AN: First off, something I mentioned last week was the whole bi-weekly posting thing. A few people mentioned it in reviews so if there was any confusion there, I'm sorry. But bi-weekly has two meanings; either every two weeks or twice weekly. I meant the latter. Unfortunately, I still can't announce my bi-weekly(twice a week) posting! For sure sometime this summer I will be able to do so though.
Also I just want to explain how I understand High School so that no ones confused by the periods. When I went to school there were 5 periods spilt into about 75 minutes. So that means 4 courses and a lunch period. There's two semesters and the courses in first change over in February after exams! Hope that made sense, that's just how I write school in stories because it's all I know. (and it just kind of seems easier to me than the like 7 or 8 period schools idk.)
Anyway, I keep getting more and more reviews each Chapter, which I love! So keep it up and I hope you like this next one! Read, Review, and Enjoy!
Parties & Mistakes
Chapter 18: Ally's POV
"So, I'm assuming you took Austin's car back," I said, when Trish joined me in Biology the next morning.
She blinked profusely at me for a few beats of a minute before answering. "Uh, yeah. Drove it to his house and then he took me home," she placed her textbook on the desk, continuing to look at me with eyebrows raised. "But that's what you want to talk about?"
"Yes," I answered through clenched teeth. "Why did you have something else in mind?"
"Guess not," she mumbled, flipping the pages in her binder.
I sighed. I couldn't talk about this at school. Honestly, I had trouble even talking about this at all. Sometimes, knowledge is not power. This made me feel powerless. Talking about this made me feel small. Talking about this where someone could possibly hear, made me incredibly nervous.
"It's just..." Trish started. "I don't know, Ally. I figured you'd like, want to talk about this or something."
"Not here."
Trish groaned, scowling at me. I hadn't talked to her much at home either, that's probably why she was so pissed off. I had placed my burden onto her and I wasn't doing anything about it. Instead of talking, I cried. And while Trish was being incredibly supportive, I couldn't bring myself to have some solution yet. She left when I cried myself to sleep and I woke up around dinner time, pretending nothing was wrong. I'd eaten everything in sight on the table because I was starving, but had neglected to look at my phone or even let Trish know anything.
She didn't talk to me after I told her no, just opened her textbook, grabbed a pen, and started scrawling words on the paper. I watched her warily as the announcements began. She shot me a smile and I held on to the desk to keep my balance. Everyone sat down and I snatched my water bottle out of my bag. I'd read a secret to keeping morning sickness to a minimum, was being constantly hydrated. So far, it was working out well for me, but I had already gotten sick right when I woke up.
I straightened up and placed the water on my desk. It was then that I realized what Trish had been writing in her notebook. There was a paper just under my nose and I stared at it. Great, class had just begun and she was already passing notes. Miss. Daily was starting the lecture but all I could do was stare the words Trish has written.
'So what are you going to do?'
I stared impassively at the words. What was she thinking? She already knew I didn't want to talk about this but, she was making that downright impossible. Shaking my head, I began writing my response.
'I don't know.'
I passed it back and saw Trish roll her eyes. What did she expect? We were in the middle of class. Not that I really even wanted to talk about this if we were alone. I'll admit I'm totally and completely a coward, but there's not much else I can do.
'What are you going to tell Austin?'
Ugh, I don't know. I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! I scowled at the paper. What was I supposed to say to her? She knew that I didn't want to talk about this, but she's forcing me to do so. Honestly, it's not very fair. This should be something that I can deal with at my own pace, not at Trish's discretion. Sighing, I wrote the exact same response.
'I don't know.'
I turned my gaze to the front, trying to be the good student again. I'd take notes, I'd listen to the lecture and that'd be that. Eventually Trish would get the point that I really didn't have anything to say. These weren't questions that I wanted to deal with, let alone in the middle class.
'What are you going to tell your parents?' appeared in my line of sight.
I closed my eyes and let out all the air I was holding. Come on, Trish! My eyes snapped open and I stared at the dark blue ink. What else can I say? It's all the same anyway, it's not like I have a plan all set out.
'I don't know.'
Panic set deep in my stomach. I didn't have a plan. No plan. No plan, no plan, no plan. The girl with all the ideas, has none. I attempted to steady myself and looked towards the front of the class. Miss. Daily was drawing out a diagram on the blackboard, pointing to different plots. I ran my hand through my hair, pulling it back like it was about to go into a ponytail, then letting it go. I yawned anxiously and tried to focus. My gaze strayed away from the lesson though, and down onto my desk. The paper was back, a new message sprawled just under the last.
