Hey guys, long time no see! I would've gotten this out sooner, but i forgot i was going away for a week and wouldn't have time to update. But I'm here now, and i have that drama that you've been waiting for. idk if it's any good, but it's here, so… yeah XD i hope you're all just super duper! okay heads up: THIS IS PART ONE. there is a second part to this, so when that gets posted is entirely up to you guys and what you think of this part. Enjoy :)
"Hey D." Dani smiled to herself as she heard her girlfriend's voice on the other end of the phone.
"Hey babe, how's your trip?"
"I uh, I left a little early. I actually just got home. Can I come over?"
"Why? Not that I'm complaining, I missed you like crazy. Of course you can come over."
"I'll tell you in a bit. I missed you too. I'll be there in a few."
"Mkay. Bye Tana."
"Bye Dan."
Dani hoisted herself off her couch as she walked around her New York apartment, tidying up and calling in a pizza. Santana had gone back to Lima last week, much to the Latina's dismay. She invited Dani to come along, but the blonde insisted she go and enjoy seeing her friends without her. Santana reluctantly agreed, compromising on the promise that Dani would go with her next time.
Just as Dani finished stacking the pile of books next to her nightstand, she heard a knock on the door. She jumped up and rushed to the front door, tipping the stack over again. Oh well, she could fix it later.
She opened the door to find Santana's grinning face on the other side. Before she could say anything, Santana wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist, lifting her off the ground and hugging her close. Dani laughed and held tightly to Santana as the Latina walked into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind her. Santana walked over to the couch and carefully dropped Dani on it, laying down next to her with her head in the shorter woman's lap.
"Comfy," Santana mumbled, smiling lazily up at Dani. The blonde giggled, running her hand through Santana's hair.
"Oh I see how it is," she teased. "You didn't actually miss me, you just missed using me as a pillow."
"Nuh-uh," Santana argued, surging up to capture Dani's lips in a kiss. "I really did miss you, D." Dani smiled as Santana settled back into her lap.
"I missed you too. How was your visit?"
"For the most part it was alright. Everyone was pretty upset about the glee club being shut down, but it was nice to see my friends again."
"So why did you come home early if it wasn't bad? Still not complaining," Dani smiled softly, tracing circles on the Latina's stomach with the hand that wasn't in her hair. Santana sighed and sat up, crossing her legs underneath her as she turned to face Dani. She grabbed the blonde's hand, playing with her fingers. "Santana? What happened?" Dani furrowed her eyebrows.
"Um...well..." Santana looked everywhere but Dani's face, still playing with her fingers.
"Just spit it out." The brunette looked up and straight into Dani's eyes.
"Brittany kissed me." Dani's heart stopped and her eyes widened. The Brittany? The former love of Santana's life Brittany? "I didn't know it was gonna happen. I was trying to be a good friend and help her see that MIT wasn't a good place for her, she needed to be somewhere she could be herself, and she just..." Santana trailed off. Dani could feel tears threatening to fall from her eyes, so she quickly looked down at their hands. "She said she wanted me back, but I told her I couldn't. I worked so hard to get over her, then I found you, and now I'm finally happy. Please believe me, I didn't know she was going to do that and I didn't encourage her. I got on the next flight out, dropped my stuff off at the loft, and came straight here." Dani remained quiet, processing everything. "Dani? Babe, please say something."
Dani looked up at Santana. She stared into her favorite brown eyes, trying to figure out how to feel about everything. Although she was grateful that Santana had been so honest with her, it still hurt. While it might have not been entirely Santana's fault, it still hurt. She was so happy that Santana had chosen her, but it still hurt.
Dani decided to focus on the happy thoughts rather than the negative. She leaned forward and kissed Santana, trying to tell her they would be fine.
"Thank you for telling me," she said softly as she pulled away. Santana kept Dani's hands in her own.
"You're not mad?"
"Obviously I'm a little uspet, someone else's mouth was on my girl," Santana let a smile slip onto her face. "But it's not you I'm upset with. If I ever see her, I'm gonna have to teach her how to keep her hands off of what's mine," Dani growled.
"Wow," Santana giggled. "Is it weird that possessive Dani is really hot?"
Dani rolled her eyes, but she couldn't stop the grin from creeping onto her face. Suddenly she heard the doorbell ring, completely forgetting that she had ordered a pizza. She stood up to answer the door, but before she could walk away Santana pulled her back down and kissed her hard. Dani wrapped her arms around Santana's neck, breathing heavily as the Latina pulled away and rested her forehead on Dani's.
