Merida decide to try her hand in dragon training. Of course, considering her impatience and disdain for vikings, it goes about as worse as you can imagine.

Tales of Dragon Harassment
"So this is the seventh circle of Hell. This is the outer ring for idiots who dare pillage from people and defile property. I have never seen such a frightening place in my life. This whole area makes me sick to my stomach. I can never wish my worst enemies to be cursed with such damnation," Merida poetically droned.

"Hiccup, why are we helping her again?" Astrid asked.

"Because we are her friends… sadly. And that is what friends do," Hiccup deadpanned.

Viking hating Merida was currently in Berk. Truthfully, the village was no more dangerous to live in than any other place but Merida could not see that since she was too busy looking at everything through untrusting eyes. It did not help that Merida was getting more desperate to find something.

Getting help from Vikings? Dad is gonna ask me to turn in my bow.

Of course, Merida's views on dragons were not any higher. She grew up learning that dragons were mindless, fearsome beasts that razed villages, kidnapped dames, and horde treasures all for themselves. There was also the bad breath that dragons produced that would kill anyone who made contact with it.

No wonder they were able to train dragons. Birds of a feather, Merida thought.

As Merida followed the two dragon riding Vikings to their destination, Merida talked about her two past exploits of finding a "damn job" despite the fact that the other two were victims of her cooking catastrophe. Or maybe she remembered that fact and she just wanted to rub it in. Who knows as far as Merida was concerned.

"And then Elsa said that I couldn't get paid," Merida finished. "Can you believe that?"

"Uh huh," Astrid muttered paying more attention to everything else.

"I mean, it's not my fault I was born and raised somewhere else."

But it is your fault that you ditched your friend in the most pathetic way possible.

And it is your fault that you're being too dense to find your calling

Merida realized that her inner voice was beginning to berate her for being worthless. A similar berating had happened when she had denied any responsibility of transforming her mother into a bear.

But this time, I know it's not my fault. It just can't be my fault.

"Well, it kinda is your fault," Astrid said and Merida had a shocked expression on her face. Was this girl a telepath?

Merida shook her head to regain composure, her curly hair swinging in each direction. "And how was it my fault?"

"You could have accepted the offer. You have to admit, a princess, not even related by blood, being a lady in waiting in a foreign country? You would still have something to do and your mom would get off your back," Astrid explained. "If not that, who was the one who made spaghetti-pudding that almost poisoned us?

"Some people just think they're above responsibility. Right, Stormfly?" The blonde Viking affectionately scratched her dragon.

"Goldilocks…. Just… ugh," Merida stammered. "What's wrong with you?"

"Me? What's wrong with you?"

As the girls were about to get into a physical altercation, Hiccup said, "We're here. Thank Odin! Merida welcome to the Dragon Academy."

Merida looked at the so called academy. It really looked more like an enormous arena with a mesh of chains for a roof. She figured that was to keep the dragons from escaping. The tomboy princess also saw training supplies, targets, and other object.

"I guess it's not THAT bad," Merida admitted. Hiccup gave a small smile since this was the closest a compliment him or Astrid would get from Merida.

Hiccup had found his calling in dragon training which sounded simple enough. HOW he found it involved lying, secrecy, and trying to change the status quo of slaughtering dragons. But he persevered and now he ran a successful school that doubled as Berk's air force. Astrid had always known what her calling was: being the best Viking in all of Berk's history, and she eventually knew that change between man and dragon was coming. Because of that, she was Hiccup's second in command.

Hiccup and Astrid opened the doors to the school to find a stocky, young Viking training his brown, stocky dragon.

"Fishlegs. Meatlug." Hiccup greeted the human and the dragon, respectively.

"Fishlegs?" Merida asked.

"Baby names here aren't… conventional," Fishlegs explained.

"And how can that dragon fly when he…"

"She."

"SHE has tiny wings!"

"Yes, Merida, there have been people before you asking the same question," Astrid impatiently groaned.

Merida continued her indignant rant towards Fishlegs, "And you. You're a Viking? I find it hard to believe that Hiccup is Viking. But you… everything wrong with you is…." Merida gestured her hands towards Fishleg's being. "This."

"You just gestured to all of him," Hiccup sighed as he put his palm on his face.

"So?"

"So can we just start your training, please?" Hiccup snapped. The one legged Viking was beginning to regret offering Merida help. Actually, he had regretted helping Merida the moment she stepped off the boat and started complaining about 'Viking docks.'

Our heroes started Merida's training by setting up targets, feed, and other equipment. Hiccup walked Toothless towards Merida.

"So when do I get to ride a dragon?" Merida asked.

"You can't just up and ride a dragon," Astrid explained.

"Astrid's right," Hiccup finished. "You have to work very hard to get a dragon to trust you. Right, Toothless?"

Toothless happily growled as Hiccup rubbed his nose.