'Are you even going to keep it?'
That was another question I couldn't answer. What was I going to do? Could I face this? Was I strong enough to go through a pregnancy? Was I strong enough to give one up? There was too little thought that I had put into this. One step at a time, I always told myself. But there's about a thousand steps coming at me all at once right now. My body felt hot, my eyes aches, and my nose began to feel peppery. Oh shit. You're not going to cry, Ally Dawson.
I took a deep breath and wrote my response, 'Do you want me to cry and be sick right here?'
I passed it back to Trish unintentionally flourishingly. Closing my eyes, I tried to take control of my breathing.
"Ally! Trish!" I jumped as Miss. Daily called out our names. "Are you two passing notes?"
"What!" Trish feigned surprise and hid the paper under her notebook. "No! Ally just wrote something down for me that I didn't understand."
Miss. Daily pursed her lips. It was a fairly good excuse, I did tend to clarify questions for Trish. Eventually Miss. Daily nodded and turned her attention back to the lesson. Attention that was strayed away yet again when I shot up my hand.
"Can I go to the washroom?" I asked when she called on me. She allowed me the courtesy to leave and I silently walked out of the room. It wasn't until I got into the hall that I booked it to the toilets. I was going to be sick.
A&A
"Okay, Dodgy!" Trish said, appearing at our lockers when the lunch bell rang. "Time to talk!"
"Am I the 8th dwarf now suddenly?" I asked her, rolling my eyes.
She opened her locker and pulled out a few textbooks, while returning the Biology one. "If you want to be," she said flippantly. "But, seriously you need to start talking!"
"I did talk! You wouldn't be asking me to talk if I didn't talk in the first place!"
Trish slammed her locker and gave me a look of disbelief. "Seriously?" she raised her eyebrows. "You said two words and then proceeded to cry for the next 3 hours!"
"Well excuse me for having my life fall apart," I muttered.
"The point is, you need to have some sort of action plan!"
I sighed and gingerly closed the door, locking it with the same care. My gaze turned downward. She was right I needed some kind of plan. But school wasn't the place to be talking about this.
"Okay," I said beginning to walk down the hallway. "Fine. You're right, I know. But not here, Trish. You saw what thinking about all of this did to me this morning. I got way too overwhelmed and... Well I'm sure you can guess what happened in that washroom."
She nodded as we descended the stairs. "So you're saying after school we can talk?"
I swallowed. "Yeah."
"Great!" she smiled. "So now that we have that all cleared up, I can be so much less serious! You've been all weird the past few days that I haven't been able to all about me and James!"
"You and who?" I questioned as we walked into the cafeteria. I was all too glad to note that there were no tomatoes in sight. I picked up a package of curly fries and chicken fingers, while Trish grabbed a wrap.
"James," she repeated. "Just some guy that I've been trying to get."
"Is this the same guy from Kira's party?"
"Yeah!" she said enthusiastically nodding. She handed some money to the lunch lady and I did the same.
We made our way towards our usual table and I sat down in resignation. Lord, was I tired. "Doesn't he have a girlfriend or something?"
She shook her head and unwrapped the plastic concealing her food. "No, he just liked someone or something. I don't know he just left with some other girl."
"Ah," I mumbled and bit into a piece of chicken.
She raised her eyebrows. "You're not up for this are you?"
I opened my mouth to answer when Austin and Dez appeared. They slammed their trays down in what appeared to be a playful argument. I shook my head in response to Trish and looked at the guys to try and gain some normalcy.
"How could you even say that! Zaliens 3 was totally better than Zaliens!" Dez shouted.
"Look, you know I'm generally just not a fan of Zaliens but even you can admit that sequels are always worse!" Austin countered.
Dez pouted and snuck a curly fry off of my tray. "You know," Trish started. "Since you're not a fan you can't appreciate the beauty that was Zaliens 3! I don't like to admit how hardcore into this I am, but all Zalieites are in consensus that the third movie was by far the best."
I laughed and took a sip of my water bottle. They always had a way of pulling you out of your darkest hour. God I loved that.
"Ally!" Dez yelled. "What do you think? And just because you're dating Austin doesn't mean you can't be on my side."
"I've never seen it," I said to surprised stares of Trish and Dez.
"Well screw talking!" Trish said, slamming a fist down on the table in jovial fanfare. "We're watching Zaliens after school instead!"