"Yours are the only lips I want to kiss," Santana promised. She pecked Dani's nose, then stood up and walked to the door to get the pizza. Dani stretched out along the couch, watching as Santana brought the box to the kitchen, grabbed a couple plates, and made her way back to the couch. She lifted Dani's head up and sat down, letting Dani lay her head back down on her lap. Handing the blonde a slice, she picked up the remote and turned the TV on, looking for something to watch. Dani, however, couldn't take her eyes off of her girlfriend. She sighed contentedly as Santana absentmindedly threw her arm across Dani's stomach, tracing random shapes and patterns along her side as she ate and watched the screen.
They were going to be okay.
Or so Dani had hoped. She wasn't sure when it started, but things were subtly changing between her and Santana, and not in a good way.
She noticed it first with their hands. They rarely ever used to find themselves not holding hands, but now it was happening more frequently. She'd be walking down the street next to Santana, and suddenly their hands would brush, causing her to realize that neither of them had taken the other's in their own. Watching movies, Dani would find herself leaning into Santana but clasping her own hands together. Even cuddling together, they kept their hands away from each other's. All of this was subconscious of course, but why?
Then Dani saw that any contact at all was diminishing. Santana would no longer come up behind her at work and wrap her arms around her waist just because she wanted to. Dani stopped playing with Santana's hair whenever she could. Whenever they stayed over at the other's place, they slept in the same bed and they cuddled together, but it didn't feel right. Something was very off, and it was slowly driving Dani crazy.
One of the most heartbreaking changes Dani discovered was the use of pet names, or lack thereof. There was no more babe, there was no more baby, there was no more hun, cutie, San, D, Tana, or Dan. There was just Dani, and there was just Santana.
Dani wracked her brain trying to figure out what was going on between them. They had been so happy not too long ago, and now they were slowly falling apart. She thought that they had been falling in love. Dani could so clearly see that love was where they were headed, and now she just couldn't see it. Something was in their way, and it was slowly tearing her apart.
For a while she tried to pretend that everything was okay. They were just going through a rough patch for whatever reason. They would work it out eventually. Right? She hoped so.
Santana was over for the night, and they were both sitting on the couch watching TV. As was happening more often lately, Santana was on one side of the couch and Dani was on the other, almost as if they didn't exist to each other. Almost.
"Dani, can you hand me that water?" Santana asked, not taking her eyes off the screen as she gestured to the water bottle on the table that was closer to Dani.
She didn't know why it happened then, but Dani snapped. She felt the weight of everything coming down on her, crushing her, and she just couldn't take it anymore. She had to get everything off her chest.
"No, Santana, I can't hand it to you," Dani said angrily.
"Whoa, what's with the attitude?" Santana glared at Dani.
"What's with the..." Dani let out a humorless laugh. "Do you not see anything wrong with this picture?!" she exclaimed. "Why are we sitting three feet apart? You're my girlfriend, I should be cuddling with you, or you should have your head in my lap so I can play with your hair. Or do you not remember that we used to do that?" Dani stood up and started pacing, in full rant mode. Santana sat quietly, taken aback at Dani's sudden outburst. Normally she'd yell right back but the thing is, Dani was right.
"Why are you calling me Dani? You only ever did that when I was in trouble or we were being serious. Now it's all I ever hear. You should be calling me stupid little nicknames that are annoying and endearing at the same time." Dani was still pacing angrily, but now she had hot tears falling down her cheeks as well. She knew she would be mad at herself for crying later, but right now it didn't matter.
"I know I'm as much to blame as you for whatever is happening between us right now, but I'm just so angry that it's happening at all! More than that, I'm confused as to why it's even happening in the first place. I don't even know what is happening, it's just...UGH! We're pulling away from each other and I don't know why, and I want to fix it but I don't know how. I can't do this without your help, but I don't even know if you want to work this out anymore."
Santana wiped her own tears as slowly stood up and walked in front of Dani. She gently put her hands on Dani's shoulders, forcing the blonde to stop pacing. Lifting Dani's chin, she looked into her girlfriend's chocolate eyes.
"Baby, I'm so sorry." That was all Dani needed. She fell into Santana, holding onto her for dear life as she sobbed. "Tell me what to do. I want us back too."
