been a nice break.

Sora was at the sink, looking over a scrap of paper.

"What's that?" Leon took a beer from the fridge.

The teenager crumpled the note and tossed it on the counter. "Riku and Cloud are getting something for dinner. Should be back in a few."

Leon shoved back the completely unreasonable flair of annoyance that rose up.

The front door opened and closed. A moment later, Cloud entered the kitchen. "We got chicken. Riku said it had been a rough day over there, and he didn't get a chance to set anything out for tonight."

"Of course he didn't," Leon muttered around the mouth of his bottle. Thankfully, neither one heard him.

Cloud brushed past Sora, collecting some plates and silverware. The boy got a few condiments and followed him out. Leon stayed put, taking a slow breath. Just as he turned to leave, Riku ducked in narrowly bumping into him.

"Oh, jeez! Sorry, Leon," The silvered one gripped his arm for a moment to rebalance himself. He released it with a weak laugh, moving around Leon to get to the fridge.

Leon took a moment to move again, an odd little tingle running through his arm. He glanced over his shoulder watching Riku remove two bottles of water and a beer. He kicked it shut and brushed back past the sable-haired man.

"Come eat." Riku motioned with his head.

Though he was not at all hungry, he found himself following Riku. Cloud and Sora were sitting at the table, Riku passing out the drinks before seating himself beside Cloud. Leon ended up across from him.

Sora kept a running commentary, which only Riku responded to. Leon quite honestly had no idea what the boy said.

Once clean up began, Leon took the opportunity to escape outside. Rain was heading in again but he really did not mind. He always liked rain; it washed away all the dirt and grime. Everything it touched was cleansed. It was very much what he felt he needed right now.

He ran a hand through his shaggy locks. Maybe he would go to the bar…

Riku quietly came out on to the porch. He stepped past Leon and propped himself on the railing; "Looks like it's going to rain."

Leon did not answer; he did not even look over. He kept his gaze toward the increasing cloud cover.

"I love rain." Riku continued slowly. "Everything just feels refreshed after it."

"…….."

They formed an uncomfortable silence. Several minutes passed with no change. Just yesterday, hadn't they been completely fine with each other?

"I'm sorry."

Leon glanced at him in confusion.

Riku sighed. "Obviously you're mad about something. You were fine before I left the site at lunch, so it has to be that I was so late coming back. I totally understand if you are. You said an hour and I shouldn't have taken advantage of your generosity."

Leon closed his eyes and blew out a breath. "I'm not mad at you. I said it was fine if you were late."

"Then what's wrong?" There was such concern in his voice.

"Nothing you can do anything about."

Riku clearly did not like his answer. He sighed again. "Look, I know I'm new around here and we've only known each other a few days, but I feel a strong connection with you and that really doesn't happen often. If there's something I can do, whatever it is, just ask."

…And with those words, every wall Leon had so carefully constructed was cracked into multiple pieces. Broken up so completely he could no longer deny to himself what was happening. He was so overwhelmed by the wave of pure feeling, which came over him, that he staggered.

Riku was on his feet instantly. He darted to Leon's side, gripping his arm. "Leon?"

The man quickly shrugged him off. He turned away and gripped the railing. "I'm… fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He had to get this under control. This could not happen. It could not!

"Riku, Leon?" Cloud's questioning voice came from the doorway, "You two all right?"

"Golden;" Leon stood. He managed not to shake as he passed Riku and traipsed down the few steps leading to the yard. "I've got to check up on some things. Don't wait up."

--0—0—

It was early morning before he returned. He went to his room, changed clothes, and left again. He doubted any of the other occupants of the house had noticed he had been there at all. They could figure out for themselves what they wanted to do today.

After the daily meeting with the supervisors to check the status of various projects and re-apposition workers and supplies as necessary, he decided to station himself at the library for the day. Things were falling behind rather badly there.

An hour later, Cloud, Riku and Sora appeared. Sora was clearly relieved that they had found him. Riku was keeping to himself, hanging back. Cloud had his eyes trained on Leon as if studying him.

"Here you are!" Sora exclaimed, bounding over. "We've been looking all over for you."

