AN: Sorry for the big time between updates but I had… what's that condition when you're a writer and you can't seem to think of what it is that you want to be writing? It's like your mind is blocked. Oh well I had scribblers stop and it took me awhile to break through it. Big thanks to WhiteWolf for ensuring this can be read and for fixing my scribblers stop mistakes.
Chapter 14
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It had been at bedtime one night when Charlie had looked up at Jack and announced, " When I grow up I want to be a soldier just like you." two days later he was dead. A death Jack thought was his fault. His fault because he hadn't locked up his weapon, his fault because Charlie would have been playing with the gun imagining himself as a grown up, a soldier just like his Daddy.
On the worst days, Jack felt like grabbing the kids in the lower SG teams by the shoulders and demanding that they quit. Demanding that they work menial jobs or go back to school and be doctors and lawyers and join professions, which meant that he didn't have to watch their body bags being brought back through the gate.
On the worst days, Jack felt like quitting himself and the only thing that stopped him was the fact that he knew he wasn't strong enough to be alone with his memories for the next thirty years.
On the worst days Jack felt like a coward, a failure and a killer.
Jack pulls himself from his truck and moves towards his cabin, he's tired and has been for several days, unable to think because of the thoughts and theories that run constantly through his mind. Who was responsible for taking his son? Where was Alex now? Was he safe? Was he hurt? Would he ever come back?
The hunt for Alex has proven futile and Jack can scarcely believe that a 20 year old young man could drop off the map, that he could not have used a credit card, spoken on a phone, caught a train, ridden on a bus, gotten on a plane, or hired a car, or used any other form of transport that required identification in the past week. That complete lack of information had been terrifying until the news came in from Sunnydale that Anthony Harris had been found dead, killed by an apparent self inflicted gun shot to the head. There had been signs of a struggle on Harris's body and in the home where he had died and his only son Alexander Harris had been on the scene covered in blood when the police had arrived on the scene.
In the report that the Sunnydale PD had collated, Alex had told the police that he and his Father had gotten into an argument over his moving away to Colorado and after Alex had stormed out his Father had apparently taken a gun hidden in the liquor cabinet and ended his life. Upon hearing the gun shot Alex had returned to the house and tried to revive his Father but to no avail.
Jack rubs his eyes wearily and looks up from the path he is walking toward his front door and stops. Xander is sitting on the floor of Jack's porch, his back resting against the wood of the front door and his long legs are stretched out before him crossing at the ankles. For a moment Jack thinks his son might be asleep but Xander lifts his head and as he catches sight of Jack he pulls himself up from the floor looking every bit as tired as Jack feels.
Father and Son stand in the moonlight for a second and Jack pushes forwards toward Xander who shifts his weight nervously from one foot to the next, his eyes focused solely on Jack as the man comes toward him.
" Sara told me where you live." he says suddenly.
" You went to see her?" Jack asks still moving towards the house.
" She told me you had a change of heart?" he asks examining Jack, who has come to a stop on the porch near Xander and Jack leans against the porch railing for a second before replying.
" I know about Tom, found out about Tom." Jack explains and Xander nods in understanding, and Jack goes to say something but doesn't.
" Come on inside." he states instead pushing away from the railing and moving to the front door inserting the key into the lock and shouldering the door to the empty house open.
Jack heads through the house to the kitchen and Xander follows without a word, looking around at Jack's house as he walks, catching sight of a portrait sized picture of himself as a kid perched on the top of a dresser in what looks to be the family room. The house is neat and tidy and has a vaguely empty feel to it, despite it being fully furnished.
" You want a drink?" Jack asks entering the kitchen and heading toward the fridge to retrieve a beer, he turns to see Xander's response, which is a shake of the head and kicks the fridge door shut with the heel of his boot as he turns back around to face his Son.
" I'm sorry about that day at Sara's, I guess I was in a bit of a shock." Jack says awkwardly as he pops the top off his beer using an old bottle opener sighing before he takes a long draw of the cool drink. Watching Xander as he does so.
" Don't worry I won't hold it against you." Xander says with a wry smile and Jack smiles back relieved.
" So where you been kid? Sara's been worried about you." Jack asks jumping up to sit on the kitchen counter and Xander follows suit, both men sitting on the kitchen counter when there are couches a few feet away their legs swing in the air and occasionally bumping against the doors and drawers below them.
" I went home to get some stuff together, got caught up in the whole funeral arrangement thing and I guess it was a little hard to call for awhile. Didn't really know how to explain it all to Sara, you know that I had to stay with my Mom for a bit, make sure she was all right. " Xander offers with a shrug offering a plausible reason for his lack of contact with Sara for the past week and a bit and Jack nods but doesn't offer his condolences.
" I guess you could give a damn that Tom's dead right?" Xander asks and Jack answers frankly.