"Just hold me. Hold me like you mean it." Dani nuzzled her head into Santana's neck as her tears slowed. "We can figure the rest out later, but for right now I just want you as close to me as possible." Santana wrapped her arms around Dani as she nodded.
"I can do that."
They tried. They tried so hard to make it work, but Dani always felt like something was still a little off. Hugs didn't have the same warmth, look's didn't have the same meaning, kisses didn't have the same love. They were floundering, and Dani felt powerless to stop it.
Eventually they ended up right back where they were before; together, but separate. Dani was lost. She wanted more than anything to work it out, but it just seemed impossible. She was trying, Santana was trying, yet they both couldn't seem to meet anywhere. It was as if they were stuck at the opposite ends of a maze, but each path to the middle led to two different places, and somehow they had both gotten trapped in dead ends.
One afternoon, Dani was spending time with Santana at the loft. Well, she was spending more time with her thoughts than with her girlfriend. She had been thinking a lot lately, trying to rationalize what had happened to them. Feeling like she might have an idea, she decided to voice her thoughts.
"Santana?" she asked rather timidly.
"Yeah?"
"Can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure, what's up?" Santana said nonchalantly.
"We're back to where we were," Dani stated. Santana dropped her eyes, wringing her hands together.
"I know. I don't know what's happening to us."
"I, um, I've been thinking about it, and I think I might know." Santana looked up and raised her eyebrows, encouraging Dani to continue. "Brittany." Santana immediately furrowed her eyebrows.
"Brittany? What about her?"
"I think that after she kissed you, she opened those old wounds up and let those feelings you had for her back out."
"Dani, I don't love her," Santana assured her.
"I know you don't, but you also don't love me." The Latina sat in complete silence, so Dani continued. "I think that you were getting there, but then that whole thing happened and we just fell apart. You're not sure what to feel, and I don't know where I stand with you."
"I...you...you're my girlfriend, that's where you stand," Santana huffed, crossing her arms.
"I have the label, but I don't feel like I'm truly yours. You're keeping me away from your heart, and I guess in a way I am too."
"Dani this is crazy. I'm not pushing you away or keeping you out. I want you here!"
"You want to want me here. But you don't quite, do you?" Santana remained quiet, clenching and unclenching her jaw. "I thought so."
"Stop that!" Santana exploded. "Stop pretending like you know any more than I do about what's happening to us! Stop telling me what I feel! If I don't even know what I feel then how the hell can you know?!" Santana finished, breathing heavily.
Dani looked down at her hands and nodded, mostly to herself. Santana admitted it, she didn't know what she was feeling, and Dani honestly didn't either. Everything had gotten so disfigured and confusing lately.
"I...I need to go," she mumbled, grabbing her jacket and standing up. Santana's features softened and her eyes widened.
"Go?" she said quietly.
"Home. I need to go home. I just...I gotta...go."
Santana nodded dejectedly, and Dani left the loft, making her way back to her apartment. She flopped down on her bed, trying to process everything that had just happened. What even happened?
While she was lost in her thoughts, her phone buzzed.
From: Santana
Wait, please come back
Dani sighed, knowing she needed some space to herself at the moment.
To: Santana
I'm already home
The brunette's response was nearly instantaneous.
From: Santana
Baby please. We can work this out. Just come back
To: Santana
I need some time. Just give me some space to think for a little bit. Please
Dani held her phone close to her chest. It took Santana about ten minutes to respond.
From: Santana
Okay. Whatever you need. I'll wait for you
Three days. Dani hadn't communicated with Santana in three days. It felt like a lifetime, but those three days were what she needed to straighten her head and her feelings out. She had finally decided what to do, and she hoped it was the right decision.
In the afternoon on the fourth day, she texted Santana.
To: Santana
Hey
From: Santana
Hey yourself stranger :)
To: Santana
Are you working?
From: Santana
Nope. I'm at the loft. Hummelberry's out for the evening
To: Santana
Great. Can I come see you? I have something to tell you
From: Santana
Get your butt over here :)
To: Santana
Be there soon
Dani grabbed her guitar case and quickly made her way over to Santana's. She was nervous, shifting on her feet as she waited for Santana to open the door. When the Latina finally did let her in, she made her way straight to the table in front of the couch, sitting on it and facing the dilapidated green cushions.
"Someone's in a hurry," Santana chuckled, shutting the door and sitting on the couch in front of Dani.