"Merida, here is how you start winning a dragon's trust. Put your hand in front of Toothless and avert your eyes downward a bit."

"Why?" Merida wondered. "If I do that, how would I know she…"

"He."

"HE won't bite my hand off?"

"Because staring directly a dragon will make you come off as intimidating and the dragon will be more likely to attack you."

Merida did as she was told. She put her hands towards Toothless' head and looked downward. Toothless then allowed himself to be petted.

"Wow, that actually worked," Merida squeaked. Then in a more condescending tone she said, "I mean you're nowhere as a good or smart animal friend as Angus but…"

Suddenly, Toothless growled angrily at the princess causing her to jump away from the Night Fury. She landed on her bottom but was too busy worrying about irritated Toothless' pupils becoming more feral catlike to notice.

"What did I do? What did I do?" Merida screeched. "How could he understand what I said?"

"Whether he can or not, Toothless picked up on your rude tone," Fishlegs explained.

Hiccup managed to calm Toothless down as Merida watched in curiosity, "Oh sure, but the dragon listens to Hiccup when every other sentence from his mouth is sarcasm. How can Toothless tolerate that coming from…" she gestured her hands towards Hiccup. "This."

"You just gestured to… oh nevermind let's just try this again."

So the training continued with Stormfly as the new dragon of choice for Merida, much to Astrid's chagrin. The training went along much better thanks to Hiccup's teaching skills and Merida finally learning when to keep her mouth shut. It wasn't all smooth sailing, since Hiccup's eye twitched every time Merida made Stormfly attack cutout, wooden Vikings, which she wasn't supposed to attack, in addition to the other targets. Merida gave a cheeky smirk in response and even dared to reward Stormfly with fish.

At the very least, Merida was starting to get the hang of dragon training. She imagined taking the lessons to DunBroch which would make her mother happy since Merida would finally be contributing to the kingdom and it would make her father proud because their might would be improved with trained dragons.

"Well done, Merida," Hiccup congratulated. "I have to admit, I did not expect you to pull through."

"Yeah," Astrid agreed. "I expected you to moan and complain every step of the way."

"Ha…ha," Merida sarcastically laughed.

"Well, now it's time for you to get your own dragon," Fishlegs cheered. "We can go to Dragon Island together to get one."

Merida raised an eyebrow, "Dragon Island?"

"Well, you know how Berk is with names by now."

"Right. Besides, why go there when I can simply have THAT for a dragon."

Merida pointed up to the sky, her cute face in wonder. However, the three Vikings had a fear of great concern. The dragon Merida was pointing to was a long, white serpent-like dragon that had teeth solong and sharp, the Tooth Fairy would sacrifice her wings to get one.

"Just what we need," Astrid said. "The Screaming Death is back!"

"Attack Level: 17, Speed Level: 17," Fishlegs gave the vital stats of the dragon in a blind panick. "Armor Strength: 20, Firepower: 10, Venom…"

"We don't have time for that, Fishlegs!"

"Astrid, you and Fishlegs find its mother," Hiccup ordered. "She must be nearby. Toothless and I will try to distract so it won't attack the town."

Merida, whether because of pride or because she wanted in on the action, had her own idea. And surely this idea would be better than whatever plan the Vikings were cooking up. She grabbed a few fish and ran out of the school.

"Merida? What are you doing?" Hiccup yelled.

"I can do this. I'm ready!" she yelled back. "THAT is the dragon that I want to train!"

"Are you so blinded by pride and impatience that you're gonna risk getting yourself killed?!" Astrid hollered.

Merida ignored her and grabbed her bow and arrow. No reason to train the dragon while defenseless. Merida saw the Screaming Death circling above the rocky shores of Berk.

"Hey, white dragon," Merida called out. "Lunchtime!"

Merida threw all the fishes, but winged reptile ignored them.

"What?" Merida shrieked. "I thought these stupid dragons like these damn fish!

"Hey?! Screaming Death?!" She called out and she cast her eyes downward and put out her hand. But the loud dragon still gave her no mind.

Seriously, what do I have to do? I MUST get THIS dragon!

So she did the only thing she thought that could work with a large, carnivorous creature that could outfly your running speed.

Violence.

She pulled out her bow and prepared herself, since she was going to aim at a moving target that flew. Despite the fact that she was about to shoot down a ferocious dragon, she felt more at ease with her bow and arrow than any of times her friends had tried to help her out with problems. Merida was one with the bow as she aimed for the Screaming Death's jugular vein, or at least, where she'd assume the vein was at and let go of the arrow.

The good news is that the arrow hit the Screaming Death where Merida wanted to hit it.

The bad news, the amount of damage done to the dragon was that of a mild, random itch.

Oh shi... Merida thought.

The Screaming Death saw the puny human who fired that shot and in no time, it headed towards her. Merida, with all of her survival training did the smartest thing she could do.