Austin cocked his head to the side, smile fading as he put the sandwich he was chewing back down on the table. "What do you have to talk about?"
I froze. I'm not good under pressure and today was certainly not the day where I was going to start. Trish saw my hesitation and met Austin's question with a shrug.
Austin's features still resembled that of a lost puppy. He knew. "Are you guys hiding something again?"
"When have we ever hid anything?" Trish scoffed.
"Everything with this whole Kira situation was pretty hidden," he replied, lowering his voice.
"You both knew what was happening," Trish rolled her eyes. "You were just dodging each other and had the unfortunate addition of Kira and her skanks. It made it hard to talk. But here you are!"
"Here we are," I mumbled.
Dez yanked another curly fry from my tray then wiped his hands on his jeans. "Is it comments like that, that make you wonder? Doesn't she seem so happy to be with you!"
"Shut up," I directed towards him, edging my fries closer to myself. Austin's hand came down on top of mine and I was forced to look into his eyes. I swallowed as he seemingly searched me. I hoped to all hope that there was no sign of nervousness on my face.
"Are you okay?"
"Is this something you're going to ask me daily?"
"Only until I'm satisfied that you actually are okay."
"I'm fine," I nodded and turned back to my food. Sure I had gone home sick yesterday, but that didn't mean I was today. Even though I was... But he didn't have to know that I felt like I could just fall asleep right here and now. At least I didn't feel nauseous. The whole water trick had worked for me after the little incident that left me running from Biology.
Austin seemed satisfied - or at least he wasn't going to pester - and turned back to the Zaliens discussion. I saw Trish exude effort to turn the conversation away from myself on multiple occasions. Who knew I had to go through complete crisis mode for her to be the super best friend? Not that I was complaining, but I totally owed her.
Lunch soon ended and Dez parted ways with the three of us as we headed to English. We sat down as Mr. Fairfield began his lesson on Pearl, Hester Prynne's bastard child. I had to bite back a mirthful laugh. Of course.
'This book has just been so ironic from the start!'
Trish passed yet another note and I rolled my eyes.
'Can we not pass notes?'
She shook her head and snickered. It wasn't long before she was scrawling another response.
'Nervous?'
I scrunched up the paper and shoved it into the depths of my bag. Desperate hope filled my body, a longing of wanting to go home. A longing to be away from this whole situation.
I stared at the back of Austin's head, something I tend to do a lot in English class. His hair was lightly tousled, blonde locks swept carelessly to the side. His broad shoulders were concealed under a dark blue pullover sweater. He turned his head to the back of the room and flashed me a small smile. Obviously, he'd noticed me staring. I met his smile then turned my gaze down to the desk. Would he still look at me that way once he knew?
"Ally!" Mr. Fairfield called. It always happened to be this class when I was called on and evidently spaced out. "What's your interpretation of this quote?"
I squinted at the board where he had pointed. 'The great scene of grief, in which the wild infant bore a part had developed all her sympathies; and as her tears fell upon her father's cheek, they were the pledge that she would grow up amid human joy and sorrow, nor forever do battle with the world, but be a woman in it.' (Hawthorne, 209)
"Isn't this Pearl redeeming both her mother and Dimmsdale? As it says, this is basically Pearl being allowed to live her life and not be viewed at as some bastard child offshoot from an affair."
"So ironic," Trish whispered so that only I could hear. I slapped her arm and glared in response as Mr. Fairfield nodded in agreement at my suggestion. He moved on with the lecture and I realized that's exactly what was happening now.
I spent the last two periods of the day thinking exactly that. If I chose to go through with this, that's all my child would be viewed as. A bastard from an affair. This whole time we'd been studying The Scarlet Letter I'd identified with Hester. Some people had gone out of their way to let me know that I was an adulterer. Which in essence, was true. I'd helped Austin cheat on his girlfriend. I'd become the other woman.
And now, here I was in some pregnancy mess.
It took all I had to stay whole that day. It took everything to keep myself from running to the bathroom and crying. But something deep within me, wanted to prove that I could weather some storm. Maybe if I could stay strong this whole day, I could go through with this. Maybe I was strong enough to have a bastard child. Maybe I was strong enough to endure all of those stares and all that gossip.
Or maybe I wasn't.
By the end of the day I was ready to break. Something told me that it didn't make me strong for wanting to cry over this. I wanted to avoid Trish. I wanted to just go home and cry and lie down and just die. I wanted to wallow in self pity like I had been since early Sunday morning. But, as luck would have it, Trish found me. I was swiftly making my way out the front doors when she called out for me.