"Well you found me," he replied, not really looking at them. "I would think there's enough to do that you could find something on your own."

"Well, Cloud and I were here so…" Sora shrugged; "And Riku was with you."

Leon forced himself not to react to the innocent statement, "At his request."

Riku seemed to close himself off further. Cloud's expression remained the same, but those blue eyes darkened. He flicked them toward his boyfriend for a second before going back to Leon.

"I'll go work on the computer again." Riku's voice was just above a whisper. He brushed Cloud's hand as he turned and left at a hurried pace.

This did not make Leon feel any less tense. In fact, it depressed him further. The last thing he wanted was to start isolating Riku.

"So, what's going on around here?"

"What?" Leon snapped.

Sora seemed a bit taken aback. "What do you want me to do?"

He sent the spiky duo to the west wing to begin assembling bookcases. He worked on the circulation desk, alone. Though a few workers offered to assist, he refused them all. He simply wanted to be alone. Even when Aerith came for lunch, he spared her a handful of words and continued working, not looking at the food placed before him.

He did notice Cloud getting fidgety, however. Leon felt a perverse pleasure at the blonde's agitation. The older one really was not doing anything important and it would have been easy to simply let him go. Leon was not feeling generous. Besides, what Riku was doing was important.

Around mid-afternoon, Yuffie poked her head in and asked for Sora. He released the boy without question. Once they left, Cloud stopped working and came over. He studied Leon intently, all the while the sable haired man tried to ignore him.

Eventually he gave up. "What, Cloud?"

"What's wrong?"

He slammed his pencil down on the desk, breaking the writing implement. "Why does everyone think something is wrong with me?"

"Because you're acting differently," Cloud stated calmly. "You aren't usually this… emotional."

Leon set his jaw, determined not to react. Cloud did not know the half of it and if Leon had any say in the matter, the blonde never would. Cloud was his best friend. If he even suspected…

"Riku thinks he did something to upset you."

"It's not Riku."

The blonde frowned, folding his arms. "Then what is it?"

"I'm just frustrated, all right?" He sighed somewhat brokenly. He gestured around them. "All of this is just really stressing me out."

Cloud clearly did not believe him.

"Look," Leon dropped his head into his hands and rubbed at his temples. "Once this place is done, I'll be fine. If I can just get something off my back…"

A minute passed. A hand gripped his shoulder and he glanced up. Cloud had a serious look on his face. "I know I'm not much help around here. I'm trying."

"I know that, Cloud."

"If there is anything I can do to take some of this off you, tell me. I hate seeing you like this. And you know that Sora, and even Riku, feel the same."

Leon felt worse with every word Cloud spoke. All of this support, this concern...if Cloud only knew what was really causing all of this. The older man would likely despise him. It would definitely put an end to their friendship.

The absolute last thing Leon wanted was to loose everyone he cared about again. ...And he truly did care about his new friends. He had not wanted to, had tried for a long time to remain detached from them but they had found a niche within his hardened heart, particularly the blonde standing beside him. How they had become so close he still did not really understand but he had long since given up trying to.

He could not afford to lose this…Not over some… infatuation.

"Yeah," He quietly agreed.

Cloud gave it another moment before moving away. He did not look back and for that, Leon was thankful. He just might have broken down if he had.

He sat there for some time before deciding he was done for the day. Maybe he was just done. He did not know anymore. He called for everyone to finish up and go home.

Cloud caught his eye but he turned away and began gathering up his designs. When he heard his friend approach, he did not look up. "I'm going to work with Cid on these. I doubt I'll be home tonight."

"Okay. I'll make sure there's food left for you."

"Fine." Leon finished and managed to look at Cloud. "Thanks, Cloud."

"I never thought I'd have a genuine close friend again." The blonde smiled faintly. "Call if you need something."

He nodded and walked away. Outside, he paused and turned his head up. He took hold of Griever around his neck and squeezed it as if he could draw strength from it. The sky was still overcast and he found the impending rain rather fitting.

With a slow, deliberate breath he headed for the garage.

--0—0—0—0—0—

This was a toughy. Thanks for sticking with this, everyone. Please let me know how I'm doing with it.