Another chapter of lame crackpot jokes! So much fun...

Just kidding. Hope you get a giggle out of this!

The very next day, I dragged my feet across the halls of the school, into my english room. I wonder what the students have all been doing? Are there going to be any new students?

I opened the door, and saw a Shinx sitting on the table.

''Excuse me, sir,'' I greeted politely. ''You're supposed to sit on the chair, not the table.''

''Por favor?'' He asked.

''Chair. Chair!'' I repeatedly pointed to him. ''Sit down!''

''Ah! S'Alright!'' He clapped his hands, and lied down on the chair, finally.

The doors of the classroom burst open, and the rest of the students arrived.

''Ah! Good to see you all again!'' I said, and Anna walked up to me, batting her eyelids.

''Did you miss me, Mr. Brown?'' She asked, bending lower and lower. ''Would you like to see more on-''

''That's perfectly all right! Now sit down!'' I gently pushed her up. She huffed and went back to her seat.

''Well, as you all may know, we have a new student: Juan Cervantes.'' I pointed to the Shinx, and he stood up.

''Por favor?''

''Never mind!'' I pushed him down, then went back to my blackboard.

''Well, I'd like to start a new topic for today. The topic of everyday activities; what you will do in the course of every day.'' I took out a piece of chalk, and began scribbling some words on the board.

''Juan.''

''Si Senore?''

''What do you do when you are sick?''

''Eh, go to bed.''

There was a murmur of laughter.

''But what do you do before that?'' I queried.

''Eh, take da clothes off,'' He said, and everyone laughed.

''Juan,'' I resi sted the urge to run my paw down my face, ''You go to a doctor when you're sick.''

''No doctor. Doctor killed my cousin, Midred.'' Juan adamantly shook his head.

''Really? What happened?''

''You see, my cousin was feeling pain in the chest. And the doctor say, s'alright! Ten minutes later, he died.''

''Heart attack?''

''No, no,'' He shook his head. ''Motorcar.''

''...Will all due respect, Juan, I don't think the doctor's to blame for that.''

''Si, si! The doctor, he was driving the motorcar!''

There was an outburst of laughter, and I waited for it to die down.

''Well, that's very sad, but we must be getting on with the program.''

''Squeeze please,'' Ali stood up, ''I did not know we are learning about programs!''

''Look, never mind about that!'' I waved a hand irritably. ''Sit down!''

''Amie?'' I asked, and she stood up. ''Where do you buy a Television set?''

''I do not buy such things,'' She folded her arms crossly. ''They are bad for us.''

''Si, Professori!'' Max stood up. ''My uncle, Miguel, he had bad legs from his television set.''

''Max, how could your uncle possibly get bad legs from his television?''

''He dropped it on his foot!''

The class giggled, and I called for silence.

''I see that Spanish people have very unique...relationships.''

''Por favor?''

''Never mind, Juan! Lily, I have here with me,'' I took out some groceries from my bag, ''A selection of items. Your job is to tell me what is what.''

I held up an apple, and Ali took it.

''Apple!'' He said, and bit into the core.

''You're not supposed to eat it!''

''Jolly sorry,'' He held the apple sheepishly.

''Anna, what is this!'' I held up a packet of flour.

''Paper bag.''

''Yeah, but what is inside?''

''How do I know? I've never seen it.'' Anna said petulantly.

''It is a packet of flour. Now, Aiden, what is this?''

Aiden stood up. ''Lime juice!''

''Well done! And Juan,'' I took out a carton of milk. ''What is this?''

''Cow juice!''

A flurry of laughter enveloped the room, and I called for silence again.

''No, Juan, this is milk.''

''Ah, s'alright!'' He sat down.

''As a matter of fact, can anyone tell me where does milk come from?'' I held the carton higher above my head.

Max raised his hand. ''The milkman!''

''I give up.'' I sighed, and put away the carton. ''Let's move on to another topic, the topic of grammatical errors. Denver, explain what is wrong with the sentence, 'The cows was in the field.' ''

''The cows...was...not in the field.''

