Edward

"Put out the light, and then put out the light:

I know not where is that Promethean heat

That can thy light relume …"

Darkness had descended on my world again. All meaning was gone. All purpose lost. Mistake after mistake after mistake. I had left her then and I have suffered for my folly. She has left me now. I am still suffering.

"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN, ALICE? WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?" I let out the full blast of my anger at the nearest person and blamed her. That's what I always do – put the blame on the ones who care too much about me to let me suffer from guilt while I know deep in my heart that if there was anyone to truly blame, it would be me and only me.

"Calm down, Edward." Alice's tone was stern, if not slightly offended. "You don't own Bella. She can go wherever she pleases. And it's not like she has run away or something. She has just gone to spend her vacation with some cousins."

"So far away? With that psychotic Victoria woman still hunting her?" I cried out helplessly. My anguish would barely allow me to think straight.

"England isn't that far away!" Alice sounded exasperated now. "For goodness' sake Edward, you're a vampire! Space and time should be of no consequence to you. And how would Victoria know where she has gone? Even if she does, I can't imagine her bothering to follow her all the way across the ocean. I would know if she decided on something that big."

"Do you think I should go after her?" I mused. "I don't have to let her know I'm around. Darn, this is worrying me!"

"Out of the question! Absolutely not!" Alice looked appalled, and very rightly too. I realized I sounded like a creepy stalker.

"She did not even leave any contact details with me, hasn't even told me how long she will be gone!" Outside the snow was turning into sleet. We had talked to each other for the first time on a day just like this.

"Heck, she didn't even bother to tell me in person that she was going away."

Chief Swan's face was smug when he greeted me at the door this morning as he broke the news and handed me the note. It was short.

Dear Edward,

I am going away for a bit. Thought I'd spend some time with my cousins. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. I want to sort the mess in my head and get a grip on myself. Don't worry about me. Give my love to Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper. Take care. I love you.

Yours,

Bella

The note was in my pocket. I wasn't losing sight of it till I saw her again. I wished I could talk to her.

"I wish I could talk to her." I voiced my thoughts. "Has she left any contact details? Her cousin's phone number or something?"

"I don't know. Ask Charlie." Alice looked away. She was hiding something.

"Alice, you know something you are not telling me!" She was thinking about several different unrelated things at the same time – the recipe for Kung Pao chicken, the lifecycle of the pepper moth, the lyrics of Ricardo Arjona's songs, Milton's treatise on the Christian Doctrine and a host of other things that were impossible for a sane person's mind to deliberate on one after the other. She was definitely hiding something.

"Alice," I said warningly.

"Edward, don't!" Her tone was pleading but I was ruthless where Bella was concerned.

Soon her thoughts slipped up. What I heard wasn't very reassuring. Bella had promised to let Alice know as soon as she got her own number there but she wasn't sure if she wanted me to have it or not. She didn't want me to contact her yet and requested Alice to hide it the best she could. Smart girl. She knew Alice would never be able to hide it from me. It was Bella's way of letting me know that she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to me yet; she wasn't ready to let me in yet. I sighed. I wish I knew a way to regain her trust.

"So she is going to get her own number there?"

"Yes. Looks like that's the plan." Alice said in a small voice.

"So she must have planned to spend a considerable amount of time there." I surmised.

"She has graduated. She has a lot of time in hand."

I looked away. There was an uncomfortable burning sensation in my eyes. I would have been crying if I could. But my tears had dried up with my death.

"I miss her already."

Jacob

The news dropped like a bombshell in my ears. I literally kicked aside the bike obstructing my way and felt a shiver run through me. I felt myself heating up. I knew what would happen next and I had to control myself to hear the last of it.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BELLA'S GONE?" I roared at Seth. He jumped back a few steps, looking obviously alarmed.

"Hey, relax dude!" He put his palms out in front of his chest, in a placating, half-defensive gesture. "Chief Swan said that she had gone to visit some cousins. And he looked mighty pleased about it so I figure he was fine with what she was doing. He said she left a note for you so I offered to deliver."

I snatched the note from his fingers the moment he took it out from his pocket.

Dear Jacob,

I'm leaving town for a vacation of sorts. I'm going to spend some time with my cousins in England, so I guess it will be a while. I decided I needed a change of air to clear my head and sort my life out, try to figure out what I want. Please don't worry about me; I'm going to be fine. Take care of yourself; don't get into trouble with anyone, particularly Edward and his family and give my love to Billy, Seth, Emily, Sam and the rest of the pack.

Yours,

Bella

England? Why England of all places? How come there wasn't a single place in the entire continental US where she could meet her cousins? And how long was "a while" supposed to take? And what could she possibly mean by trying to figure out what she wanted – is she referring to what she told me the last time we met? Could it be possible that she might be having second thoughts about wanting to ... to turn herself into a vampire? A new hope started building inside me. Maybe I hadn't lost Bella after all, maybe I still had a chance to salvage whatever was left of our friendship, and maybe ... maybe Bella would change her mind about Edward too. Yeah, and I'll just keep kidding myself for the heck of it and maybe one fine morning I'll wake up and see that there were no such things as shape-shifting wolves, or bloodsucking vampires, that this was all a silly dream and all was right with the world. I almost giggled.

"Has she left a number or something where I can call her?" I asked Seth.

He looked uncomfortable. "Err, I don't know."

"What, Charlie doesn't have any contact detail?" I was surprised.

"I don't know, man, I didn't ask. Sorry." He looked like he was going to be sick. I almost yelled at him again, but checked myself. Poor kid, between me and his crazy bitch sister, I don't think he had an easy life. I wonder why he still hangs around me, though. I mean, he can't do anything about Leah, obviously. But he didn't have to be buds with me either. Weird kid.

"Idiot." I muttered under my breath. "You just have to make my life more difficult, don't you?"

Seth breathed a sigh of relief, realizing I wasn't as angry anymore and cracked a half-smile. Even without the wolf telepathic link, I could see from his expression that he wasn't sure who I was addressing. I wasn't sure either.

"Anything. Anything else. You'd be better off dead. I'd rather you were."

That was the last thing I had said to her. I wish I hadn't. It's true enough that her becoming a bloodsucker like the Cullens and her being dead would be the same thing to me. But that doesn't mean that I don't care either ways. What she doesn't understand is that she won't be the same person, the same Bella, my Bella, if she became one of them. She just doesn't get it. Still that was no excuse for how I behaved. I had no right to say what I said to her. How did I? What had come over me? Heaven knows the last thing I want is Bella dead – she's the only one I've ever loved and will ever love! I regretted it the moment I said it to her and I wanted to apologize. I called her repeatedly but to no avail. Charlie had taken my case, but since yesterday even he had seemed slightly off, as if his mind wasn't completely here. And what was strangest was that it wasn't like Bella to hold a grudge for long.

I sighed. She didn't even give me a chance to say sorry before she left.

I decided to go to Charlie and see if there was any way to contact her.