It's been over a year since I originally published this, but Surprise! it now has a second chapter. A very silly second chapter. A second chapter that probably jumped the shark a little. Anyway, here it is. Any parts you recognize are verbatim from H2G2, which I do not own.
Lewis was forced to abandon any further contemplation of Hathaway's peculiarities as Laura Hobson called his attention back to the matter at hand. "I'm sorry boys, but I'm not certain this is a murder investigation. See these gashes here? The missing flesh here and here? And there…tooth marks. I'd say the cause of death was some kind of animal attack."
"Animal?" echoed Lewis, "What kind of animal's running around an Oxford courtyard?"
"Well," Hobson sighed, "I can't tell you much until the specialists at the lab have seen the body, but it would have to have been huge. A really enormous beast."
About half an hour later, the detectives found themselves outside a sliding glass door marked 'Zoology Lab' or, perhaps it would be more accurate to say outside a slid, shattered door marked 'Zo ab.' Shards of glass were scattered along the floor of the hallway and a heavy, animal smell hung in the air.
Carefully, Lewis and Hathaway slipped through the remains of the door and into the lab. More glass crunched under their shoes. Tables had been overturned and cages knocked about. A crowd of white mice ran squeaking from the men's approach, terror in their beady, pink eyes, as well as a strange gleam of intelligence. A macaque hung from a light fixture, emitting a wailing sound that could only be described as a scream.
The two detectives edged further into the room, until Lewis stopped short. "Wait a mo'" he began, a nervous note to his voice, 'there was broken glass outside the door, but also on the inside, two different impacts, in two different directions, which means that whatever broke out of here…" "…Broke back in," finished Hathaway.
Just then, a gargantuan creature burst out from a pile of crates.
Lewis saw the hunger in its eyes, saw its slavering maw, saw its enormous gnashing teeth coming closer and closer, saw nothing but dingy white terrycloth.
Lewis heard Hathaway's voice in his ear and realized he too was crouched under the preposterously flimsy protection of the towel. "Don't panic and," Lewis raised his arms to throw the cloth off, "don't touch the towel. The creature out there is a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. It's so mind-bogglingly stupid it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you."
"It's a what?"
"A Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, daft as a bush, but very, very ravenous."
"Oh." Lewis experimented with wrapping his head around that and decided he didn't much care to, "Well, I'm glad you have a towel."