Chapter 7: Feel For You

How is it that something you know is wrong could feel right?

He could not honestly say he regretted kissing Riku. Riku's lips had felt perfect, despite their inactive state. It was something he knew he was never going to forget.

He knew he had to tell Cloud. This was not something he could keep from his best friend. He had crossed the point of no return the moment he set his lips upon Riku. He could only hope that the price of that one stolen kiss was not a very hard won friendship.

Leon kept a steady pace as he walked to where he knew Cloud would be. He had to do this now. If he waited… He did not know but it was going to tear him up if he held on to this.

"Leon! Leon, wait up!"

He did not falter in his steps and Sora ran up to his side. The boy gasped as he matched Leon's gait. "Where are you going in such a hurry?"

When Leon did not reply, Sora frowned heavily. Something was seriously wrong here. He had recognized earlier that things were off at the house and Leon had been a little more aloof than usual but this, this was different.

"What's wrong, Leon?"

Suddenly, the older man stopped. He turned to Sora with an intent, steel gaze. "Sora, I need you to check on Riku."

Near panic flooded the boy's blue eyes. "Why? What's wrong with-"

"Just make sure he's all right." Leon cut him off before turning and continuing toward the library. He faintly heard the boy's hurried steps fade away.

It was late and most of the others would have left for the day by now. If fact, a few were coming down the stairs as he approached them. They nodded to him but he kept his head down, paying no attention.

Cloud was on the upper level, discussing something with two women. In the back of his mind, he remembered Cloud was supposed to start looking for librarians. They did not notice Leon come in as they talked.

Leon quietly dismissed the last remaining carpenters and went to stand near the panoramic windows to the central courtyard between the back wings. He leaned heavily against the wood bracer that held up the glass. It was not difficult to see the fountain in the fading light.

Footsteps clattered on the staircase as the women came down, Cloud a few steps behind them. The females said quick farewells to the blonde and left, the heavy doors shutting after their departure. The sound of them sealing brought a heavy feeling with it.

Leon knew Cloud was looking at him with worry. He also knew he was going to have to speak first. There really was no good way to do this.

He did not turn. "I kissed Riku."

Dead silence. Not even a distant scuffle from an insect or the whistle of the wind that had picked up outside. Even the two men's breath was somehow muted. An endless moment stretched across the room, blanketing everything.

The next words were barely whispered. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

"Why… why would you say something like that?" Cloud continued numbly. "You wouldn't…"

The door flew open and Riku raced in. The abrupt intrusion was enough to make Leon and Cloud turn. He slid to a halt and looked frantically between the two older men. His eyes were shining brightly.

Leon turned away again. "Tell him, Riku."

Cloud gazed almost blankly at his young lover. "Don't."

Riku shook his head a little. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. He had hoped to get to the library before anything could be said.

"No." Cloud paced a few steps to the right before whirling around and retracing them. He took several more, ending up close to Leon. "Why would you…? You're supposed to be…"

"Cloud-" He did not get the chance to continue.

The blonde gripped Leon's shoulder tightly and jerked him around to face him. Cloud then took hold of his shirt with both hands and began slamming him repeatedly against the glass. The blonde said nothing, did not even look at him.

...And Leon simply took it.

"Cloud, stop!" Riku had run over and was desperately trying to pry Cloud's fingers off Leon. The sable-haired man actually smiled a bit at Riku's concern for him.

Riku finally managed to pull Cloud away, placing himself between the two. He held both hands to Cloud's chest and his voice was soft and pleading. "Calm down, Cloud, please. Don't do this."

Bright blue eyes stared into green. Abruptly, Cloud pushed Riku away before turning and stalking a few steps. He held his arms rigidly at his sides. "Why?"

It was unclear exactly who he was addressing. Both of the other men watched Cloud, neither sure which he wanted to hear from. When the blonde turned angrily toward Riku, an unreasonable panic overtook Leon.

He was suddenly moving forward, blocking the teen from Cloud. "Riku has nothing to do with this."

"And what exactly is this, Leon?" Cloud shoved at the man's shoulder, stalking him and Leon took a step back. "What do you want, Leonhart? You aren't going to try to tell me you've fallen for him, are you? You honestly think that I'm going to believe this is more than a sexual thing?"

"Cloud!" snapped Riku, now looking angry. "That's enough! Stop saying things you know you'll regret later!"

"Why are you so worried about him?" Cloud snarled, pushing past Leon.

"I'm worried about both of you." Riku had dropped his voice back into an even tone now that he had again gotten Cloud's attention.

"But you're defending him! He's the wrong one here." Cloud suddenly froze, a deeply pained look crossing his expression. "Unless he wasn't wrong…"

The blonde studied his young lover carefully. "He wasn't, was he? You liked him kissing you, didn't you? You knew he wanted you and let it continue."

Riku narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to pretend you did not just accuse me of wanting to cheat on you."

"Why?" Cloud whirled around in a manic fashion. "There's been an attraction between the two of you since you got here! I saw it but I just didn't think…"

"I didn't want this, Cloud." Leon tried to explain but Cloud cut him off harshly.

"No!" Cloud pointed at him. He held out his hand shakily. "I can't… I can't deal with anything either of you have to say right now."

He walked away and out the doors.

Leon and Riku stood where they were in absolute silence. Leon glanced over and watched tears run down Riku's cheeks. The teen worried his lip and with an angry shake of his head, turned.

Leon had known Cloud was going to go berserk about this. That was why he did not want Riku involved with his confession. He cursed himself for not realizing that Riku would come running if he figured out that Leon was going to talk to Cloud.

"You shouldn't have come here." He stated softly.