"RUN! RUN AWAY!" she yelled. She sprinted as fast as she could but she had no chance to outrun the Screaming death.

Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!

The three Viking teens were on their respective dragons as they saw the chaos Merida brought on herself.

"Guys, we have to find its mother," Hiccup said. "It's the only way the Screaming Death will stop bothering Merida."

"Yeah I know but…" Astrid tried to defy. "But I kinda want to see where this goes."

"Astrid!"

"Oh alright, let's go."

Meanwhile, Merida kept trying to avoid the Screaming Death. Or as she'll call it: 'Her New Damn Nightmare.' Mor'du had nothing on this.

The Scottish Princess zigged and zagged to keep the dragon off its game, but Merida was honestly only delaying the inevitable. This monster was going to either eat her or seriously injure her beyond repair. Merida ran into a dead end which was an impassable rock formation with a cliff that she could not possibly climb fast enough to get away.

It was at this moment that Merida saw her life flash before her eyes.

She saw her five-year old self being taught by her father how to shoot a bow.

She witnessed her thirteen-year-old self and the start of her falling with her mother.

She saw herself begging for her mother's forgiveness when she thought she had failed to change her back into a human.

She relived the first time when she met Rapunzel, Jack, and Hiccup.

And, for some reason, she saw the time where Eugene scammed her of her money in a harmless prank, which he never did give back, that jerk.

As Merida waited for sweet death, she realized that it was taking a long time for it to come. She came back to reality to find that the Screaming Death was not chasing her anymore. The tomboy looked up to find it that seemed to be playing with a grayish black dragon much shorter than it. Hiccup would later tell her that was Whispering Death and that the Screaming Death was its offspring. The Whispering Death looked at the Viking teens on top of the cliff. Hiccup and Astrid had the good idea to get away before it roared a deafening howl of joy for its child's return. Fishlegs was not so lucky and would have hearing trouble for a few days. The serpent dragons flew off, never to bother Berk again…

At least until it comes back because that creature is always getting lost.

"Fishlegs, are you okay?" Hiccup asked.

"AM I FAYE? WHY WOULD YOU ASK IF I'M FAYE? I'M NOT FAYE!" a deafened Fishlegs yelled back.

The trio flew down on their dragons to meet Merida, who was still shaken up from being on the wrong end of the food chain.

"I-I-I-I," Merida stammered. "I saw my life flash before my eyes. Eugene owes money, still. That crook."

All Hiccup could do was shake his head in annoyance. "Well Merida, I hope you learned a valuable lesson today."

"I did."

"Good because…"

But the lesson that Merida learned was not 'patience and humility are the best when you learn something new.'

"I learned that you guys are bloody insane! I LEARNED that dragons will always be horrible beasts. Who do they think they are, wanting to be pampered?"

Hiccup started at Merida in shock, Astrid's face was beginning to form a scowl, and Fishlegs was still deaf.

"RACCOONS WANT TO HAVE A TEMPATURE? WHAT?"

"And you guys? Hiccup the Weird and Fishlegs the Living Book? What's wrong with you two? Training these unholy monsters? I could understand Astrid the Maniac doing this crap, though."

Astrid was getting madder by the second but Merida was not done in her post traumatic rant. "And this hellhole place you guys call home! UGH! There's so much wrong to it like…. like…"

Merida raised her hands to sky and spun around then stopped before she made herself dizzy. "THIS!"

Hiccup covered his face with both of his hands in disappointed, "Did you seriously just gesture to an entire island?"

Astrid was fuming now. She always had a problem with idiots and the last thing she needed was someone who she thought of as an idiot insulting her, her friends, her culture, her entire being just because said idiot was too headstrong for her own good. So she walked up to Merida…

And kicked her in the shin, "That's for your arrogance!"

Then she punched the princess in the face, "And that's… for everything else!"

Now Merida's face was red in fury. How dare some barbarian hit her. After she spat out a bit of blood, Merida said, "Fine. I guess I'll sink to your level!"

The girls proceeded to fight each other. Each girl landed a blow on the other as their rage kept them going at it. Hiccup, Fishlegs, and dragons watched with varying degrees of annoyance and concern. Hiccup actually started to wonder if giving them maces and letting fight to the end was a GOOD idea.

"HICCUP?" Fishlegs yelled. "THEY'RE STILL FIGHTING AND HURTING EACH OTHER. BUT FOR SOME REASON, I'M GETTING A STRANGE, HAPPY FEELING FROM THIS!"

Hiccup just sighed. "This… is my life."

"THIS IS YOUR WIFE?! WHO? ASTRID OR MERIDA?!"

Meanwhile, Toothless just chewed on his itchy armpit.

Reviews recalling or whatever

hcsp1- Don't worry, eventually Merida will find something she's good at.

Guest- Everyone on Deviantart like the Elsa x door joke as well lol