Speedwriting Prompts 8

Communal Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

Title: Girl Problems

Continuity: Bayverse

Prompt 1. slang

"Oww…" the female NEST lieutenant quietly moaned.

Mikaela happened to be passing and detoured in concern. "Are you alright?"

Shooting a small smile at the younger woman, the lieutenant nodded. "Yeah, I'm just having a bad cycle."

Wincing in sympathy, Mikaela asked, "Do you need anything for it?"

A sigh of relief. "That would be heavenly. I forgot to grab more."

"I do not understand," Optimus' deep voice rumbled from approximately fifty feet away. "Why would she need to take something for a bad cycle? I know of no acceptable inanimate thing which could lift her spirits."

"Oh!" Mikaela's face lit up in understanding. "You're misunderstanding 'cycle.' We're not talking about a day."

A snicker interrupted her. "No," a young, nearby soldier put in rudely, "they're talking about that unfortunate time of month. The time when all ladies of my acquaintance turn from themselves into emotional, class-A bitches."

The unnamed lieutenant shot a poisonous glare at the interloper. "Be that as it may, it is impolite to refer to women as 'bitches.' Believe me, if God had asked for our opinion, these things would not be happening ever, let alone every month."

Shrugging, the man continued digging his own grave. "Well, can you think of a better way to put it? Because in my experience, without fail, women will be mostly sweet and helpful for three weeks of the month, and then 'bam!,' they will suddenly – Augh!"

Coldly staring down at the twitching body, Mikaela handed the miniature Taser back to Wheelie. "Optimus, if you're truly curious, just Google 'menstrual cycle,' and try to stay away from anything unofficial written by morons like him." Turning to the other woman, she added, "Come on, I've got some Midol in my quarters."

As Optimus Prime watched them stride away, Googled the phrase, and made sure that the recovering soldier was undamaged, he found a new respect for one half of humanity.
Shaking his head, he went to his next duty, the lyrics of Julia Ecklar's "Female of the Species" ringing appropriately through his helm.

OoOoO

Title: Appropriate

Continuity: Bayverse/Movieverse

Prompt 3. Flyting

"Yo' mother is a yellow-bellied sapsucker!"

"My mother is yo' mother, you glitch-riddled dipstick!"

Clang! Wap.

"Dipstick?! I'm perfect! It's you who's da glitch!"

"I'm not! And you have to learn some new insults! Dose ones got old before all dose humans was born."

"How 'bout dis: you're an ugly slagger who-"

"Mudflap, are you nuts?! Shut up before she hears you!"

With horrified, furtive glances, the young Autobot twins quickly transformed and zoomed away.

"Does anyone have an idea of why they're acting like that?" Epps asked in amusement.

Lennox laughed. "You know that Sarah and Monique are visiting, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, apparently, they told the twins that if they taught our children how to swear in any language, they would cash in that favour from Ratchet, and suddenly, the girls would have a new car that can chauffeur kids automatically."

Epps blinked before chuckling. "We married a couple of scary ladies, didn't we?"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have them any other way."

OoOoO

Title: Wizard

Continuity: G1

Prompt 4. Unforgivable Sin

Wildrider stared at the tiny, puny, ignorable, and absolutely lethal human in horror.

Calmly meeting his gaze, the fleshbag fingered his stick; the most awe-inspiring, destructive weapon that the young transformer had ever heard of. Bowing slightly, the human simply told his watcher, "I'm sorry about your friends. However, we did what had to be done. If it's any consolation, they died well, and we needed to use all of our interrogation spells in order to retrieve our information."

After the human completely vanished with a pop, Wildrider dropped to his knees and keened his anguish, his brothers' terrifying screams and a final green light swirling endlessly through his processor.

OoOoO

Title: Being Nice to Mother

Continuity: Bayverse/Movieverse

Prompt 5. Pick one from this master list of prompts. Please indicate the date in your header.

May 14, 2011 Prompt 4: This image (WARNING for arachnaphobes, shows a spider with a nest of newly hatched young)

The Decepticon carefully skittered into its home base. One of the many small members of the army, it had been charged with infiltrating a local car company, and sending the schematics of their latest cars to larger Decepticons yet to arrive on Earth. At the moment, it was busy establishing a safe base of operations near an old, whitewashed wall.

Shortly thereafter, it completed its exertions and relaxed in a moment in satisfaction before releasing its microunits. The units had just begun spreading from their host when

"Cool!"

Several sensors jerked to face the young organic, which cluelessly trotted up to the hostile alien.

"I've never seen spider babies before." A poke. "Woah, you're made out of metal! I didn't know you existed." A sad sigh. "Too bad Mom hates spiders. Guess that means I gotta kill ya."

Before the words registered in the Decepticon's surprised processor, the child had reached behind himself, grabbed a metal club, and slammed it down. Over and over again, the insane youngling battered the centuries-older being until struts snapped and energon painted the ground.

As its mind shattered and grew dark, it heard "I guess baseball bats do work on robot bugs."

OoOoO

Author's Notes 2: Here are the details for this week:

#1: For those who don't know, a cycle is one of the transfandom (or canon?) words for a (varying) length of time. And I realize that this is a lousy slang term (if at all), however, 1.) I couldn't think of anything, and 2.) I was in pain. I LOATHE periods. Fortunately, only one boy has ever tried to pull the "It must be your time of month" crap on me, and he was roundly castigated for it. Oh, and that is a fantastic song (it's on YouTube).

#3: I apologize for their accent; I tried. Flyting is basically a ritual of two people insulting each other. I didn't include 'glitch' as a swearword because it has been used in Lilo and Stitch – Stitch Has a Glitch. Also, I don't know what those little creature that came out of Ravage's mouth in RotF are called; I call them microunits.

#4: This is just a random wizard from the/a Harry Potter universe.

#5: This boy is my brother, albeit how he was as a kid several years ago. The plot and everything that happens in this short are his (he wanted to kill the little, Bayverse, Decepticon spider); I just made it "real". As my brother severely dislikes fanfiction, I was happy for his involvement (so was he). I have his (enthusiastic) permission in the insert and equal approval of the short.