"Allison Christina Dawson, you better not be running away from me!" she yelled once we were outside. A few heads turned towards us as I came to a halt.
I pivoted on my heel and watched her storm over to me. I allowed her to see the unabashed fear in my eyes. "I'm not."
It was all too lucky that Trish had her car. We speedily drove over to the Sonic Boom, where I apparently had a shift. My dad was busily placing song books on shelves when Trish and I walked in. I told him I would start in about half an hour, knowing full well that Trish wanted longer than that to talk. Maybe I could get away with avoiding the ever depressing subject.
I closed the door to the song room and saw Trish making herself comfortable on one of the bean bag chairs. I sat next to her, claiming the bright orange one. I kicked off my black flats and moved carefully into a cross legged position in my navy and white maxi dress. Trish was already relaxed with her head resting back on the chair. Curls were splayed around her head like a mane as she tinkered with her phone. I sighed and closed my eyes. Screw work, maybe I could just sleep now.
"Here!" Trish chimed and threw her phone into my lap.
"What?" I looked down to find a number plastered across the screen. A number that she'd already dialed. "Trish, what is this?"
"Just answer it," she responded.
I put her phone up to my ear and heard it ringing. The tone of the beeps made me more and more nervous on each occasion. Who had she even called?
"Hello," came a cheery woman's voice on the other end. "Dr. Moyer's Obstetrician/Gynecologist clinic, Elena speaking. Is there anything I can help you with today?"
I blinked. Oh God, oh God, oh God. I can't do this. I promptly hung up Trish's phone and threw it to the centre of the room.
"Hey!" Trish exclaimed snatching the phone off the ground. "You could've broken my baby!" She hugged the phone to her chest for a moment before laughing. "Sorry, wrong choice of words, right?"
I shook my head and sniffed, wiping at the corners of my eyes. "Some warning would've been nice."
"Alright," she rolled her eyes and passed me the phone. "They're calling back. Fair warning!"
My eyes went wide and I stared at the incoming call screen of her phone. I couldn't answer the phone in general, what made her think I could pick up? Tears silently streamed down my face and the screen turned to black. A notification for a missed call bleeped out.
"Ally," Trish groaned. "You don't know what your next move is and you don't have any plan whatsoever, so I'm helping you! Now, call them back."
I placed my head in my hands and felt Trish yank the phone out of my lap. In the next moment I heard the dial tone on speaker and the same woman pick up.
"Hello," the woman sounded less cheery now, annoyance had creeped into her voice. "Dr. Moyer's Obstetrician/Gynecologist clinic, Elena speaking. Is there a problem?"
"I'm sorry," Trish spoke confidently into the receiver. "My friend Ally is more than a little bit freaked out right now."
"Oh," Elena's voice softened. "Did she want to book an appointment?"
"Yes! As soon as possible please."
"Alright, we have a cancellation on Friday at 4:15pm; does that work for you?"
Trish quickly glanced over to me and I stared at her blankly. "Yes, that sounds excellent."
"If you don't mind me asking, what's the nature of this appointment?"
"We're pretty sure she's pregnant," Trish told the receptionist. Those words coming from Trish's mouth sent me reeling. It's all too real now. I'm in the system.
Trish gave a few more details - my name, age, when I last had sex, my last period, and if I had any medical problems. The receptionist then informed us of the details of the appointment. What would likely happen was a blood and urine test, followed by some consultation and a possible ultrasound. How much money this whole ordeal would cost would be discussed at that appointment too. Apparently Dr. Moyer and her colleagues tended to be nicer on teenagers.
Pity. That's what I was going to get from now on. Looks of judgement and pity. I felt it for myself already, so why shouldn't everyone else?
"There," Trish said hanging up the phone and tossing it down on the bean bag chair. "One step at a time right?"
I bobbed my head up and down, trying to psych myself into going downstairs again. I wiped at my bloodshot eyes one last time, then stood up. Trish enveloped me into a hug and I wrapped my arms tightly around her.
"Thank you," I mumbled into her forest green blouse.
She pulled back from the hug and grinned at me. In spite of myself, I smiled back. "So, Friday?"
I pursed my lips and nodded. "Friday."
AN: Yeah I gave Ally a middle name, what's up! Haha... So I probably should've posted this on Friday or even at 10am when I left, but I totally thought I'd be back way before now! Sorry for the lateness, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway:) Drop me a review!