''No, Denver.''

''The cows...was...in another field.''

''The cows were in the field!'' I twirled my marker, out of habit.

''I didn't see them!'' He said, earning a round of laughter, and sat down.

''Why are you so interested about milk, Mr. Brown?'' Anna asked seductively. ''Would you like to find out more about mi-''

''Don't finish that sentence.''

''Hokay.'' She sat down.

''Let's now talk about a subject. What do you guys want to talk about?'' I waved a hand across the classroom.

''Girls?''

''No, Max, we will not talk about girls.'' I folded my arms behind my back.

''But what else can we talk about?''

''Well, what other hobbies do you have?''

''I got plenty hobbies, but not as good as girls.'' He made a clicking sound.

''Well, try to talk about your hobbies for one minute without talking about girls.''

''Scusi. I have two other hobbies. The first is making the wine.''

''And what's the second hobby?''

''Drinking it!''

I deadpanned at him.

''After I drink it, I do my third hobby. But you don't let me talk about that. My friend, Picaso, his hobby is pinching.''

''What? He's a thief?''

''No, no!''

''But you said his hobby was pinching! What does he pinch!''

''You don't let me talk about that either!''

I gazed at him. ''Thank you, Max. Now, Juan, give us a one minute talk on stars.''

''Ah, stars!'' Juan stood up. ''In the heaven! There are plenty stars. Some pretty big stars, some little stars. Some not so big stars, some not so little stars! Some bright stars, some dull stars. Some not so bright stars, some not so-''

''Well, thank you, I don't think you need to carry on, please sit down.''

''Hey! I no speak for one minute!'' He protested.

''Well, I think you've spoken for long enough. Have a seat.''

I took out my chalk and scribbled on some words. ''Ali, complete the proverb, a bird in the hand,''

''Makes mess on your wrist!''

''...No, Ali. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Max, we're going to to a little role playing. Pretend I am an Employment officer, and you are looking for a job.''

''Okie-Cokie.'' He stood up, and bowed to me. ''Excuse me, I want to find a job.''

''I shall need your particulars. What is your name?''

''You know my name.''

''...Yeah, I do, but the officer doesn't. Now, your name.''

''Maximillian Achimedes-''

''Never mind! Your address,''

''Si.''

''Sex,''

''Occasionally.'' He shrugged.

I looked up sharply. ''I was referring to your gender, Max!''

''Ah, scusi.'' He put a paw to his mouth.

''Now, what sort of job would you like to have.''

''Plenty money job!''

''And what sort of work would you want to do to earn this 'Plenty Money'?''

''Plenty little!''

The class burst into laughter, and I stood up abruptly.

''Yes, very good, Max. Take a seat, please. Now, at this rate, you haven't the slightest chance of passing english. I suggest you read pages three to eleven today, and get a better understanding on the english language!'' I sat down, and knocked over my bag of groceries.

''Sorry, how clumsy of me!'' I said, and started picking up the groceries. ''Eh? What's this?''

''Bacon!'' Anna pointed at the styrofoam, cling covered box on my hand.

''Excellent, Anna! As a matter of fact, where do you get bacon?''

''Si senor!'' Juan raised a paw. ''The milkman!''

''No, Juan. Bacon comes from pigs. Now, can anyone tell me what we call a pig after it is killed?''

''Yes please,'' Ali said. ''It is a dead pig!''

''Pork! And just for that, you are all going to be doing extra homework tonight!'' I said firmly, getting a lot of whining and grumbling from the receiving end.

''Silence! Class dismissed for now, see you all tomorrow! And do your homework!'' I bowed to my students, and dashed out of the classroom.

''Hey! Mr. Brown forgot his milk!'' Anna held up the milk carton.

''S'Alright!'' Juan took it from her paws. ''I sell it to the milkman.''

I hope you giggle or anything, then I'm happy :D

Goodbye for now!