" I'm not sad he's dead, just sorry I didn't get a few words with him before he died." truth be told Jack wanted to hold Tom down and squeeze the life out of him himself, wanted to pull the truth out of Tom by any means necessary, wanted to abandon him on some god forsaken world for the rest of his life. But he doesn't tell Xander that, probably wisest to keep those kind of thoughts to himself.
" I didn't kill him." Xander announces suddenly and Jack just looks at him in surprise, " I know how it looks, but I didn't kill him." he continues
" I never thought you did." Jack lies
" Really? " Xander asks surprised.
" Really. So did Tom say anything about who took you away?" Jack asks as he settles his beer on the counter top.
" No, " Xander lies " No he didn't say anything. We kind of got into an argument. He thought I should stay in Sunnydale to look after Mom. I told him I knew she wasn't my real Mom and he got really angry and kicked me out of the house. I was nearly back to my car when I heard the gun go off." Xander explains, " He was dead by the time I got inside. I guess he was scared of what would happen if I found out the truth, I don't know." Xander sighs and rubs a hand across his face wearily, he looks up and Jack is staring at him,
" What?" Xander asks.
" Now you are lying." Jack states and Xander just looks at him, his heart inside his chest jumps a little.
" I am?" he asks trying to hold his voice steady and Jack nods.
" I read the police report, I know there was a fight, Tom had a pretty nasty bruise on his face, the couch had been knocked into and the neighbours heard yelling." Jack states.
" So it was a big argument." Xander says with a shrug and he slides off the kitchen counter.
Jack stares at his son for a moment, wondering why he can't see any of his Charlie in the man before him. He could always tell when Charlie told a lie, the corners of his mouth would rise ever so slightly and he always seemed to be relieved when Jack caught him out. Alex's face on the other hand was completely blank, and that in its self told Jack that he was hiding something.
" What did he say?" Jack asks jumping off the counter himself and leaving his beer abandoned on the counter top, condensation sliding down the glass bottle and leaving a watery ring around the glass bottom.
" I told you." Xander starts, " he… " Xander trails off staring at Jack who is looking at him almost pleadingly, and Xander can almost see the need for answers oozing off Jack.
" He told me that it wasn't him behind the whole thing and that he just rescued me to stop them from killing me." Xander finishes and Jack takes an excited step forward.
" Did Tom say who they were?" he asks his voice rising in anticipation and Xander looks at him for a moment, thinking.
Willow and Xander could find no reference to The Trust in the research they did, and when Xander went back to ask Peter some more questions he discovered that the man and his family had packed up and left. Realistically his only motivation for seeing Jack was to get his help, but now he had to ask for it he wasn't sure he could.
Xander stands silently and Jack reaches out and rests a hand on Xander's shoulder in encouragement. It is the first contact that the pair have had, the first physical connection that Jack has had with his son since he lifted him from his truck over a decade ago and ran him inside the hospital.
Jack leaves his hand where it is and gives Xander a reassuring squeeze before removing it.
" I want to be involved, you sware you won't cut me out?" Xander asks his Father.
" Sure you can be involved." Jack confirms and Xander looks at him trying to figure out if he is lying.
" Tony said they are called The Trust." Xander blurts suddenly and the colour drains from Jack's face. " You know who they are?" Xander asks excitedly and Jack shakes his head.
" No. It's not possible."
" Why not? Who are they?"
" It's not them." Jack snaps and he heads back into the kitchen to grab his beer, draining the bottle in a few stressed gulps.
" I don't believe it! You know who they are. Why won't you tell me?" Xander demands
Jack looks at his Son standing before him, a decade after he died. And his brain is screaming to protect him, to not let anything happen to him again.
" Jack?" Xander asks when no answer is forthcoming he yells, " Dammit! I just told you not to cut me out and now you are, you just promised you wouldn't!" Xander snaps and Jack throws the bottle into the sink behind him in frustration, the glass smashing,
" I can't lose you again!" he yells suddenly and both men go quiet.
" It's been my experience that the person you try to protect always ends up in the middle of things anyway. Better I stand by your side where you can keep an eye on me." Xander reasons, Jack places his hands on the kitchen bench and leans forward silently, his back to Xander.
" You're not going to let anything happen to me, and I'm not going to let anything happen to you or to Sara or to Mike. And I'm not just going to stand back and let you go into this by yourself, so whether you like it or not I'm in." Xander stands firm.
Jack sighs turning back to Xander.
" There are things involved here Alex, things that you could never begin to imagine." Xander cuts him off with a grim smile.
" Oh I think you'd be surprised what I can imagine Jack." Xander snorts, " So stop all that 'I have to protect you' bullshit and let's go to work."
Both men stand staring at each other for a moment and then before either of them can say anything, the doorbell rings.
" Bring it on." Xander says to himself with a cold smile, his hand resting on the but of the gun tucked discreetly into his pants, expecting the worst.
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AN: SO did you like it? Hate it? Wondering who's at the door, well take the time to review and I'll take the time to write, or respond to your review. No seriously it does really help with the scribblers stop to know if I'm taking this in the right direction.