Riku looked at him sharply. "And let Cloud kill you? He would have. If I hadn't gotten in the middle, he would have kept slamming you into the window and you would have let him until you were unconscious."

"You should go after him."

"He won't listen to me right now." Riku sat on the stairs. "He needs to calm down before we even attempt talking to him."

Leon looked at him oddly.

Riku had laced his fingers together in front of him. He blew out at short breath before raising his eyes to met Leon's own. "Are you in love with me?"

Their eyes locked in a stare, with neither one actively searching the others. It was relaxed in its nature and that fact in itself said something. Somewhere along the way, absolute trust had formed between them.

Leon turned away, taking a few steps back toward the window. He sighed as he shook his head. "I, I can't answer that."

"You have to." Riku spoke firmly. "I can't do anything to fix this unless I know."

The sable-haired man whipped his body around. "It isn't your responsibility to fix it, Riku. You're… This is not your problem."

Riku's gaze hardened. He stood and took deliberate steps toward Leon. "This is my problem."

"Don't." Leon spoke harshly, stopping Riku's approach. He managed to meet those aqua eyes of his and barely got his next words out. "I can't stop this."

Genuine pain tainted Riku's eyes. He breathed out slowly. "We can't help who we fall in love with. I know that first hand."

"Cloud is never going to forgive me." Leon almost laughed.

"Yes, he will. Once he calms down, he'll understand." Why did it almost sound as if Riku were trying to convince himself?

"He won't forgive me for kissing you." Leon countered easily. "I should not have done that."

Riku studied the floor. "I'm kind of glad you did."

The older man stared at him. The teen could not be saying what he thought. He had to misinterpreting, hearing what he wanted to. It was not possible…

"I don't make friends easily." Riku quietly began. "I keep myself rather removed from others. ...But with you, I felt a connection almost immediately. That's only happened once before and that was with Cloud. It honestly scared me a bit."

He turned to sit on the circulation desk. He kept his head angled down, long bangs hiding his face. "I like you, Leon; quite a bit more than I should."

He paused but Leon knew he was not finished speaking. He waited with bated breath, wanting desperately to know where Riku was going with this train of thought. This conversation could go so many ways.

"I think…No; I know that I've come to love you. It actually scares me that I do." Riku looked up to meet Leon's eyes, that terribly sad look still to them. "I'm in love with Cloud."

All Leon could do was nod.

The teen turned away again. "I don't understand it, but it's true. I just wish…"

"I know." Leon agreed, somehow knowing what Riku was not saying. "Nothing will be the same now."

The main door creaked and Sora hesitantly stepped in. He glanced between the two and bit his lip. "I'm really sorry, guys, but Cid's looking for Leon. He says it's critical."

Grey eyes met with aqua for a mere second before Leon silently left the library.

--0—0—

The critical issue was a fried power transformer affecting two of the larger apartment buildings. The other nearby units were taking on the extra burden for now, but were likely to burn out if it continued for long. Leon did not know the first thing about electricity and all that but he remained with them, assisting in any way he could.

This kept him tied up for most of the night. In fact, it was not until early morning that the transformer was repaired for the most part, the damaged parts replaced. Leon had learned more about electricity than he ever wanted to know, but it had kept him focused on the job.

Cid walked over to him as he made the last few connections necessary to the sub-relay. "You look like you need a cigarette...Or a really stiff drink."

Leon made the last the connection.

Cid snorted. "You're worse than Sora said you were."

"Sora doesn't know anything."

"The kid is freaking out; Keeps rambling on about you and Cloud and the jailbait." Cid blew out some smoke. "I sent him to Scrooge's for the night hoping those nephews of his can keep him busy."

"Good." At least he did not have to worry about him in the morning.

Cid watched him a minute further before turning to the main section of the unit. "Either go home and sleep or find the other two. Get whatever the fuck it is settled. It ain't worth losing a friendship over."

Leon stared at the panel in his hands. He really wanted nothing more than to chuck the thing across the room but then he would have to sit here and do the tedious job all over again. That did not sound appealing at all.

He called the real electrician over. The older man limped to him and, upon looking the board over, gave Leon a bright smile. "You really are something, kid."

He managed a curt nod.

The man walked him through replacing the panel to the secondary core, which was much easier than Leon had expected it to be. Once finished, he thanked the man and went to see what else he could do. As he rounded the enormous unit, Cid yelled down. "I told you to get the fuck outta here, Leonhart! Go before I come down there and kick your scrawny ass myself…"

--0—0—

He stood outside the house which was dark and empty looking. He had no idea if either Riku or Cloud had returned here. While part of him hoped they were not there, the majority desperately wanted for the two of them to be up in their bed, the same as every other night before he messed everything up.

Their bed…

He raised his tired shoulders and ascended the few steps into the house. He entered the quiet house, not bothering with the lights or anything else. He did not even check to see if the others where there. Heading straight for his room, he allowed himself a tight grin.

In the morning, he would force Cloud to talk to him. Then he would get things settled with Riku. Whatever it took, Leon was going to make sure that, at the very least, the two of them would remain together.

He striped down and got into bed. Lying upon his back, he studied the ceiling. He doubted sleep was going to come but he needed to at least rest up some. Today had been a long, terrible day. It was likely tomorrow would be worse.

He was correct about not actually sleeping but simply lying quietly with his eyes shut had helped. He waited until the sun fully rose to get up. The house was still completely silent and he knew without a doubt he was there alone.

Quickly dressing, he strode from his room and took the stairs two at a time. He did not stop to eat or get anything to drink. He walked out the door, intent on finding Cloud. He knew all of the man's hiding spots and figured that if Riku was not with him, at least the blonde would know where he would go.

One way or another, this would be settled today.