"Yeah, well I need to tell you this before I chicken out," Dani replied, trying to calm her racing heart.
"Okay...what is it?" Santana asked carefully, reaching out to take Dani's hands in her own.
"We can't keep doing this," Dani blurted out.
"W-what?" Santana dropped Dani's hands and leaned back, eyes widening.
"I'm sorry, but this," Dani gestured between the two of them, "whatever is happening here, isn't good for either of us. And we can't keep pretending that this is okay."
"No, Dani we can fix this," Santana pleaded. The blonde shook her head sadly. "Why?" Tears threatened to fall from Santana's eyes.
"That's why I brought this." Dani opened her case and pulled out her guitar. "Maybe this will make more sense." Dani started to strum her guitar, closing her eyes and letting the words pour out of her.
Don't know where to start
Something ain't going right
Feel it in my soul
Cuz I've tried, oh baby
Tried to keep you satisfied
Please don't cry
I just think we both need time
I just feel that we are in the same room
But living two worlds apart
And it's causing too much pain
Dani opened her eyes, but kept them focused on her fingers on the strings. She couldn't bear to look at Santana.
She said "Baby can you please just stay
It ain't too late to work this thing out"
I said "Girl this ain't easy for me
At least the truth is coming out"
She said "Why can't we make up like the last time
I'm just afraid to hear you say go"
I said "Baby I'm sorry
I think it's time we let go"
"Baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
Tell me you'll stay, you'll stay, you'll stay"
"I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave cuz
I think it's time we let go"
"Dani, please stop," Santana begged, tears flowing down her cheeks. Dani shook her head and continued to sing, holding back her own tears.
See those tear drops
Falling from your eyes
That don't change my mind oh baby
Please don't make things
More difficult than they gotta be
I can't take no more
This is killing me
And every time I look at you
I see more reason for me to leave you
And it's causing me too much pain
Dani let the tears fall as she finally looked up at Santana. This was it. This was the end for them.
She said "Baby can you please just stay
It ain't too late to work this thing out"
I said "Girl this ain't easy for me
At least the truth is coming out"
She said "Why can't we make up like the last time
I'm just afraid to hear you say go"
I said "Baby I'm sorry
I think it's time we let go"
"Baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
Tell me you'll stay, you'll stay, you'll stay"
"I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave cuz
I think it's time we let go"
"Baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
Tell me you'll stay, you'll stay, you'll stay"
"I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave cuz
I think it's time we let go"
She put her guitar back in the case and turned back to face Santana, wiping away her own tears.
"Santana I need you to look at me. Just for a minute." Santana slowly lifted her head, her eyes locking with Dani's. The blonde took a shaky breath before speaking. "We may not work right now, but maybe now just wasn't our time. Maybe we'll cross paths again one day and we can give it another try. If we're meant to be, then we'll find each other again. But don't wait around. Go live your life, do the amazing things I know you're capable of." Santana let out a sob. Dani moved onto the couch, pulling Santana into her one last time. "I'm so sorry things had to turn out this way," she whispered into the brunette's hair.
She held Santana for another minute before kissing her forehead, picking up her guitar case and making her way to the door. Opening the door and turning around to face the Latina, she debated on saying something before the left, but she knew it would only make it that much harder. So she sniffled, readjusted her grip on the case handle, and walked out into the hallway, sliding the door shut behind her.
Santana saw Dani walking out the door. She couldn't get her voice to work, so she stood up and tried to stop her. She wasn't fast enough.
She got to the door right as Dani shut it behind her. Santana didn't have anything left in her to open the door, so she leaned her back against the door and slid down to the floor. She held her head in her hands as she cried, whispering into her empty loft, "Bye Dan."
Shutting the door behind her, Dani felt the weight of everything that happened crash down on her. She had just left Santana. The girl she had once envisioned a future with was now gone.
She couldn't make her legs take a single step further, so she held her back to the loft door and sank to the ground. She hugged her guitar case close to her chest and let her tears flow down her cheeks as she whispered out into the hallway, "Bye Tana."
Whew! that was not fun. that was actually kinda hard for me to do. i hope it turned out well enough though… :P
Please review, let me know what you think, you know the drill
If you want the second part, shoot me a message or leave it in a review or whatever, i ain't picky
Song is She Said, I Said (Time We Let Go) by NLT
Stay golden, lovelies :)